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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 2:40 pm 
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Okay, thank you! I figured I was just thinking crazy things. :)


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 1:50 pm 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Okay, so baby is set to arrive any time between now and mid-July (due date is 7 July, but I'm full-term now). Everybody is asking if we've thought about names - we don't know the sex, so they understand we haven't picked, but they want to know what names we like. Honestly though, we've picked, and we know they are names our parents/friends/etc may find sort of unusual, and we want to wait to tell them until it's already official so they won't try to talk us out of it. Any good ways of telling them nicely to bug off?

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 2:05 pm 
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Bodhi, we were in a similar situation with both kids, and I absolutely don't regret telling people point blank: we're not going to say until they're born. I think it's legit to white lie a little if you're worried about people's feelings getting hurt ("we won't be sure until we see the baby" or "there are just so many names we're considering right now!" or "we're having the hardest time deciding!" or whatever). If people are getting really pushy, you could also tell them something a little sassy like, you know you're gonna have this kid's whole life to call him/her by the name we pick or don't you want to save a little surprise for the birth or something like that.

Also, oh man, I can't believe you're so close now! I hope you're getting to do fun stuff with your partner and your older kid!

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 2:15 pm 
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We just told people we wanted it to be a surprise. But I understand where you're coming from - we had some people who got seriously PISSED that we wouldn't tell them the name. For the people who kept pushing, I said something like, "You'll know soon enough." With my own mother (who I could get away with a little more sass), I said, "Really? You can't wait [x-amount] weeks? Wow."

Don't let anyone break you down. I'm really glad we kept the name hushed up until he arrived. I know that we would've gotten some pushback if we had announced the name before, and you don't need that sort of stress at a time like this! (I swear there's a special place in hell for people who flat out say they don't like the name that's been picked out to a pregnant mom. Seriously, that is rude, and I'd never put myself in that position.)

In this crazy world where you can get ultrasounds to find out the sex and schedule your birth, it's really nice to have something left to find out on the birthday! Tell them they can wait.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 2:25 pm 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Yeah, that's what I've been doing so far! My parents live out of the country, so it's a bit easier with them, but I knew they were sort of disappointed/annoyed that I wouldn't give them any ideas about it yet. They really can wait - it won't be long at all! And I definitely pulled the "Well, we really can't decide until we see the baby! It has to fit!" I'm actually so excited to be able to use his/her name for the first time, and I'm guessing that since the announcement will be coupled with the arrival announcement and the sex, etc, the fact that they probably won't like the name might be a little easier to take. Phew.

Coldandsleepy - we are definitely trying to spend lots and lots of time with LittleBodhi before the baby comes. Luckily, I was able to take my leave from work starting eight weeks or so before my due date, which is fantastic, because I want to get as many one-on-one snuggles with him as possible!

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 2:41 pm 
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We didn't tell anyone the name until 8 days after Malka was born when we had an "official" naming ceremony for her (except for our rabbi/parents/siblings). We didn't even tell anyone the sex (same exceptions). (It's a good thing we had a girl, because we had no boy names picked out.) People were absolutely losing their marbles that they didn't know even after the birth. It was kind of awesome.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 2:47 pm 
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I'm so open with my parents and in-laws that I told them they already ruined the one name we picked out a while ago, so we're not sharing anything now. They'll find out when the kids are born. They're used to me being stubborn, and they haven't pushed. Some things just need to be private and special for a little while. If people don't get that, it's about them being nosey, not about you.

My sister-in-law isn't sharing, either. With her first, she just said "We have a few names, we're not really sure yet." I'm due 4 1/2 weeks before her, and she if we end up picking the same name, we get to keep it since our kids will be born first.

Sometimes I think I want to wait until the baby shower to announce the sex of the babies, too. My parents/in-laws know I don't want an explosion of pink glitter and ruffles or blue trucks, but I can't really expect everyone else to comply. We'll see if I can get people to shut it, though. I just feel like there are so few things as an adult that are personal/private/surprise that I'd just like to enjoy it for a little while before the world finds out.

