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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 20, 2014 2:37 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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Sweetie! He is very courageous.
How is the tube in terms of staying in? is it taped to his face somehow?

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 20, 2014 2:44 pm 
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Arisaig wrote:
I think the only thing he won't be able to do is camping with his Scout troop, but only because the pump has to be charged for 12 hours a day.


What about some sort of external battery? Does the pump require a lot of energy to charge?


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 20, 2014 3:02 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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also, i know you mentioned your father had a jtube, but if i can help answer any questions, my kid had NG and G tubes, everything from trickle 24 hour feedings to big gravity boluses to sitting there with a calculator figuring out how to do it during power outages or while the pump was broken (i want to say ours was a kangaroo).
Spoiler: show
and not for nothing but when she first had the NG tube she kept barfing it up so they taught me how to place it so we wouldn't have to go to the doctor, and of course I wouldn't do it until I tried it to see how it felt, and all I have to say is that your son deserves a bloody medal for placing his own tube.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 20, 2014 5:23 pm 
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Arisaig — your kid is a total trouper. A real bad-ass.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 2:50 pm 
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Thanks everyone, and thanks for the offer torque. It sounds like you went through it all (and I know there was way more to your daughter's medical involvement than gastric tubes).

So far so good - He went on a Scout scavenger hunt all day Saturday, then had a league soccer game last night (we taped the unplugged tube and pinned it to his jersey). It is already taped to his face full time with tegaderm tape, so it won't pull out of his stomach, but we taped it to the back of his neck as well for the game.

When the full time feeds are finished sometimes they continue with them only at night (eating real food during the day) and the kids put in and take out their own tubes every freaking day.

~Sz, I have thought of an external battery pack. Scouts are creative and if he wants to go camping we would do our best to come up with a solution. The battery does not seem to draw as much power as they told us it would. We have waterproof bags we could put it in. Then if something happened I would only be an hour away from the camp.


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 7:01 pm 
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I am so glad to hear it is going well! He is a total champ. Just think of all the gross-out things he will be able to do with spaghetti when all this is just a memory. ;-P

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 7:32 pm 
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Awesome Arisaig. You have one amazing little guy. So many props to him and to you both. Here's to camping! (If he wants to.)


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2014 6:03 pm 
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I'm so impressed with your son & your attitudes, Arisaig! <3 Thinking of you both.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2014 6:49 am 
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So I wonder, does anyone change their wifi password every day? I am considering this as the only road to sanity in my house. Of course, I can't even remember my phone number, so I'm a bit hesitant.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2014 8:12 pm 
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I would fail at that miserably. But it's a good idea in theory!

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sat Mar 08, 2014 7:38 am 
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i'm failing in practice too.
we have had so many ups and downs lately that i have not wanted to even write about them here because i feel like such a drama queen. but we seem to be in a good space today, at least.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sun Mar 09, 2014 6:34 am 
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That would drive me crazy. I would do it if I thought it was necessary though. Would have to write it down somewhere though, ha. We've got things going on here, torque, but I am grateful we don't have the daily drama you have, a lot of which would be alleviated if you gave less of a shiitake about your kid . IOW good job, someday they'll appreciate it, right?


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Mon Mar 10, 2014 11:27 am 
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thank you for the vote of confidence. i wish my partner and i had more reconcilable parenting styles. i mean, i love him dearly, but parenting seems to be the red button for him- get near it and he's a wreck, talking about parenting, even during a calm time when we're alone, is laughable.
i think i will install one of those fire risk meters in my house, you know, the smokey the bear ones. Risk of fire is low today.

She is a good kid. I think most of the problem is the other parent, who is a bit of a diva. We were squabbling and he came in and I swear, struck a puffed-up chest diva pose and announced "I will drop dead right here in the kitchen if you two don't stop arguing" (it sounds even more opera-worthy in portuguese) and continued with a little aria about how this terrible fighting is causing him to have a heart attack. We (kid and I) looked at each other and I could tell she was thinking just what I was thinking- we weren't even fighting, we were just having our usual low-level give-and-take. Should we tell him that? Nah.
I asked him if he knew any families with teenage girls, was he aware that they squabble? or even teenagers in general? He said no, children should never fight with their parents. He certainly never did. (his mother has told me otherwise).

