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 Post subject: Re: good parenting advice you've received
PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 1:00 pm 
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We So Excited
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From a blog I like--you can only expect your kids to be as good as you are. If you leave stuff all over the living room, so will they, and that's ok.
Which goes with modeling the behavior you want. Which is really hard with teenagers--I get my own adolescent reaction of why should I pick up your shiitake, you're almost grown, this is so anti-feminist and then remember I'm modeling having standards and practicing generosity and I'm not going to turn into a stepford wife by picking up a jacket before it gets stepped on.
Echoing Ariann that heirarchy of needs thing is huge, too. Remembering that if a kid's brain is hijacked by a fear of basic needs being unmet they're not going to be in a great place for higher level stuff, and their behavior can go off the rails. Even tho it kills me to still have to reassure, there will always be enough food here, you do what it takes. That example's specifics of that are with foster/adopted kids, but still applies.
And something I got from foster parent training, parent the need, not the behavior. And parent the kid where they're at, not where they should be.


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 Post subject: Re: good parenting advice you've received
PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 1:41 pm 
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***LIES!!!***
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Friday wrote:
And something I got from foster parent training, parent the need, not the behavior. And parent the kid where they're at, not where they should be.


That's a good one.

I have to reassure MYSELF that there will be enough food sometimes so that I don't completely lose my shiitake (sometimes I lose it anyway), so it seems totally reasonable that a kid would need extra assurance of that.


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 Post subject: Re: good parenting advice you've received
PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 10:11 pm 
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What is best for somebody else might not be best for YOU.

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 Post subject: Re: good parenting advice you've received
PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2012 7:29 am 
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Always cut sandwiches in quarters like an 'X' rather than like a '+', that way the can eat in closer to the crust.

I read that in an interview with someone (I forget who) in response to the question- 'what is the best parenting advice you can offer?'. Good advice I think.


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 Post subject: Re: good parenting advice you've received
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2013 7:24 am 
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Seagull of the PPK
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i am resurrecting this thread to add something from a Zen person I follow. She has a teen, and much of what she talks about is related to teens, but some of it is more general, like today's. Most of what she says is nothing revolutionary but sometimes with the teen drama it's nice to see a mindful perspective instead of a judgmental one (we were in the car a few weeks ago, FC and I, and there was an ad for some program to help you Take Control of Your Out of Control Teen. We looked at each other and guffawed.). Her site has lots of things but a WARNING, i often find myself crying when I read them, although it may just be the perimenopause talking.
Quote:
Karen Maezen Miller's Cheerio Road
8 ways to raise a mindful child
Posted: 03 Sep 2013 06:21 PM PDT
Parents are rightfully concerned about the capacity their children have to pay attention, express empathy, and cope with the stresses that infiltrate their lives. Should we then coerce our children onto meditation cushions? Impose artificial silence, stillness or philosophical indoctrination? Before you do that, take a closer look.

Children are exemplars of the art of being. Wherever they are, they are completely immersed: in mud, in make believe, in laughter, in tears or in spaghetti sauce up to their eyeballs. Without a bit of self-consciousness, they lose themselves in what they are; they literally throw themselves away. This is the kind of losing in which mindfulness is found.

Without making a big deal about it, parents can gently encourage everyday actions that nourish and grow attention, empathy and self-care.

1. Read picture books – Illustrated children’s books have fallen out of favor as parents push children into early reading as a competitive outcome. Mindfulness is perception, and the rich visual content of picture books nourish the capacity to see, explore and relate to what appears in front of us.

2. Listen – When your children speak to you, turn your face toward them, meet their gaze, and listen. Your own non-distracted attention is a wellspring for theirs. We cannot extract from our children what we fail to give.

3. Sing – Encourage singing: at home, at play, in the bath, anywhere. Singing is breathing and breathing is the body’s natural calming mechanism. Hearing your children sing to themselves will release your own deep sense of well-being, and you will smile.

4. Smile – Smiling is a silent song. For heaven’s sake, greet your children with enough presence of mind to smile at them.

5. Brush teeth – The ritual of brushing teeth imparts subtle disciplines. It is rhythmic and therefore soothing; attentive and self-managing; and it stretches our capacity to tend to what we’d rather put off. Then add flossing. You’re developing concentration and fighting cavities in a single stroke.

6. Walk to school – If that’s not feasible, walk the dog. Walk to the store. Walk to the post office. Or just walk around the block. Walking is meditative and mood-altering. Moreover, walking in your neighborhood overcomes the isolation and alienation we can unwittingly breed in our lives. You might meet or make a friend.

7. Handwrite – The mysterious art and skill of writing by hand is being shunted aside by the keyboard. Writing with paper and pencil takes time, practice and mind-body focus. Researchers say it enhances learning, memory and ideation. Our children will all learn how to type, but will they learn how to write? Take time now.

8. Start now – The list of things we want for our children – and expect from them – seems endless. Where will we ever find the time? Until you know what it is to live in the present moment, you will never be able to relax. So relax! It doesn’t take long to be mindful. Devote one hour a day to giving undistracted attention to your small children. Not in activities driven by your agenda, but in free play and casual company according to their terms. Undivided attention is the most concrete expression of love you can give. Amply supplied, your children will return their love to the world through mindfulness.

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 Post subject: Re: good parenting advice you've received
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2013 12:26 pm 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Thanks for sharing! I loved her book Hand Wash Cold, but I didn't realize she had a blog. I agree it's all very basic, but that's the easiest stuff to forget.

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when you realise how perfect everything is, you will tilt you head back and laugh at the sky. -buddha


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 Post subject: Re: good parenting advice you've received
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2013 2:02 pm 
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Semen Strong
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torque wrote:
i often find myself crying when I read them, although it may just be the perimenopause talking.


You're younger than me! Are you really in perimenopause?

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 Post subject: Re: good parenting advice you've received
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2013 2:10 pm 
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Saggy Butt
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I loved that! I read her book Momma Zen a while ago and thought it was great.


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 Post subject: Re: good parenting advice you've received
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2013 2:38 pm 
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Wrote Dissertation on Vegans, Meat, and the Deserted Island Question
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I'm actually printing that out for my partner, because especially #4 I nag him about quite a bit. It always seems silly but I do feel it's important.


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 Post subject: Re: good parenting advice you've received
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2013 4:33 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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Tofulish wrote:
torque wrote:
i often find myself crying when I read them, although it may just be the perimenopause talking.


You're younger than me! Are you really in perimenopause?

The symptoms say yes, the fact that my mother hit menopause at 60 makes me want to hit the bottle. So, dunno?

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