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 3:22 pm 
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This is all woo-woo stuff for sure, but I really feel like it means something when the parents of the child get to be the first to say that name to their newborn for the first time. I was really excited to "introduce" Ezra to our midwives and to our parents. It feels like something spiritual or something of that nature.

I remember during the c-section the nurses asking me what his name was, and I - completely wacked out on drugs - told them without really thinking about it. I remember the name fluttering around the whole room by all the nurses and doctors. It really got to me that I didn't get to say his name to him first, and I cried a lot about it. Yeah, it seems a little silly looking back at it, but it still gets to me a little bit. Names are serious business!


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 3:59 pm 
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@Flava..I don't think that's silly at all. Names were/are serious in our house too. We took a whole month(!) to decide on Freya's name. It's funny now, because both my husband and I had names we liked more, but now it absolutely suits her. Thinking about her being Amelia or Thora is just silliness...she's Freya, of course.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 4:28 pm 
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We knew Walter was Walter as soon as we found out he was a boy at 20 weeks. I had a few names in mind, but the evening of that ultrasound I just knew he was Walter. And he is, it suits him perfectly <3 But! We didn't tell anybody until he was born. We did the whole we have to see him first game. It felt important to have something private, that was just for our little family. The OB and nurse asked and I said it was a secret, but then when he got stuck during pushing I told them so we could cheer him on! This seems really funny to me now.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 4:39 pm 
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We had picked out Sven's name before we even conceived! (Fortunately it totally fits him!) Everybody knew what he was going to be called, too, which ended up being fine. Both sides of the family are Scandinavian and live in Minnesota so nobody batted an eye. But I was so, so nervous to say his name the whole pregnancy -- I felt like maybe I'd jinx it. Next time I kind of want the name to be our secret.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 12:10 am 
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flavabean wrote:
This is all woo-woo stuff for sure, but I really feel like it means something when the parents of the child get to be the first to say that name to their newborn for the first time. I was really excited to "introduce" Ezra to our midwives and to our parents. It feels like something spiritual or something of that nature.

I remember during the c-section the nurses asking me what his name was, and I - completely wacked out on drugs - told them without really thinking about it. I remember the name fluttering around the whole room by all the nurses and doctors. It really got to me that I didn't get to say his name to him first, and I cried a lot about it. Yeah, it seems a little silly looking back at it, but it still gets to me a little bit. Names are serious business!


Flava, we also kept names a secret, but when I was having the c-section for my daughter (kid number 2), as soon as I got the drugs, it was like truth serum and I told everyone in the room her name. For whatever reason it made me so excited I started to cry, I guess it was like, "My daughter Alba is about to be born!" and then the nurses all seemed like they were preparing for the arrival of someone specific. Huh, I just discovered it still makes me cry!


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 12:45 am 
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Yeah, I don't think it's silly. With both little guys, we didn't tell anyone til they were born, including the people in the room. Even though I felt sure we wouldn't have a change of heart upon seeing either baby, it just felt important to wait.

With M, the nurses asked me if he had a name before they took him away to the mini-NICU (once he was sorta breathing again), they wanted to be able to call him something other than "baby". I think the doctor who caught the Emperor asked but I don't really remember, I was kinda in the "whoa! A baby!" haze still.

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 7:56 pm 
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designedtobekind wrote:
I'm so open with my parents and in-laws that I told them they already ruined the one name we picked out a while ago, so we're not sharing anything now. They'll find out when the kids are born. They're used to me being stubborn, and they haven't pushed. Some things just need to be private and special for a little while. If people don't get that, it's about them being nosey, not about you.

My sister-in-law isn't sharing, either. With her first, she just said "We have a few names, we're not really sure yet." I'm due 4 1/2 weeks before her, and she if we end up picking the same name, we get to keep it since our kids will be born first.

