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 Post subject: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2013 9:30 pm 
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Bathes in Braggs
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is excruciating. 0-3 was so easy compared to this. and i feel like it must only get harder.

what i mean is, babies and toddlers just kind of "are." like, they basically get a pass for whatever behavior they toss out there. and quirky or strange or unpleasant behaviors are always just a phase that they'll probably grow out of. and then suddenly they aren't really babies any more and their real permanent selves start poking through.

i dunno, i was just watching tzipi play at the park this afternoon and i saw her being really bossy and obnoxious at one point, and then really vulnerable and sensitive the next, and i worried so much that maybe people won't like her or will think she's weird. maybe she's going to be an annoying person with no friends. maybe people are going to make fun of her.

it was a very raw and bittersweet moment. she was all bedraggled and goofy looking and i just loved her so much but was so worried at the same time.

ugh. this parenting thing is hard.


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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2013 9:42 pm 
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Drinks Wild Tofurkey
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Man, I already feel this way. Grey is really amazing at sharing and he is very gentle and when I see other kids not being nice, it kills me. I wonder who he will be and I always worry how others will treat him.


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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2013 9:46 pm 
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Semen Strong
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I hear you! L wants to hug everyone and I have to explain that not everyone wants to be hugged, and I have this moment where I worry about her growing up to be the girl who wants to hug all the cats.

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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2013 9:53 pm 
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Drinks Wild Tofurkey
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Ha! Grey loves to hug all the trees. He nearly learned the hard way about cactus. Now he calls them, "ow"!


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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2013 9:58 pm 
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Semen Strong
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Awww! Grey is the cutest! I love that he is so gentle and good at sharing. The more I watch other children (a bit older than L) have melt-downs refusing to share stuff, the more I hope we dodge that drama. Did you do anything special to encourage it?

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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2013 10:07 pm 
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Drinks Wild Tofurkey
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I worry that we will still go through it as he isn't even two yet, but so far, so good! I honestly think the biggest contributor is that when we lived in California we spent most of our play time at one of two parks, the parks have toys that live at the park. Kids never bring their own toys, they all just use the ones that live at the park, so I think most of the kids didn't feel ownership of the toys and weren't as apt to not sharing. It's been interesting going to parks here and really seeing kids not share at all, or be really mean about it. If we find a park we love and go to all the time I will probably buy toys to keep there and hope to encourage other kids to just use the park toys. Honestly, I don't know why envy park doesn't have that. Of course, you risk more germs, but it seems worth it.

The only other thing I can say is that at home we all share most everything, the only thing grey can't have is coffee or beer, envy thing else he can share from my plate and we don't withhold anything from him. Even dangerous things we let him explore, with supervision, but I think it makes him a little more prone to sharing overall.


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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2013 10:21 pm 
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Semen Strong
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I love the idea of park toys! The playground at Union Square has them, but some kid was still hoarding them from Leela hahaha! We were at a playdate with a little girl who freaked out if anyone went near her toys, and her getting upset ended up freaking out some of the other kids and it was just not a fun experience. I am definitely a big fan of the "if it comes to the park, you have to be willing to share it" approach. But I am really just hoping L doesn't go through it.

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But on a cold winter night, when the wind whispers through the trees and a bright, white moon hangs heavy in the air, you might hear a sad cry like someone thinking he knows what's best for you, and that'll be the white man a-passin' you by. just mumbles


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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 6:50 am 
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My baby isn't even that age yet and I already routinely worry. I was thinking the other day about how some mean girl is probably going to break my poor baby's heart when it comes to dating and I admit I welled up a little bit. Poor wee man!


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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 7:15 am 
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I was so worried when Silas was smaller because he was so in his own little world, then he became the most social kid ever. It's interesting to see how things that you've taught them for years just all fall into place sometimes. He had a small stage where he was afraid to share after a mean kid stole his car at a playground, but he got over it and is kind of an over sharer.

