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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 3:54 pm 
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Slept through a huge sale, OH NO!
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Totally worth it!


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 4:34 pm 
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Nooch of Earl
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She looks great!


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 4:53 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 6:10 pm 
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Discovered unobtainium
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Beautiful!! That's what I secretly wanted.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 8:39 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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yay! thank you for your support! we didn't even manage to get the kitchen covered in dye! (i am scared about first wash though....)

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:12 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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Aaand the party's over. Baggy is hysterical crying about not wanting to go back to brazil. Her old friends in br apparently started shunning her when she said she had a girlfriend (nice kid, nothing very serious I think but hard to tell since she only tells me what she wants to)... it breaks my heart in about three different ways.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:34 pm 
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Poor Baggy! I am not sure all the details. But I watch Alex lose so many friends when she came out. So many people she thought would be fine with it, just weren't.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 7:22 am 
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Seagull of the PPK
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that is exactly it. and she thinks that here is some hotbed of acceptance even though everything is still mostly kept very quiet. If she were out out, there would be hell to pay, starting with from my own family.
i have never been afraid before that she would do something stupid, but today I'm afraid she will do something stupid.
I hate this age, I remember the despair of being 14 and just hate to think of her there. At this age I was hurting myself (very stupid) and thinking about running away. Ugh.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 9:55 am 
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torque wrote:
that is exactly it. and she thinks that here is some hotbed of acceptance even though everything is still mostly kept very quiet. If she were out out, there would be hell to pay, starting with from my own family.
i have never been afraid before that she would do something stupid, but today I'm afraid she will do something stupid.
I hate this age, I remember the despair of being 14 and just hate to think of her there. At this age I was hurting myself (very stupid) and thinking about running away. Ugh.


Oh torque <3 <3 My heart is breaking for her, too! I wish there were something I could do to help!

The thing is, if she's here and she's got a girlfriend here, that's at least 1 more person here who is supportive than she's got back in Brazil. Even if they stop dating each other, that's still one peer she knows believes it's okay. There's homophobia everywhere in the world, and it sucks, but it makes a huge difference to have even just one or two supportive peers. So if she feels like going back to Brazil is going to mean having zero, it's understandable that she's very upset. Does her current school have a GSA or something similar? Is there any support available in Brazil, either through her school or some national network or anything like that?

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 10:03 am 
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Seagull of the PPK
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thank you for again showing me a different point of view, CQ.

we don't know anything about the new school she'll be starting in Brazil. the good thing is that it's a large city and there are lots of groups for people of all sorts (i've been searching recently). our city recently passed legislation making bullying about sexual orientation a crime, so i know it's talked about (though surely, like here, that doesn't stop it from happening). i will start hunting specifically for student stuff and see what I can find.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 10:11 am 
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Alex was a member of the Gay Straight Alliance at her old school. Her new school has a peer counseling group that goes out to other schools. I don't know if things like that would be available where you are heading. But I know that for Alex they were instrumental in helping keep her safe and from doing something stupid. In Alex's case the groups did much more then the counseling she was in (for self harm).

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 11:08 am 
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Seagull of the PPK
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so i am spending my morning sending out buckets of emails. there is an it gets better campaign there too, and a very strong nonprofit. gay kids are getting a lot of press lately due to 1) a LGBT school being started in a neighboring state (straights accepted too) and 2) a gay youth group went and beat up a catholic youth group recently. so internet searches are not being super helpful.

thanks for your help, guys. i don't say this too often lately but if it weren't for this group of people here I would be totally and completely miserable. My partner is incommunicado, my family here Can Never Know, and if it weren't for the PPK and you guys I have gotten to know I would no satisfying human interaction whatever most days that we've been here in the US. i love you!!!

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 8:26 am 
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torque, I love G's hair and hope things get better for her. I know you and she struggle but she is awfully lucky to have a mum on her side like you.


