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 Post subject: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 8:37 am 
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Giles will be 3 in July and we just had a visit from the area public school about enrolling him in special needs preschool. The main goal is to get him prepared to be a successful kindergartener learning basic numbers/letters but more importantly focusing on skills like following directions, social skills, etc. It is an all day program from 7:30 to 2 monday-friday. He would qualify for this because he has zero words, and poor social/play skills. Right now he gets Speech and Occupational therapy through the state, but at age 3 he has to get his therapy through the school district (or we can pay for it privately which would be a financial strain). I don't know how I feel about this program. 3 seems so young to be doing all day every day "school" but at the same time I want to give him every opportunity to catch up to his peers by kindergarten.
I know a few people on this board have had kids with special needs - did you have your child participate in pre-school through the public school? What was your experience?

Two years of full day preschool before starting kindergarten seems so much...she did say he could do "drop-in" therapy for speech if we wanted without sending him to preschool, but she said OT is very difficult to do that with because the therapist comes in to the classroom throughout the day based on what the class is doing that week. She did say he could do "part-time" say M-F 8 to 12, but she discourages it because they have a "curriculum" they are teaching and if the child isn't there all day they won't know what is going on...
Also - he currently gets private sessions for speech/OT/Developmental play but all the therapy the school offers is group. This school rep was going on about how group sessions are more effective for 3 year olds because they are interested in playing with peers, but it would seem that private sessions would be better since the therapist can focus on your childs needs alone right? I am confused, and sad that we even have to be thinking about all this.


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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 8:52 am 
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Miles's delays didn't qualify for the "special" pre-school through our district but if it did I would have sent him in a heartbeat! He was going to go to a preschool regardless, at 3, and I would have liked to not have to pay for it while he also had free help with his speech and articulation. He hasn't had any therapy since he aged out because of the high cost of it but going to a general preschool has helped him out a lot.

I'm a huge proponent of 2 years of preschool before Kindergarten. It worked so well for my daughter and it's, so far, working well for Miles.

Does the "special" pre-school also include kids who aren't in need of therapy? Ours mixes kids who do and kids who don't and they all get the same therapy at the same time wether they need it or not. It helps the kids who really do need it to not feel left out or different. I know a bunch of kids in my daughters grade school who went through our districts program and everyone has been very happy with it and some of the kids you would never know they had any issue that needed sorting out. Some of them you obviously can tell they need help with things but the help is continued through the grade school. I've never heard anything bad about it.

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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 10:27 am 
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My 7 year old daughter is autistic. She started getting services at 2.5, and like you, we had to switch to the school district at 3 for most of her therapies. I am so, so happy I sent her. I also had reservations about sending her to school at that young, with no words, and no ability to tell me how her day was or if someone was mean to her or anything. I was a SAHM and she had never been out of my care for more than a few hours, and that was with trusted grandparents. It was a hard leap of faith to send her to school at that time.

It ended up being a great experience. She really did well, and it did help her social skills. At 7 she is still behind both socially and with her language, but she is way further ahead than she would have been without the school. And in general, it is always easier to terminate services if you regret it than to get services back that you turned down. So from that standpoint, I would start school, give it a month, and see how it goes. If you ever do turn down a service, make sure you say, "not at this time," rather than, "no."

As for Jenna's question about the integrated classroom, my daughter's first class was not and her second was. Her first class was for kids with speech delays of all kinds, and every kid in there had special needs. The next year she went to a different class for kids with autism, and there were "community friends" in the class. I agree that having neurotypical peers whom she could learn from was really valuable. I found it so valuable that my son is a community friend in the same program this year. An integrated class is so beneficial to all of the kids.

I will check back on this thread, but also feel free to PM me if you ever have questions that you would rather ask privately. I am an open book when it comes to my kiddo, so I really will be happy to tell you anything.


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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 10:45 am 
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Sending you lots of good thoughts annasrobbie, I get how hard this decision must be for you. It sounds like he wouldn't be eligible for individual therapy through the state, right? Could you do group through school and private OT in addition, if you were able to afford it? We have friends whose children are in preschool with special support and also do private OT, and I know that the combination has worked very well for them.

The good thing is that if it doesn't seem to suit him, you can always adjust and take him out or make it part time, you know?

If I were in your shoes, I'd take him on preschool tours for a few places and see how he likes them. I hope you find a solution that works well for your family!

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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 11:05 am 
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I also had my daughters in both special and non-special classes (my one daughter had medical as well as developmental needs, non-verbal, non-mobile, non-eating) at various points.
Besides the cost issues (which sadly are a big part of reality) I thought it was great, no matter what the structure. I do think that it might be a good opportunity to help him catch up.

