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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2016 11:45 am 
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Bathes in Braggs

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So I don't think this quite fits with the title but I hate to start a new thread. Stopping co-sleeping, transitioning to their own bed. What worked best for you? How old was your kiddo? How long did it take?
Sebastian is 2. He is very, extremely attached. We co-sleep and he insists on falling asleep draped across my throat. If he wakes in the middle of the night I feel him groping in the darkness to find me. I do not sleep well with him because he does all the typical co-sleeping child moves where he lays across the bed and kicks me, or rams his into me, my favorite are the regular bludgeonings of my head with HIS head in the middle of the night while he jockeys for the most comfortable spot in bed which must be right where my head is resting...I really, really, really want him out of my bed. Really. I am hopeful that his frequent nighttime awakenings would be lessened or magically disappear if he isn't in bed with me because maybe I am waking him up somehow?
Ideas? Words of wisdom. Comforting words. I want them all.


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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2016 11:57 am 
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Ugh me too. And L (4.5). is adamant that she wants to cosleep forever. I would sleep so much better without her waking up and shouting at me to turn on the light or get her a drink. Though I expect she'd do that in her own bed too. She is tall enough that she takes up way more of the bed and I sleep squished in a corner, all of which is terrible for my back.

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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2016 12:11 pm 
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Hoards Peppermint Jo-Jos

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This sounds like how my now 6 year old was at that age. Full disclosure before I tell you what worked for us is that even now he ends up in our bed about twice a month in the middle of the night, and once a month-ish he gets a special treat of sleeping in our bed all night. I consider that a win, and I actually look forward to our all night snuggles now that he is older amd more independant, but if you were hoping for how to get the kid never in your bed again, I'm probably not your person.

I had the best success getting him a twin bed, and moving the co-sleeping to his bed. I used to lay with him until he fell asleep, and then sneak out. If he woke and cried for me, I came back. If I happened to fall asleep I woukd stay, but I would otherwise sneak out. Over time he got used to his bed and woke less and less.

I also eventually transitioned to having him fall asleep on his own. I think that helped too. But moving the co-sleeping to his bed is really what helped.


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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2016 2:27 pm 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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Oh, man, I am going through the same thing with Vax and I have no idea what we are going to do in 4 months when I have a baby, because you can't co-sleep with both a kid and a baby. Especially the way Vax rolls and crawls. At the moment, I'm sleeping on a Thai fold out mattress next to the mattress from Vax's playpen and we have separate blankets, but he still cuddles and reaches for me and sometimes crawls into bed with me. Mr Crabby is bad at sleeping with kids (smoosh) and my older 2 don't sleep enough for Vax to sleep with them. I honestly have no idea what we are going to do.

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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2016 3:28 pm 
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DEG can you talk more about getting him to fall asleep on his own? E is only 11 months but she is the worst with sleep and I fear I will have to go to college with her so she can nurse all damn night.

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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Tue Jun 21, 2016 4:41 pm 
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Hoards Peppermint Jo-Jos

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Lobsteriffic, that literally made me laugh out loud. both of my kids were horrible sleepers at that age. I used to say the exact same thing about having to go to college with them. My daughter never co-slept, but she would wake up at 4am and only be able to fall back to sleep if I held her while I sat up in the rocking chair. Co-sleeping would have been preferable.

I used the No Cry Sleep Solution with my daughter. With my son, I did a sort of modified version where I kind of winged it. But the basic premise is to slowly phase yourself out of one routine and into another. Think about putting new things in place before trying to take out any old ones. For both of my kids, this meant instituting specific bedtime music that we only listened to at bed time and getting them both blankies/bedtime lovies.

With both kids it took several months from start to finish, but there was improvement along the way. So it wasn't like it took several months for anything to happen. But like I said, my 6 year old still gets in bed with me more often than I know some people would want, so take any of my advice with a grain of salt.


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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2016 7:05 am 
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DEG wrote:
With both kids it took several months from start to finish, but there was improvement along the way. So it wasn't like it took several months for anything to happen. But like I said, my 6 year old still gets in bed with me more often than I know some people would want, so take any of my advice with a grain of salt.


Seconding the slow nature of the process. We got tiny wu her own bed last August and she now sleeps all night in it. But we made very little progress until January. Now she still falls asleep in our bed with me each night. I wake her up an hour later to go potty and then she lies down in her bed. Probably once a week she's up at midnight asking to come into our bed, but is satisfied by snuggles in hers. And if she wakes up when MW wakes at 5 AM, she'll usually creep in for cuddles and bonus sleep. Oh yeah, and she naps on the big bed with me and her brother. But that works for us.

We also have TW's bed in the same room as ours, and she really likes that. Plus if she wakes in the night we can talk to her and calm her down without getting up.


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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2016 9:39 am 
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Thanks! I've slowly started changing our routine from nursing to sleep to rocking to sleep and that's gotten a bit better but she still wants a boob in her mouth all night. Right now my dream is to put her to sleep and be able to leave for a few hours because going to sleep at 730 is getting old! But baby steps I guess!

