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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 4:23 pm 
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Great job c&s! It's really nice to hear such an inspirational story. I lost all my pregnancy weight and then some (I only gained 18lbs), but then I gained 30+lbs from antidepressants. I'm off the drugs now, but having a real hard time getting it back off. I'm more discouraged than anything now.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 4:40 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
(((Hugs Ariann))). I am having the hardest time losing my preg weight. People keep asking me when the baby is due, and it makes me feel so shitty. I seem to know so many moms who had their kids at around the same time and they're all back to pre-mat shape again.

I've heard that PCOS can make it harder to lose the weight plus I've had these crappy knee issues for two months now so I can't do a lot of cardio or even walking so that makes weightloss harder. Hopefully all this PT will help, and hey, summer!

Also, in The Girlfriend's Guide to the First Year she says that a lot of weight comes off naturally at 9 months.

Just wanted to say you're definitely not alone <3


Hugs to you, too! Someone the other day thought I was pregnant. I don't really look pregnant to myself anymore, just fat. My SIL who gave birth two weeks after me was back in her regular clothes at like two months. It made me not want to hang out with her. :(

I have no excuse beyond eating and a fairly sedentary job.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:53 pm 
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Ariann wrote:
Hugs to you, too! Someone the other day thought I was pregnant. I don't really look pregnant to myself anymore, just fat. My SIL who gave birth two weeks after me was back in her regular clothes at like two months. It made me not want to hang out with her. :(


When I was pregnant, one of my friends was talking about another friend not having lost her baby weight 6 months after the baby was born, and bashing her for being lazy etc. I took my friend to task, but now I really don't want to see her, because I am 5 months PP and still look like I did at 20wks pregnant.

Thanks for the inspiration C&S, I am going to hope for the magic of the 9 month mark!

And (((hugs Flava))).

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 6:54 pm 
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Yeah, that friend probably wouldn't be my friend anymore.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 7:13 pm 
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I am below my prepreg weight and Grey is 9 months today! I feel like around 7 months I started to get thinner and this last month was much easier. I feel better and am more active now and I haven't been comfort eating, which has hugely helped, obviously. Honestly, around 4-5 months I felt like I was never going to lose the weight and just felt horrible about myself when so many of my mom friends had flat stomachs and looked awesome.

C&s my ody is different too. I always has an awesome, huge butt, it is small now and my thighs are much, much smaller and my waist and boobs are so much bigger. I really, really, really miss my small perky boobs. I also have an unfortunate pouch, but it keeps getting smaller as I am losing weight. I still want to lose about 20 more pounds but even if I don't I m glad I lost the weight I set out to lose. Don't give up hope! You guys can do it!


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 7:22 pm 
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Oh yeah, and when I kind of stopped worrying constantly about my weight, it started coming off easier. I am sure that not constantly thinking about eating is what really helped.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 2:31 am 
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Ariann wrote:
Tofulish wrote:
(((Hugs Ariann))). I am having the hardest time losing my preg weight. People keep asking me when the baby is due, and it makes me feel so shitty. I seem to know so many moms who had their kids at around the same time and they're all back to pre-mat shape again.

I've heard that PCOS can make it harder to lose the weight plus I've had these crappy knee issues for two months now so I can't do a lot of cardio or even walking so that makes weightloss harder. Hopefully all this PT will help, and hey, summer!

Also, in The Girlfriend's Guide to the First Year she says that a lot of weight comes off naturally at 9 months.

Just wanted to say you're definitely not alone <3


Hugs to you, too! Someone the other day thought I was pregnant. I don't really look pregnant to myself anymore, just fat. My SIL who gave birth two weeks after me was back in her regular clothes at like two months. It made me not want to hang out with her. :(

I have no excuse beyond eating and a fairly sedentary job.

