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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2014 7:43 pm 
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i have two boxes of baby clothes in the nursery (well three if you count the stuff that im definitely getting rid of) one is "must keep-sentimental crepe" that is fairly small. the other is "i really liked this outfit and dont want to get rid of it but she doesnt fit in it maybe someday i will fall and hit my head and think having a 2nd kid isnt a horrible idea for me" box

every now and then i go through the second box and try to pull stuff out to give to various friends having babies.
my big issue right now is everyone is having boys and not only that but GIANT boys. my cousin just joked she was gonna now give me her 3 month olds hand me downs!

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 2:13 pm 
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tiny wu isn't much of a talker--she prefers to get her point across with elaborate gestures, facial expressions, and mime-- and people keep asking me if she's talking yet. Well, no, not as much as everyone else's kids seem to be, but that's OK. Usually then people ask what she does say and I tell them that her says-them-everyday-words are mama, daddy, vroom, and duck (in Danish). Obviously I want to be a proud mommy and tell about all my kid's words, but this is about the only place I feel comfortable saying that her other favorite everyday phrase is "that side," uttered while nursing, when she wants the other breast.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2014 3:07 pm 
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I'm an auntie again! Mr. Fizzgig's sister had her second baby today, a healthy boy named August. He came in at 10lbs 8oz and both mommy and baby are healthy. This is my first nephew and I am so excited. I'm not sure when I get to meet him yet but I can't wait! Their older child is almost 3 and I'm not sure how she will do with a baby brother but I can't wait to see it unfold! (and I'm hoping now I can get them to send our niece down to us occasionally if they want time with just 1 kid...ulterior motives are fine, right?)

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 1:27 pm 
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ScandinaVegan wrote:
tiny wu isn't much of a talker--she prefers to get her point across with elaborate gestures, facial expressions, and mime-- and people keep asking me if she's talking yet. Well, no, not as much as everyone else's kids seem to be, but that's OK. Usually then people ask what she does say and I tell them that her says-them-everyday-words are mama, daddy, vroom, and duck (in Danish). Obviously I want to be a proud mommy and tell about all my kid's words, but this is about the only place I feel comfortable saying that her other favorite everyday phrase is "that side," uttered while nursing, when she wants the other breast.



lol! oh boy. that's too funny about "that side"

my husband's youngest brother didnt talk til he was like 3 and he just graduated from dental school summa custard laude and is studying to be an oral surgeon so yeah. i think there is a very broad range of normal. he's definitely a quiet person. i think she have said before tiny wu is shy/quiet?

it stinks when you know other people with kids around the same age and they are doing more. BP is perpetually in this situation for everything. she's on her own schedule apparently.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 8:19 pm 
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I have a question. If someone kept your kid for you and told you they weren't able to continue, how much notice do you think is reasonable for you to find someone new?

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 8:37 pm 
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At least a few weeks, but the more the better.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 9:23 am 
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I bought a used Moby yesterday and I was so excited to try it... I put Press in it, hung diapers on the line and weeded the garden. I think I've earned my crunchy points for the week?!

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 9:33 am 
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Yes, you are totally winning! I remember how productive and free I felt with the Moby, it was awesome.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 4:13 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 4:24 pm 
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LisaPunk wrote:
my husband's youngest brother didnt talk til he was like 3 and he just graduated from dental school summa custard laude and is studying to be an oral surgeon so yeah. i think there is a very broad range of normal. he's definitely a quiet person. i think she have said before tiny wu is shy/quiet?


I didn't talk significantly until I was about 2.5. The joke is that I've never stopped since.

E was an early talker and still has an astounding grasp of language for his age. M is probably closer to normal in terms of language development, which can be really difficult for me as a parent. It's hard not to compare him to E/not apply the same expectations to our communication. It's not even that M has a bad or limited vocabulary, he just doesn't speak very clearly and he's not yet particularly good at rephrasing something. So if he's trying to say something, he uses one phrase, and if we don't get it or can't make out the words in what he's saying, he just repeats it and repeats it as we all get progressively more frustrated.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 9:23 pm 
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kdub wrote:
I bought a used Moby yesterday and I was so excited to try it... I put Press in it, hung diapers on the line and weeded the garden. I think I've earned my crunchy points for the week?!


