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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 6:52 am 
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Seagull of the PPK
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WAT WAT WAT!! oh boy, that is awesome! i am checking this out immediately! thank you for sharing!

(we did really well for a week, but as chores got done, studying went out the window. yesterday we reached another critical mass day so your timing is super duper.)


ETA: the kid has the stomach virus. I think, I hope she just ate something off, because my birthday party is tomorrow and I have to cook for 25 people and if we infect everyone, including my pregnant cousin, I am going to feel really bad. (actually, i would just cancel, but this particular cousin has asked me to make pierogies, and i'll feel bad about cancelling)
Also, the first time the kid wakes up barfing and you don't have to jump out of bed and steel yourself to clean the floor, etc etc, because she takes care of it herself-- now I feel like she's really growing up.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 8:35 am 
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lycophyte wrote:
Torque! So, this has worked for my roommate and I, and it may just work for dear Baggy.

habitrpg.com Basically, it just turns life into a RPG where you can accrue experience points for doing the things. I am a level 16 Warrior in killing the dishes and overcoming the laundry!
You have habits, which are things you get a + or a - for doing or not doing and dailies, which are things you do every day every day and check off if you did (like putting dirty clothes in the hamper or brushing your teeth or doing homework) and then to-do lists, which would be like "reading X chapter for book" or "write the paper" and you can make checklists in that as well.

Also, its not just for kids, obviously, so grownups can do it too!


I use another one like that: www.getyedone.com

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 8:57 am 
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oooh thanks! all contributions are greatly appreciated!

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James Joyce doesn’t give a twopenny damn, but Marie Kondo does. Oh, bother. --J O'Donogue, JT


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 9:33 am 
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I am seriously looking into both of those for me. They look very helpful, especially for new habits or big tasks.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2014 5:34 am 
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This thread is full of my complaints, I feel guilty that I am quiet when things are going well! Shae's doing amazing this year. It's like something has finally clicked with him and he is motivated to do his best again. FINALLY. It's only a month in, but the first month has always been his worst month, pure laziness, so I feel like this is really telling. His attitude is even completely changed! He's studying on his own free will, emailing teachers when he has questions, joining new clubs and meeting new people. It's kind of like he's back to being his old self again.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2014 6:29 am 
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So where did you get the magic drug that did this? I need about a half ton.

Things are okay here, Baggy has been really sick with bronchitis and the meds have made her kind of more moody than usual (!). On the one hand I expected it but then having told her she should expect it I think she is playing it up a bit. At least she can breathe now.

And lots of bad things going on in the neighborhood (as anywhere I am sure....). A girl in her class who was selling drugs on the side and dating a gangbanger got herself in trouble with another gang, the cops, pregnant and thrown out of her house all at the same time. And a 15 year old girl got shot and killed a few blocks from our house, I was shocked to see on the news (hey that looks like our neighborhood!!), more gang related stuff. Sad.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2014 7:22 am 
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I'm pretty sure the magical drug was when he realized I was serious he wouldn't be playing soccer or driving in the spring if he didn't get school under control. But also, maybe his hormones have settled a bit? He just seems more sure of himself and back to his usual outgoing self, rather than the emo kid we had for a bit there.

All that gang stuff sounds so scary! There have been a bunch of murders near Shae's school and it's so hard to tell myself that we can't hide from life...

Hope Baggy is feeling better soon and the meds are out of her system soon (for your sake! haha).

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 10:54 pm 
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I was just scolded by Shorty. Full on mom-voice and everything. Because I let the rabbits out. (They have the run of the family room when there are people home, this is not a new thing). But it seems they were in her way.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2014 5:42 am 
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So, yesterday I met a friend for lunch, and I brought Baggy along. My friend is a medical observer and takes care of a child with an extremely rare disease (one of only four known girls in the world with Menkes disease), and she brought this little girl, who we call Tzilla, to lunch too. Tzilla is very different than my other daughter was but on first glance the similarities are startling: she is a very frail skinny dark haired girl in a wheelchair, has very low tone, nonverbal, needs to be fed, and is epileptic. The first time I saw her I was on very thin emotional ice for a day or so.
Baggy was super great. She took it all in stride, was friendly, helpful, etc. We talked afterward and I am surprised how calm she was.