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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2016 11:23 am 
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Bathes in Braggs

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Thanks for the input everyone. I didn't expect it to be overnight for sure. I would just be happy with even partial nights in a bed with my spouse...our sleeping arrangement is actually that the 3 year old sleeps with my husband in a queen bed and the 2 year old sleep with me in a queen bed...we have an unused toddler bed (an awesome racecar!!) and I just gave away the crib a few weeks ago along with its mattress. So I guess I will work on getting the 3 year old in the toddler bed...and then I will have a spot in the bed with my hubby for at least the first few hours of the night. Dislodge the first kid before I can work on the second!


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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2016 11:35 am 
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We started off sharing a bed, and then moved our daughter to a toddler bed next to ours (at 24 months). Initially, we started with it right next to our bed, so that I could hold her hand at night, if she woke up scared, and then incrementally added distance between our bed and hers. That's what worked for us. Once she got used to being in her own bed, and not waking up right next to us, it was easier to transition her into her own space. Also, focusing on how she wanted to decorate her bedroom, and discussing having a "big kid" room of her own was helpful for her.


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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2016 12:04 pm 
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It's strange to me that I can't really remember all the details of getting her to move into her own room? I think she became excited about sleeping in her own bed after staying with some friends that had a daughter the same age. Babynut wanted to be just like her friend and sleep in her own bed. She still comes and joins me around 5 in the morning and so I still get my snuggles.


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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2016 4:14 pm 
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i think everyone knows BabyPunk is notoriously clingy.
now at just over 3 she typically falls asleep in her own bed then at some point in the middle of the night she crawls into our bed and falls asleep again.

i consider this a win from where we were. a few times she has slept almost the entire night in her own bed.
first i had to night wean her which was another whole process. now unless she really is flipping out beyond control she doesnt nurse in the middle of the night anymore. she just crawls into our bed and falls asleep again.

she does still fall asleep nursing. not sure we will ever stop that.

first i started with having her nap in her bed but at night still cosleeping. we bought her a Lightning McQueen comforter/sheet set (she LOVES that movie) so she was all excited about that.

then at some point (i dont remember when/why) i started nursing her to sleep in her bed. typically she would wake up and hour late screaming and for awhile i would go back in and try to get her back to sleep in her own bed. then later in the night she would wake up again and i would bring her into our bed or she would wander in and climb in.

so for awhile it was quite a bit of work. then at some point i think she just passed some sort of developmental milestone and also for her all her teeth finished coming in so she wasnt waking up constantly.

then it got to the point where we are now which is she falls asleep in her bed and *generally* stays asleep til sometime between 2am and 6am and then wanders into our room adn crawls into our bed and falls asleep. some mornings i wake up and have no idea when she came in.

obviously there are still shitty nights when none of that works but for the most part that's where we are.

our OT told me to try to keep bringing her back into her own bed if we really wanted her sleeping in her own bed (i have a lot of muscle pain issues from sleeping shittily with her in our bed) but honestly it's such a step up from where we were with her basically on top of me all night and me all crunched up in weird positions in searing pain that im fine with our current set up.

we bought her this nightlight
https://www.amazon.com/Kinderglo-Portable-Rechargeable-Night-Brontosaurus/dp/B002KRKMVI/ref=sr_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1467061948&sr=8-1&keywords=dinosaur+nightlight

which she totally thinks is a toy and wont let us turn it on before she goes to sleep but i turn it on after she falls asleep and the green setting is really bright so i dont worry about her running into a wall or something.

the only thing i worry about now is where the dogs are laying on the floor because im afraid she will step on them while they are sleeping.

while we were on vacation last week we coslept the entire time for convience so the last 2 nights at home i had her sleep in our bed again because i didnt want her to wake up in the middle of the night scared/confused as to where she was but i think tonight ill start her back in her own bed.

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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Wed Jun 29, 2016 9:48 am 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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LisaPunk wrote:
i have a lot of muscle pain issues from sleeping shittily with her in our bed

I totally sympathise. 2 nights ago Vax slept on my head. I was too tired to shoo him away and my neck was sore all day.

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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Thu Jun 30, 2016 6:11 am 
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BP how did you night wean? I'm thinking of doing Jay Gordon in a few months but finding a lot of people who day it didn't work for them.

