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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 9:14 pm 
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Kelly wrote:
strawberryrock wrote:
I wanna be Leela's nanny!

In other randomness, I am officially the adult at library storytime who gets sympathetic looks from all the parents/nannies/caregivers because the twins are now the most out of control kids in the room. They used to be terrified of being in the room and just try to both sit on my lap (not comfy!) but now instead they run around the room screaming and knocking other kids over when stories are being read, and then when we're playing games one is running around sooort of participating (they don't really follow directions as well as average two-year olds since their language is pretty behind) and the other is terrified in the corner. I think we should keep going because it's good for them to be around other kids and listen to songs and books and stuff but it feels like an exercise in masochism at the moment.



Oh man, I went through this exact same thing with Silas. I cannot even fathom going through that with twins! You are a superhero for keeping it up. We ended up taking a break from storytime and focusing on his speech & occupational therapies for awhile. When we went back to storytime, he was able to participate and understand a lot better and still loves it. The Librarian for the baby group comes to watch him every week and calls him her success story <3

Have the parents for the kids you nanny for considered therapies for them at all? I probably sound like a huge advertisement for them because I talk about it so much here, but honestly, it changed our lives. Silas is SO much happier and is actually above level on lots of things that he was super, super behind on when he started at just under age 2.


They had a speech therapy...intake I guess? But then they couldn't get in for another appointment for two months. I guess that should be happening soon, though. They definitely are learning a lot more words now, though. I feel like at this point they're actually interested in learning words, and seem to have a new one each day, and one recently put two words together and we kind of had a conversation. ("Where's [brother's name]? "He's with daddy!" "Where's daddy?") so that's exciting! Obviously it's happening late since they turned 2 at the end of March, but it's exciting that they're learning.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2013 12:12 am 
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Westiebaby has finally been out of my belly and living in our house for half as long as she lived in my belly... and that's really random, and quite unfathomable to me... it really feels like she's been here forever and I can't imagine my life without her!


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 3:03 pm 
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tiny wu has started hair tugging when she gets tired and is trying to nurse to sleep. Either she grabs her hair or she grabs my bangs. If it's hers, she just yanks it, hard, and if it's mine, she kind of stroke, stroke, twist, yanks.... We are both going to have bald patches soon if this doesn't stop.

I looked it up in "What to Expect" and they claim it's a sign of anxiety and means your baby needs more love and attention, which really made me mad and sad. Now I feel like a cruddy mom even though I don't think that's why she's doing it. I think she just has a really tough time winding down since she's super energetic and intense, and this is what works for her now (although I sure wish it were something else). She doesn't do it any other time, only when tired and nursing. But I still feel bummed, plus I don't want my beautiful girl to pull her hair out! Sigh.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 5:11 pm 
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Pah...it's just a comfort mechanism yeah...something to do when her hands are "bored". Would she try something else to hold on to? I had luck with Freya for awhile with a long, sturdy necklace.

ETA: My randomness...in my head I can still hear Freya running around saying "brown, brown see.....brown, brown see" (Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see?) This is on her "faves" list lately.

/faints from the cuteness that is toddler-talk


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 7:45 pm 
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ScandinaVegan wrote:
I looked it up in "What to Expect" and they claim it's a sign of anxiety and means your baby needs more love and attention


I cannot believe that book says that. I imagine that most parents who take the time to read parenting books give their baby enough love and attention. Scarlett has been yanking on her hair while she breastfeeds as long as she's had hair, and now that she's 11 months and getting more of it, you can rest assured that she does not have any bald patches! Hair roots must be stronger than you would think.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 7:54 pm 
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I hate that book so much.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2013 12:51 am 
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OK, thanks voice of sanity that is ppk parents!

I pretty much hate that book too by now but I bought it secondhand when we were in the States last summer, so it's our convenient English language resource--and it does have stuff like how high of a fever is dangerous, and first aid diagrams.

Currently trying to sub in her floppy bunny, but it's not taking...


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2013 7:47 am 
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Today Leela threw herself out of her wagon to go visit her cat friends, without me noticing it. I got all the way home before realizing she wasn't in the wagon. And then I flipped out and ran down the street screaming for her. Just to see her running across the road to go to a construction site. Someone stopped her and chatted with her so I could get her, which was nice.

She is home safe, but I am beyond shaken. And obviously feel like I am a terrible mother.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2013 8:31 am 
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oh Tofulish!!!!! what a scary story!!!
you must have been out of your mind scared! :-(

glad it had a happy ending!! that Leela just wants to go love everyone and everything!