It gets even weirder when your kid is a teenager, and you see them basically grown up.

Also, park toys! That is such a lovely, convenient idea! But I must live in the pit of hell (MAYBE.) because I'm 100% positive that every single park toy would be stolen immediately. Or broken just for fun. I only go to nice playgrounds, but no matter what, the unsupervised kids are always wreaking havoc.

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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 7:21 am 
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Seagull of the PPK
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It is so true!! it is hard, but it is really awesome too.

Last night I was cleaning up my hard drive [i don't know what might happen while i'm gone so i'm backup up and cleaning up everything] and we looked at the last 7 years of photos and videos. We laughed til we cried. She's changed so much but she also stays exactly the same. As for heartbreak, we prepare them the best we can. There will be change and there will be pain. We try to equip them and sometimes it does hurt.

I can't resist sharing her transformation.

2006 Image
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2008 Image
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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 7:38 am 
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Semen Strong
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Awwwwww! I love FC! Can't wait to see her back in NJ!

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But on a cold winter night, when the wind whispers through the trees and a bright, white moon hangs heavy in the air, you might hear a sad cry like someone thinking he knows what's best for you, and that'll be the white man a-passin' you by. just mumbles


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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 10:31 am 
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Torque, she is gorgeous.
(but can I say that I'm a little scared of the teenage years to come :nervous: )

Playground toys! What a brilliant idea! There is one park that I used to go to with my nanny girls and we would take her giant sized bag of sand toys for the sandpit and just share them with everyone. I'm sure at the park near our house, the stuff would be gone in like 5 minutes but there are some other places where it might work.


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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 11:43 am 
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torque, she seems like such a lovely person, albeit a hellraiser in a good way from what I've read. Thanks for sharing!

I wish I could get some of those cuddly toddler hugs from L! Her giving me big squeezes when I met her was such a highlight of my trip to NYC!

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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 11:44 am 
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littlebird wrote:

i dunno, i was just watching tzipi play at the park this afternoon and i saw her being really bossy and obnoxious at one point, and then really vulnerable and sensitive the next, and i worried so much that maybe people won't like her or will think she's weird. maybe she's going to be an annoying person with no friends. maybe people are going to make fun of her.

it was a very raw and bittersweet moment. she was all bedraggled and goofy looking and i just loved her so much but was so worried at the same time.

ugh. this parenting thing is hard.


Reno starting Kindergarten was really hard for me. All my school anxieties came back and I wondered the same as you. Is she going to be the annoying friends, have no friends, be a mean girl. Ugh it was miserable and I still worry about it. She is well liked in the school and the kids in her class are happy to see her but still she's had kids make comments about her bringing hummus to school, wearing a spiderman shirt with a skirt, having a hair clip in her hair the wrong way. One day she plays with a ton of kids at recess and the next day she says no one wanted to play with her. Its the worst having to listen to these stories on the way home from school.

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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 11:59 am 
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JENNA wrote:

Reno starting Kindergarten was really hard for me. All my school anxieties came back and I wondered the same as you. Is she going to be the annoying friends, have no friends, be a mean girl. Ugh it was miserable and I still worry about it. She is well liked in the school and the kids in her class are happy to see her but still she's had kids make comments about her bringing hummus to school, wearing a spiderman shirt with a skirt, having a hair clip in her hair the wrong way. One day she plays with a ton of kids at recess and the next day she says no one wanted to play with her. Its the worst having to listen to these stories on the way home from school.


I almost could have written the exact same thing about my daughter, who is about to become a kinder graduate. It's weird, because I know that she can be super bossy and dramatic, so I don't even know when to take her seriously...like she says she only has one friend. Well, maybe two. Or three. Then I go to some school function and she's running to meet all these other kids with mutual hugs or talking to tons of kids from AIG or the bus. I think a part of it is that at this age they feel every single rejection and snub and take them seriously and as more meaningful as they really are.