In other news, before we went out she had a meltdown about having to feed the dog (she is off the prednisone but the moodiness is still here). I told her when she is mad she needs to find something else to do. Like go spit in the toilet. I believe that might be the worst parenting advice I have ever given. Where do I apply for my shit-colored medal?

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James Joyce doesn’t give a twopenny damn, but Marie Kondo does. Oh, bother. --J O'Donogue, JT


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 9:46 am 
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We are having a morning over here. Shorty got up late. Earlier she yelled at me because she didn't want me getting her up, she can do it herself. Today, she is over 45 minutes late and yelling because I didn't get her up.
It isn't helping that she has a game tonight and really doesn't want to go.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 3:45 pm 
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I can. Not. Take. The complaining and arguing. It is absofuckinglutely endless. If I disengage, it's "So now you're just ignoring me!" If I say I'm sick of the arguing, it's "I wasn't arguing!"

It's really making me feel bad because I can see that I'm developing an impatient, annoyed, frustrated, angry posture and just adopting it automatically. Like, assuming that every interaction will be a bad one.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 6:08 pm 
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Yes! Oh so much that.
I found that with the oldest, who was so combative, that I would automatically start to tune out the minute he started a sentence with "You need" Or "Why". Because they were his arguing phrases. And I find I still do it. Which I do not like.

In happier news... Shorty died her hair for the first time. Bright bright teal (which does not show so well in the pic.) It looks really great.

Image

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"Tots: the universal food band-aid... better than a mother's kiss. Healin' wounds since 1954." Meggs


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2014 5:01 pm 
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awesome!!! looks great.

FF, my husband`s cousin and I were talking about that very thing today. She used to be what I am- the angry postured screamer. She also is a CEO who most people view as totally level headed and having great judgment, but her personal life was out of control for a long time. (her first daughter ran away from home at 14 and stayed away for 4 years because of how crazy things got during a bad divorce). She was talking about how it was so eye opening to actively try to bring her CEO persona to her personal life, how challenging it is but also how successful. I need to figure out how this works. As time goes by I have gone from treating the kid like a peer worthy of respect to taking that stance you`re talking about and basically poisoning interactions.

This week has been better. We spent a few days doing things together when work permitted. Report cards come out this week, so I am bracing myself (there's that stance again. dammit)

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James Joyce doesn’t give a twopenny damn, but Marie Kondo does. Oh, bother. --J O'Donogue, JT


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 4:08 pm 
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"Spit in the toilet" Oh my gosh, that's hilarious and something I would say, torque. I can understand your thin emotional ice meeting that girl.

It's so great to be back here and reading all your stories.

My two boys at home are doing fine. The son with OCD (19) is hanging in but not really going anywhere. Son three, tube boy, has been off the tube completely since July 5. So far so good with the medication but I am super alert. He came home from Scout camp this weekend sick and I was fussing over him and asking lots of questions which he bore well but got tired of real quick. School is good for him so far - he is in grade ten which means high school here.


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 7:18 pm 
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I am so glad you posted here Arisaig, welcome back! It sounds like things are going well for you (not only kid wise but for you, as I was reading in the other thread!!), I am so glad to hear it!!!!

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James Joyce doesn’t give a twopenny damn, but Marie Kondo does. Oh, bother. --J O'Donogue, JT


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 10:04 am 
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Thanks torque, it's good to have things going well!

I have done something I am not sure about but thought about for long enough and decided to take the plunge. I asked my estranged husband to stay at my house with the two teens while I go out of town this weekend and if it works out I would do it again.

We have been separated for more than two years and he has never asked to see the boys, has only seen them when I have asked and I only started asking after the first year. He lives in a one bedroom apartment and has done nothing to provide a place for them to feel comfortable visiting. The older son likes to go over once in a while but the younger one does not at all. In the two years we have all been through a lot of stressful times and now finally things are going well and I want to keep it that way. I need some guaranteed time off!

