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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 1:05 pm 
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At the risk of mansplaining, it appears that menstrual synchrony might be not actually a thing?

http://www.thenakedscientists.com/HTML/questions/qotw/question/1000011/

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=do-women-who-live-together-menstruate-together

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 1:44 pm 
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Well, it is in this house. And I find it hard to whip out all of my personal experiences with various female roommates.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 1:54 pm 
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"evidence is spotty" bwah

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 9:48 pm 
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Grew up in a house where there were up to five menstruating women at a time, never had a sync up. I college I lived in the only all women dorm on campus for three years and out of an abundance of scientific curiosity we actually did a survey of the dorm. No synchronicity. Granted in college half of them might have been on the pill, but even so. My roommates were never on the pill and they didn't sync up to me anyway. I think it's bogus.


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 10:30 pm 
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Perhaps, but it is still my experience.

In other news, the middle was suspended from school today.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 7:12 am 
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torque wrote:
ha, we are a house of women and i am sort of relieved that so far, we are unsynced. not sure if i could handle the hormonal silliness, although the way it is we have about two weeks a month when SOME person is extremely dangerous.

i forgot to post that i emailed guidance at school on monday. not sure if i mentioned it here but we had some drama.

they told me, when i registered, that there were no levels or different courses, that all kids have to study the same content, as mandated by state curriculum, so she would just go where there was room.

BUT, my mother happens to be friends with the mother of the science teacher, and she was visiting said mother when science teacher came over, and this teacher mentioned to my mom, when asked how it was going, that she was concerned that Baggy was "bored in class since she seems to have done it all before." then mentioned, and I can't BELIEVE that she would say this out loud, and not to the guardian!!! that she was in "the slow track".
Now, to be fair, she transferred in failing math and science, so I can't fault them for putting her on the slow track. The math still has not sped up *at all*, and when the teacher put up an equation on the board to introduce the chapter (and sort of scare the kids, i think), Baggy solved it "because i had nothing else to do in class" and the teacher was impressed. Now this is my kid the lazy slug, solving an equation because there was nothing else to do made me think maybe it was time to take action.
so i emailed guidance, and lo and behold, she was tested yesterday (again, when we registered they told us that there was no need to test) and she should have a new schedule on Monday. I am a little relieved. But damnit, if we hadn't happened to know the family or whatever, nothing would have changed! [i guess that is school for you anywhere, right.]
and we're enjoying our week of sanity. she had her friend over (the one, not the whole gaggle or the boys) and they had fun.


I obviously have no knowledge of what's going on other than what you've mentioned here, but my first thought when hearing that they put your kid in the "slow track" and misled you about it makes me think that this could be discrimination based on your immigration status...like, they made an assumption about your kid's intelligence and about your likelihood of figuring out that their system doesn't work they way they told you it did? I don't know, but something about the fact that they misled you about the slow track, and that the science teacher had no idea that the family wouldn't know, is raising a red flag for me. I just can't imagine a school thinking they could get away with "slow tracking" a kid without the parent/guardian knowing, unless they had made some really forked up assumptions about that family not being able to find out.

(I think "immigration status" might be the wrong term, but I'm not sure what the right one is...but, what I mean is, discriminating against your family because you're coming from another country.)

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 7:39 am 
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That sounds like a normal lazy school system to me. New kid was failing science in previous school? Lower level class. It's so sad how little thought is put into each individual child's needs in education.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 1:47 pm 
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choirqueer wrote:
what I mean is, discriminating against your family because you're coming from another country.)

now THAT was the blood center, open and obvious too. it kills me since i love to donate blood, and i really believe in voluntary blood donation, but those mustards make it all bad for everyone, and i hope they all feel sorry about that one day and issue apologies and oreos to everyone.

