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 Post subject: veg*n kid, omni house
PostPosted: Wed Nov 26, 2014 4:10 pm 
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Dislikes Rick Santorum
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Location: United States of New England
i know there are several people here in this situation.

im vegan, my husband still eats fish/poultry/dairy and we're going to raise Charlotte vegetarian but probably mainly vegan.
she's still too young to really understand any of this but i like to tell her things because i swear she understands way more than i think she does.

so for example she and i rescued a turkey through a farm sanctuary for Thanksgiving and they send you a cute little picture and bio of it (thanks Desdemona for the link!) and we have a couple Ruby Roth books we read.
however it feels weird saying to her "we dont believe in eating meat/hurting animals/etc" when that "we" is really "me"

how do you explain it to them without making your partner sound awful?

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 Post subject: Re: veg*n kid, omni house
PostPosted: Fri Nov 28, 2014 2:13 pm 
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Tofu Pup Forever
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Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2014 5:54 pm
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I’m sorry I don’t have any usefull advice, but I just wanted to say that I (think I) understand how you must feel and how difficult this must be.
I don’t have children, but I’m secretly already stressing and worrying a lot about this exact same issue in advance. I’m also already worst-case scenario-ing in my head about all the comments and opinions from the inlaws and other people I’m gonna have to endure, I just knów they’ll have plenty to say about us raising our (hypothetical) kid vegetarian/vegan, and it won’t be nice.
Again, I’m sorry I’m no help at all, I really hope you can find a way to talk to your daughter about eating vegetarian/vegan and not feeling like you’re slandering your partner.

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 Post subject: Re: veg*n kid, omni house
PostPosted: Fri Nov 28, 2014 2:34 pm 
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Because Bob Barker Told Me To
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I have that situation with my vegetarian grandkids who have an omni Dad, and trying to be diplomatic about them too, as non-vegans. I try to phrase it as there are lots of ways to make the world a better place and to give back, and not eating animals is only one way. I can't resist adding in that every vegan meal their family does eat is a good thing as it means fewer animals suffer. That reinforces that actions are good, rather than people being either good or bad.

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 Post subject: Re: veg*n kid, omni house
PostPosted: Fri Nov 28, 2014 5:00 pm 
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Hoards Peppermint Jo-Jos
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As a teacher, I learned to shorten off-track or controversial conversations by saying "different people believe different things." That's not much help for your serious situations or long-term circumstances, but it can work in a pinch when you need to be diplomatic.

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 Post subject: Re: veg*n kid, omni house
PostPosted: Sat Nov 29, 2014 10:22 am 
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DH and I decided that we would ultimately let the kids choose when they feel ready, but that a person can go from someone who has never eaten animals to someone who has, but you can't go the other way. Also, I do most of the cooking. So the kids are default veg until they ask to eat something else.

I do phrase things as, "I think..." rather than "we think..." because this is what I think, and they have to decide if it feels right to them. And I don't answer for my husband. I will give a "he feels differently than I do" kind of answer, but if they want more than that, I tell them they have to ask him to explain his own beliefs.

Food is just one in a long line of topics where I have to say, "people believe differently than we do." Beyond not wanting them to think their dad is awful, I don't want them to be self righteous a-holes as they move through the world. So I emphasize personal belief, but that we do not judge or comment on people who are different than we are.


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 Post subject: Re: veg*n kid, omni house
PostPosted: Wed Dec 03, 2014 7:38 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:51 am
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thanks everyone.
i think you hit on a couple key points that i will try to stick with.

one being *I* believe rather than *we* or *this is bad*
i also want to raise her to respect everyone's choices, not just about food but about everything i just didnt want to confuse her saying eating meat is wrong when daddy eats meat occasionally. i guess the better tactic is "mommy doesnt believe in eating animals, etc"

thanks very helpful!

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 Post subject: Re: veg*n kid, omni house
PostPosted: Wed Dec 03, 2014 10:07 am 
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Flounceiad 2011
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Wading in to say that while she hasn't posted here yet, Tofulish may be a good resource for you to reach out to, since she has an omnivorous partner and has been successfully raising a (healthy, beautiful, smart, and clearly thriving) vegan daughter for 3+ years now. My partner is vegan and so are his kids, and mine are vegan at home, so this is not a situation I have personal experience with, but it's one I think about pretty often because I know so many people who are negotiating various versions of it.

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