There have been other operatic interactions lately, they are pretty funny. I am trying to just keep a sense of humor about all of this.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2014 9:20 am 
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If we changed thew wifi password, it would result in so much lawyering, haranguing, and melodramafying it might actually kill us.

But I love the idea.

Screen time is a daily battle and source of stress, yelling, and tears so I sometimes fantasize about tossing all our electronic devices in Elliott Bay.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2014 8:30 am 
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we still haven't do the wifi thing (i know i will lock us out), but things have been improving. I have to spill the beans somewhere so....
[needless to say, cosplay is The Reason For Living around here and the major focus of everything.]
the following is a brief summary of our lives recently.

-moved back to Brazil, summer vacation for a month. "Oh I am so lonely I could die."
-school starts, she hates it. "Stupid people, stupid school, so lonely."
-multiple cosplay events, makes a bunch of new friends, all of whom are 18+. "What do you mean I can't go to Nana's 21st birthday party?! this is so unfair!"
-difficulty adjusting to new schedule and chores, resulting in guest appearances by the Diva.
-finally makes a friend in her new class. Both start getting bullied by the class nasty girls. The new friend has a 17-year-old sister who waits outside the school gate and fixes the bullies good.

--brief interlude for Carnaval, during which we go stay with crazy relatives, all get the flu, and she inexplicably has a breakdown in Chinatown over which pair of false eyelashes to buy and is consoled by a group of passing out-of-drag drag queens who more than make up for my inability to help with makeup issues.--

-we come back from Carnaval and she announces she is going to the mall with a friend to see a movie. I am working and doing appointments that day so when she calls and starts yelling at me I tell her to call her father and hang up. My client and I (oh the shame) laugh and I grind my teeth. Later that week she tells me she had a backpack and money and was going to run away that day but decided not to. (i count that as a positive. she didn't and she told me, right?)
-call from the school counselor announcing that after all my research and networking about resources for queer girls, she is now interested in dating a boy (and went to the counselor to talk about it. this kid is something.).

I can only laugh because this kid is me through and through.

We seem to be making headway on getting work done. this new school is so boring (she's repeating the last year and has done it all already) that we're requiring she do khan academy or something to keep her brain working. The rule is one KA video and a duolingo in the morning. also we had to take away the phone at night because she was texting til 4 am. it took me about two months to figure this out. It's still a process. but at least she's helping around the house without me haranguing her too much. This is the first week I've thought maybe wifi meddling was not necessary, and that maybe things will all work out okay. I can't believe how open she is with me about most everything. I never ever would have trusted my own mother like that. I'm really grateful.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2014 9:15 am 
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torque wrote:
-call from the school counselor announcing that after all my research and networking about resources for queer girls, she is now interested in dating a boy (and went to the counselor to talk about it. this kid is something.).


You know that doesn't make her any less queer, if she's queer, right? It's still important and awesome for you to be doing all that research and networking!

Why is the school counselor calling you about that though? Shouldn't her conversations with the school counselor be private between her and the counselor? Or is it not like that in Brazil?