My SIL lost all her pregnancy weight immediately and my weight-obsessed MIL (who one time told my husband "I weigh less than Crabby!" when I was 8 months pregnant, like that was some achievement, weighing less than a pregnant woman) made sure everybody knew it. I put on 40 pounds when I was pregnant with B, although I was at about my skinniest ever when I got pregnant with him. I maxed out at the same weight when I was pregnant with R, but in both cases, I haven't been able to lose all the weight and am 10-14 pounds more than before I got pregnant. The weight is all in my middle (at least that's easy to hide). I guess I shouldn't complain -- a friend of mine was all, "Oh, boo-forking-hoo, you're 14 pounds heavier than the skinniest you ever were. I feel so sorry for you." It made me feel a little better, although it would be nice if I didn't have such a big middle. Somebody get me a girdle! ;p
I really think it would be easier to shift if I weren't breastfeeding. I get so hungry (not that I didn't eat a lot anyway) and I really do think it makes me carry a little extra weight, like my body needs a little insurance for the kids I'm feeding or something.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:22 am 
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Congrats to the ladies who've lost their weight! I'm in the still haven't lost it camp, and Kai is 18 months. Boo.

I'm 23 lbs heavier than I was pre-preg, which was already 10lbs overweight. So I need to lose 33 lbs. I hate dieting! I was doing WW since he was just a few months old, but it didn't work so I pretty much gave up lately. That's where the extra 3 lbs came from - I gained that over the past month.

I think my biggest problem is not exercising. I just don't understand where to find the time, I'm already busy working, taking care of Kai, and commuting from 6AM - 9PM. I'm too tired to work out at 9PM and I'm not getting up at 5AM to work out.

I got a new job and am planning to buy a new house nearby, so my commute will be only 15 min instead of an hour each way. So I'm planning to use that extra time to work out and hopefully that will help, but who knows how long it will be until that happens. (I have to sell my house first.)

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 9:24 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 9:32 pm 
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TheCrabbyCrafter wrote:
I really think it would be easier to shift if I weren't breastfeeding. I get so hungry (not that I didn't eat a lot anyway) and I really do think it makes me carry a little extra weight, like my body needs a little insurance for the kids I'm feeding or something.


I just stopped BF'ing, and it has really made a difference. We weren't even doing much more than a few night nursings, but stopping completely made a real difference. My appetite has really mellowed, and my boobs shrunk back up so now all my shirts fit WAY better.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 9:37 pm 
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Here's something that I've been thinking about lately. I haven't been following it closely, but I heard on the radio the other day that someone was criticizing Romney's wife for "not working a day in her life." I would love to be able to stay home and have nothing but respect and admiration (okay, maybe a little jealousy!) for moms who do... so it makes no sense to me that if a mom stays home, she's not working, but if you pay someone else (daycare, babysitter, etc.) to do the same thing, nobody would question that that person is working. Caring for your own kid=not working. Caring anyone other than your own kid=working. I don't get it.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 9:47 pm 
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kdub wrote:
Here's something that I've been thinking about lately. I haven't been following it closely, but I heard on the radio the other day that someone was criticizing Romney's wife for "not working a day in her life." I would love to be able to stay home and have nothing but respect and admiration (okay, maybe a little jealousy!) for moms who do... so it makes no sense to me that if a mom stays home, she's not working, but if you pay someone else (daycare, babysitter, etc.) to do the same thing, nobody would question that that person is working. Caring for your own kid=not working. Caring anyone other than your own kid=working. I don't get it.


In fairness, that is one unfortunate sentence taken out of context. Romney has been talking about how his wife is his main adviser on women's issues, so Hillary Rosen pointed out that Ann Romney hasn't had to face many of the issues that women in this country face when they work outside the home.

This is just manufactured outrage. http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/DC-Decoder ... up-is-fake

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 10:33 pm 
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kdub wrote:
so it makes no sense to me that if a mom stays home, she's not working, but if you pay someone else (daycare, babysitter, etc.) to do the same thing, nobody would question that that person is working. Caring for your own kid=not working. Caring anyone other than your own kid=working. I don't get it.


I read an interesting book when the Emperor was a month or two old which had a chapter that looked at some studies done in the 70s that concluded that if you had to pay someone to do all the work that the average stay at home parent did at the time (so childcare, housekeeping, buying groceries, preparing meals, etc), it would cost you about 40k/year. In 70s money! I cling to that when I start feeling like, I'm not a productive member of society.

