Post Punk Kitchen Forum

There is a major biter at Guineapiglet's school. All this kids teeth came in by the time she was 10 months old and she's been a biter every since. She has biten every child in the class and drawn blood and bruised every single child in the class with her bites. Guineapiglet has had 4 major bites from this child two drawing blood (1 which left a scar that she still has on her back) the other 2 causing serious bruising. The latest bite happened today and needless to say I am livid. The biters mom is mortified but tries to make lite of it by making her kid pacman for halloween and leaving us sweet notes of apology but it's getting to the point where my patience has worn thin with the situation, even if they are just toddlers.

My question is what should I or can I do about this? The teacher ratio in the class is really great with 1 teacher to every 3 kids. I've seen them try to redirect her and redirection worked for a month or so then she went back to biting (they taught her to hug instead of biting when she got close to other kids but the other kids were really scared of her coming close so it didn't work for long). The kid (like most toddlers) is super quick, she's bitten multiple kids (including mine) in front of me so it's hard to always catch her. For example she bite my daughter's foot while I was holding her - didn't see that one coming, and at snack time she reached over and started chewing on a little boy's snacks and the suddenly she was chewing on his hand. I want to have a conference with the teachers to discuss this but I don't exactly know what to say. I know they are vigilant and doing all they can but this really cannot continue.

This really should be something they need to deal with - the kid should probably be asked to leave the school. I know that sounds harsh, but I'm pretty sure that's what my mom's school did when nobody could get a kid's biting under control. I'll ask her when I talk to her, though.

The best run preschools where I did library outreach would expel biters who could not be stopped. If they won't do that, I would move my kid.

Get the kid a chewy! (e.g. http://www.nationalautismresources.com/oral-motor.html)
It might be that she is really seeking oral sensory input.
Wine tubing works great too (much cheaper but still food grade).

She has one. She actually still wears it clipped to her outfits like a pacifier. We all thought it was a sensory thing when the biting started 8 months ago since she got so many teeth at once. But since then it's clear that the biting has a cause and effect pattern. The last 3 incident reports were my daughter being bitten because they were going for the same toy or guineapiglet was in the other child's way. She clearly bites to get what she wants.

I'm going to request a meeting with the lead teacher and the school director tomorrow and request this. It really doesn't seem harsh to me. This has been going on for 8 months. As I talk through it more with my parents (my moms is an educator), other educators, and now you guys it's becoming clear that is what needs to be done. I feel awful because the mom is so sweet and she's the class-mom and tries so hard but as I was giving my little girl a bath tonight I washed her scar from this kid and her freshly bruised arm with the bright red imprint of a full set of top and bottom teeth and it all just hit me that there really isn't another solution besides this kid leaving the school.

I agree. Parents should complain beyond the teachers to the school administration at this point.

Also: you might already know this, but if she has wounds from this kid (henceforth: Biteleigh) right now, take pictures. Document, document, document. Keep a log of what injuries are sustained and dates from Biteleigh, and bring a copy to meetings. If your preschool is any good they probably keep their own log of injury reports.

Yes, if the biting is aggression and not some sensory need, the school administration needs to get involved. Redirection is great, but it clearly doesn't work in all situations and I think more "aggressive" action needs to be done.

OMG, if my kid was a chronic biter, I would not only take him out of school, but get a Hannibal Lecter mask or something. No, seriously, I know muzzles for toddlers don't exist, but I would pull my kid out of the school.

That sounds so, so horrible, gp. Raygold bit Beetroot a few times and the bitemarks on him made me so sad.

The 3 daycare facilities we were really interested in all had biting policies that stated after a certain number of "significant" bites (ie breaking the skin) the biter would be expelled. Really it is for the safety and well being for the rest of the kids. Human bites can give nasty infections!

How horrible, GP. I'm all for letting toddlers be toddlers and being understanding when bad things happen, but the kid has repeatedly drawn blood with the biting? That has totally crossed a line. I hope the school asks the kid to leave, and if not, I'd look into other preschools.

This. No way would I leave my child in a situation where they are being continuously bit.

i agree. it's hard on the parents, perhaps, but this needs to be corrected ASAP. it's a health hazard. If it were a dog that was constantly biting people someone would have demanded "justice" by now, I'm sure.

