| Register  | FAQ  | Search | Login 
It is currently Fri Mar 06, 2015 9:56 am

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 11 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2015 11:59 pm 
Offline
Dislikes Rick Santorum
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:51 am
Posts: 5900
Location: United States of New England
looking for peoples' experiences with kids who didnt go to day care or other early year type programs that would be similar (like pre-preschool)

i went to visit my best friend today whose daughter is a month older than BP and currently she goes to daycare 3 days a week and she was saying how she is thinking of putting her into a Montessori program she found next year instead of day care (next year i assume being this fall as in the next school year).

to be fair her daughter is on the developmental fast track and has done everything early and is talking and singing songs and more than ready to be potty trained. she tells them when she went to the bathroom and can pull her pants up and down, etc
so she thought a Montessori program would be good to capitalize on the fact that she is talking and singing, etc rather than a daycare where it's someone who is basically just watching her all day (her words not mine).

in my mind i was like ACK!!!! any school type thing has been the farthest from my mind.

BabyPunk is basically anti-social. she doesnt tolerate other toddlers being around her and basically clings to me for dear life.
this winter has been tough because we're basically shut ins. we havent gone to our playgroup in ages because of weather and then president's day. same deal with library story time.

just curious if there are other SAHPs who kept their kids at home til regular school time (either preschool or kindergarten) and if their kids ended up being light years behind socially.

i know BP is only 22 months old so she is still in what would normally be "parallel play" rather than actually being interested in other kids but she isnt really into parallel play either.

she used to be horrible with adults too and is now basically fine with them so i keep telling myself all will work itself out but the idea that someone the same age as her will be going to a school type situation in like 6 months threw me for a loop!

i do notice a pattern with her that if we continually go to the same thing (ie i saw this with story time when we went to the baby storytime) all the time she very gradually over time gets bolder so im hoping come spring we can go to things on a regular basis rather than once in a blue moon.
until then it's basically me and her 24-7.

_________________
Unimpressed Baby Blog


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 12:52 am 
Offline
Brain Made of Raw Seitan
User avatar

Joined: Sun Nov 20, 2011 12:16 pm
Posts: 1277
Location: ATX
The vast majority of SAHPs that I know (including me) send their kids to preschool primarily for their own sanity, not for their kids. I certainly don't think it's necessary, and if you're the kind of parent who is stressing about your child's development and whether or not to even send them to a private preschool, your kid is probably going to be fine and plenty enriched at home as it is! Plenty of my friends are not sending their kids to preschool, and so far they are all 100% fine socially (I mean, as 'fine' as a three-year-old can be).


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 6:52 am 
Online
Seagull of the PPK
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:46 pm
Posts: 8895
Location: Brasil
mandycoot wrote:
The vast majority of SAHPs that I know (including me) send their kids to preschool primarily for their own sanity, not for their kids.

exactly.

_________________
Buddha says 'Meh'.--matwinser
I'm just a drunk who likes fruit. -- Desdemona


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 8:51 am 
Offline
Hail Seitan!
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 8:16 am
Posts: 668
Location: NJ
I think if you go with, you know your own child, you'll be fine.

From a friend's experience there can be downsides to daycare/preschool as well. She absolutely sends them for her own sanity, but has to choose the program carefully. They went through a rough patch with her oldest where due to a combination of his development & personality at the time + daycare they ended up with a lot of bad behavior. He was in a tiny place for a while and got used to everything being kid-centered and being the center of somene's attention 100% of the time, so he didn't have the ability to just play with toys and entertain himself at home and they had loads of tantrums and problems. (he is 4 with no developmental delays; well old enough to read a book or play with blocks for 10 minutes while mom cooks dinner.)

He's also picked up behaviors & ideas he wouldn't have otherwise (monkey see monkey do!) not all of which are entirely charming. Heh.

