I could sit here for the next 5-7ish years until I physically cant have kids (or I guess shouldn’t is the better word)
I know you're stressed and didn't mean this to be offensive, but I just want to say that being 39 to 42 (you state in your OP that you're 34) is not a reason that you shouldn't
I dodn't want to put words in Lisa's mouth, but I always said I didn't want to have children past 35. That doesn't mean other people shouldn't, it was just the max age I feel comfortable having kids (this has less to do with being a certain age and concerns about fertility and more to do with the fact that I want my kids to be through college/hopefully out of the house by a certain age). I just wanted to out down my perspective because I wouldn't want to offend anyone if I were to say anything like that, but for me, I shouldn't have babies after 35.
For me there is a difference in the words "I don't want" and "shouldn't have." I feel like there are a lot of judgments that society puts on the decision to have children, including who *should* have them and who *shouldn't* and at the end of the day, its important to respect everyone's choice. There is a lot of casual ageism around the decision to have children past 35, and I've heard it, even from friends of mine (and of course its always interesting that the mother's age is the issue not so much the father's age (unless we're talking Tony Randall).
There are many things that I don't want - I don't want to have 5 kids, I didn't want to have children in my 20s, I didn't want to have a child without being financially stable but I wouldn't phrase them as *shouldn'ts.*
And with certain things, I would worry about offending others, even with an "I don't want..." statement. For example, I wouldn't say, even hypothetically, that I wouldn't want to have a child without being married to the father, because I feel like that might offend several people here, because it is in some ways placing a judgment on their relationships, even if you're not directly judging them, if that makes sense.
Anyway, not trying to hijack the thread.