That is awesome! I never could get the hang of the Moby...although I am sure I never tried it more then twice. My SIL made me a ring sling for Sebastian so today I took it out for a second attempt. He ended up being way to low (not head kissable for sure) but overall it worked pretty well and I am thinking it is going to allow me to get so much more done around the house and maybe actually do some activities with the poor neglected toddler. Seriously it has been a baby einstein marathon around here and I feel so terrible about it.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 9:30 pm 
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Yah for babywearing with wee babies! We had our monthly babywearing group meeting yesterday, and as much as yes, it gets hot, and yes, it's a lot of fabric, I still can't go past the Moby for a recommended newborn carrier! So snuggly : )

Annasrobbie, though the sniffing gets annoying, I've seen this video bumped often for tips on getting a good position with a ring sling... http://youtu.be/1LCUuFHKbUA


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2014 8:44 am 
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i think anyone who conquers the moby wrap deserves a prize. i used it for several months after BP was born but eventually got tired of all the fabric and wrapping, etc. i also didnt like that it was a crapshoot (for me) whether i got it on nice and snug or too loose.
i love love love my ergo and havent touched my moby since but yeah it really is nice for newborns. so cozy

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2014 2:05 pm 
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Go kdub! The Moby is awesome--Mr. Scandi still uses it with tiny wu and she is 19 months and 20 pounds, so that's longevity for you!

Isn't hanging diapers up on the line in nice weather one of the sweetest things?


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 1:39 pm 
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I never got the hang of the Moby. The Ergo was great but also much more expensive.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 9:54 pm 
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I currently have a snoring baby on my back in a woven wrap. It's painfully cute!


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 6:53 am 
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Eli has learned 2 new words this weekend while visiting the in-laws... "sheeeee" (sit... hahah I really hope he does not add a T to that :p) and his cousin's name "adoh!!" (Adele) lol the boy sure can melt my heart. He's too cute! He's also doing monkey sounds and gestures now... it was a lot of entertainment on the long train ride I tell ya

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:45 am 
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Some days, time seems to be going so very, very fast. Freya has suddenly decided that peeing in the potty is awesome (after an initial interest that faded some 8 or 9 months ago). She explains to me when playing with her toys that she is "looking for a particular one" and another day that she walked all sideways on the slide ladder because she "avoided the spiderwebs". Today, she walked up all by herself, far away from me, to the hostess at the restaurant to ask for crayons (also she ordered her own food from the waiter). We used the hair dryer, the sound of which she hates, a few days ago, with no trouble. She befriended and played with some random kid at the playground yesterday. She is firmly in that phase where she pretends to be a baby, but alas, I fear the last vestiges of babydom have slipped away.

Today, when she was eating a popsicle after lunch and her hair was getting all sticky with her mouth and the wind, I realized that it was long enough to be put up in a proper ponytail. I very nearly cried.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 12:44 pm 
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I didn't think this was worth a whole new thread, but pardon me if this isn't the place for this post (I don't read the Playground very often). My husband and I were both in grad school, then he was doing a post-doc so it wasn't a good time for kids, then I was laid off and it wasn't a good time for kids, and then he was without a job and it wasn't a good time for kids. We're now in a position where I'm in my early 30's and we both have jobs and so it seems like a time to start having this discussion.

My husband definitely wants kids, and while I'm certainly not opposed to the idea, I do find it somewhat (okay a lot) terrifying. I've never been around babies. I've never held a baby. I've never changed a diaper. I've never done any of these things! None of my friends have babies and I'm an only child. We're also far away from our families so it's not like I'd have family members to help either.

I guess my question is how do you know if you're ready to have a child? On one hand I can totally see myself having a child, but on the other hand there are a lot of things that make me question it (e.g., being responsible for another human being 24/7, how will it affect my career, finding/affording day care once my maternity leave is over, will it make life really stressful or will the good balance out the bad, etc. etc.).

These are all just musings at this point because I have an IUD and I will need to wait for an appointment with the gyno to have it removed, and he has a really long waiting list.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 1:00 pm 
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Hey lobster! This is a good place for this post. I don't have an answer to your question though because I don't know how the fork anyone ever feels "ready" to have kids. I just felt ready at some point, and then as soon as I had one I was like "oh ha ha ha, why did I think I was ready for this?" It worked out but that first year was hard. (For me, the payoff is worth it, but I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a lot of stress involved at times.)

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 1:19 pm 
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lobsterriffic, I have no idea how you can tell if you are ready for a child, but I can tell you that it took me a long time to even consider it after planning on *not* having kids for most of my life. I took a class, even, to try to sort out my feelings about the whole thing. It was really useful for me, actually - there were assignments about finances, emotional connection with your partner if you had one, nutrition, &c - and I can post the information if you like. I'm not a schill, I promise! It just helped me to have a formal framework.

My sweetheart had always wanted kids but said that if the choice was between a life with me and a life with some unknown kids, the clear choice was the life with me. Having zero pressure - and I really did have zero pressure, I hope your partner is the same! - freed me up to ponder a bit for a few years, take the class I mentioned, ponder for a while longer. While I've never been a maternal person who knew that I always wanted to be a parent, &c &c, it started to seem pretty interesting and like something that was doable.

