Post Punk Kitchen Forum

I love these! I bought some bamboo pieces a couple of years ago, but I think it's time to re-invest. Thanks for sharing!

If you figure a way to rein it in to 1 present each please let me know how. Every year I ask for 1 present each. My Maa always says she isn't buying them a lot of stuff and then goes WAY overboard. I have no place to put all Reno or Miles's new toys. Today we went to my in laws and my BIL got Reno so much stuff. I'm pissed.

My mother-in-law guilted my husband into going to her house for Christmas Eve and then made the point that she was pissed that she hasn't been able to see the baby by (1) not talking to him, (2) not getting any gifts for him (first time ever) or Leela (or me obvs), so he got to watch everyone else unpack presents and there was nothing for him "because I thought you'd dropped off the face of the Earth" and (3) had his brother take him aside to tell him how unfair it was to her that she hasn't gotten to see her grandbaby as yet.

So of course he came home upset and feeling guilty and we had a huge fight. My feeling is that you don't reward bad behavior, and that his mother is throwing a tantrum, but my husband now feels really bad that his mother is upset and wants us to have her over. I don't object to her coming over, I just don't want to be stuck alone with her, because I don't feel like having to listen to hours of diatribe about how immigrants suck.

I feel petty being upset at this, because it is her money to do with as she wishes, but after telling us she had only $40 to spend on Leela's baby shower gifts, and refusing to get anything off the registry she made me set up, she spent a couple of thousands on presents for her three other grandchildren. In fairness they are in their 20s so it makes sense that they get more, but would it have killed her to get Leela anything at all?

That said, we got the most amazing gift package from Gunk, Errinerung, Caterpillar and FlowersinYourHair. It was epic. <3

Kiddo got a small skateboard, remote control car, snowpants, walking and barking dog, toolbox with her own tools and her own cooking gear (bowls, apron, etc.) from us. Then puzzles, clothes, doll house, playmat, more trains and track along with various things like books and games. Quite the haul and she hasn't even played with it all yet.

Wow, our in-laws should get together!

My MIL has always treated us like second-class kids (she loves her daughters, but doesn't seem to care too much for Mr. Crabby and since I married him, I'm shiitake, too), but it got worse when I had Beetroot because I am doing everything wrong. I've mentioned this in other threads, but when she called our local health centre and complained about Beetroot & us (she is in England and we are in Scotland, so it's not like we all go to the same place and she was complaining during a check-up or something), that was it. We don't see them any more and they don't get to see pictures of the kids or talk to them on the phone.

All we have asked is that she apologises for meddling with our business and promises not to do it again. One of my friends thinks I'm crazy for offering to let it go at that because we had so much trouble with our local medical centre after her phone call (it will never be the same and since we live in a small village, we can't switch to another place (we tried!)). It's been about 22 months and she still thinks she didn't do anything wrong and won't apologise.

So even though we don't celebrate Christmas, my husband phones his parents. His mom gets off the phone really fast. His dad just keeps telling him, "you've burned your boats...you've burned your boats." And FIL won't share any family news with him...and then they ask if I'm pregnant!


I agree about not rewarding bad behaviour!
So far, my in-laws bite their tongues about immigrants. (I'm an immigrant.) Although they are always dissing Germans (I'm half-German and they act like I'm just a bad sport when I complain).

Wow TCC, I think my head almost exploded when you posted that they called the health center behind your backs. That is just beyond evil. I am so sorry they treat you so poorly. You, Beetroot and Raygold seem so lovely and B&R look like the picture of happy, healthy and well-loved littles, and you definitely deserve better.

I am not sure how to handle this for myself. On the one hand, I tend to use fighting and anger as my primary response, and you know how they say that if you have a hammer the whole world looks like a nail? Well, I am considering that maybe I am overreacting and this isn't something to fight over. If she comes over, it won't likely be often (she can't really get up our stairs) and then my husband and MIL are placated.

