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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:13 pm 
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Semen Strong
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We are in the exact opposite boat! One of B's friends was going on and on about how we need to have another, and how wonderful it is, and B was agreeing and I said that I can't imagine not sleeping properly for another 2 years. And things are so nice with L now, and when I was preg earlier this year, I felt so overwhelmed and tired and it was frustrating to have my milk dry up, and I think I was less than great with L than I could be. I didn't enjoy the NB stage much to be honest, though perhaps it would suck less the second time around. It really has kept getting better and better.

Of course I have now probably jinxed myself.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:20 pm 
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It's weird, after E, I was pretty sure I was done. Like maybe 70/30 don't want a second/maybe a second. As soon as I got pregnant it changed to like 99 percent don't want, but I decided to stick it out anyway, and he is such an outstanding person that I'm glad I did it. I thought for SURE when I was pregnant with him though that I was going to feel 100% DONE FOREVER afterwards.

And then bizarrely, almost as soon as he was born, I started wanting another. I can't explain it. It's not that I want another newborn (yeeeeah no) or to go through pregnancy again (not particularly!), things just don't seem... complete. M has such a middle sibling personality to me. And I'm a middle sibling-- the third out of five-- so maybe that's a contributing factor too. I don't know.

I keep thinking it's going to go away as they get older but it hasn't yet. Not even now that my life is super busy and full of things other than children. Like I said, it's weird.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:31 pm 
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Probably going to have to fire our nanny. forking hell.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:37 pm 
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Semen Strong
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What happened?

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:43 pm 
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coldandsleepy wrote:
It's weird, after E, I was pretty sure I was done. Like maybe 70/30 don't want a second/maybe a second. As soon as I got pregnant it changed to like 99 percent don't want, but I decided to stick it out anyway, and he is such an outstanding person that I'm glad I did it. I thought for SURE when I was pregnant with him though that I was going to feel 100% DONE FOREVER afterwards.

And then bizarrely, almost as soon as he was born, I started wanting another. I can't explain it. It's not that I want another newborn (yeeeeah no) or to go through pregnancy again (not particularly!), things just don't seem... complete. M has such a middle sibling personality to me. And I'm a middle sibling-- the third out of five-- so maybe that's a contributing factor too. I don't know.

I keep thinking it's going to go away as they get older but it hasn't yet. Not even now that my life is super busy and full of things other than children. Like I said, it's weird.


This is me to a T. Every single word.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:47 pm 
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All the time I spend around newborns makes me think about whether I want another baby or not a lot. I love having Scarlett in my life way more than I could have imagined I would, and I loved being pregnant and giving birth. But I'm not a huge kid person and don't envision my life with a loud house full of children. Does that sound horrible? I don't know how much sense it makes but it feels a lot more manageable to me to have a second baby with a larger age gap than most people plan on, like 5 or 6 years.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:51 pm 
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Eli is now 13 months old, and I am nowhere near ready for a 3rd yet... BUT I do know that I want another eventually. So planning for it needs to happen soon. It takes us over 2yrs before conceiving, so I know we need to plan right, if we don't want a big age gap between these boys. Sam and Eli are 4yrs apart. And thats just a little too much for me to handle again. I want 2.5/3yrs-ish. So that means by 21months we need to have conceived or started doing so, ya know? I think around 18 months we will revisit this question. I know I want a 3rd, I know DH will eventually want one too, so it's just a question of timing it right.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 5:17 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
What happened?


<EDITED>

mooo wrote:
All the time I spend around newborns makes me think about whether I want another baby or not a lot. I love having Scarlett in my life way more than I could have imagined I would, and I loved being pregnant and giving birth. But I'm not a huge kid person and don't envision my life with a loud house full of children. Does that sound horrible? I don't know how much sense it makes but it feels a lot more manageable to me to have a second baby with a larger age gap than most people plan on, like 5 or 6 years.


<EDITED>


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 5:57 pm 
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@tofulish, the sleep thing makes me super hesitant too. I think that things are going well with the bean is part of the reason I can see having another sometime though. When she was screaming at the sight of boobies and never ever sleeping more than 50 minutes at a time...then the thought of another made me (literally) cry. I would love a longer gap, but time is not my friend. There's about a 7 year gap between each of my three sisters and I, and it's pretty nice most of the time.

Malka, that sound ridiculous about the nanny..sorta super defensive. Is there anyone you know who has a nanny with whom you could share? I loved working with two kiddos from different families, and the girls loved (still do) playing with each other.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 7:30 pm 
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Ariann, that sounds really frustrating! It doesn't sound like you're asking a lot. If you have everything written out in an email, could you print that out and put it on the dishwasher for her, so she can refer to it? But of course, that doesn't solve the overreaction problem and you are going to have to give constructive criticism if you continue to employ her, so I have no advice there. It would be really frustrating to deal with that. I wonder if she's had bad experiences with other families blaming her for stuff, that makes her extra touchy, and whether time can help her trust that you and J.

I will say that the plus side about her being so anxious, is that she does seem to pay really good attention to Malka. I've only seen them together that one time, but she was really present to her and was great at helping M and L manage their interactions,

Nnej, I think its awesome that you want another! L's sleep issues were nowhere near as bad as Freya's, but still, the idea of doing that again makes me shudder. I totally get why sleep deprivation is used as torture :)

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 8:29 pm 
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Ariann wrote:
So today she trapped my husband in a two hour conversation about how I am rude to her and talk down to her and apparently I yelled at her about berries at some point in the past (??? NEVER, my husband told her, yeah, I can see how Ariann is very direct about what needs to be done, but she doesn't raise her voice to anyone). Then my husband called and said, well, I guess she's not going to quit, I talked her down. Then I briefly considered just sending her an F.U. e-mail, but realize I have no back-up plan, so not doing that.

