| Register  | FAQ  | Search | Login 
It is currently Thu Sep 29, 2016 10:27 pm

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 139 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 9:31 pm 
Offline
Semen Strong
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 22047
Location: Cliffbar NJ
Sending you a lot of good thoughts. I hope this brings you some peace and that as you say, you now know where you stand and can move on with no expectations.

As someone whose parents went through an incredibly rough divorce, I do think that the thing that was traumatizing wasn't that our Dad wasn't as much part of our lives as it was that my mother became incredibly bitter about it, and would constantly say nasty things or express her frustration about him to us. I used to feel trapped by all that negativity and forced to defend my Dad and it was just a bad situation. Just my 2 cents - your ex is gone, you can't change him, but you can be the best parent you can be to your kiddos!

_________________
My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

THROW A forking YAM IN THE OVEN ITS forking CHRISTMAS - LisaPunk


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 9:36 pm 
Offline
***LIES!!!***
User avatar

Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 4:10 pm
Posts: 4896
What T'lish said - the hard part for us was our dad not seeing us consistently or being a consistent human being around us, but the really worst part of it was the horrible way he talked about our mother *all the time.* When I got old enough to tell him to stop he started saying similar things about me. So, yeah, we don't talk anymore.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 11:28 pm 
Offline
Mispronounces Daiya
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:03 am
Posts: 1464
Location: Nova Scotia
Oh yeah, I am hyper aware of not doing that. In fact for years before he left I bent over backwards to not say anything negative about him to the kids and to comment on any positive interaction. It was only in the three-month period between when I told him outright he had to leave and when he left that I was occasionally unable to stop myself I was so bitter and angry, and just plain exhausted.

Since he moved out I have not said anything negative about him. I know the boys are smart and know where they stand in their parents' eyes. I am just glad that I am physically, mentally and emotionally capable of taking care of them on my own. On the positive side (of them not seeing him), I was concerned that if the kids spent time with him he might (like Ariann's dad) trash talk me while they were with him, something he occasionally did while we were together. When we lived together, though, I would nip that in the bud right away and make sure the kids heard me do it. If I am not there they have to either defend me themselves, which is not fair to them, or listen to him rant and rave knowing he is talking nonsense. Fun times.

I live by what I told him many times, "You are the grown up, they are the children."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 2:07 pm 
Offline
Bathes in Braggs
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 7:48 pm
Posts: 1374
Hey guys. I'm actually not breathing in a paper bag now, which is a huge step for me. Just thought I should bring this thread to the front page again, because Lard I'm going to need it.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 2:18 pm 
Offline
Mispronounces Daiya
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:03 am
Posts: 1464
Location: Nova Scotia
Well that's good news, flavabean (relatively, anyway). You and your family have more than just the separation/divorce to deal with and that makes the stress exponentially higher.

I have decided to apply for a court order for custody and child support. He is not going to act (as we have seen) so I am going to force the issue. He may completely ignore it, in which case I will likely get sole custody, or he may agree to regular visits and then renege on them, but at least I will have the order filed and he will be paying child support. I will need this to apply for a divorce anyway.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2016 8:48 pm 
Offline
And you never will.
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:41 pm
Posts: 5368
Location: Memphis
So, I guess I'm bumping this thread.

Most of you know what's been going on in my life for the last couple of months, and how messed up this situation is. Anyway, I'm just ready to be out. I've realized that aside from the emotional trauma and the huge amounts of time I've spent at the hospital, things have not been harder not having mr p here. I'm not picking up the slack, because there wasn't any. I still do as much childcare, I still do as much housework (or even less). I can definitely take care of poopieboy on my own, because I already pretty much was. I won't be able to bake from home anymore because of where I'll be living, but I will find a job and figure it out. I supported mr p for years while he got his business going, there's no reason I can't support poopieboy on my own now.

The process of getting divorced and separating our lives is so hard, though. There is a good chance mr p will be discharged as early as a week from now, and I want (no, need) to be OUT before then. So I am sorting through and packing up mine and poopieboy's lives, but most of it will have to go into storage because we're moving in with my brother. My parents built a small house next to theirs for my granny, and when she died my brother moved into it. So now Peter and I will be moving into it with him, but it's TINY and already furnished so there's not a lot of space. poopieboy and I will have to share a bedroom, but we'll survive. I'm just glad I have somewhere to go.

Another difficult thing is that I've been mr p's main source of support (physical, emotional, whatever), and he doesn't seem to get that I just can't. I can't be what he wants me to be, not while trying to rebuild my life without him from the wreckage he's left me with. He doesn't have a lot of close friends, and his family is in England, but I can't take responsibility for him anymore. I have to take care of myself and poopieboy first, and for right now there just isn't anything extra to go around.