Today's Update.

I emailed the schools' director last night and requested a meeting to discuss their biting policy. The school has a reporting system they use for incidents and reports are automatically generated and emailed to parents of both kids involved and put in each kids electronic file. She reviewed the file and wrote up a report about the incidents and also sent me the school's biting policy. In her email she assured me that, although she could not promise my child would not be bitten again, that she felt my child was in a safe environment with this other child. I was not happy with either response. I love this hippie, vegan-friendly, cloth-diapering preschool but when it comes to my kids safety I'm not compromising. (Can you tell I've become more and more livid since my original post?) So this was my response to her email. I've taken out names and whatnot but you get the gist:

"Hello,

I appreciate your quick response to this matter and the supporting documents you provided. However, Guineapiglet's father and I feel strongly that this issue warrants a face to face meeting and a more detailed plan of action. We do not believe that our child is in an environment in which she is safe as long as the child who is biting is in the same classroom as her, and we stand firmly by this. Guineapiglet has come home with a bite so hard that it broke the skin, through clothing, leaving a pea size wound that she still has a scar from and now she has a large bruise on her forearm/wrist in the shape of a child's mouth. Additionally, outside of the four reported incidents I have seen the offending child bite my child on at least 3 different occasions during drop off. Today alone the child had to be stopped on 3 occasions from biting other children during my brief 3-5 minute drop off. I understand that children, especially at this age, hit, bite, push, pull-hair, and a long-list of other undesirable behaviors. However, when these behaviors result in a child coming home with broken skin and bruises on multiple occasions it is a red flag that further action needs to be taken.

I will be present at the Mother's Day breakfast tomorrow and will expect to speak to you afterwards in regards to this matter."

That response is bullshiitake. Your daughter is not in a safe environment if she is coming home with bites and bruises on her. If the biter had to be stopped 3 times from biting other kids just at drop off then something is terribly wrong. If she bites someone she should be taken out of class and her parents/guardian should be called to come pick her up immediately.

You need to get other parents involved in this and you all need to meet with the school's director at the same time. I find one parent upset about something doesn't always make things change but if you get a few other parents on board I think you will have better luck with this being resolved the best way possible, which unfortunately should be this child permanently leaving the school.

Take pictures of all your child's wounds and bite marks from this kid and encourage other parents to do the same.

Yes, I'm with JENNA, I don't see how someone can say that your child is in a safe environment if they are coming home with bruises and bite marks for 8 months. And you posted that the other children are apprehensive and scared around her, because they know she bites. And yes, yes, yes to documenting and getting the other parents on board. I would be concerned first that GPiglet is being bitten and second that she is learning that its okay to use violence/bite other children to get what she wants.

I don't really see the mom being mortified, giving cutesy apologies or dressing the kid as Pacman as being effective ways to address the issue - more ways to deflect. And the school should be working on a behavioral plan for her, rather than just blowing you off. Leela will occasionally claw another kid in the face when she is tired, and it is awful. My response is to grab her, correct her and if the behavior continues, then I remove her and we go home. There is no way I'd let that go on uncorrected, because its rotten for the other kid and it would be irresponsible of me. It sounds like the school is assuming that the child will outgrow the behavior, which she well may, but its pretty unfair that Guineapiglet and the other kids have to suffer for the next few months until she does.

I hope you get answers, and kudos on being such a great advocate for your child.

What an absurd response. Is this a home-based provider? I ask because in a large, more institutional setting like where my mom worked, I think the school would have been too scared of a lawsuit or crackdown from the state to do anything but expel Biteleigh after a much shorter time.

I agree that you might have better luck if a number of parents express concerns. But it sounds like they are, in general, not very concerned about Guineapiglet's safety. Hippie, vegan-friendly, cloth diapering is great, but not if they come with puncture wounds. I would start shopping around, in your shoes.

What's the biting policy?

I agree with getting other parents to get involved as well.

Is your school licensed? If so, what are the licensing requirements re child safety?