Sometimes I think I want to wait until the baby shower to announce the sex of the babies, too. My parents/in-laws know I don't want an explosion of pink glitter and ruffles or blue trucks, but I can't really expect everyone else to comply. We'll see if I can get people to shut it, though. I just feel like there are so few things as an adult that are personal/private/surprise that I'd just like to enjoy it for a little while before the world finds out.



Oh my god! This is such a news flash for me! I didn't even know you were preggers! So exciting! Hugs! Congratulations!

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2012 6:22 am 
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We also told people it was a surprise. I'm glad we did, because around 30 weeks or so, I had a change of heart about the name Thomas and it seems obvious now he's a total Henry. The whole thing made me realize how much people hate surprises!


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 12:19 am 
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I don't think taking a name seriously is bad at all. Your kid is stuck with it for a long time, obviously! :) We took a long time and a lot of research to pick Ada's name, it was important to me to give it meaning but I didn't want a family or overly religious name. So it was after Ada Lovelace, because I wanted her to be named after a smart female and also because we met at a hackerspace.

How much spitup is worthy of concern? We know Ada has reflux or something (doc said reflux) but she's been spitting up over half of each bottle for the past day. Very fussy. Her last poop was 2 days ago and was very runny green. But she was good at lunch yesterday and at the library, no issues..

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 5:51 am 
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Leela spat up all the time. They can't always regulate how much goes in so if you have ovrsupply (and the green poop might be a sign of that) then it has to come out somehow. I remember being drenched in a white wave of milk once. So glad they grow out of it!

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 10:08 am 
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The Emperor had pretty bad reflux and what we were told again and again was:

1. If the baby is gaining weight, it's not a problem.
2. If the baby does not seem upset by it, it's not a problem.
3. Spitup looks more voluminous than it actually is, much in the same way that if you poured a tablespoon of milk on a plate, it'd spread out and look bigger.

For us, we so met the #1 test (he gained very fast) that I kinda let myself be talked down on #2 (he was so, so miserable when eating/spitting up). It's hard because the first thing is super easy to gauge, and thr second one is more personal.

Anyway, if this sounds like it's an ongoing problem for her, do talk to a doctor about it... There are reflux medications for babies with severe cases that can really improve their quality of life til they outgrow the reflux.

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 9:02 am 
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mandycoot wrote:
I only thought about this recently, but how protective are you of your kids online? Are you upset when other people post pictures of your kids? Is it ok when they're babies but more of a murky issue as they get older? I know many of you don't use your kids' real names online -- is it out of privacy concerns or just so, say, your in-laws don't read things you might say about them?

All of a sudden I'm worried that I've been too open online and that maybe I should use a pseudonym for Sven, with everything being archived and facial recognition software and who knows what they will invent next. Or am I totally crazy?


Not crazy at all. I'm not paranoid about identity theft, but someone that I don't like is a serial googler and before I stopped slathering my name all over the internet, this person googled the shiitake out of my name one day, kept finding references to them, although not by name (we are very closely related), and would just keep phoning me and emailing me with these awful bullying threats (and other random crazy shiitake, like, "I emailed myspace and told them to delete your account," etc.). I got burned so badly over that.
So I stopped putting my name and my kids' names on things. I mean if you really wanted to find out my name and my kids' names, you probably could with just a little googling (you can find my name, at least), but at least googling my name and my kids' names won't bring up any photos of the kids or anything I post here or blog about, etc.

I also don't want most people I know to know I'm trying to get pregnant because I don't want it to get back to that certain person until after I have the baby (at which point, it would be rude not to tell the rest of my friends and relatives and then it would end up getting back to that certain person anyway).

Is this ridiculously cryptic?