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 1:00 pm 
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The girls are taking off downtown to get shorty to a meeting. Shorty does not ride the bus well. I am grateful that Alex is taking her and that Alex is being patient.
I want Shorty to get better at the bus. We are blessed to be in a town that has great bus lines. And school options. And as I really think she will end up going to a different school, she needs to get this under her belt.
This post is really more about my anxiety with the "baby" riding the bus.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 2:46 pm 
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Hey CQ- wanted you to know i saw your post, and i was on the phone and didn't reply, but i really appreciate your perspective and the way it and you always make me think about things differently. I realize that most of the anxiety is on my part, not hers, and i need to be a little calmer and not run around shouting the sky is falling (i`m good at it, though!)
things are calm. i made a super cute crazy cake for the kid (foties later) and birthday sushi. last night we went to an a capella tree lighting and fireworks fest, and i took her out for silliness. tonight will be birthday fondue and tomorrow birthday curry. we may not have been able to have a rocking party, but she has been having fun.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 7:33 pm 
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We So Excited
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Just caught up on this thread. Torque, I am so glad your kid has you! And that she's having fun now. Also the blue hair is excellent. Keep on rocking' mama.


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 7:39 pm 
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We So Excited
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And my good news--Flaming suitcase has been admitted to the SUNY school of her choice! We are now in the apartment hunting phase so she and her little dogs can move up there for the spring semester. I can't believe we're two months away from being empty nesters, barring any unexpected turns. It's kinda wild.
Also, this is not about teens, but our baby daddy candidate said yes and so we are going to start trying to get my partner knocked up in January. So maybe not empty nesters for very long.


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 7:44 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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yowza! friday! so much news! so awesome, all around.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 7:51 pm 
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We So Excited
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Yup. All while having money problems and career problems. But we're too old to wait for a better time. I feel like we should do a kickstarter.


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 8:25 pm 
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Ooooh! Exciting developments Friday! You are such an inspiration <3

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 10:34 pm 
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torque wrote:
Hey CQ- wanted you to know i saw your post, and i was on the phone and didn't reply, but i really appreciate your perspective and the way it and you always make me think about things differently. I realize that most of the anxiety is on my part, not hers, and i need to be a little calmer and not run around shouting the sky is falling (i`m good at it, though!)
things are calm. i made a super cute crazy cake for the kid (foties later) and birthday sushi. last night we went to an a capella tree lighting and fireworks fest, and i took her out for silliness. tonight will be birthday fondue and tomorrow birthday curry. we may not have been able to have a rocking party, but she has been having fun.


I'm glad my persective is helpful! Please feel free to talk to me anytime if you need advice/support/just someone to talk to...if there's anything I can do to help, I'd like to do it. <3

A cappella tree lighting! I want to go to that and I don't even celebrate Christmas!!

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sun Nov 17, 2013 11:39 pm 
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I am so glad that Baggy had a great birthday, torque! You're an awesome mama and you have a fantastic daughter. Love to you both!

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 9:46 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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so, uh (i've been dreading writing this because it is so sad), on Thursday last Gabby's friend/girlfriend took an overdose of pills before school. We only found out yesterday, she has been mysteriously out of school and even her half-brother didn't seem to know where she was or what was going on. She is fine, in a rehab or maybe psych facility (we don't know many details- how serious the intent was, what the motive was, etc. Baggy didn't press and I asked her not to ask unless info was freely offered).
They managed to talk by phone yesterday. I talked Baggy out of driving down there to visit as this whole thing is not public knowledge and I think it is important that the family have control at this time, and we haven't been in contact with her mother. Also, I think this was the facility my sister has been in and I know for a fact that that place does not encourage outside visits by non-family, or even contact of any kind, while patients are residing there.
So, if things go well, she will be released by Saturday. We are doing a lot of talking about it at home, and I can say I have never been SO THANKFUL that we spent so much time and effort on early childhood therapy and placed such an emphasis on talking about our emotions and fears as a normal part of everyday life.
I feel so bad for this girl, she is a real sweetie, polite, kind, smart, but has a tough home life (the kind that involves unpleasant stepparents) and has been diagnosed with some emotional stuff that has her medicated with serious things.

In the meantime, I just gave the kid her favoritest birthday present ever: a mini super bright LED flashlight. She is sure she is Dr Who and is going around sonic-screwdrivering things. Makes me just want to hug her right up close to me and thank god for every minute.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 10:08 pm 
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Oh man, Torque. How awful. I'm glad Baggy has you to talk to and help her process this stuff with.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 10:28 pm 
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Oh wow torque, that is heartbreaking. Hugs and more hugs to you and Baggy!

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