It is so weird to talk to her or just hang out and realize that she's her own person with her own little life now.


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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 12:07 pm 
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torque wrote:
She's changed so much but she also stays exactly the same.


This is exactly it <3

FC is so smiley and happy looking!

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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 1:35 pm 
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Semen Strong
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annasrobbie wrote:
I was thinking the other day about how some mean girl is probably going to break my poor baby's heart when it comes to dating and I admit I welled up a little bit. Poor wee man!


M.I.L. in training! :)

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But on a cold winter night, when the wind whispers through the trees and a bright, white moon hangs heavy in the air, you might hear a sad cry like someone thinking he knows what's best for you, and that'll be the white man a-passin' you by. just mumbles


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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2013 3:07 pm 
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Bathes in Braggs
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the catalyst was that we were at the park and she was yelling at me to do all this stuff and i was trying to juggle the baby, and all these other kids her age were there and playing nicely together but she kind of just scowled at them and tried to boss me around loudly and annoyingly. then she was following a little girl around and just *staring* at her while the she climbed the equipment. the little girl was obviously so weirded out by it and i felt bad for tzipi.

so i was like, "omg, my kid is the weird anti-social screaming one who won't have any friends!"

and then, again, for reasons unknown, her and this little boy became bff's and were playing so well together, running around and talking to each other, and then the little boy fell and she followed him over to his dad and tried to explain what happened, and then when we had to leave, ran over and gave him a big hug and said goodbye really nicely. which was of course super sweet, but again, kind of up in people's personal space and just this really vulnerable moment that made me realize how much it's going to hurt when she gets hurt by other people.


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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 5:25 am 
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I've been worrying about this all along so you're lucky if it is only recent!

Also, from your posts it seems to me you seem like a pretty friendly, well liked person with a decent social life. So at least your daughter has a good role model.


I especially worry because I am an introvert and have always had problems with people hating me since literally 1st grade (they used to call me "glad bags" and no one would sit with me on the bus). I still have very few friends and it is a constant thorn in my side.

My husband is even more of a super introvert. So every little thing worries me about Kai's future social life. For example, my most recent freakout involved hearing about how another kid his age was asking so many questions all the time, talking to strangers, etc. Then I read all this stuff on the internet about how your kids may be driving you crazy with questions at this age. I freaked out because Kai isn't like that at all. He asks the occasional question but definitely not a lot, in fact I wish he would talk to me more.

I just try to console myself, every kid is different, I made it this far and despite everything am relatively happy, so all i can do is try to be a good parent and hope for the best.

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 Post subject: Re: watching your kids become people...
PostPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 6:06 am 
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aubade, every kid IS different and i wouldn't despair yet.
i think maybe as an introvert i used to think the same way about introvertism as i do about my family's mental health history- like something that i desperately hope the kid's not going to "get" from me. But as she got older, and i put aside the general dickishness of people [i also had a hard time as a kid and i feel so sad to hear your story because i remember how horrible kids were/are], which frankly is not your fault at all, it's their fault, being an introvert can be a pretty cool thing too. I enjoy seeing my kid being introspective and happy to sit and read, or formulate her thoughts in peace. I am glad that we share this.
it's funny because outsiders see her as very mature and gregarious, even with strangers (and she's been like that since she was a kid due our circumstances with a parade of professionals involved in our family health care), yet she considers herself to have almost paralyzing social anxiety-- of course, though, this depends on the situation and the support I give her too. We went to a PPK lunch a few years ago and instead of her saying she didn't want to meet new people she picked up on my happiness and i don't think anyone would have called her "shy" (but to be honest, esme's wearing a skirt with owls on it was probably the deal-maker). Two weeks ago we were in a restaurant and she spilled her soda and would not could not go ask the kid behind the counter for some paper towels. go figure.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that when you share the fact that you can be an introvert AND A HAPPY ONE, you sound like a pretty awesome role model.

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