_________________
...I am an opinionated prick not a problem solver. -matwinser

Now I remember why I try to keep a continent between me and New Jersey at all times. -torque


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 9:18 am 
Offline
Semen Strong
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 19786
Location: Cliffbar NJ
Yes, but the good thing about having a child in care is that you can blame those behaviors on someone else hahaha! Leela is home with me and still has the charming habit of chasing down little boys who annoy her and cornering them and smacking them. I have no idea where she learned it :)

I think socialization is one of those things that scare you if you're home with your kid at first, but then it turns out that there are people and animals all around and your child can easily socialize with people (and animals!) if they want to. Leela has her favorite people at Trader Joe's, her friends at the library and a bunch of friends the same age. She also really loves and is gentle with her dog and other animal friends, and that is socialization too, you know? I think if you get clear about what socialization is for you, it seems a lot less daunting! For me, socializing means that Leela can interact with a wide variety of people and use her words to negotiate for herself and is gentle with other people. So we're at 2 out of 3 hahaha.

_________________
My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 10:07 am 
Offline
Married to the wolfman
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:49 pm
Posts: 6070
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Not your target demographic, but I'll note that of my two kids, one is insanely social and ahead verbally and the other one is extremely introverted, verbally average-to-slightly-below-average, and less interested in social skills overall.

The social one (E) didn't go to preschool til he was over 2, the introverted one (M) has been in a group childcare setting since he was a few months old. I'm not convinced at all that a group setting somehow magically makes kids blossom socially.

_________________
"Hummus; a gentleman's vice." -- Mars

coldandsleepy cooks, THE BLOG!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 10:58 am 
Offline
Wears Durian Helmet
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:19 pm
Posts: 867
Location: Northern NJ
I sent both of my kids to preschool at 3 years old. While my sanity has improved with them out of the house that is not why I sent them. They needed to go. I am very introverted and antisocial. I'm even antisocial with going out with good friends sometimes. It fills me with anxiety and dread. My kids needed to learn to be social by other people. :) They needed that interaction with kids and other adults with me not around them...on that, the school is a co-op and I'm there once or twice a month in the class...but still it has been wonderful for them socially and the transition with my now 2nd grade daughter into kindergarten was so smooth and amazing. Miles, 3, is at the same school now and he has blossomed socially...that's not going to happen to every shy kid that goes to preschool but it definitely did happen to my shy daughter and I'm hoping her shy brother follows in her footsteps.

If you keep BP out of a school environment until preschool age I don't think it will make a difference at all. I do think thought that sending her when she is preschool age (3 or 4 whichever you are comfortable with) to a proper preschool...not a day care masquerading as a preschool*** can help the transition to going to school full time in Kindergarten and beyond.

***what I mean by this, at least where I live, is that daycares are renaming themselves preschools and they aren't anything a like..at least that was the case when I was looking at preschools for my daughter 5 years ago they were 2 very different things. Its a pet peeve of mine :)

_________________
The blog: good-good-things


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 12:38 pm 
Offline
Nailed to the V

Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2012 1:00 am
Posts: 560
I am a stay at home mom of two kids. One is autistic and the other is neurotypical, so believe me when I say that I understand concerns about socialization. And what I have discovered with my sample size of two is that kids pretty much are who they are when it comes to desire to be social. No amount of mommy and me classes, daycare, or preschool would have changed that my autistic child did not interact with other kids in typical ways, and I could have put my neurotypical child in a box and he would have found someone to talk to.

I did do a lot of the mommy and me classes with both when they were too little for preschool, but that was because it got us out of the house and gave us something to do. We tried music, gymnastics, art, and swimming. My daughter liked swimming best, my son loved art. Both hated music. I am glad we tried lots to get a sense of what they liked though. We found very inexpensive classes through the community center, and it was nice for us to have some structure.