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2013 8:31 am 
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Oh gosh, Tlish! What kind of wagon do you have? Does it have a seat strap? I'm so glad you found her safe... I would have been so shaken up *hugs*

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2013 8:35 am 
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It doesn't have a seatstrap or any retaining things, just high walls. But up to now she's always been good in it and asks before going in and out. And she likes it so much better than the stroller. But I guess from here on, it has to be the stroller on our dogwalks, because its really not easy to watch a dog and a toddler.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2013 8:38 am 
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Can you maybe use something to strap her in if you want to keep using the wagon instead of the stroller?

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2013 8:56 am 
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And moments after a 90 minute walk, featuring Baby Leedini, Cuddles, my dog, peas all over her toys.

Seriously? After I walk you and you pee on *everything* you still have to pee in the house? I have been putting pepper on all the spots he usually pees so he had to work to find new ones to foul. And I have friends coming over in an hour. Yay.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2013 9:12 am 
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oh noooo! :(

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2013 9:17 am 
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Yikes! I'm so glad Leela is safe, but what a scare!

If it makes you feel any better, I spent most of last weekend cleaning up cat peas. One of my cats has had problems with anxiety and peeing outside of the litter box for all of the 12 years that I have had her. Well, having a toddler seems to kick the problem up a notch. I don't have time to deal with it and the toddler loves chasing the already worried cat= lots of cat accidents. Maybe cuddles is also stressed a bit?

mooo wrote:
ScandinaVegan wrote:
I looked it up in "What to Expect" and they claim it's a sign of anxiety and means your baby needs more love and attention


I cannot believe that book says that. I imagine that most parents who take the time to read parenting books give their baby enough love and attention. Scarlett has been yanking on her hair while she breastfeeds as long as she's had hair, and now that she's 11 months and getting more of it, you can rest assured that she does not have any bald patches! Hair roots must be stronger than you would think.


I have seen older kids pulling out and twisting hair in a way that immediately signals anxiety to me (as a teacher). It is something to look out for, but certainly not in all cases. I know lots of babies do that.

Also, I think children can be very anxious without a known reason. A child can be in a very loving home and have tons of attention, love, etc, but still struggle with anxiety. Let me be clear, I am not suggesting that this is what is going on with Scarlett or anyone else, it's just something to keep in mind.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2013 9:21 am 
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Oh my gosh Tofulish, that is so scary! I'm so glad Leela is safe! Dog pee is just insult added to injury.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2013 11:30 am 
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Tofulish, that is super scary!


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 8:52 pm 
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I think so often other mothers assume that your kid can do what their kid is able to. So today we were at the park, and I went to grab L to help her down some stairs. And another mother said to me "Relax! She can do that by herself! She's fine!"

Yes, except that she can't go down the stairs reliably alone - she often falls face first when she is tired - so I want to be close to help her. I guess it comes from a good place, but it felt like judging anyway and then I felt defensive, which is never a really great way to feel.

Oh and L is hilarious with defending her stuff. A 3 year old came over and pushed her off something she was playing on, and she just smacked him. He started to cry and his mom said to L "We don't hit!" To which I said "And we don't push babies off their toys." And she was right, in that hitting isn't the answer, but what do you really tell an 18 month old who doesn't have words to do?

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 9:31 pm 
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ReJust want to chime in on the hair pulling. E pulls his hair when he's getting tired too. He has long hair and none has fallen out. I am not positive but I think he does it because when he was littler I used to scratch his head as he was falling asleep because I was staring at his cradle cap and scratching at it. I think he found it really soothing so he does it.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 7:10 pm 
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Hey playground. I was hoping to hear some thoughts from ya'll.

I've pretty deeply known I want a kid/kids for quite a few years now, and I've also known that I personally very much enjoy and cherish having a young father myself, so I've been feeling the ol' biological clock tick for quite a few years now. I'll be 27 in a month, he had me at 25. Nothing against being an older parent but I feel pretty excited about the idea of being a younger parent/jealous of the many people in my life who already are.

But as you all know, it's not like my life is one that makes much of any sense whatsoever for a child. I'm single, often unhappy with being so, and I struggle with money. But since my recent breakup I'm trying to look deep at myself to heal and grow, and how to be a healthy and single person. And I keep thinking about having a child. I keep thinking that this is something I want independent of a partner. I think about how I do want a partner to build a family with, yes... but I don't want that partner to have any say or influence over me having a child. I think about how it's kind of oddly perfect timing, because I can have a child as a single person and have that then just be a part of who I am, and any partner I find later will just build their relationship with me around that. Another good timing thing is that a dear friend of mine who has a 5 year old really... really really... wants to be pregnant again, but her and her husband have decided for many reasons it's not a good idea for them (also it's more complicated for them since they can't get pregnant naturally). We've talked about it, her having a child for me. She came up with the idea! She seems really into the idea.

