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 Post subject: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:28 pm 
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So you've been there. Your kid tries to talk to another kid, play with another kid, exist around another kid, only to be rebuffed or ignored or made fun of. What do you do?

We've had such a hard time making friends here. I meet moms who are nice but their kids suck, and with the exception of one or two not so well behaved kids, the kids here don't seem to like Livi :_( She talks, they ignore her or sometimes even walk away. The other day at a meetup event at a restaurant we were at the table next to the kids (we were a few minutes late) and some of the kids who aren't nice to her or ignore her or tell her she can't go in their room/play with their toys (we went to a few meetups at their house) would call "Olivia!" and then they'd hide, and repeat. Those particular kids were older than her. And I just get so mad and it breaks my heart because we had friends before we moved and here we just can't do it and we've been here 20 months now. The only girl who really likes her is a few months younger but never shares her stuff and pouts endlessly, so basically we go to their house and the kid gets a time out while Livi plays with her stuff.

This is kind of an extension of the making friends thread, but with a move into "what do I do when I am surrounded by crasshole kids and parents?"

Now I'll be off to bed while I stare at sleeping Livi and feel bad she has no friends down here.

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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:32 pm 
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I am sorry. That sounds really hard.

I know you do dance classes, but is there anything else she could take to meet nicer kids?

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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:43 pm 
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I try so hard T. I take us to so many places. Story times at the book store and we've tried story times at 5 or 6 different libraries and regularly go to 2 of those. Story time at the botanical gardens. The meetup group. Dance class. I managed to miss the openings for one of the better (but still affordable) preschools around so we're on the wait list.

Be warned - there is nothing worse than seeing your kid sad/alone/hurt.

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"T-shirts are not allowed in heaven, Karyn. They don't do casual Fridays." - Amandabear

"It's because I'm judging them. Harshly. Judgey McJudgerson." - mel c


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:45 pm 
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I feel terrible thinking of Livi sad/alone/hurt. She is such a great kid, and it sucks that she is getting bullied :( And I know you try - you're an amazing mom <3

I wish you lived near us. You'd find it so much easier and funner

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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:46 pm 
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That sounds so hard. My little guy is just two, and it still kills me to see him standing on the outside of a group. Kids can be so rotten. I bet preschool is really going to change things. It can be so hard to get in with an established gang of kids when you only see them every now and then, but the routine of preschool seems like it breaks down some of the barriers.


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:49 pm 
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I second the preschool thing. It's easier to make friends in a very familiar, very routine setting. Poor Livi. I feel you. I just about die when kids are mean to Luna.


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:52 pm 
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Phoenix Cindy wrote:
I second the preschool thing. It's easier to make friends in a very familiar, very routine setting. Poor Livi. I feel you. I just about die when kids are mean to Luna.


I may or may not have glared and shaken my fist at the kids who were being rotten to Livs at the restaurant (they're at least 5) - I told them to knock it off. Of course the parents were paying NO attention, but they're nice . . . sigh.

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"It's because I'm judging them. Harshly. Judgey McJudgerson." - mel c


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 10:00 pm 
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Oh and my 2 favorite moms, their kids:

1. Kid who doesn't share and screeches and pouts.
2. Tiny bit older, same name, either nice to Livs or could care less.

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"T-shirts are not allowed in heaven, Karyn. They don't do casual Fridays." - Amandabear

"It's because I'm judging them. Harshly. Judgey McJudgerson." - mel c


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Sat Jul 02, 2011 12:56 pm 
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Exactly what I'm afraid of happening to us. I find it hard to believe that I will find awesome kids with awesome moms for both Luna and I. Fingers crossed for you guys and us!


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Sat Jul 02, 2011 5:14 pm 
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we shall avoid the mass invite of the nice lady with the kids who seem okay as they are roasting an entire pig.

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"T-shirts are not allowed in heaven, Karyn. They don't do casual Fridays." - Amandabear

"It's because I'm judging them. Harshly. Judgey McJudgerson." - mel c


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Sat Jul 02, 2011 11:19 pm 
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We run into this sort of problem at parks frequently, because the Emperor wants to play with any kids he sees. I can't remember having any incidents with little boys-- our problem demographic seems to be 6-7ish year old girls. They'll tell him things like "you can't play here!" or "you can't play with us, you're just a BABY" and so on. It kills me to see... He doesn't really get it yet (he'll just keep on playing) but I know there's going to be a day when he figures out that not every kid he meets is nice. Bleh.

At this age, if a kid does something agressive to him, like pushes him away, or tells him something flat out untrue (like you can't play here when we're at a public park) then I step in and say something to the kid. I don't know what to do beyond that.

I wish all kids were nice. I don't understand why some of them start being that jerky so young.

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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Sun Jul 03, 2011 12:24 am 
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It makes me crazy that parents let their kids treat others like that! I'm a preschool teacher, and exclusion is probably the thing we talk about throughout the day more than anything else. I mean, can you imagine what kind of grown-ups those little shiitakes are gonna be?!? Sorry I don't have any advice, but I'm pissed off on your behalf!