The weekend before last they were to go to their dad's for the first in months and the youngest didn't want to go until late Saturday morning but wanted to come home mid-afternoon Sunday. Not enough time! Dad doesn't drive either so expects me to drop off and pick up. I didn't pick him up until 6.

So I don't think I am crazy, it's the best for me and the boys, but what am I maybe not thinking about? The dad will sleep in the spare bed in son2's room, definitely not in my room/bed.

The other push for me to do this is that I am seeing someone and would like to know that I can spend the weekend with him from time to time. The boys are old enough for me to stay out overnight - I am not far away and always have my cell - but I don't like to leave them for too long on a regular basis. Even if Gol (new guy) and I don't last it will be heaven to know I can get away regularly.

(Side note about teens' reaction to my dating: Gol asked me the first time I stayed over what I had told my kids. I said I had told them to make sure they locked the doors when they went to bed if I wasn't home, which I always do when I think I am going to be out late. Later he wanted to know what they had said when they knew I hadn't been home all night. Nothing! My kids don't want to ask any questions that might lead to having to think about their mom having sex with a man they don't know.)


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 4:13 pm 
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One of Shae's good friends just got diagnosed with bone cancer. He's not taking it well. Sad seeing this great kid go through this, and so hard to help Shae handle it.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 5:58 pm 
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oh my god. that is so sad, for everyone.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 7:08 pm 
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Yeah, not only is it cancer, but it's also kind of ruining his dream. He's a star on the soccer team and as a junior, he's going to be laid up instead of being scouted.

The entire community is supporting him & his family, organizing fundraisers and stuff, so I am trying to get Shae to focus on that. Plus distracting his friend from all the horrible by goofing off as much as they can.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 10:42 pm 
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That is so sad, Kelly.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2014 8:31 pm 
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ARGH! I agreed to go to this stupid open house at the high school, thinking I could just do a meet and greet. Nope. Two hours of structured b.s.
UGH. I don't want to spend two hours with other parents. And then the kid tried to back out.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 5:44 pm 
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can't take the bisque-y anymore. and report cards were terrible, although at least this time there were no cut classes. how we've fallen in the last year, from expecting good grades to just being happy she hasn't cut classes.

i am not allowed to say anything about grades, or they both get angry at me, I'm too demanding, so that's it (and let me say, there were a few small improvements, but her grades are still mostly 60s to 605s. including English, which is ridiculous). So all I can say is Wow, Gabby, good job, you didn't cut any classes this quarter. I feel so disappointed. I had such high hopes for her having a bright future, but she is so lazy that I frankly am worried about what is going to become of her. And I'm so tired of her yelling and picking fights with me all the time. I think maybe I need to go away for a bit and clear my head.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 6:00 pm 
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I'm so sorry torque! I know how hard this is. I was pegged as having "too high of expectations" at one point. Too high? I expect no zeros and to see some kind of studying before tests. That is it! Ugh. I don't know what to say except hang in there! Hopefully she'll have a turning point and realize you are trying to help her. <3

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 6:05 pm 
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I'm so crazy proud of Shae for how he's dealing with his friend's illness! He said he couldn't handle just sitting around knowing it's happening without helping, so he asked me to make some pins (with his designs) for him to sell to raise money. He made $35 the first 2 days and then family saw our facebook posts about it and started sending donations. He's up to $285 in just a few days! So rad. His friend & his family love the pins and were so thankful to Shae for doing it and Shae was just like "This is nothing, this is the very least I can be doing for you guys" and my heart is all squishy right now.

So incredibly happy that he is showing so much compassion, but also, super in love with seeing this kind of self motivation coming from him!

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 6:06 pm 
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Thanks Kelly. It really means a lot, sometimes I feel I am the only one trying to hold back the sea here.

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James Joyce doesn’t give a twopenny damn, but Marie Kondo does. Oh, bother. --J O'Donogue, JT


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