More problems to this idea though. Sperm. I'd need to find it somewhere. Your standard sperm bank is expensive! I love love love the stories of these big kooky queer families where someone's gay male BFF donates the sperm and is not a parent to the child necessarily but is definitely a part of the kids life as the biological father and family friend. But all my gay male BFFs have ovaries. Too many ovaries in my life! Not enough testicles!

Well and then I just come back to money. I keep thinking it's not even remotely possible monetarily. But then I look at all these people who make their living off of bottle returning and have three kids and just make it work. So then I feel annoyed. Mostly by my body's inability to do it the easy way.

Anyways. Lots of rambling. It's just I spent a good portion of the day with a two year old and I just didn't want it to end. It really inspired me to really look hard at this desire of mine and try to really make a plan for this. I'm not going to ever become a parent unless I make it happen.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 7:54 pm 
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hmmm. that's a lot. i am not any kind of expert on having children in non-traditional ways, so i can't comment on that. i will say that having a child by yourself if you don't have a strong network of family and friends is not something i would ever want to do. it's the most mentally and physically taxing thing i've ever done, having babies, and it just doesn't stop... it's an ongoing energy suck, for years and years. having a kid without a partner, without financial security, and without strong social supports will be very very difficult.

have you looked into fostering or foster/adopt in your city or state? in my city, you would be eligible. i do know a little about surrogates (through acquaintances) and it's very difficult and and costly procedure and is best done with lawyers and contracts.

i hope i'm not being too negative. i know how you feel about wanting kids, i've been there. it's not something that goes away, and it's incredibly rewarding to finally get there.

and ps i didn't want to assume you didn't have a strong family/friends support system, you just didn't specify.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 10:32 pm 
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I have some good potential for some strong friend connections, and very very strong family connections but the family connections are 7 hours away. So, good in theory. And of course it's not like I'm about to rush into things, but I think starting to plan is a good idea, and including in that plan not being much better off financially than I am now.

Yes I have thought about fostering. But I'm scared that I'll fall deeply in love with the child and then have them go back to the parents.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2013 12:10 pm 
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It sounds like maybe what you're looking for is a cat.

Which sounds kind of harsh, but... I'm basically my daughter's sole caretaker right now. I live 2000 miles from all family and most of my friends. I'm pretty lucky in that financially we're very stable and I am able to stay at home. It's still exhausting and difficult. I'm 33 years old and in a stable relationship (albeit with someone who's somewhere in the middle of the ocean). I'm not sure there's a day that goes by where I don't think about how much simpler and easier my life was before she was born, and I would be lying if I said I did not miss that simplicity, OFTEN. I love my daughter but I gotta say it was awfully nice to have a weeklong vacation with my husband without her a few weeks ago, even given the 24 hour plane ride to Guam and my husband having to work most days. For the first year babies are basically a big ball of need. And the next year they're basically a sweeping tornado of entertainment-seeking. It sounds like maybe you're thinking about this because of feeling a little lonely, and in my experience: what you gain in toddler company you give up in being able to see your friends, family, etc.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2013 1:27 pm 
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I did expect responses like this so no worries, I appreciate what you all have to say regarding this. I will add though that even when I was dating B.P. and very much not lonely, I still obsessively thought about having kids (and not necessarily with him). I'm only now trying to express it to the world because after the breakup I realized that for a long time I keep stalling me-stuff, big-life-decision-stuff, stuff-that-makes-me-happy-stuff because I keep hoping to find a partner.

P.S. I have a dog and we're very happy together!

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2013 2:52 pm 
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I think if you know you want kids, you can make your situation work!

A friend of mine decided at 35 that she was going to have kids even if she wasn't in an LTR. She did IVF with donor sperm, and has two amazing twin daughters. She is a pretty amazing person and balances her work as an artist, as the sole breadwinner and the sole parent to her girls really well. She has a great support structure of friends and family (all out of state, but they travel to her and she will also leave her daughters with them) and a great nanny who all back her up when she needs it. She is always posting these supercool adventures they do, and great trips they take and she takes a ton of joy in the life she has made for herself, and I don't think her daughters are deprived of anything at all, and they are very well loved, social and happy little girls. As the French say, better alone than poorly accompanied!

Of course its just one anecdote and I don't mean to say that it would be a piece of cake (hey even parenting a pretty easy kiddo with a partner who is home every night isn't a piece of cake for me, anyway!) but if you were committed to making it happen, you could, and it could even be a very empowering and joy-filled experience.

And Ginny is awesome :)

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