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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Thu Jun 30, 2016 12:41 pm 
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i read through the Jay Gordon thing and ive definitely heard of people doing that so i think if it works for someone's kid that's great.
i knew there was no way in hell taking BP off the boob away and lying her down to fall asleep on her own would ever work.

at a little over 3 i have no idea how i will ever get BP to sleep without the boob. it seems like an impossible task. she still falls asleep nursing.

however as far as night weaning goes it was definitely a process and unfortunately BP is not one to compromise on ANYTHING EVER so once she starts screaming she doesnt stop until she gets what she wants. she also doesnt tire herself screaming really. so yeah night weaning was a bit rough. we also went back and forth several times cause we suck.

the first time we did it the first night was a horror show. i told her ahead of time we werent going to have "boo" at night anymore and she could have "boo" to go to sleep and then no more til the morning and how she was a big girl and didnt need it at night anymore, etc etc etc. my husband went over that with her too. (she was still sleeping in our bed at night at this point). so she was all on board with the process and was like "yeah no boo til the sun comes up" she nursed to sleep and then at some point she woke up and screamed for several hours straight. NOTHING would calm her down. it seems like for some families it helps if the dad takes the kid and tries to calm them down or lays with them because then the boobs arent even an option but BP is soooo attached to me that despite my husband's best intentions taking her away from me just makes it worse.
after several hours of horrifying screaming she fell asleep on top of me. it was an awful awful night but i kind of expected it. the next night was magically not that bad and most subsequent nights were semi ok. she might wake up and cry for awhile then she would fall asleep lying on top of me.

then my husband had to go to Germany for a week for work and i was by myself with four pets and a toddler and i just let her nurse at night because i couldnt deal. so when my husband got back and we tried again it was a horror show. i think we were trying to get her to sleep in her own bed so she would wake up and scream and i would go in and lay with her and try to get her to calm down. i would put the dino songs at that she liked. sometimes we would have to watch/listen to a video. that might happen a few times a night.

however full disclosure she was getting her last two year molars so not only are those the worst/most painful teeth she has had extra issues with teething so basically she was just always a hot mess. i think because she was in pain and waking up constantly i went back to letting her nurse at night when i couldnt calm her down by just holding her and we did that until all her teeth came in and then life was just easier in general.
then i think we just basically would repeatedly over and over and over tell her every night "no boo until the sun comes up" and tell her she can come and snuggle us instead if she wants. so far we've never told her she has to stay in her own bed at night. we've always left the door open so to speak.

the repetition is crazy of how often we explain things to her. we still do it. every night that i remember before she goes to sleep we tell her boo to fall asleep and then none til the sun comes up. so now unless she's totally flipping the fork out i dont let her nurse in the middle of the night i just hold her and shhh her until she eventually falls asleep. sometimes for her it takes awhile because she is really bad at regulating herself (see above where i say she screams until she gets what she wants). she seems to understand shes not supposed to nurse in the middle of the night because now sometimes when she wakes up and i have to comfort her back to sleep she cries for awhile but doesnt ask. it's kind of like she understands but is still having a rough time. then for awhile she would wake up really early and start crying and being like THE SUN IS UP!!!!!!!

now generally she falls asleep (nursing) in her bed and then comes and crawls into our bed sometime in the middle of the night. sometimes i dont even wake up. my next goal is to cut her off from nursing when we wake up in the morning. that should be another horror show.

i dont know if it's a benefit or a detriment that BP is so much older. on the one hand we can have an actual conversation about it and talk about it alot (A LOT) on the other hand she has all that much more time for it to be an ingrained habit.

i found that with her eventually that repeatedly talking about it but then giving in when she was totally losing her mind is what works because most nights she doesnt nurse at night. i think one of the last times she nursed in the middle of the night was while we were on vacation which granted was just last week but being in a different place screws everything up and i didnt want her waking up the rest of the hotel screaming. before that at home i dont know when the last time she nursed in the middle of the night was. it's a hard process and every kid is different but that's what worked for us. it kind of feels like when you cave in you are totally losing the battle and just teaching them to scream for what they want but i guess being flexible helps (does that make sense?)

BP doesnt do well with hard lines anyways because she is so unbelievably stubborn it just basically becomes a fight to the death between the two of us.

so definitely take E's personality in mind when thinking of what will work for you (and yes i made about 1000 mistakes along the way but somehow managed to get there)

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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2016 1:58 pm 
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Thank you for typing all of that out!

I'm going to see how the transition to daycare works out in August when I go back to work, recognizing that she will probably need to nurse extra at night because her days will be rough at first. Then figure out a game plan for what to do after that's settled. I can't keep going to bed at 7:30!

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 Post subject: Re: Logistics And safety of cosleeping
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2016 2:25 pm 
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i think that's probably a really great idea! too much at once would probably be too much for her (and you!)
she may also start to feel more independent once she transitions to daycare because she wont be on top of you 24/7 so that may actually help ease the process. (maybe?)

BP hasnt nursed at night since we got home from vacation. the nights have a been a bit rough understandably but she hasnt nursed.
the first couple nights i just had her sleep in our bed then like mondayish i think i put her back in her bed but she would wake up earlier than normal and cry.

then the last two nights she has wandered into our room earlier than usual but without crying. she just appears and starts climbing into our bed and then lays on top of me and falls asleep.

good luck with the daycare transition! i know you have been worrying about that. at least since 1 year is the norm in Canada they must be very well versed in taking in 1 year olds who want mommy.

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