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 Post subject: Re: Competitive Parenting Ventilation Thread
PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 8:20 am 
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Kelly wrote:
littlebird wrote:
it gets so much better as they get older i think.


I've noticed that parents tend to compete with the bad stuff more as kids age. It always starts out as innocent venting and ends up trash talking. Leaves me thinking I'm the only person who still adores her 13 year old.


What is weird to me is that there is a group of moms I know who compete over whose kid is worse off. Who has the most and the worst illnesses. And it isn't just one or two moms... it is ten or more. It all seemed to start when they hit middle school. (It should really be noted that I avoid the high school moms like the plague)

It makes me feel just awful for these kids, because it doesn't seem any of them are getting help for any of it.

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 Post subject: Re: Competitive Parenting Ventilation Thread
PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 8:35 am 
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Bathes in Braggs
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Kelly wrote:
littlebird wrote:
it gets so much better as they get older i think.


I've noticed that parents tend to compete with the bad stuff more as kids age. It always starts out as innocent venting and ends up trash talking. Leaves me thinking I'm the only person who still adores her 13 year old.


yeah, that's true. people do love to hate on preteens and teens.


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 Post subject: Re: Competitive Parenting Ventilation Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 3:17 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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refinnej wrote:
Oi, this right here is the main reason we're planning to ditch the UK before Freya hits school age. The testing/skill inventory mentality is insane. The kids at baby G's school were expected to be reading by the end of Reception year (kids turning five during the course of the year). Baby K's mom was talking to me after their parent/child conference about how the teacher was insisting that her daughter didn't know her numbers properly up to 100 (age 4). Now, honestly, I think she does know them and just didn't feel like cooperating; she has a most excellent blank stare, but still....jeezus. If your kid can do those type of things, great, but this idea that your kid is failing/behind/the product of poor parenting is just over the top.

Whew, sorry this really really gets me worked up some days.

Mr Crabby's primary school experience was so bad, that's why he wanted us to homeschool the kids -- but his experience was bad for the opposite of what you mentioned. He said when he went to primary school, it seemed like they basically did nothing and he felt like it was a huge waste of his time.

But anyway, I totally agree with you guys that kids develop at such different rates -- especially when they are younger.


And Strawberryrock, my son didn't take his first steps until he was nearly 15 months old and didn't really walk until he was 16 or 17 months (and then walked like a gimp for another year or so) and we got so much flack for it -- like we were doing something wrong! ;p

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 Post subject: Re: Competitive Parenting Ventilation Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 8:31 pm 
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So Totally Yiffy
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Mommyjudging sucks.

Most days I feel like I am a terrible parent. I look like a terrible parent because I am pregnant with a 2 and 3 year old, often chasing them all over a parking lot with multiple bags in my hands. I don't dress them warm enough because I don't have the time to watch the news or weather, they don't eat normal food like their friends or cousins, they throw tremendous tantrums only in public, ninja their way out of shopping cart and high chair belts, have rashes, snot, or food all over their face, and they (this new adorable thing) they slap me and pull my hair in front of people because they both think its hilarious and that they are comedians.

It doesn't help me in these situations to have some smarty pants pointing out to me what the ball it was I dropped that day, and what their advice is for me.

We all look like terrible parents at one point or another, and I know that. A knowing look, and an "I've been there, hun" would make me feel better.


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 Post subject: Re: Competitive Parenting Ventilation Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 2:37 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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mrose, I always try to smile and give the knowing "girl, I have so been there" nod whenever I see that happening, although most kids here seem lethargic and are in strollers with bottles or pacifiers (not judging, I'm just saying my kids run around (we don't have a stroller) and almost nobody else seems to do that).

Something I have always noticed that I never really thought about much until lately is that when we go out, people stare at us and eavesdrop on us openly (like we are a TV programme), sometimes glaring, sometimes smiling. Usually glaring. Although yesterday, the old lady at the nearby table at the Morrison's cafe was watching us and seemed to think the kids were really cute, even when Bert started crying and beating the shiitake out of me. She looked well-chuffed while I told my husband about the midwife appointment (which I'd been to and ha hadn't -- we'd met up at the cafe).

I mean, I know I can get a bit loud and our accents are different and my kids are a little weird (and very cute), but the way people openly watch us is really really strange.

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 Post subject: Re: Competitive Parenting Ventilation Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 6:43 am 
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we got the opposite, Crabby- I'd get the looks for being the parent who takes the crying kid out of the store, or when I told family that the kid wouldn't be going to the party since she didn't do her homework. You don't DO things like that here. (it's still just as annoying to be glared at).

I always try to make eye contact and smile when i see parents who look like they are at the end of their rope or are getting nastiness from others. i've been there, and it really sucked. it makes me sad to think that other people who have been in that same situation would rather play one-up and feel superior than extend a little sympathy.

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 Post subject: Re: Competitive Parenting Ventilation Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 7:17 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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torque wrote:
we got the opposite, Crabby- I'd get the looks for being the parent who takes the crying kid out of the store, or when I told family that the kid wouldn't be going to the party since she didn't do her homework. You don't DO things like that here. (it's still just as annoying to be glared at).

I always try to make eye contact and smile when i see parents who look like they are at the end of their rope or are getting nastiness from others. i've been there, and it really sucked. it makes me sad to think that other people who have been in that same situation would rather play one-up and feel superior than extend a little sympathy.


Yeah, the "we're not coming because ______" when ______ has to do kid's behavior doesn't go well here, either.

I also had a really funny situation a few weeks back. We were in Asheville and MiniMe had basically acted like something out of a horror movie all day, but I needed to make one more non-critical stop...Ulta for some mascara. I opted to leave kid in the car with my husband and make a quick run in alone. While standing in line, the lady in front of me had two kids all over the place. She was trying but they were just everywhere. She turned to give me a wary, exasperated look, and I told her "I've had the same sort of day, I just left mine in the car because I've had enough." The brief terrified look on her face made me realize the criticalness of "with her dad" to that sentence.


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 Post subject: Re: Competitive Parenting Ventilation Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 7:50 am 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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Ha!


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 Post subject: Re: Competitive Parenting Ventilation Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 9:49 am 
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So Totally Yiffy
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bekki wrote:

I also had a really funny situation a few weeks back. We were in Asheville and MiniMe had basically acted like something out of a horror movie all day, but I needed to make one more non-critical stop...Ulta for some mascara. I opted to leave kid in the car with my husband and make a quick run in alone. While standing in line, the lady in front of me had two kids all over the place. She was trying but they were just everywhere. She turned to give me a wary, exasperated look, and I told her "I've had the same sort of day, I just left mine in the car because I've had enough." The brief terrified look on her face made me realize the criticalness of "with her dad" to that sentence.


haha! love this story!

I am definitely that other woman you saw at Ulta. My kids can unhook the belts of their stroller and just climb out so I usually have no choice but to let them bounce around a store like pinballs. I definitely have been making a habit of ordering things online these days!


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 Post subject: Re: Competitive Parenting Ventilation Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 4:22 pm 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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Heh.

I've given the "it's alright" pat on the back to more than one mom. I've been there, even before I was a mom. :D


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