As for the school, maybe, but I doubt it. There is not exactly a plethora of diversity here, but they have been nothing short of friendly, if only because between my mother and I we know just about all the staff (small town). It just seems to be the usual public school BS (it was the same way a million years ago when i went to this school too-- the official line was there were no "levels", but when I asked to be put in the Olympics of the Mind i was told I was in "the wrong science and math". lots of admin BS and doubletalk).

But there is something interesting here- nobody was expecting that the Brazilian system would be 3+ years ahead of what's being taught in math and science. Same with history (she had philosophy last year? year before?) and foreign language. I guess with many immigrant kids from Asia or Europe they sort of expect them to be ahead, especially WRT math, but it's funny to see people kind of put it together and go "huh". [third world indeed....]

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 1:49 pm 
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also, kfad, what the heck happened??

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 7:13 pm 
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She was caught being particularly stupid. And they suspended her. Now, keep in mind that this is the charter school we sent her to when she was having troubles in traditional school (or rather when the traditional school was having trouble with her).
She is back in counseling and hard core lock down.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 6:51 pm 
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uh oh. well, at least they suspended her and there were no worse consequences (penalty or natural consequences). i think about the stupid shiitake i did as a kid and that i could have been arrested, or gotten hurt or killed, and i don't know how my mother survived. or didn't kill me.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 7:21 pm 
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They may still kick her out of the school. I won't find out until the meeting on Wednesday. If that happens I think I will end up homeschooling her. Not really something I am looking forward to. But maybe a necessary evil, if you will.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 6:24 am 
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oh my gosh. well, i hope that whatever happens on wed is what you're hoping for - sounds like a complex situation maybe (hard to tell).

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 09, 2013 1:30 pm 
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She was returned to school conditionally. Which means that if she even is late for a class she risks expulsion.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Mon Oct 21, 2013 7:02 pm 
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The 13 year old is in the other room teaching herself Italian. It is hysterical.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 8:31 am 
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so, kid wants to bleach her hair to super light and do it deep blue. whole head. in the past i've let her do partial head but this time she's insistent. she's 13, i think it's a bit early for this stuff. she's been crying for three days now. i told her that i won't talk to her about this topic til after halloween, end of discussion.
so now i need some help here.
I've always just said "meh, it's just hair" but this process in specific is a little more involved and serious than previous ones. It's not just cost but continued maintenance. and i've done this myself, in college, and i do remember manic panic staining everything. EVERYTHING.

Beyond this, i'm having a harder time justifying why i feel this is a bad thing.

she will go back to brazil in a few months and start a new school, at which point the dye will have washed out and she'll just have nasty, fried hair (our hair doesn't do dye well and god knows we've tried). and she'll be the girl with the weird hair.
where we are now, besides just being "the girl with the blue hair" she will certainly be drug tested (my mother works at the clinic where they bring the kids and that was the first thing out of her mouth, "all the drug test kids have funny colored hair", hello small town america) and treated differently (which is what she's going for. she told me yesterday that the is tired of being the sparrow, she wants to be the macaw. i refrained from asking her if she wanted to be the bald, turkey-looking macaw when her overbleached hair falls out).
Mr T would just say "let her do it" which is how he responds to anything she wants to do that i am reticent about. my mother agrees it's too early for involved salon things and pro-level nails/hair/etc.

i'd love any input. should i just continue the "it's only hair" and let her do whatever the hell she wants? i can't have it be a reward for anything, there have been no grades out yet. As usual, i can't tell if i'm being a hypocrite or a good parent. or a bad parent. or none or all.

(PS this is not related to a halloween costume, which was my first thought).