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:11 am 
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oh no, and i hate the idea that there even has to be an identification. i find it so funny because her actions basically fit right in with our "family values"- i.e. individual value over labeling. i see the way i wrote that doesn't sound particularly accepting of this scheme, sorry about that, not meant that way. my "this kid is something" is awe, not disgust.

as for confidence, law and practice here are so far apart I don't know what to tell you (though my US experience has sadly been that counselors will spill beans whenever possible). i was surprised to find the school even had a counselor. she called me because the counselor's advice was for Baggy to come home and talk to us about the subject and have us write a note saying that we had talked to her and accept the situation (part of this proof of our adherence to the school's strict anti-PDA policy, and the other part is a reaction to a lot of young student pregnancy lately and I think they're trying to cover their posteriors). I wrote the note, and she called me to confirm that I had written it, not the kid- my writing is so bad I have to type these things and she found it dubious, so we talked.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:14 am 
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PS. I know this is not the perfect place for this, but since I think your eyes will see this, I want to say it out loud- I love it that you are so quick to respond and to educate kindly about diversity, about feelings, about options, and about dignity. I have learned SO MUCH from you and not just about crocheting arthropods. You are a real asset to us here, CQ.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:35 am 
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Shorty is "dating" a boy. I put that in quotes because they never do anything outside of school and rarely even hold hands. But she says she is dating him and so it stands.
But she still identifies as queer. I don't know what that means for her. But I do know that at 13 she is more educated about it than I was at 30.

Anyway... why is my baby dating?!?!?!?!?!

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:39 am 
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torque wrote:
oh no, and i hate the idea that there even has to be an identification. i find it so funny because her actions basically fit right in with our "family values"- i.e. individual value over labeling. i see the way i wrote that doesn't sound particularly accepting of this scheme, sorry about that, not meant that way. my "this kid is something" is awe, not disgust.


That's what I figured...I almost didn't say anything but I was just so surprised by what it sounded like I was reading that I had to make sure. ;-)

as for confidence, law and practice here are so far apart I don't know what to tell you (though my US experience has sadly been that counselors will spill beans whenever possible). i was surprised to find the school even had a counselor. she called me because the counselor's advice was for Baggy to come home and talk to us about the subject and have us write a note saying that we had talked to her and accept the situation (part of this proof of our adherence to the school's strict anti-PDA policy, and the other part is a reaction to a lot of young student pregnancy lately and I think they're trying to cover their posteriors). I wrote the note, and she called me to confirm that I had written it, not the kid- my writing is so bad I have to type these things and she found it dubious, so we talked.[/quote]

Wow...yeah, it sounded like something that was probably really different between US and Brazilian culture, so I was trying to wrap my mind around it. I mean, yeah, sometimes US counselors will spill beans, but it would be expected and appropriate for the kid to be outraged if that happened. I occasionally had a counselor/therapist do something like that when I was a teen, and I never spoke to those individuals again once I found out they'd broken confidentiality.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:42 am 
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torque wrote:
PS. I know this is not the perfect place for this, but since I think your eyes will see this, I want to say it out loud- I love it that you are so quick to respond and to educate kindly about diversity, about feelings, about options, and about dignity. I have learned SO MUCH from you and not just about crocheting arthropods. You are a real asset to us here, CQ.


Aw thanks! This made me smile so much. <3 <3

P.S. Octopi are cephalopods. Arthropods have exoskeletons :D

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2014 11:10 am 
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I didn't mention being queer to my parents until my 20s mostly because I didn't have the vocabulary to explain it and was afraid that I would go through the hassle then date boys anyway and wouldn't be taken seriously, so I just think it's awesome that both of your kids are so open about it and that you guys are so there for them!

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2014 11:40 am 
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I was very lucky to have some people to help educate me before my kids came out (one identifies as a lesbian and one as queer) so that I could be as supportive as possible.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2014 12:23 pm 
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i just feel very lucky to have the resources I have.

CQ. the same thing happened to me in school and had ridonkulous consequences. i never thought about what my rights were. you would hope things would have improved, but last year in the US, her counselor told me stuff that surprised me. they are so drug-terrified in that school that i think they've done a patriot-act on any rights that students used to have.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's chat about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sat Mar 15, 2014 2:15 pm 
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F suitcase is home, filled with dinner table stories about examine cat poop for parasites and finding her retainer in the pig poop in the barn. Love this kid.
Also, tho she is taking the agricultural animal science classes, she has assured us she is absolutely is not heading in that direction career wise.


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