The sad truth is that at this point, if I returned to the job I was at before the Magician was born, literally ALL of my income would go to childcare. I know some people I run into must be thinking, oh boy, how nice it is for you that you have such a cushy existence that you don't have to go back to work! But the fact is, I can't freaking afford to go back to work at this point. It'll be more affordable when the Magician hits about a year and a half (more childcare options open for him then, and the place where the Emperor went gets cheaper as your kid gets older) but of course, this particular job isn't going to wait that long for me.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 8:05 am 
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ismloveyoubobbybrown wrote:
TheCrabbyCrafter wrote:
I really think it would be easier to shift if I weren't breastfeeding. I get so hungry (not that I didn't eat a lot anyway) and I really do think it makes me carry a little extra weight, like my body needs a little insurance for the kids I'm feeding or something.

I just stopped BF'ing, and it has really made a difference. We weren't even doing much more than a few night nursings, but stopping completely made a real difference. My appetite has really mellowed, and my boobs shrunk back up so now all my shirts fit WAY better.


I love you! Seriously, I'm glad this isn't all in my head because everybody told me I would lose all this weight and I remember nursing in tandem* and being insanely ravenous and thirsty all the time and secretly being horribly jealous of all the ladies who "couldn't keep weight on at all" when breastfeeding. Oh, well. At least I get to eat more! ;p I love eating.

* I'm still technically nursing in tandem, but Beety only nurses maybe once or twice a week -- and holy shiitake, when did I become one of those people who still nurses older kids?!! Because I never thought it would be me, but Beetroot is almost 4. I just can't say no.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 8:54 am 
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coldandsleepy wrote:
The sad truth is that at this point, if I returned to the job I was at before the Magician was born, literally ALL of my income would go to childcare. I know some people I run into must be thinking, oh boy, how nice it is for you that you have such a cushy existence that you don't have to go back to work! But the fact is, I can't freaking afford to go back to work at this point. It'll be more affordable when the Magician hits about a year and a half (more childcare options open for him then, and the place where the Emperor went gets cheaper as your kid gets older) but of course, this particular job isn't going to wait that long for me.


I feel like I am straddling a very bizarre line. I do feel privileged to get to stay home with my kids, but I also would have a legitimately hard time finding childcare that allows me to break even, let alone make a profit. The only way it would really be affordable is if I worked when my husband was at home, but he's on rotational shift work. I know there are people who have it harder and figure it out. So, I am very grateful he makes enough money that I don't have to kill myself figuring out a way to make that work.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 9:19 am 
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ismloveyoubobbybrown wrote:
coldandsleepy wrote:
The sad truth is that at this point, if I returned to the job I was at before the Magician was born, literally ALL of my income would go to childcare. I know some people I run into must be thinking, oh boy, how nice it is for you that you have such a cushy existence that you don't have to go back to work! But the fact is, I can't freaking afford to go back to work at this point. It'll be more affordable when the Magician hits about a year and a half (more childcare options open for him then, and the place where the Emperor went gets cheaper as your kid gets older) but of course, this particular job isn't going to wait that long for me.


I feel like I am straddling a very bizarre line. I do feel privileged to get to stay home with my kids, but I also would have a legitimately hard time finding childcare that allows me to break even, let alone make a profit. The only way it would really be affordable is if I worked when my husband was at home, but he's on rotational shift work. I know there are people who have it harder and figure it out. So, I am very grateful he makes enough money that I don't have to kill myself figuring out a way to make that work.


We are in the same boat. Once upon a time I was a teacher, and I loved it, but the pay was shiitake. It just wasn't worth all the hassle of getting a baby ready to go out early in the morning, pumping at work, giving up daytime sleep, etc. It was tight the first year because my husband's insurance sucked, but he's since gotten a better job and while we are not rolling in dough (or saving anything at all, which makes me ill), I do feel fortunate that we have the choice for me to be at home. Plus my husband works constantly, and I think if I were also working the house would be filthy and we'd be eating frozen dinners every night and all three of us would be so stressed out.

Staying home has given me a lot of respect for nannies and daycare workers, though. Almost daily I think I would never have the patience to do this job if it were not my kid. Babies are exhausting.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 2:02 pm 
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yep people think we are insane for living in NYC on one person's (my) salary. But when we looked at daycare costs it was around 2k a month! My boss pays for my and Dahlia's health insurance and I have a fairly cushy job that doesn't make me miserable. My partner, on the other hand, was commuting to NJ daily for work before we had Dahlia and things were starting to get very slow at his job at the end of '08 - crane operator for a tree company - and he wasn't guaranteed work or anything, so we said screw it and never looked back. When you figure in his commuting costs + the 12 hour days he had I think our quality of life would not have been any better if he were working.