On the other hand, everything she has done so far is pissing me off - its definitely not as bad as calling the healthcenter- but I don't see any upside to having her in our lives. She brings too much drama and gossip. And I hate that she talks shiitake about me and B behind our backs, but if she started shittalking Leela, I'd be really upset. Also, if she decides she wants to see Leela more often but its too hard to get up the stairs, I don't want to get bullied (by proxy) into taking her to my MIL's where her big untrained dog runs around and jumps on people. Last time I was at Mil's she promised to put the dog in the garden because at 8 months preg I didn't want to get jumped on but when I got there she decided it wasn't fair to the dog. I should have left but I would have pissed off my husband so I stayed. she also refuses to provide any food I can eat, and my husband takes her side and says that since I am choosing veganism its not up to anyone to have to make concessions but me. So that is another source of friction. Plus I'm an immigrant and liberal and she gets upset and yells if anyone disagrees with her racist comments, and I hate having to listen to them. My husband get pissed at me and asks why I can't just shut up

I really hate the idea of giving in, because if I fold here and we throw our plan (everyone can see her post-12wks) I am sending a message that if she whinges to B it is easier for B to then bully me into doing something I don't want that isn't in the best interest of L, than it is for him to deal with her.

Sorry Tofulish... she sounds like such a difficult person to deal with at the best of times. My instinct would also be not to give in to her nonsense (the phrase I always repeat to myself in these situations is: We don't negotiate with terrorists! which applies nicely to all sorts of unreasonable demanding people) but I have no advice on how to do that without causing drama with your spouse.

The Emperor ended up getting the things that we were planning on for him: the dish set I posted before, some bubble bath, a toy airplane, some stickers, and socks and underwear. His paternal grandparents went a little bit crazy and got him something like 7 little trucks (each one maybe the size of a cube made out of four matchbox cars), a bigger truck, clothes, a toy camera, a stocking full of little odds and ends... I think some other stuff too but I'm forgetting. What's nice about it though is that I know 90% of it came from Goodwill (they're avid Goodwill shoppers) and so it doesn't seem quite so excessive. It does mean we need to clean out the toybox and send some older & less used toys along though.

My dad has apparently mailed a light up noisy truck (what is it with people giving him trucks this year? solipsistnation keeps referring to him as "our son, the transportation mogul" since Christmas) for him that my sister describes as "incredibly annoying"-- he got the same thing for her son who's a few weeks older, who has been loving it. She has not been loving it so much.

One of my friends had a policy that her kids, when they were toddlers and preschoolers, would not have any toys that made electronic noise. She would never buy those toys for her kids, and when the grandparents gave some, she'd let them play with them for a few days, then take the batteries out and tell the kids, "Sorry, I guess the toy is broken!" I'm not sure how long she was able to do that before the kids caught on, though.

Here's how they worked out:

Mrs. Face caved. She found someone on craigslist who was selling the new wishlist item, new, unopened. They arranged a meet and made the deal in a mall parking lot halfway from here to Everett, WA. The former-#1 item Mrs. Face bought will be sold or dealt with later.

GG was thrilled with it.

He was buried under a pile of presents.

I'm not sure how I feel about all this. It escalates. But you're only a kid once.

That sounds very stressful FFace. I don't think solutions are ever clear cut when its your child, and as you often say, we all just do the best we can. Hey, at least GG had a drastic Xmas.*

* just finished listening to The Cosmopolitan Hour :)

Don't give in! You know she is just going to tell everyone you are doing everything wrong anyway! ;p

I had the 'no visitors for 3 months rule' for Beet and then broke it at 6 weeks so we could go to Mr. Crabby's gran's 90th birthday party, where MIL just berated me and criticised me in front of everyone the whole time. I was still really shy about breastfeeding in front of other people and kept leaving the room to feed Beetroot and she kept accusing me of leaving just to cause a scene and to avoid everyone.
And then my mom (who is a whole different can of drama) and dad came to visit at 2 and a half months (because it was the end of summer and they reaaaaly wanted to come before the weather here got shiitake) and I got a lot of criticism from them, too. Both my mom & MIL said I breastfed too much and went on and on and on and on and on and on about it the whole time...because I was pretty much breastfeeding the whole time. ;p

Update is that my husband called his mother and they had a heart to heart and she said she was really hurt that she hadn't seen the baby and that it made her sad because everyone knew we'd had her and asked her about her, and she had to tell them that she hadn't seen her yet (ie it was embarrassing). And of course she went on about how I hate her so that was why she hadn't been invited (ie she has been telling everyone that I am the reason she hasn't seen her grandbaby). Brett repeated that no, we had just been really busy and had wanted to get used to her, so we had created this as sacred space for her, and it wasn't personal, but he understood that she was upset.

So he asked if we could have her over, and I said sure, just please be here. Okay. So at 4 pm, he asked her to come over today and she said yes, but that she wasn't sure what time would work because she had plans etc. but that she would let us know what time worked for her.

So its 7 pm and we are still waiting to hear from her as to whether she wants to come by or not.