I do think preschool is valuable, but I think more because it teaches kids about the structure of school and gets them used to the idea of listening to a teacher before they are expected to really be learning stuff. I have seen kids in Kinder who didn't have preschool, and it takes them a while to catch up with that aspect of it. That being said, they all eventually do seem to catch up, so I don't think it's the biggest thing in the world. You also still have a bit of time before needing to worry about that.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 1:06 pm 
Offline
Dislikes Rick Santorum
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:51 am
Posts: 5900
Location: United States of New England
thanks everyone for your experiences!
Jenna i think you kinda hit the nail on the head about our situation. we are very similar here. i have REALLY bad social anxiety and it's unbelievably hard for me to interact socially with other humans.
when we go to story time i really dont interact with the other mothers. i know i should because it would be leading by example but it's so unbelievably hard for me. just getting her out of hte house and TO storytime is a bit of a triumph for me.

my husband is also quiet though not socially inept like me so we have a quiet household. we dont really have people over except my parents on occasion.

my worry is that BP is basically anti social. it's not that she isnt interested in other kids (which would actually still be developmentally appropriate at this age) it's that she doesnt want to be anywhere near them and is borderline scared of them.

as i said we have the weather/season working against us right now so when spring comes i think we will fare better but it would be nice to be able to have her around other kids and be ok about it and interact with toys and stuff.

she will probably be a good candidate for preschool for the reasons you mention Jenna.
i think she will be a shy quiet kid and i think that is who she is which is not surprising considering her parents and that's fine but right now she is like GET THAT KID AWAY FROM ME

im hoping that like everything else with her when she passes some developmental milestone all of a sudden she will be fine.

im kind of interested in the idea of homeschooling (have done ZERO research so far because well shes not even 2 yet) but my main concern is that i would be isolating her because *I* am so anti social.

c&s that's interesting about the one kid who has had more daycare but is more quiet/introverted. i guess that really speaks to nature vs nurture and just kids' own personalities!

tlish that's a good point about animals! we have 5 pets and i found that there are some animal sanctuaries not super far from here that i want to take her to in the spring plus she already went to an animal shelter with me once to get 2 new guinea pigs!

_________________
Unimpressed Baby Blog


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 2:14 pm 
Offline
Chip Strong

Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2011 8:18 pm
Posts: 964
Giles is 2.5 and has been going to a church run "mother's day out" program for 3-4 hours per day 3 days a week. His Speech therapist and developmental specialist both say that since he started going they have seen a dramatic difference in how he interacts with them becoming more interested in turn taking, functional play, communication attempts, as well as following directions. When we take him to the playground he actively goes up to kids and tries to join in whatever game they are playing now whereas before he ignored them.

Now what part of this came from being in "school" and what part was just natural development I don't know, but I tend to think the changes happened more quickly because of the "school" environment. In addition to saving my husbands sanity and being a social outlet for him I LOVE that they do adorable craft projects where he gets to paint, glue, cut, etc without my having to get all that mess out in my house right now (he is super sensory and adores that stuff, but with a baby it is so hard to do it at my house right now!) I also have found it so cool that they have been teaching him all that stuff that he should know before kinder like numbers, letters, shapes, colors. Since he doesn't talk it was kind of a huge surprise to me when I realized that he knows the letters A-R, numbers 1-10, all his colors/shapes...I don't even know what else he knows! I don't really think knowing those things at 2 is any better then knowing them at 4 or 5, but still it is pretty cool.

All that to say I love that he is in "school" and think it has been great for him. Had he not had speech/social delays though I wouldn't have thought to put him in a program. We did it entirely because we hoped being around other kids would help his communication which apparently it has. I had been so concerned he would learn bad behaviors or be sick all the time, but neither of those things has happened.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 2:37 pm 
Offline
Wears Durian Helmet
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:19 pm
Posts: 867
Location: Northern NJ
annasrobbie...Miles had/still has a speech delay due to a hearing problem and being in the school environment has made huge changes with his speech.

I agree with you about the craft project and painting things they do. I love that he gets to do that stuff everyday and that it's not being done in my house! :) Plus other things like that sand table, water table and all the winter experiments they have been doing with the ice and snow. He comes home so excited everyday.

_________________
The blog: good-good-things


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 11 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Template made by DEVPPL/ThatBigForum and fancied up by What Cheer