_________________
Sometimes I think, it's really my lack of cybernetic implants that keeps me from being truly human. - Mars
I don't need to see your orgasm faces. - Tofulish


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2016 9:37 pm 
Offline
Discovered unobtainium
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:21 pm
Posts: 14980
Location: Dinosaur Stampede
You are so strong and awesome. And in my thoughts.

_________________
"This is the creepiest post ever if you don't know who Molly is." -Fee
"a vegan death match sounds like something where we all end up hugging." -LisaPunk


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2016 10:17 pm 
Offline
BAD PASS
User avatar

Joined: Thu Apr 10, 2014 1:43 pm
Posts: 3116
Location: NW Indiana/Chicago
lavawitch wrote:
You are so strong and awesome. And in my thoughts.


100% yes to that.

You are wonderful and if there's anything in the universe you need, every last goddamn one of us will be all over it, I'm pretty sure.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2016 2:29 am 
Offline
Drinks Wild Tofurkey
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 1:04 am
Posts: 2937
Location: UK
Hollie wrote:
lavawitch wrote:
You are so strong and awesome. And in my thoughts.


100% yes to that.

You are wonderful and if there's anything in the universe you need, every last goddamn one of us will be all over it, I'm pretty sure.

Absolutely.

_________________
Everyone turns into Boo Radley, if they live long enough ~ seitanicverses
There are as many ways to live as there are humans in the world ~ SchwaGrrrl


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2016 3:53 am 
Offline
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:21 pm
Posts: 1913
Location: Hamburg, Germany
Thirded.

PB, you are amazing and strong. You have basically been having several full-time occupations in parallel for all these years. If anyone can rock this, it's you.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2016 5:43 am 
Offline
Seagull of the PPK
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:46 pm
Posts: 10097
Location: Bananaland
PB, when you say it like that it is so true- you have been doing everything for so long now. Living in a small place, well, you'll get used to it before you know it. I am so glad you have someplace to go to immediately and don't have to bother with deposits or finding an apartment. As for the job thing, you'll find something. At least you don't have to worry about making rent.
And you are still such a kind-hearted person for worrying about R not having anyone for support. Much better than he deserves.

Big hugs, and if you need a resume proofread or anything else give me a holler.

_________________
Buddha says 'Meh'.--matwinser
James Joyce doesn’t give a twopenny damn, but Marie Kondo does. Oh, bother. --J O'Donogue, JT


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2016 9:39 am 
Offline
Flat Chesty McNoBoobs
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 11:41 am
Posts: 9202
Location: Portland
PB, I'm so happy for you that you're able to see all of the positive things about your situation so quickly. It must be a huge weight off your shoulders to realize that you're not really losing any meaningful amount of help from your partner.

Stand firm in telling R that you are not going to be helping him through his rehabilitation. You've got plenty on your plate, and he's a grown man who will have to figure out his situation on his own.

Like Hollie said, if there's anything you need, let us know. <3

_________________
These shitbirds should pay for their own elections if they aren't going to be obligated by any democratic pretense. - Mumbles
Don't you know that vegan meat is the gateway drug to chicken addiction? Because GMO and trans-fats. - kaerlighed


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2016 11:10 am 
Offline
Sick of Cupcakes
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2012 2:55 pm
Posts: 6709
Location: The land of maple syrup and beavers.
<3 PB

_________________
Well! Fruit is stupid! These onions taste nothing like fruit! - allularpunk
Dwarf-tossing for God: A Story of Hope - Invictus
I got your blood sausage right here, baby. - Desdemona


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2016 12:20 pm 
Offline
Should Spend More Time Helping the Animals
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 26, 2010 4:49 pm
Posts: 6151
Location: Toronto, ON
PB I've been thinking about you and Poopie Boy. Wishing you the best. <3

_________________
I like my bagels like I like my men - big and covered with earth balance & nooch. - Bunniee

http://veganforthewin.wordpress.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2016 1:47 pm 
Offline
Dislikes Rick Santorum
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:51 am
Posts: 8073
Location: United States of New England
wishing you lots of luck pb!!

you can do this! so glad you have a place to go right now so you dont have to worry about housing and rent and all that crapola.

and i agree with jp to stand strong and tell R that you dont owe him anything and you dont need to help him with ANYTHING.
you dont owe him diddly squat monetarily, emotionally, or ANYTHING. right now all you have to do is take care of poopieboy and YOURSELF

_________________
Unimpressed Baby Blog


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2016 2:06 pm 
Offline
Drinks Wild Tofurkey
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:43 pm
Posts: 2938
I second everything that has been said. Your only priorities right now are you and PB. And I'm also so glad that you have family to stay with. You really are amazingly strong to be going through all of this and to be able to get so much done and be clear-headed.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2016 6:53 am 
Offline
The Real Hamburger Helper
User avatar

Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 9:57 am
Posts: 2293
Location: Scotland
Poopiebitch, that totally sucks and I know things have been hard for you lately, but you're right: life won't be much harder for you with just Poopieboy at all! Probably easier.