I do feel like we were lucky that our special classes also included typically-developing children, and I thought they were great role models, but I can also understand that if a group of children have the same special needs, it may work out better to have only special needs children at times. As with any school or playgroup, I would ask if you could visit the school (without your son and with him) to see the environment and the "tone".

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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 11:13 am 
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Thanks for the responses. It is helpful to hear from people who have been in the same place (especially hearing such positive things!) The pre-school is only for "special" students, she said it is any child who qualifies for services so some only need speech, or some just PT, some might just be visually impaired etc. and they are all together. The speech therapy is group therapy but done out of classroom and OT she said is as a whole class group. I think she said recess is integrated with head-start preschoolers? The whole integrated recess thing sort of sounds scary...I mean recess is the time when they have the least supervision in my experience and to put all the kids together then seems like kids might get picked on (as you mentioned DEG sending a non-verbal child is scary since they can't tell you if anything is wrong or they are being picked on!) he is a big boy but he is pretty passive and At kindergarten they mainstream every child into the regular classroom here (that sounds scary too! it is all scary!). She said because of the way his birthday falls he will be one of the youngest in his class so depending on how he does we could choose to have him do two years of kindergarten...

He already attends a mother's day out program 3 days a week part days which he and I both like - the teachers say though that by about noon he is "over it" for the day and starts laying at the doorway waiting to go home so I worry about a full day, but I know kids change so much in just a few months so maybe he will be ready for a full day at 3.


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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 12:05 pm 
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I would think recess for kids his age, even integrated with other preschoolers would be heavily monitored. Especially since there would be a whole class or so of special needs kids. They can't just leave them outside. BUT...that's definitely something you need to ask more questions about.

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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 12:06 pm 
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So I just got to do a little facebook chat with a woman in my babywearing group who has a daughter who started in the "special" preschool last year. She has had a really good experience overall (even on the scary schoolbus!) so that was immensely reassuring since her child is in the very school mine would probably attend.


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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 12:10 pm 
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ugh..the schoolbus! That was my biggest worry. I decided that if Miles did get in to the program that I would just take him myself. :)

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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 1:11 pm 
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She said the school buys a carseat for every child so they are strapped into that on the bus. The bus has a driver and a monitor. I had no idea they had carseats in busses...


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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 1:22 pm 
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I choose to drive my dd, but most kids take the bus. The main reason I drive her is that I like the Brie check in at the beginning and end of every day. I find it helps me know the teacher better. But it is not a big enough advantage that I would do it if it were otherwise interfering with anything.

Kids who have trouble separating from mom seem to do better on the bus. They get their crying over with on the ride over and are ready to start school when they arrive. A good friend of mine teaches at a special needs preschool program and I know she prefers the bus for most kids for this reason. A lot of kids also seem to like it and feel like "big kids".

FYI, you can turn down bussing and still have your child in the class if that is the arrangement that works for you.


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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 1:29 pm 
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the first playgroup we did through Early Intervention had some kids bussed there and i remember they always had a line of carseats at the door from the buses. im guessing they belonged to the kids rather than the bus but yeah i was like "whoa carseats on buses?!"

i hope you find a solution that works for you. i wonder if being around other kids each and every day will help him with his words.
i know with BabyPunk she is slightly delayed but i totally know what all her random communicatiions mean. (typically she communicates by yelling AH-BA! and i am supposed to understand what it means and strangely i usually do).
with other kids maybe he will be forced to use some words?

i dont know just a thought i had.

i agree it's very scary.

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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 1:41 pm 
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our second experience was with head start, and we found they were super duper organized and even recess was well under control. I don't know if they have more monitoring as a federal program or something, but they really had their act together, more so than any other program we used.

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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 2:39 pm 
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Yes LP. We put him in the Mother's Day Out program which is 3 days a week with just regular kids hoping it would spur language development. His speech therapist feels it has increased his desire to communicate in general and improved his play skills, he just isn't to the point of talking yet. I picked him up from "school" the other day and he wanted a toy a little girl had and he was furiously signing "more please" at her and of course she is totally ignoring his gesticulations since nobody else there signs. Poor guy. You would THINK that would get him to spit some words out...but no.

I totally didn't see your previous posts Torque - I definitely want to take a tour, but the coordinator said she doesn't know which school he will be going to so unless I just want to tour a random place I basically have to wait until open house...

The local mom I just talked to said she has been very pleased with how organized and safe things seem to be. I am so glad I reached out to her!