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 1:48 pm 
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Thanks for your feedback! That totally makes sense. I don't have any crazy Googlers in my life right now (that I know of...) but I do feel like I should be cautious and make sure to protect myself and S from anything that might come up in the future. Of course, I'm dumb and made my screen name on every forum ever contain my actual name, so I'm sure someone really determined could find out plenty about me. Sigh.

After considering it for a while, I feel like I don't mind other people posting pictures so much as long as identifying information and geotagging are left off. Maybe I'll feel differently as Sven gets older. However, my in-laws are terrible at computers and have no concept of protecting privacy (either their own or that of others) on Facebook or elsewhere...so I may have to mediate it eventually.

Maybe I will just call Sven "Cootie" online from now on. Hah.


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 3:28 pm 
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Do any of you keep Benadryl, etc. on hand for allergic reactions? This was commonplace when I worked in childcare in the US, but now it seems that it's a bit taboo. Freya's had her first reaction to food the other day. I ordered some carrots in a cafe that I thought only had herbs and oil on them, so I gave her a couple without tasting them first. It turns out that they had orange juice, sugar and coriander on them...she broke out in blotches in just a couple of minutes! They didn't bother her at all, she was amazingly happy because she was in a cafe, sitting on a sofa, with mommy, eating big people food. The blotches cleared up quickly, within a half hour, and she didn't seem to have any tummy troubles, itching, breathing troubles or anything like that.

I went to the pharmacy to ask about getting an antihistamine, but the (very kind) pharmacist said that everything is recommended for over age 1. If it's only about weight, I'm sure she is as heavy as many one year olds (well over 20 pounds now). It could be something about organ development or something too that is the reason for the age restriction. Going to ask at our health clinic this week, but I suspect they will refer me back to the doctor.

I said to my mom that it was funny because carrots are the one food we'd tried so far that she really didn't seem to like. She was eating this happily though (probably because of the juice and sugar!).


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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 11:50 am 
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This isn't really a question, but I had no idea how many more stretch marks I'd get during my second pregnancy. SO MANY. And more on my sides too. Pretty much, I have a tiger belly. Rawr. Also, no linea nigra this time. Although, last time I was able to see past my belly button where it was, and this time I can't without a mirror. It's really strange how different it is this time.

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 11:55 am 
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Oh, how weird bodhi! I got plenty is stretch marks in my first pregnancy and they were so dark... I didn't get any new ones during round 2 and the originals didn't darken again. I think that's the kind of pregnancy surprise that's good to get...

Refinnej, scary about the reaction! The Emperor has had a few skin reactions-- I get hives from many things and thus wasn't surprised that he does too. We had the same issue about whether or not to give him Benadryl but I think his doctor told us to wait 20 minutes and see if it passed or something. Obviously it would be different if he was having breathing difficulties or something, but if that happened I think I'd just call emergency rather than trying to give him Benadryl myself...

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 2:28 pm 
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coldandsleepy wrote:
Oh, how weird bodhi! I got plenty is stretch marks in my first pregnancy and they were so dark... I didn't get any new ones during round 2 and the originals didn't darken again. I think that's the kind of pregnancy surprise that's good to get...

I didn't get many the first time, so I was lucky there. At least they fade a bit!

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 Post subject: Re: dumb questions related to pregnancy and babies and stuff
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 1:56 pm 
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Dumb question - does my baby now hate the car seat because it is horribly horribly hot or because she is outgrowing it? She seems to fit still (crazy to think that 8 months ago she was floating in it) but gets so hot. Is there a way to make it cooler?

annak wrote:
According to a friend of mine, you can also find babywearing groups in your area sometimes that will have a variety of carriers you can rent to try out for something like a $10 joining fee. Compared to the cost of carriers that's nothing! I've heard that a lot of the higher end, hippie/yuppie-oriented baby stores have demo days as well where you can try different things on.


I went to my first meeting of a babywearing group and it was AMAZING! We tried on so many carriers and it was free, with lots of feedback and support from BTDT moms.

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