Thanks everyone! When I picked up Guineapiglet today from school I ran into another parent who immediately asked me "Is your child being bitten?" which launched into a 30 minute discussion of what is happening at the school. This parent has talked to 2 other parents and we have now formed a united front against this biting issue. The other mother was appalled because she has 2 other children at the school one of which got in major trouble for chest-bumping another child and it was a huge deal, parents were called in, there was a big plan of action made for the kid, the whole nine and it was all done on the spot, immediately. Within 24 hours of the incident happening the action had been corrected, penalized, and a parent conference had taken place. With this situation it just seems to be dragging on and on. We believe because of the age of the child who is biting they are not treating it as seriously as they would if the child were say 2,3 or 4 years old. However, it is clear that the child is using biting as a way of getting what she wants from other kids. I have to say it has taken so long for so many of us parents to complain because, like the staff, the first couple of times it happened we thought "she'll grow out of it" but that isn't happening and it's getting worse.

It is a fully NAEYC accredited, licensed, Pre-school through Kindergarten program accredited by the state of GA. They have a county inclusion specialist who works with the school and she will be sitting in on the meeting tomorrow as well. I have a feeling this inclusion specialist is behind this child staying as long as she has with all the mounting complaints and evidence against her.

Here is an excerpt of the policy they sent me today, I replaced the school name with "XXX":
"XXX staff use positive guidance techniques when working with children. Some behaviors, such as biting, tantrums, sharing issues, or physical aggression, are typical developmental issues that we see in a Preschool environment.
In the event behavior challenges arise, the protocol will be as follows:
1. The parents will be contacted with detailed information.
2. Faculty and/or the Director and parents will meet together to share information, strategize an action plan to support the child, and set a time for a follow-up meeting.
3. During the follow-up meeting, faculty and/or the Director and parents will reflect and reassess the action plan and determine what, if any, future measures shall be taken to support the child. At that time, XXX may suggest collaborating with an outside early childhood consultant. Parents may be required to pay for these services.
4. If all XXX and family interventions have been unsuccessful, we may determine that we are unable to meet the needs of the child. In that rare instance, we may ask the family to find an alternate school for the child.

In the event the child is exhibiting behavior that poses a danger to other students or staff, the Director will require that the child be picked up from school immediately that day."


I think one of the things that makes this situation even worse is because I chose this school specifically because they made a huge point of putting the needs of the child first. They have been absolutely perfect in every way and Guineapiglet is thriving at the school and frankly I'm pissed off that I would be the one who has to move my child from the school she has been at since she was 6 weeks old, the only caregiver other than myself that she has had since she was a small baby and an environment full of teachers and staff that she loves. The other parents and I have a united stance that the bitter needs to be expelled from school and we are not willing to compromise on this issue as it has gone on too long. I'll let you guys know how the meeting tomorrow goes!

I talked to my mom, who said, basically, that her school would give it time (she seemed waffly on whether 8 months was way too long already), because sometimes these things are a phase that is outgrown in time, but as long as the kid was still trying to bite, it would have been watched like a HAWK by a teacher, constantly. She said she went to a whole professional development thing on sensory issues and that sometimes that is indeed what it is, I guess their suggestion (if it's age appropriate) was to try giving the kid one of those giant pretzel sticks. Apparently some kids just need that pressure on their mouths all the time. If they haven't considered that, maybe they should. But that doesn't really help GuineaPiglet directly, so she agreed that talking to other parents and approaching the administration together was probably the best solution. The school needs to fix this.

My husband said sue them. I might not do that myself, but they've clearly been negligent and should've kicked this kid out months ago.

i'm super unimpressed with that. my kid's daycare has a ratio of only 1-6 and they've never ever had a problem keeping something like this from happening, and i know they've had some tough kids. with a 1-3 ratio, they need someone on the kid like a hawk. like, no more than 2 feet away at all times, and it would be even better if he were being tomato-staked. it's not fair at all to the other kids that they're brushing it off.

GP, I can't wait to see how this pans out. I'm glad you and some other moms are getting together to stand up against the school on this! It *would* be a shame if they put the biter's needs above everyone else's and let Bitey McBiter stay while you pulled your child out of an otherwise good school.