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Sun Jul 03, 2011 8:56 am 
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BigEnchiladas wrote:
It makes me crazy that parents let their kids treat others like that! I'm a preschool teacher, and exclusion is probably the thing we talk about throughout the day more than anything else. I mean, can you imagine what kind of grown-ups those little shiitakes are gonna be?!? Sorry I don't have any advice, but I'm pissed off on your behalf!


Given that we need a preschool, we'll just move to PDX and I'll leave her with you during the day :D

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"T-shirts are not allowed in heaven, Karyn. They don't do casual Fridays." - Amandabear

"It's because I'm judging them. Harshly. Judgey McJudgerson." - mel c


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Sun Jul 03, 2011 12:22 pm 
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I have the same problem here with Malcolm. It breaks my heart. He walks up to any and all kids he sees, introduces himself and asks if they want to play, and they either ignore him, walk away, or stare at him like he has a horn coming out of his forehead.
Then he just looks hurt because he's left out.
I've been thinking of putting him in preschool, but it's really expensive.


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Sun Jul 03, 2011 12:46 pm 
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Man, sometimes I feel like this as an adult and it is hard. Hugs, it mist be hard to see your kiddos in this situation.


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2011 8:22 pm 
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This totally sucks. Sorry:( Those parents should be stepping in when their kids are being so shitty. It is the worst feeling ever to see your kids being excluded or picked on. It really is. I know how hard it is as a parent to constantly step in for certain things but this is a case where they should be. Little kids need to be taught to treat each other kindly. I hope you find some good friends. This happens to us with friends sometimes and random kids and even in preschool. We do the best we can. Then there are times when my kid is mean to her friend and I pull her aside immediately and let her know the deal and that the behavior will not be tolerated.


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2011 4:26 pm 
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ugh hate this, my 5 year old has some developmental delays and some kids can sense he's different and act like he is invisible. He did great once he got into preschool and later kindergarten. At preschool he ran in a pack of special need kids, the teachers never saw a few of the kids interact until he came along, which was so cute. He made a few friends in kindergarten too by bonding over the love of star wars which is one of his obsessions, it gets better!


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 1:21 pm 
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Cross your fingers everyone! We're going to a birthday party for one of the not so perfect kids and after we RSVPed (and the mom went back and forth w/ me about food for us) I found out the kids I can't stand are going. It starts at 4 today and it's supposed to be PACKED so I want us to show up like 10 minutes early and then I have cupcakes here to bribe her away early with. Also? It's a BYOB party. Yes. Really.

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"T-shirts are not allowed in heaven, Karyn. They don't do casual Fridays." - Amandabear

"It's because I'm judging them. Harshly. Judgey McJudgerson." - mel c


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 5:20 pm 
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appifanie wrote:
Also? It's a BYOB party. Yes. Really.


ABORT MISSION. I've been to a few of those, no good can come from this. I'm much more disconcerting about kids parties after a few of these. One there were drunk people giving pony rides (which we didn't let shae anywhere near, luckily) and one went crazy and bucked off a parent and ran away dragging him. Oh the redneck stories I can tell.

Good luck!

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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2011 7:49 pm 
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It was okay!! No drunk parents, the 2 worst kids didn't show and because of that the sometimes poorly behaved bday girl was totally fine! The only bad kid was a known bad one - he sort of shoves around and yells at moms and kids while his mom watches and does nothing. He hit the moms on either side of me with balloons while his mom watched but maybe he remembered I yelled at him months ago.

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"T-shirts are not allowed in heaven, Karyn. They don't do casual Fridays." - Amandabear

"It's because I'm judging them. Harshly. Judgey McJudgerson." - mel c


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 12:29 am 
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i've had the same situation with my little one and in my chase , i would pick play dates based on the parents and wether we hit it off or shared similar beliefs. most times their kids would suck!!!!!!!!! , they were super nice parents but didn't want to be an authority figure which i totally get. but when a child is being aggressive or mean to other children they need to be guided by their PARENT/S to stop! i started going to the park and making play dates with who ever my little one played happily with. I've had better experiences with the children of religious parents . i might not have anything in common or anything to talk about but for some reason their children are always ( in my experience) super sweet none abusive playmates


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 12:15 pm 
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Malcolm and I walked down to the playground today, and he said hi to a little troupe of kids, who ignored him completely. He kept following them trying to be included, and they still ignored him. Then they all threw their freezie wrappers on the ground five feet from one of the four trash cans and walked away. So I walked over to them and asked them nicely to pick up the garbage they forgot. I got blank stares.
I hate other kids. Except PPK kids. They're cool.


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 12:21 pm 
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AmandaMelanie wrote:
I hate other kids.


Try and keep in mind that it's a parents job to teach behavior. When little kids are jerks, it's usually because they are allowed to be jerks and haven't been taught any better.

I do a lot of crappy parenting hating, myself.

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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 12:24 pm 
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You're 100% right.
I hate crappy parents in my neighbourhood.


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 Post subject: Re: When other kids suck
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 10:29 am 
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they still suck. she has one friend who is moving in a few months. i haven't told her.

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"T-shirts are not allowed in heaven, Karyn. They don't do casual Fridays." - Amandabear

"It's because I'm judging them. Harshly. Judgey McJudgerson." - mel c


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