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 8:57 am 
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That is such a hard one, torque. We have been through the same thing. And I think it started about that age (this is with the middle one who is now 16). I was super uncomfortable with the bleach and color thing too.
For me, it was the maintenance and knowing I would be the one needing to be on top of it, if it were to look good. And the cost was no small matter. Also, for me, I was aware of all the extra stuff she was going through at school and that her desire to color her hair bubble gum pink was a reflection of that. She was miserably picked on for being quirky and out and I think she just wanted to give them all the finger.
We had a talk about the non-emotional aspects. And about what she wanted in the short term future. I broke down the money and told her she would have to help pay for it.
And after all that she backed down. She realized that in the short term the awesome hair could wait until she was able to do it on her terms with no restrictions. Which around here means, no repercussions from school and she pays. Now that she has a job she doesn't want to do that anymore. I just have to talk her down from going to a shitty tattoo place who will scratch her before she is 18.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 9:24 am 
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Torque, you might start by looking at the school dress code. It's possible unnaturally colored hair isn't allowed.


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 9:41 am 
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kfad,thanks for your input.
mollyjade, that was my first thought (wouldn't that be great, right). sadly, there is only short paragraph about dress code. incidentally, is shorter than the snowball policy.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 10:42 am 
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My parents "let" me dye my hair pink when I was 14, because it was just hair, and if it looked stupid and I regretted it, it would grow. It was 1994 and I was into Green Day and wanted to break away from my goodie-goodie image. My pink hair was awesome and I'm totally glad I did it at an age where there were no professional repercussions.

I suffered socially for standing out too much, and got called a poseur constantly, I guess for not being a real punk? (Is anyone a real punk in 8th grade? Definitely not in Maine.) middle school is all about conformity, and having unusual hair definitely made me a target. Don't know if that would bother Baggy, or if being an outcast is exactly what she's hoping for.

My two cents: it will grow out, and if kids are mean about it, she's moving soon anyway. I think it's a relatively harmless way to give her some autonomy, to let her try on an identity and see how it feels. And you would get one million cool points.


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 12:47 pm 
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Blue hair can fade to gray. Is she ready for a head of gray hair in about a month?

Also, double process means the salon. She could lose her hair trying it on her own. I would let her try some serious highlights but even if she just wanted to go to a blonde or light brown, I would likely not allow it because the maintenance would be horrendous.

If she does her whole head, there is likely to be some cutting and ANOTHER visit to the salon to restore her hair to it's natural color. Then she will be redyeing it until the bleached parts grow out. Maybe see if there is a hip stylist nearby who can help her get something groovy without frying her head?

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 1:35 pm 
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Is there any shade of blue that wouldn't require bleaching the hair? If so, maybe she could do one of those newer dip dye processes, which would make the growing out easier since the color is on the bottom and has sort of an ombre effect. (Plus she'd only have to cut off the bottom part of her hair if she hated how it faded)

I wouldn't underestimate what a salon can do that doesn't look totally crazy.. At one point last year I had purple lowlights, and you really wouldn't have even visually recognized it as "purple" without looking pretty closely - with the rest of my highlights and hair it looked totally normal. (Not natural exactly because I think highlights rarely do, but definitely within the range of professionally acceptable)


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:17 pm 
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thank you so much for your help guys. i am in the middle of another big mess right now and am filing away your answers to ruminate on later.

salon is pretty much out of the question financially. i am willing to foot amateur stuff but i don't have the cash to do a pro job.
we will have a good convo about what she's trying to achieve. and what other alternatives might be possible. also, her friend who supposedly was going to dye her hair white yesterday, it turns out it's strawberry blond. maybe someone else had a strong shot of reality and that may help.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 7:54 am 
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Well, I have an obvious bias* :) but I would let her do it. But I mean, apart from the fact that I am always in favor of awesome hair colors, it's pretty much the absolute least harmful thing a teenager can do to their body that makes them feel empowered and like they have control over their body. Sure it might come out funny, but she's a tough kid, she can deal with that. It might also come out awesome and she'll be super happy, and teenagers who are super happy about ANYTHING about their bodies are going to have a way easier time of it no matter what the other kids say about them.

*my obvious bias for anyone who doesn't know me: I've had purple hair for almost a decade.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Oct 24, 2013 8:07 am 
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CQ, that's exactly what I was trying to say, but you said it more coherently.


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