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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 1:31 pm 
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I also forgot to mention that I have friends with two kids, and one kid has her name, and the other has his. She is Chinese, and he is not. Other than some rude people asking where he got his kids, and a few times where they've had to resubmit insurance claims, everything has been smooth sailing.

The same with my sister-in-law's sister-in-law. They live in Switzerland, are unmarried, have two children, and she travels back and forth to the US with no issues. The kids don't really look like her, and no real issues there, either.

So...I wouldn't worry at all.

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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 3:02 pm 
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My cousin kept her maiden name and her kids have their dad's name. She's a flight attendant and her husband is a pilot so they travel all over creation because it's usually free and she's never had a problem travelling with the kids. I assume she carries their birth certificates in addition to their passports.

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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 4:00 pm 
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Just as another anecdote, I have my mother's last name and always have. She's been married three times but never changed her last name and she gave all of her biological children her last name. I wanted to give my daughter just my last name because I liked the idea of passing on a maternal name, but my husband protested so she now has HisLastName-MyLastName. I am secretly hoping someday she gets rid of HisLastName so we can have a cool maternal tradition, but it probably won't happen. I'm happy at least that she has my maternal grandmother's first name. I think it would be cool to pass down dad's names to boys and mom's names to girls, although that wouldn't work for single-sex parent households of course.

His family was super offended I didn't take his last name and I totally gave them shiitake about it - would it have been appropriate for my mother to be offended he didn't take my name?


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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 4:30 pm 
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I didn't change my name. I've had plenty of friends tell me that they wish they had not changed their names.

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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 5:11 pm 
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Fee wrote:
I think it's almost normal at this point for families to be made with multiple last names.

Absolutely. I work in a school, and the first thing I ask the kids if I am contacting home is "What's your parent's name?", because invariably it is not the same as the child's. No big deal.

Also, my nephew (whose dad was not married to my sister) has his father's last name but my sister's last name as his middle name. This is also very common in my experience.

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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 5:19 pm 
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I took my husband's name when I got married. For me, I like the idea of my family sharing a name. We're the "smith" family. Not that you aren't a family when there are different names involved, but whatever. I do feel a little bad that my Dad's last name will die with him, but I'd rather pass along his first name, especially since he was adopted I guess I don't feel as much loyalty to that name.


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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 9:50 am 
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flavabean wrote:
If it's a name that you really love, I'm a big fan of putting your maiden name as your new middle name. It works for kids too. My maiden name is a very old male name, and we've thought of using it as a middle name for another boy if one ever comes along. Just do what you're comfortable with. I liked the sound of my husband's last name, so that's really the only reason why I took it.

I kind of did that -- I have two middle names now, the second middle name is my maiden name. I liked my maiden name, but my husband's last name is awesome. I always tell him if his last name had been Schlep or something, I'd've gotten him to take my last name. (Which, by the way, you could always do -- have your husband take your last name.) ;D

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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 10:49 am 
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Don't bother! After talking to lots of people who didn't change their name and had kids with a different name and had no problems traveling internationally or whatever, I realize that none of my reasons for changing it would have been an issue. I kind of wish I hadn't changed mine now. I miss it, but only slightly more than I don't really care, so doing all the paperwork again would in no way be worth it. I took my maiden name as a second middle name, and all kids get my maiden name as their second middle name too. Also I use both names, unhyphenated, in non-official situations so most people don't know I actually changed it.


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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 10:55 am 
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Echoing what others have said--don't bother!

I might take my boyfriend's name when we get married, only because it is a really rare last name and I was very close with his family before they died. Also, I'm hoping I can switch my first two names around because it has been SUCH a pain in the asparagus to go by my middle name my whole life.

I'm still going to use my original last name for published work.


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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 11:11 am 
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I know some have told me it was a pain to have a different name than their child, just minor issues but if it is worth it to you, then those minor annoyances won't be a big deal.

I got married when I was 31 and I was so ready to get rid of my last name. I had dreamed of changing it for many years, possibly to my mother's maiden name. We have only been married 6 years but recently, someone asked me my maiden name and I forgot it. My married name is just kind of part of me now.

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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 1:54 pm 
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it's really not a big deal. my kids have a diff last name than me. the hospital does not care at birth. our insurance has yet to get confused. people occasionally assume we do have the same name, but it is never a huge problem once they are corrected.

if you want to change your name change it, but do not feel like it is something you must do.

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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:41 pm 
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We have not run into any issues in a year.. I kept my name, husband kept his, baby has his last. Haven't flown with her yet but we had her birth certificate going across the Canadian border with both of us and no one batted an eye. I think it's fairly common these days.. The Navy has not gotten out of sorts about it despite their routinely putting me in with the wrong name (when we were stationed abroad my embassy ID had husband's last name on it, I didn't care enough to put up a fight).


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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 2:58 pm 
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My husband and I both took each other's last name when we married & hyphenated them, giving each of us the same last name, (after considering picking a totally different name, but that idea never worked for us). After almost 10 years of a longish, hyphenated name, we both wish we would have just kept our own names and not changed them. At
the time it seemed like a good idea. My advice would be whatever you decide, don't hyphenate, it's kind of a pain.

I believe it would be a pain in the asparagus to change our names back, though. On the plus side, my name is unique & I'm pretty sure no one else in the US has my name, but it is long, cumbersome, and I always have to spell it out.