The bus thing...if my husband continues to be a stay at home parent I would definitely want him to ride in the car to and from school. I just think the less time you have to spend driving around town the better. (I used to take a 1.5 hour bus ride home when I lived 15 min from school!) he has zero issues separating from us so wouldn't need any schoolbus acclimation time ;)


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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 4:31 pm 
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I don't have a personal experience to share, but our local public school does free pre-K for 4yos and pre-K for 3yos who qualify with special needs, so the 3yo program is non-integrated and the 4yo program is integrated. Our neighbor's 3yo, who has significant developmental delays, started the program this year and is really thriving. She was nonverbal at the beginning of the school year and now has a bunch of words. She's also started playing with other neighborhood kids (like my daughter, who is a couple months younger than she is, but who always played with this girl's older sister instead). Before this she never interacted with the other kids. Her parents are so happy they've been able to enroll her in this program. Her progress has been so much faster than it was with the private OT.


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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 4:39 pm 
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annasrobbie wrote:
The bus thing...if my husband continues to be a stay at home parent I would definitely want him to ride in the car to and from school. I just think the less time you have to spend driving around town the better. (I used to take a 1.5 hour bus ride home when I lived 15 min from school!) he has zero issues separating from us so wouldn't need any schoolbus acclimation time ;)


Just make sure you say not at this time instead of no so that your husband has options in the future without you having to jump through too many hoops.


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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 6:00 pm 
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DEG wrote:
annasrobbie wrote:
The bus thing...if my husband continues to be a stay at home parent I would definitely want him to ride in the car to and from school. I just think the less time you have to spend driving around town the better. (I used to take a 1.5 hour bus ride home when I lived 15 min from school!) he has zero issues separating from us so wouldn't need any schoolbus acclimation time ;)


Just make sure you say not at this time instead of no so that your husband has options in the future without you having to jump through too many hoops.


Thank you for the tip! I will be sure to do that!


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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 12:14 pm 
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I guess this is mostly a vent but I am so upset and I just don't even know what to do at this point...so my husband and I rarely discuss Giles' health, in fact we haven't discussed it at all since we had his EI evaluation at 18 months because at that time my husband beleived I was ridiculous for putting everyone through this because the child was FINE and I was CRAZY. Fast forward...he apparently still believes this. I mentioned that we had a meeting in two weeks to fill out the paperwork for preschool and he said that he absolutely did NOT want him attending "special" anything...that putting him in a "special" class would assign him that label/track for the rest of his education and basically seal his fate as being babysat and not taught. He thinks Giles is a "late-talker" and that is all. (he says he doesn't know what I and his therapist are talking about with poor eye contact because he makes fine eye contact with him) He said that he thinks he doesn't really need speech therapy and that he definitely doesn't need occupational therapy and that I am wasting everyone's time and efforts by insisting there is something wrong with him. (He said that at 3 months I had a hysterical fit that the baby had "severe autism" and points to this as proof of my crazy - I don't recall this at all) When Giles ages out of EI in July he wants us to just "take the year off" with no special preschool or therapy. Although, as a concession, continuing mother's day out, would be fine.

I am so upset. My husband is the primary caregiver, he is a great Dad, he has gamely attended 3 therapy sessions per week for the past year with little to show for it. He is so involved and has such a special bond with Giles. I don't feel like I can just ignore his wishes, but I feel like he is misguided or ignoring the issues because he doesn't want to see them. I don't beleive that being in special education preschool dooms you for life. I do think continuing therapy is in his best interest, but I am wondering if it is reasonable to take a year off. I hate to waste time during the formitive years, but I just don't know if it is worth a major, major battle. I know if I insist, he will give in to what I want, but I do think it will damage our relationship. We have been having a tough time since the baby was born with our relationship and I just really have a bad feeling about pushing this issue at this point. I never knew parenting as a team would be so difficult. My baby is my priority, but keeping his home life stable and amicable is a bit part of his well-being. It helps nothing that I am weaning from breastfeeding right now and I am so hormonal. I would like to hibernate or run away to the circus for a year or two.


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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 12:30 pm 
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I'm really sorry annasrobbie. Hugs to you! <3

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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 12:43 pm 
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I'm so sorry your hubby reacted that way. It really feels like he is coming from a place of fear. Having been there, I get the fear. But being several years ahead, I also know how many of the fears are unfounded. I can promise you my daughter gets a full education and is not just babysat. Her IEP includes not just remediation, but requirements to provide enrichment in areas in which she is ahead. I also know that they reevaluate kids every three years, and because of the expense of special education services, they try like heck to remove labels if they can. No one wants your kid on a track they can't get off of, and if you don't believe in the general goodness of the school district, believe it is not in their economic best interest. And lastly, I can see how little he knows about autism if he thinks that a special bond with him would rule it out. Autistic people form bonds and special relationships. They are often more attached to a primary care giver than a neurotypical child. And he is right, there is your son is fine, but he may also be autistic. Those things are not mutually exclusive.

