Sorry I wasn't clear, I was responding to Tofulish's thoughts on this.
Tofulish wrote:
I would definitely say she's probably ok once you leave, but I'd hate to be thinking that my kid was manipulating me. I find it a challenge to have to keep trying not to think positionally and try and honor her feelings as real. We have so much crying and drama over little things when she is tired, but it isn't helpful for our relationship for me to dismiss them and plough through. And she is only 11 months.
I do still think it's cruel and unreasonable to act as if a toddler is manipulating you (in the sense of being "manipulative" which is not synonymous in connotation with "manipulating her environment"). I don't think it's okay to dismiss your young child's expressions of negative feelings as if they are putting on a show to cause you distress and get their way and they don't have any basis in fact (i.e. "being manipulative"). They may ALSO be trying to achieve a goal (like to get you to stay - but isn't that something you should be glad they want for the most part?), but that doesn't mean their feelings aren't real and it really does seem unreasonable to me to assume they aren't and do what many parents do in that case - ignore them or punish them for expressing those negative emotions. It might be one thing if you have a histrionic older child who needs to learn to express himself in more functional ways, but I just don't think that applies to a young child who has no other means to express herself.
Having that attitude (what Tofulish calls "positional") toward one's children does seem cruel and unreasonable to me and I am not apologizing for having that impression.
And it might be the totally appropriate thing to drop the kid off and leave as fast as possible (that's what I do when I have to drop Malka off somewhere) in order to minimize their distress and that they behave happily as soon as you're gone, but that doesn't mean they were "manipulating" you and putting on show feelings, it just means that you're not dragging out their distress by letting them move on to the next activity quickly. Kids bounce out of emotions quickly, it doesn't make their emotions false. That's what people mean when they say kids are manipulative - it means their emotions are false and they're just trying to make you feel bad to get their way. Everybody wants to get their way, obviously (even a newborn wanting to breastfeed "wants to get their way"), but their feelings can simultaneously be honored and respected rather than denigrated.