It has not been easy. I know he has misgivings about not being a working man but you know what? he does SO MUCH at home and barely has time to himself, most days I feel like I definitely have the easier job. Problem is, we're not able to put aside money in savings which truly sucks...he considers looking into night or weekend jobs but there just ain't all that much out there. He has no health insurance though. So we are in a very stagnant state but I have to say, none of us are miserable in the day-to-day stuff (although he wants to leave NYC SO BADLY that he's become something of a recluse) and all 3 of us are thrilled with the bond he has with Dahlia.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 3:44 pm 
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I wish a lot of times that my husband and I could do a job share. There are plenty of days when I think the emotionally healthiest thing for both of us would be if I could go learn about sonar for 12 hours while he took care of Violet alone for that same time.

Anyway, I think the comments were a little thoughtless and obviously should have been left at something like "Ann Romney's life experience doesn't give her a good perspective on the struggles of middle and working class women." I'm sure she has a life filled with stresses and obligations, as do all of us. I don't think out-suffering one another is necessary--it strikes me as a very American concept that doesn't seem to exist as much elsewhere.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:32 pm 
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Isn't the whole Ann Romney thing more of an issue that they're filthy rich? Apparently google tells me she didn't have nannies, but she did have housekeepers. And they currently have 3 homes at a value of approx $20 million. Her father was also rich so she has never had to worry.

So sure I give her kudos for raising her 5 kids but the idea that she would be in touch with the average american woman's struggles is pretty ludicrous. Not that it makes her any different than most politician's wives though.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 9:16 pm 
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mittenmacher wrote:
ismloveyoubobbybrown wrote:
coldandsleepy wrote:
The sad truth is that at this point, if I returned to the job I was at before the Magician was born, literally ALL of my income would go to childcare. I know some people I run into must be thinking, oh boy, how nice it is for you that you have such a cushy existence that you don't have to go back to work! But the fact is, I can't freaking afford to go back to work at this point. It'll be more affordable when the Magician hits about a year and a half (more childcare options open for him then, and the place where the Emperor went gets cheaper as your kid gets older) but of course, this particular job isn't going to wait that long for me.


I feel like I am straddling a very bizarre line. I do feel privileged to get to stay home with my kids, but I also would have a legitimately hard time finding childcare that allows me to break even, let alone make a profit. The only way it would really be affordable is if I worked when my husband was at home, but he's on rotational shift work. I know there are people who have it harder and figure it out. So, I am very grateful he makes enough money that I don't have to kill myself figuring out a way to make that work.


We are in the same boat. Once upon a time I was a teacher, and I loved it, but the pay was shiitake. It just wasn't worth all the hassle of getting a baby ready to go out early in the morning, pumping at work, giving up daytime sleep, etc. It was tight the first year because my husband's insurance sucked, but he's since gotten a better job and while we are not rolling in dough (or saving anything at all, which makes me ill), I do feel fortunate that we have the choice for me to be at home. Plus my husband works constantly, and I think if I were also working the house would be filthy and we'd be eating frozen dinners every night and all three of us would be so stressed out.

Staying home has given me a lot of respect for nannies and daycare workers, though. Almost daily I think I would never have the patience to do this job if it were not my kid. Babies are exhausting.



i just wanted to add, and i'm not responding to any of you in particular, but to this problem in general, that it's somewhat problematic to think of your income solely going to pay for daycare. if you're partnered, your childcare costs come from BOTH of your incomes, not just the moms. so it's a bit dangerous to go down the road of saying, well, my income would barely cover childcare costs, so i shouldn't work, because you as the mother aren't the only one responsible for childcare.

furthermore, it makes me really nervous to read that women are leaving the workforce because of daycare costs, because daycare is a short term financial loss, but taking yourself out of the workforce for 4 or 5 or more years is very much a long term loss. depending on your previous experience and particular training and field, you could find yourself completely unemployable by the time your kids are in school. at absolute best, you enter the workforce in the same spot you left, but have lost however many years of experience, wage gains, retirement savings, and benefits.

