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 Post subject: Unplanned Pregnancy - Freaking out!
PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:29 pm 
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Wears Pleather Undies
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Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2014 11:17 am
Posts: 23
Location: Indianapolis, IN
So, I never planned on having kids. I've been married for 6 years almost, and we never used protection. I hate birth control and condoms are icky... so we just tried to be careful. But this time we weren't. And now I'm pregnant.

My issue is, I fear having a vegan child. My husband and I have been vegan a very long time and we both are really comfortable with it. But I never wanted to have a kid feel like the "weird vegan kid". I don't want them to feel left out at parties or made fun of for being different. I had a really hard time growing up even as a relatively normal kid. Other kids will FIND reasons to make you feel bad... I can't imagine what they do with kids that have easy targets on their backs!

How do you moms and dads with vegan kids cope with that? How do you make them feel comfortable and proud of who they are?

Also, if anyone from Indianapolis is out there and has an awesome, nonjudgmental doctor by chance... that'd be great! :)

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 Post subject: Re: Unplanned Pregnancy - Freaking out!
PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 3:41 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:46 pm
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Location: Brasil
Congratulations!
Don't fear the vegan child! You have so many other things to worry about! j/k. but really, if you are both vegan, your kid has a place of security that's so much greater than many people who become vegan (if that makes any sense- i think of being a veg as a young teen and having even my family not be supportive).
Kids can be cruel. It can be veganism, or color, or hair, or parent job, or nothing at all, but things happen. Even so, your peanut will be okay. You will do fine. Kids learn what they live, as they say- if you give them comfort and love and support and pride, they will feel it and rely on you even when things get tough.
This community has a lot to share. Take a deep breath and start counting your protein sources. You will do just fine.

{I planned to have a kid and even so, when it actually happened, I was terrified for about half of the pregnancy. What the hell was I getting into? How was I going to take care of a little helpless barf machine when I could barely get up in the morning as it was? How was I going to protect the babbeh from my horrible family? Why would I bring a child into this horrible world? I think it's normal to feel this way. My kid is 14 now and still sometimes I wonder what the hell I am doing. But it ain't just shock and horror, it's a lot of fun too. Hang in there, and don't be afraid to ask for support here.}

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 Post subject: Re: Unplanned Pregnancy - Freaking out!
PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 6:40 pm 
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Not NOT A Furry

Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2012 1:00 am
Posts: 491
Congratulations!!!

I second everything torque said.

My kids are still pretty little, but so far it hasn't been an issue. No one makes fun of them. I try to make things as easy as possible with school, and I just let the teachers know what my kids can't eat, including spelling out specifics like gummy worms and jello, and the things like that that most people don't think about. I also send in alternatives for my kids so they don't feel left out.

I also just talk to my kids a lot, check in with them, and see how they are feeling about all of it. yesterday my son's school had an end of year party with pizza, chicken nuggets, fruit, veggies, and cake. I signed up to bring the cake so that would be vegan. Then I talked to my son in advance about the fact that there would be pizza, but not a kind he could eat. I said that we would make up for it by having make your own pizza night for dinner that night. My son was perfectly happy to eat the fruit, veggies, and cake and none of the other kids cared what he was or was not eating. Had I not talked to him in advance, and in the moment just said he couldn't have it, there would have been a meltdown. But by having a good dialogue and prepping him, things were easy. He is 4, by the way.


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 Post subject: Re: Unplanned Pregnancy - Freaking out!
PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 8:10 pm 
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Wears Pleather Undies
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Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2014 11:17 am
Posts: 23
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Thank you so much to both of you! I'm freaking out but very excited for this new chapter. I just want to make sure I do things right!!

How do you talk to your kids about veganism? The realities of factory farming are terrifying and sad... I would never want to frighten a child. I know I'm probably thinking way too far ahead at this point, but it's scary!!

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 Post subject: Re: Unplanned Pregnancy - Freaking out!
PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 9:25 pm 
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Not NOT A Furry

Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2012 1:00 am
Posts: 491
My kids are 4 and 6, and my 6 year old has language delays. I absolutely do NOT talk to them about factory farming. My son, especially, is the most sensitive little dude I have ever met, and it would absolutely break his heart into a million pieces. He can learn those harsh realities when he is older.

My husband is omni, as are most of our extended family, as is most of the world. So I make sure I talk to my kids about it in a way that is very respectful of other people. "We choose not to kill animals for food because there are plenty of other delicious thing we can eat instead. Other people make different choices. For most of human history, people have eaten animals, but we live in a time when we don't have to anymore. Many people still do because that is what they are used to, but we have made a different choice."

I also ask my kids if they want to eat meat. So far, they always say no. If they want to explore that option, then I will give more information about farming conditions and things like that because you cannot make an informed choice without information. For now, though, my son won't even let his toy t-rex eat the other toy dinosaurs.


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 Post subject: Re: Unplanned Pregnancy - Freaking out!
PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 9:31 pm 
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Invented Vegan Meringue
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Location: Panama City, Florida
Hi there! Congrats! I have a 5 1/2 year old (vegan all his life) and a 15 year old (vegan since he was 4). Vegan kids absolutely don't have to be the weird kids. Mine are both really normal, happy kids with loads of friends. I teach a little at a time, age appropriately, just a little info at a time goes a long way with kids. I also am really big on teaching the kids that we are making good, compassionate choices with our lifestyle and we should feel very proud about it. I don't stress about it, so I hope that carries over to them. I'm sure you'll fall into your own path and it will seem easier than you expect it to be!

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 Post subject: Re: Unplanned Pregnancy - Freaking out!
PostPosted: Sat Jun 28, 2014 2:49 am 
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Nooch of Earl
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Location: Bella Napoli
Congratulations on your pregnancy! It sounds like you've decided to keep the baby at this point, but if you're unsure how to proceed, there are people here who've had a range of life experiences and it's usually pretty nonjudgmental. Just throwing that out there. My daughters were both planned, but we had kids after a similar amount of time being married, most of which I thought we'd never have kids until I found myself actually wanting them in my 30s.

Honestly, I'd say that for the first few years, veganism is pretty low on the list of worries for raising a kid. My daughter is nearly 3 and doesn't really understand yet that other people eat differently than she does. But bullies will find a reason if they want to make a kid feel shitty; I'm not sure being veg or not will make a difference. I'd encourage you to look for a meetup with vegan parents and babies or just start one yourself!

In terms of talking about animal issues, we have a few books we like to read.. And some of the families here take their kids to farm sanctuaries. I don't think there's much like that near me. I'm sure the issue will start to come up more soon, but I just wanted to reassure you that you probably have a few years to figure out the best approach for your kid.


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