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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 4:12 pm 
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annak wrote:
Haven't flown with her yet but we had her birth certificate going across the Canadian border with both of us and no one batted an eye.


Oh yeah, I used to fly alone (or rather as the only caregiver) with my oldest (has husband's name), and it was never a problem.

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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 2:15 pm 
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I didn't change my name and our 2 kids have my husband's last name, which is cool w/me. We just got the class list for my daughter's preschool and at least 2/3 of the parents have different last names with the kid usually having the dad's name. I've never had an issue with making appointments or traveling or anything.


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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 4:24 pm 
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I didn't change my name. BabyEnchilada has papa's last name and my last name is his middle name. It works for us!


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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 4:30 pm 
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My mom didn't change her name when she married my dad and my sister and I both have my dad's last name. Sometimes people would get confused and assume my mom was my step mom or something, but it's never been a big deal at all. Don't change your name just for that! I felt the same way as you do. My name is a big part of who I am, so I wasn't going to change it when I got married.

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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 4:36 pm 
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I practically have any students with the same last names as any of their contacts. It's no big deal.

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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 5:05 pm 
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I had a different last name from my mom starting at around age 9. It was never an issue.

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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 7:01 pm 
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I changed my last name because I didn't like it, but several of the kids in my class of toddlers have different last names than one of their parents and it's no big deal. Friends of mine made up a last name for their family when their son was born which I think is pretty cool.


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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 11:59 pm 
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my favorite was my friend (male) who took a hyphened last name with his wife's first and was happy about it. He was excited, posting in fb that we was going to be girlname-boyname and he couldn't wait. they have a 6 month old (we are older, so they had a baby right after marrying) and they gave their son a new last name, which is kind of a hybrid of their two familial names. It looks like a blending of the families to me- they both carry both families' influence but have seperate expereinces before they were together. Baby O is truly a being of a new family.

Full disclousure, I took my husband's name and made my maiden name my middle name. My maiden name is odd, and no one ever has gotten it right in the history of man, and spelling it? forget it. however, my husband's name isn't that much better, although its very Waspy, so people assume i'm a prot now. My (maternal, catholic) grandfather will never forgive me.


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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 2:49 pm 
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Just as a side note, if it matters, changing your name is not only a pain, but also can be expensive. Maybe it depends where you are, but I did the math once and by the time it was all done it cost me over $400.

I changed because my maiden name is very generic, at least for my ethnic group. My first name is extremely common in my generation. I wasn't "Jenny Smith", but it's not that far off the mark! I've been surrounded by girls/women with my same first name all my life (3 in my kindergarten class. 3-5 in my year at school at any given time. Four at my current job - they joke you can't get hired here unless you have this name. Even more bizzare, in college there were SEVEN with my exact same first name-last name combination, two of us with the same middle initial as well. And yes my transcripts did get totally screwed up, though not until senior year.). For all those reasons I was never particularly attached to my maiden name, it didn't seem like an identity that was special to me.

But it is a PAIN. It's probably cheaper if you are only changing your last name from yours to your husband's - then you just have the expense of the new IDs and such. But I was changing my middle name as well, so I had to go to court and the whole business. (Court itself is the easy part! No one even asked me to show ID or review my reasons for changing or anything, they just asked if I was Jennifer Smith, and did I want to change my name to Jennifer Bianco (*not my real name) and stamped the paper. Hilariously, on the "call sheet" or whatever hanging in the hall of all the people changing their names that day that the officer used to bring people in in the correct order, they actually spelled my ultra-common maiden name wrong. HAR. I sent a cell phone pic to Mr. Spork "guess it's a good thing I'm changing it..." I have to find that picture.)

Court costs, stuff you by law have to publish in the paper, extra copies of the paperwork because I needed originals for so many places I had to send them, new driver's license, new passport, social security card (that one I think was free, though?), registration on my car, city parking pass for where I live, I can't remember if the title for my car is something my name is on? Postage for all the places I had to mail documentation to - banks, credit cards, insurance, frequent flyer mile program - your name has to match your airline tickets! etc. A million places, I can't even remember them all. It took ages to fill everything out, mail everything, and double check everything. My bank I had to remind them 3x.

Anyway, like I said. At the end of the day, over $400, and it took me months to get everything changed. Technically it took me years, as I still have one bank account I haven't changed!

If you want to do it, do it, but it is a job of work.

Does anybody know - if you're changing your middle name to your maiden name do you have to go to court? I was changing from one name to another (long boring story involving me being theoretically named after a family member, but mom chickening out at the last minute, and then telling me the long boring story my entire life. "Well you're SUPPOSED to be named ____...") - like not from Jennifer Ann Smith to Jennifer Smith Bianco, from Jennifer Ann Smith to Jennifer Estella Bianco. Do you need court docs for the first way, or can you just bring your marriage license or whatever to the DMV? I did this a long time ago and I forgot everything I read/learned...

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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 4:46 pm 
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My friend just went through this last week. At least in my state, you have to go to court to change your middle name but not last name when you get married. She also thought maybe if she had lied on the form and not asked directly, it would have been overlooked.


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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 2:54 pm 
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The only cost I had for changing my last name was a new license which was $12?

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 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 2:59 pm 
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Yeah, I didn't pay anything! Of course, I'm in a different country, but the only expense I incurred was gas to drive around from government office to government office for an afternoon to do it. The driver's license office, social insurance office, health card office...are all in different parts of the city.

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