anyway, this has become kind of obsession for me, realizing how much i'd been socialized to think that of course the mom should stay home (due to my crazy religious upbringing) and then later, realizing i was falling into the trap of thinking that if i couldn't find a job that paid for daycare, i shouldn't bother working. yeah, i have a kind of dumb, low paying part time job right now, but as a recent grad, it's kind of a must-do stepping stone to further earnings. it only just barely covers daycare, and next year, with two, it might not. but i am really worried about being employable as a teacher if i left with only a couple years of experience, and at best, i'd be starting over with pretty much exactly the same job in a few years time.

obviously, i'm not judging anyone here or saying that anyone's been brainwashed or is making a stupid decision by staying home. there are a lot of other factors to consider (like stress, commute, insurance, etc). i'm only commenting on the assumption that the mother's income has to cover daycare, rather than considering household income. AND that the long term financial gain of remaining in the workforce should be balanced against the short term financial cost of child care.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 9:52 pm 
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What littlebird said.

Although, even so, my husband is currently not working and staying home with Malka, which will probably be even worse for his career than it would have been for mine. I think at this point he's also totally burned out on baby care and it would probably be a good thing for both of them for her to go to daycare and be exposed to other people and activities. We're trying to figure that one out.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 10:33 pm 
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My partner's income covers our basic needs (rent, food, gas for the car, student loan payments). When I say that my income would cover the cost of childcare and that's it, what I mean is that there's already no extra income. I'm not saying that the cost is somehow solely my responsibility; however you divide it up, there's not enough money.

And believe me, I realize how far back leaving the workforce has set me. I graduated with high distinction from a great school with a degree that had companies fighting over me. I went to my top choice of grad schools on a good fellowship. I left because it was making me miserable and spent almost 2 years at home with the Emperor. Now? I am pretty much unemployable in my actual field. (The job I worked while pregnant with the Magician was in a different field, and not one I want to continue in.). It kills me because in the span of five years, I've gone from having amazing prospects to having none career wise. And like it or not, a significant portion of that shift was my decision to stay home with my kid.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 10:55 pm 
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(And, the disparity in my income and my partner's is such that if I worked and he didn't, we wouldn't be able to cover basic costs. I could cover rent and that's it. He's a decade older than me and an expert in his field, so, yeah. Him staying home wasn't/isn't an option.)

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:46 pm 
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Location: Oak Harbor, WA
On the weight loss topic, I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight but my body isn't the same. I am just carrying more fat than before so I don't look as thin or toned at the same weight as I once was, so in reality I just need to do more strength training. I'm still not as fit as I was before.

All my various pays considered I am making a lot of money in the Navy and I am only an E5. I actually have more disposable income than my partner who is an E6 because he pays child support and alimony. If I include rent plus what medical insurance would cost me if I wasn't in the military, I am actually making a killing right now. Everything everyone has said has kind of made me think about how I spend my money and made me want to be more frugal from now on. I am getting out of the military in October (probably October).

Dual-military is too stressful for us. I am going to go to school. Sometimes I think about the money I will be giving up... and it freaks me out. But, currenly both my partner and I get home with Lorelei around 1730 every night... and we don't have time for eachother anymore. I feel like someone is always watching Lorlelei while the other person tends to their own needs or cooks or cleans. We very rarely spend time together with her because there is so much to do at night and the morning. He has duty every 4 days and is emotionally, mentally and physically drained the entire next day so I really feel like I don't have him at all for half of the week. Plus, if I were to choose orders where he is going (Whidbey Island) I would be going to the a deploying ship at the end of the year and head out for a 6+ month deployment... and would have to quit breastfeeding entirely at that point. I feel like being out here has been really draining for both of us and for our relationship. It would have been hard even if I hadn't had a baby. He leaves for a deployment soon and I won't see him for 6 months so I'll be taking care of Lorelei on my own. I have duty too and don't know anyone I trust that can watch her on weekends and I have no idea what I am going to do about it.

So, I make great money and have a comfortable lifestyle but I can't keep this up. I would be happier with less money and more time with my family. I hope it all works out.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:58 pm 
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Dragonssister, that is really hard, I'm sorry you have to deal with all of that. I don't know what I'd do without my husband for that long; I don't feel equal to the task of caring for a baby by myself. Even with him at home, though, I generally don't feel like we spend any quality time together because if we're home one of us is with the baby and the other is having personal time. We do almost no housework at this point because it feels like it's not worth the time. Having a baby just feels really, really hard on relationships all by itself.


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