This sounds like a really frustrating and difficult situation. And like maybe she really isn't a good fit for your needs. That being said, if an employee of mine ever told her other employer (slash my partner) that I "am rude to her and talk down to her and apparently...yelled at her" I would have to really re-evaluate the ways that I communicate.

Is the issue with her working memory a disability or neurological condition? From what you say it sounds permanent and like it is making her ability to meet your needs very difficult if not impossible. Again, she may just really not be a fit for your family.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 9:05 pm 
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Good luck finding someone new, Ariann! That sounds very frustrating. It does sound like a poor fit, although I know how hard it can be to find even a reliable occasional sitter.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 10:31 pm 
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j-dub wrote:
Ariann wrote:
So today she trapped my husband in a two hour conversation about how I am rude to her and talk down to her and apparently I yelled at her about berries at some point in the past (??? NEVER, my husband told her, yeah, I can see how Ariann is very direct about what needs to be done, but she doesn't raise her voice to anyone). Then my husband called and said, well, I guess she's not going to quit, I talked her down. Then I briefly considered just sending her an F.U. e-mail, but realize I have no back-up plan, so not doing that.

This sounds like a really frustrating and difficult situation. And like maybe she really isn't a good fit for your needs. That being said, if an employee of mine ever told her other employer (slash my partner) that I "am rude to her and talk down to her and apparently...yelled at her" I would have to really re-evaluate the ways that I communicate.


<EDITED>

Quote:
Is the issue with her working memory a disability or neurological condition? From what you say it sounds permanent and like it is making her ability to meet your needs very difficult if not impossible. Again, she may just really not be a fit for your family.


<EDITED>


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 10:36 pm 
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P.S. our adorable and sweet neighbors have been hinting at us to get rid of her for weeks because having to talk to her when our kids play together is a distressing experience. And they are pretty much the kindest, most go with the flow people I know.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 07, 2013 1:36 am 
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Thanks Footface for the editing above. I decided some of what I posted was potentially identifying info about our nanny, which wasn't really my intention to post and my rambly vent got away from me.

Anyway, suffice it to say re:the nanny, major communication problems afoot. (j-dub, I thought your suggestion at first, but after a pretty thorough thinking over don't think that's the issue, and doesn't seem to be a pattern in my life with other employees, so I think it is this very specific situation.) My husband and I debriefed his conversation with her today and it sounded like he just came up with a whole other list of frustrating stuff. So now we are just feeling grateful that something brought things to a head so we can move on without regret, since we've been frustrated for quite awhile.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 07, 2013 8:26 am 
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Sounds like you are really done and and it isn't fixable. It all sounds very frustrating.

There are quite a few stay at home moms who watch other people's children in their homes. It can be really fun for the little ones as they have a playmate etc. I know there is at least one woman near where you work. Perhaps that would be a good stop gap solution? Would you feel uncomfortable asking your neighbors to do it until you find a new solution, because it sounds like she is there a lot anyway and they all mutually love each other. If she was in someone's home you might have flexibility with timing that you don't have at a daycare.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 1:41 pm 
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OMG can not deal with the amount of freakin' toys! It seems like stuff multiplied while we were moving, I swear. I'm doing my best to hunt for some type of storage solution but not having great luck. I mean, the zillion stuffed animals can be put in oh-so-attractive bins, but everything else is all odd-shaped and I'm hating those storage cube systems because yeah, like ONE toy fits per cube and then there's all kinds of excess space and it looks sloppy. I also would like to find a place to donate some of the toys that Sierra has lost interest in but am having difficulty finding places that want used stuff - someone had mentioned that playroom at a local library but I'm not sure if they want noisy toys (VTech Ladybug thing with music, I'm looking at you!)


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 1:56 pm 
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We give ours to the DV shelter down the street. Some of the kids have had to leave everything behind and have nothing.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 2:26 pm 
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A DV shelter is a great idea. Sometimes the same places that take used clothes will also take toys. We've also wrapped some of Malka's toys and given them to neighborhood kids (whose parents don't care that the toy is used, just that it's new to their kid).


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 3:24 pm 
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You could also Freecycle the toys. Any item I have ever put on freecycle has been taken within the next 24 hours.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 3:57 pm 
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Once a year one of the local veg groups here collects donations for their rummage sale. (And invariably I fail to get my shiitake together in time to donate things, sigh…don't be like me! But maybe your town has one?)

ETA: It's an animal charity run by someone who used to own the local vegan store before it closed, I think, and from the name I think the proceeds go to animal rescue?


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 4:08 pm 
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I'm trying to figure out a shelter that will take stuff near me. Otherwise there's always Goodwill I guess. And I can pretty much guarantee that at least one brand-new toy will be given to Toys for Tots because my family is freakin crazy and no kid needs this many toys.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2013 10:06 am 
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People in my crunchy mama group are talking about their children's prebirth memories. so I asked Leela about her prebirth memories which are all about how she used to eat toast and juice in there.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2013 11:21 am 
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I wish this forum had a "like" button - that is too funny Tofulish! Did you eat a lot of toast to send down to her?


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Dec 11, 2013 1:04 pm 
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hahahaha


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