I'm also the sort of person who never feels ready for something until I've done it, I can study for a test, be certain I've flunked it, and get a solid A. I can be certain that a new yoga DVD will kill me and after fretting about it for days, it turns out to be fantastic. If you're of a similar persuasion, that might be something to look at.

I have held exactly one baby in my entire adult life (and that's in the last year), have never changed a diaper and am due next month. I'm pretty excited to meet this kid and be on this journey with my sweetheart, and yeah, the idea of being responsible for a tiny person 24/7 is still scary. How could it not be? I'm sure there are others in this thread that will have more useful information for you. I just wanted to say that "certainly not opposed" is a great place to start thinking about it, as far as I'm concerned, and certainly further along the decision making path than I was when I started thinking about it!


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 1:31 pm 
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It is such a personal question, I don't even know if someone else's experience is going to be useful! But here goes.

I didn't want kids until my mother died and then at 37, I felt like I thought I was in a good place to have kids and my husband would be a great co-parent (I too had never changed a diaper, never held a baby, hadn't been around a lot of kids etc). And at 37, I did feel like it was now or never.

I don't want to dismiss any of the legitimate and real concerns you bring up. I would definitely recommend sitting down with your partner and seeing how parenting would look for you and what you'd want to create together. I have a friend whose husband was incredibly into having a child, and he convinced her to have their kid, and then basically left all the child-rearing to her and it has been so hard for them. Or you could find that your child brings you closer and all of this is an amazing and wonderful journey :) Again, so incredibly individual :)

Here are some things I would consider in your conversations. I love being a parent and I love my daughter. She gives me a great appreciation of life and I have learned so much from her. But it is definitely resource intensive. It takes up so much of our time and money. And my husband and I were committed to being 50-50 parents and that isn't how it ended up working out (through no one's fault). We also don't have family nearby, so I am basically busy with my daughter from 8 am when she wakes up to 9 pm when she goes to bed. I carve out moments here and there to get a break on the internet, but mostly its a little person asking for my attention all the time. And she's adorable and funny and I've never loved anyone more, but I also miss alone time. And sleep. L is 2.5 and I still don't get as much sleep as I would like or need. And all your time is now focused around keeping your child happy, so you end up spending so much time in places that your child likes, which may not be the places that you would love to spend time in (no one chills out in a coffee bar with a good book and a toddler!).

And like I posted in the WWHCNTHK thread, I it useful to consider the expenses involved. It works out to about $15 an hour in our area for childcare (daycare, sitter, nanny) and so a big chunk of the money most of my working friends make goes right to pay for childcare. And that is a good thing - you want your childcare provider to be well-paid and to give your child great care - but it also means that life becomes a lot more expensive.

I consider having Leela one of the best experiences of my life, and I love being a parent, but I think its really helpful to be on the same page with your co-parent on expectations .

And my experience is just my experience and really of no probative value at all.

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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 1:33 pm 
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I'm in a very similar situation Lobster. It sounds to me like you want children but you're afraid of the difficulty? I mean, if you didn't want children I think the decision would be easy.

As much as possible, I try not to let fear affect my decisions. I don't know that I'll ever be in a better situation (it'd be nice if we had more money or both didn't have to work), so I'm not waiting for some ideal that may never happen. I tend to think that I'm married and in my mid 30s so that's about as ready as I can get. Having a child could take a couple years so there's not really a lot of time left if I want to make it happen. And long term I think my life will be richer to have a family. Despite, or maybe because of, all the hardships and trouble having a child will be.

I don't have family around, but I know a lot of people raising children with more hardships than I have. There are daycares and many other options for working parents. I don't know that this helps, but that's been the thought process for me.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 1:51 pm 
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Lobster, I feel like I was in a similar situation. My husband was (and is) gung-ho about having kids, while I was really nervous. I knew it was something I wanted to do...eventually, and we started to reach a time that seemed appropriate as far as careers, age, and health went. I think one of the things that helped me was just mulling the idea over for awhile. I had health issues to work on for a bit, and that gave me time to think about finances and our personal habits and leisure time and so on. I don't think I've ever stopped being nervous about it, it's such a big decision.


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 Post subject: Re: The Playground randomness thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2014 1:58 pm 
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All of these replies are super helpful! This all makes a lot of sense. I haven't lived in my current city for very long and so I don't really have too many people in my life to talk about this stuff with so you are great sounding board, PPK. Normally I'd talk about big life choices with my mom, but she is SUPER into having grandkids so I don't want to bring it up that I might be thinking about it and then decide not to/the timing isn't right, because I know she'd be super disappointed.

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