(My husband mostly stopped working from home and went back to school and I started doing a teeny tiny bit of work from home and it is easier when my husband is not home. Fewer dishes, an extra room to hang out in, less cooking (my husband eats almost as much as the other 4 of us put together), etc. He had most of December and January off and I am so happy school is starting up again next week.)

_________________
http://reallycrabbycrafter.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheTartanVicar


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2016 7:15 am 
Offline
And you never will.
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:41 pm
Posts: 5368
Location: Memphis
Thank you so much, everyone. Gah, what would I do without the PPK?

I pretty much broke down last night from a combination of exhaustion, being sick, starting my period, having SO MUCH to do in a very short period of time, and... well, feelings. All of this kind support and pep talking has got me straightened out today though, and I'm determined to get a lot of packing done today (because I pretty much have to). <3

_________________
Sometimes I think, it's really my lack of cybernetic implants that keeps me from being truly human. - Mars
I don't need to see your orgasm faces. - Tofulish


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2016 7:31 am 
Offline
The Real Hamburger Helper
User avatar

Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 9:57 am
Posts: 2293
Location: Scotland
Poopiebitch, we can be period pals! Good luck packing today -- packing sucks, but I hope you make lots of progress!

_________________
http://reallycrabbycrafter.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheTartanVicar


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2016 8:32 am 
Offline
Mispronounces Daiya
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:03 am
Posts: 1464
Location: Nova Scotia
I'm so glad to hear you have a plan and a place. You might break down again but you'll get up again every time because you have all the feelings but lots of strength.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2016 9:20 am 
Offline
Invented Vegan Meringue
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 12:16 pm
Posts: 3986
Location: Panama City, Florida
Thinking about you poopie!!

_________________
etsy shop: teeny tiny tantrums


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 10, 2016 12:04 pm 
Offline
WRETCHED
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:54 pm
Posts: 11772
Location: Maryland/DC area
You got this poopie <3

_________________
You are all a disgrace to vegans. Go f*ck yourselves, especially linanil.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 6:49 pm 
Offline
And you never will.
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:41 pm
Posts: 5368
Location: Memphis
Hey guys. I managed to move on Wednesday (with a lot of help), the same day R was discharged from the hospital. I've spent the last four days being incredibly sick and unpacking as best I can. Moving into a tiny furnished house, 18 miles from the nearest town, with my slovenly brother has been... challenging. I've definitely had moments when I questioned whether I was making the right decision, but I know I couldn't stay and this was the best option.

I've hired an attorney and have started the paperwork to file for divorce. R has agreed not to fight me, and to split the attorney and court fees. We didn't really have much stuff, and what we did have I already split up. We don't have any debt, either. So we just have to work out a parenting plan that we can agree on, and that's it. Once we file we have to wait 90 days before it can be finalized, and then it will be over.

Meanwhile, I'm just trying to finish unpacking and get settled in, and hopefully get over this sickness has taken over my body. Then I'll figure out where I go from here.

_________________
Sometimes I think, it's really my lack of cybernetic implants that keeps me from being truly human. - Mars
I don't need to see your orgasm faces. - Tofulish


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 7:16 pm 
Offline
Vegan Since Before There Were Vegetables
User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 05, 2010 8:43 pm
Posts: 12700
Location: Redmond, WA
Thanks so much for posting, PB! I've been thinking about you. I'm glad you got all moved, but I'm sorry it's been so stressful and I'm sorry you're sick. That sounds really tough! You're doing a great job! I hope you're able to get some rest soon.

_________________
I am not a troll. I am TELLING YOU THE ******GOD'S TRUTH****** AND YOU JUST DON'T WANT THE HEAR IT DO YOU?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 7:56 pm 
Offline
Should Spend More Time Helping the Animals
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 26, 2010 4:49 pm
Posts: 6151
Location: Toronto, ON
I'm sorry you are sick! I'm glad to hear your update though...you're such a strong woman!

_________________
I like my bagels like I like my men - big and covered with earth balance & nooch. - Bunniee

http://veganforthewin.wordpress.com


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 139 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Template made by DEVPPL/ThatBigForum and fancied up by What Cheer