And she is too tired, after deciding (after talking to us) to go out to dinner instead of coming over. She plans to be by another day though..

Obvs this isn't about our kid but about some other thing

Sheesh!!! Sounds like the standing-you-up-thing might be a kind of power game. (I'm familiar with those. Ugh.)

So so stupid. I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with her games, tofulish.

I just don't get it, but I am done caring for now. Thanks for hearing me, it was so helpful just to be heard and to know that I am not a jerk, but that this kind of weird response happens to others too.

We get some of this as well, but I try to remind myself it's a 2 way street. If she actually wants to see Leela, she needs to be actively calling, congratulating, offering support, and asking if she can see her. Sorry you are dealing with this!

Thanks! She hasnt called us since she was invited over. My husband thinks she might decide to come by tomorrow because its the weekend, but I guess she will let us know. I find it weird and rude to not be in touch and give us a heads up if she is coming this weekend. The silver lining is that my husband thinks its rude too.

Yes! This was the key for me being able to tolerate our dramas too. As long as my husband isn't acting like it's totally fine and is wanting to bisque behind the scenes about it with me, then I can handle a lot more of the stupidity. Glad you guys are on the same page!

Can it be time to revive this thread yet? :D

I'm at the point of picking out a Christmas present for my 20mo nanny charge and I am so! excited! She doesn't have a huge amount of stuff (I guess her parents are relatively conservative about buying her things...), so while I'm going to try not to peas off her parents with clutter, there's another part of my brain going, "That just means I can give her EVEN MORE stuff! :D".

Anyway, I'm tossing up between books (Where is the Green Sheep, How Do Dinosaurs Say Good Night?, Don't Put Your Finger in the Jelly Nelly, or some Dr Seuss), Duplo, a train set, or maybe something arty...

What I really want to get her is a trampoline, but unfortunately it's a bit out of my price range (and probably inappropriate as a present from the nanny anyway...).

Mr8 buys gifts for Baby Godzilla but I don't, as he celebrates Winter Solstice, Christmas with his Mum, Boxing Day and receives masses of gifts from his grandparents and extended family. He's receiving a new drum kit as he's outgrown the one he has, along with some model kits for making robots, a bird feeder and some other small bits.

I've bought my 4 year old niece a bat kigurumi and a plush vampire bat but have no idea what to buy my 1 year old niece.

Since giles will only be 6 months old we are only getting him one gift (nesting/stacking bowls). I have asked my two sisters (who insist they want to shower us with toys) to give him thier baby toy hand-me downs - although my SIL says she is hand-making him a teddy which I am excited about!

We're looking at puzzles w/knobs for Freya, and a baby doll, as she's been really really interested in them at playgroups lately. Her birthday is coming up soon though, and I suspect a doll might come her way from grandma. For birthday, we're each choosing one "big" present (it's a thing for me, that each parent chooses something special from them). I'm going with a rocking horse, and K is getting a light that shines stars/constellations on the ceiling. Also looking for a dump truck, but having a hard time finding one that isn't cheap plastic crepe.

8ball...some of the things F's really interested in now are lift-the-flap books, bath toys, balls, necklaces/beads, small cars, and anything with lots of pieces/parts that she can put in a bucket/bag/box, etc.

Morgyn--My daughter (16mo) loves the trampolines at My Gym, but it's not the sort of thing I'd want as a gift - it would require close supervision and it's the sort of thing I'd rather pick out myself, for safety reasons. But as a kid I totally always wanted one! I wonder if there would be some other toy to encourage jumping and such at that age but that would be a little safer without someone constantly hovering. Even the one at baby gym has metal parts that terrify me. your mileage may vary but I think you're right not to get one for your charge.

Refinnej, I'm thinking about getting some wooden puzzles for V as well. My mother (preschool teacher of almost 30 years) said to be careful to make sure the knobs can't come off easily and be choking hazards, apparently this is a problem with some brands or types.

I kind of want to get V a toy kitchen but I'm torn because she's still a little on the young side. I am kind of eyeing this one except that a) I don't super love the plastic ones in general, and b) why does the oven door have to have a giant sticker of carcass on it? I'd have to make my own sticker.

http://www.amazon.com/Little-Tikes-Cook-Grow-Kitchen/dp/B008N6INE8/ref=pd_sim_sbs_t_1

This play kitchen is slightly spendy, but really cute (looks good in person - we just got one for the playroom at work). It is Malka approved.

http://www.wayfair.com/KidKraft-White-V ... A5CBC49AF6