To be honest, I don't know if I would fight him too much. A year of lost services if your kid needs them isn't great, but it beats fighting, divorced parents by a mile. But maybe you can give him some reading assignments to he can come from a place of knowledge rather than fear, and see what he thinks after that. I'd be glad to help you find some resources if you'd like. And if you think he would be open to it, pm me and I'll give you my contact info. I'd be glad to speak to him, or you, or both if you think talking to a parent who has been down that road might help. I know my husband would be happy to as well if you think talking to another dad might resonate more. Again, I'm not saying I think your kid is or isn't autistic. I haven't met him. But I am telling you that IF he is autistic, there is nothing to fear. It's going to be ok.


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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 12:56 pm 
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annasrobbie im so sorry you are going through this. i dont have any advice just (((HUGS))) and i dont think it;s hormones (though they probably dont help) i do think that sounds like a stressful situation.
i have to watch what words i use about BP around my husband. i say she is on the "late end of normal" or "slightly delayed' which to me is just a fact not an opinion or even a huge worry just a fact but my husband gets all up in arms about it.

its so so hard to decide what to worry about and what things will naturally come. i had to spend the weekend listening to my MIL say she knew Charlotte would eat when she was ready (she also has a wacky theory about specific teeth). shes not technically eating but has made huge progress but to me that doesnt mean intervention wasnt/isnt necessarily but whatever.

unfortunately this sounds like a "pick your battles" situation.
i hope you guys can come to some agreement/resolution. until then (((HUGS)))

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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 3:10 pm 
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Thanks for the hugs. I needed them today. I definitely appreciate the personal experiences DEG. My husband is not in a place that he would be open talking to anyone right now. I may be able to convince him to read some educational material - maybe. If you know of a particularly good/friendly resources please share.


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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 3:18 pm 
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i have to watch what words i use about BP around my husband. i say she is on the "late end of normal" or "slightly delayed' which to me is just a fact not an opinion or even a huge worry just a fact but my husband gets all up in arms about it.


You are probably wiser then I have been. I don't feel like I have been ramming it down his throat...but I was being vocal with my worries for a long time and I think it just made him all the more defensive when I would point out each new little concerning trait (many of which have come and gone like hand-flapping and toe-walking)


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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 4:29 pm 
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Hugs to you annasrobbie, that sounds really hard. It sounds like your husband has some fears around the preschool which may not be justified and that no matter what you say, it isn't making a difference. Parenting when your partner and you aren't on the same page is just so exhausting and lonely, because it feels like you are fighting to be heard and someone just isn't seeing your point of view. And don't make yourself wrong for processing your fears with your partner! I think all of us do that.

You're definitely not alone - one of our friends has a son on the spectrum who is 9, and she noticed behavior that was concerning her at 2. She worked to get him services and a diagnosis at that point and age appropriate interventions. He has had a lot of OT, PT and other therapies and has an IEP and an aide in class, and at this point he functions wonderfully in an integrated classroom and socially. His Dad still points to every advance he makes as proof that he was never on the spectrum and she was wrong. I know it's a huge source of conflict for them.

Is there any way you could see a third party who knows about how the system works with interventions etc? That way your husband could ask questions about the stigma your son will face and what the possible negative outcomes are of the various choices that are before you guys. And once you have an idea of the options, maybe get a couples counselor to help you talk through this? Just so that both of you can feel heard and you can agree on a solution that you are both happy with, whatever it may be.

Sending you so many good thoughts!

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 Post subject: Re: "Special" Pre-school
PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 8:25 pm 
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Obviously I don't know you or your husband or the situation enough to know what the "right" thing to do is....

But I thought everything DEG said above about economic issues is on point and I agree, as an educator on the flip side of this situation. I cannot tell you how many times I have worked to communicate to parents that receiving special education services is helpful and not the stigma producing sentence your husband is imagining. The fact is that the best time for kids with developmental delays to benefit from services is when they are young. I would be concerned about taking a year off. It's harder to have an impact on development the later you start. Also, parents usually don't have a lot of experience knowing what is typical development for children. Educators, doctors, and interventionists see hundreds of kids which allows comparisons that parents just don't have access to. Early childhood intervention has a strong track record of helping kids make strides in areas of need and if it was recommended for my child, I would jump all over it.

I'm sorry if this sounds alarmist or negative. I just think that you should trust your gut along with what experts are telling you even if it would be a fight.


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