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 Post subject: Hitting Incident, what would you do?
PostPosted: Fri May 22, 2015 3:50 am 
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We had an incident at the kids' fitness classes yesterday where Beet hit a kid who was on his spot (they were all standing on dots). Beet has apologised to the kid and I was going to have Beet write a letter of apology and give him a little gift, and if Beet hits another classmate, I won't let him take the class anymore. I've also had several lengthy discussions with Beet about his behaviour and controlling his temper and not hurting others. (I didn't get a chance to talk to the mom after the class, as the instructors were still talking to me while the mom and her son left, but if I see her again, I'm going to tell her I'm sorry.)

Is there anything else I can do?

The instructors didn't seem upset about it said this happens every so often, but I am a hardcore pacifist and really disapprove of bullying and violence.* I also got bullied a lot when I was a kid and only one kid's parent(s) ever did anything about it: he kid wrote me an apology and give me a present -- I knew his mom and/or dad had a hand in it, but it was the only time anyone had ever apologised for being a jerk to me and it made me feel a lot better...plus, getting a present seemed so cool! (It was a 3D cube puzzle thing.)

* (Even though Vax's imaginary friend is Putin, which I think is hilarious)

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 Post subject: Re: Hitting Incident, what would you do?
PostPosted: Sat May 23, 2015 5:29 pm 
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hey Crabby good to "see" you again even if it's on a less than awesome subject.

i dont have any specific advice for you since BP is terrified of other children and runs the other way if they get close but in general i think everything you did is the right thing.

i agree if you see the mom again it would be good to apologize.

i know kids hitting each other is common but if someone's kid hit my kid i would be rip shiitake so i would expect the mom to deal with it in the proper way so if i was the other kid's mom i would be grateful to see you address it with your kid and have him apologize and then apologizing to the mom i think is good. it just shows you dont tolerate that behavior and have addressed it.
kids are gonna hit each other but it's up to the parents to address it and deal with it.

i absolutely hate seeing parents not deal with hitting like "oh they're kids" or "let them figure it out" or god forbid my least favorite "boys will be boys"

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 Post subject: Re: Hitting Incident, what would you do?
PostPosted: Sat May 23, 2015 6:29 pm 
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Ugh, sorry that happened to you guys! Leela went through a very very very long hitting phase. We literally couldn't go anywhere without her hitting a little boy because "I hate little boys."

So that was fun. Beetie is older, so it sounds like a one off, so I'd mention it and hope it never happens again. With L we had to implement an immediate consequence. You hit, you go straight home. No rewards, no fun things, nothing. Straight home.

It was miserable, but it worked after a few weeks. Consistency is key!

Nice to see you TCC! <3

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 Post subject: Re: Hitting Incident, what would you do?
PostPosted: Sun May 24, 2015 11:14 am 
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LisaPunk wrote:
i absolutely hate seeing parents not deal with hitting like "oh they're kids" or "let them figure it out" or god forbid my least favorite "boys will be boys"

Yes. This! I get that he was frustrated because the kid stood on his dot, but he needs to learn violence is inexcusable and not that it is something you can get away with because you're a kid or a boy.

Beetie and Raygold and occasionally Vax all whoop each other every so often, I am going to be cracking down on that a lot more, too.
Tofulish, I am definitely going to draw a hard line.

Thanks for your input, girls!

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 Post subject: Re: Hitting Incident, what would you do?
PostPosted: Sun May 24, 2015 12:09 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
Ugh, sorry that happened to you guys! Leela went through a very very very long hitting phase. We literally couldn't go anywhere without her hitting a little boy because "I hate little boys."


Ok so like it's not funny when you're actually dealing with it but I burst out laughing because what a cute little misandrist.

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 Post subject: Re: Hitting Incident, what would you do?
PostPosted: Mon May 25, 2015 11:54 am 
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I think what you are planning is very good although I wouldn't remove him from class permanently if that was what you meant, just maybe go home right then from that class because I don't think you learn how to play nicely with other without actually playing with them right?

Giles is a pusher. He is so big that he can easily shove and push other children without even trying. I sometimes feel like I spend our whole outing saying, "Do NOT push" and dragging him away from the other kids, but we keep playing so that he might get the idea at some point. I do think it is a normal phase to hit or push and kids just need help in learning new behaviors. Giles can't talk so the whole apologize thing can't happen yet (of course I apologize). Someone suggested he "hug" the child he pushed but I feel that is more of a punishment for the other kid then it is for him. I certainly would not want to be hugged by someone who just pushed me out of line.


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 Post subject: Re: Hitting Incident, what would you do?
PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2015 2:34 am 
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annasrobbie wrote:
I think what you are planning is very good although I wouldn't remove him from class permanently if that was what you meant, just maybe go home right then from that class because I don't think you learn how to play nicely with other without actually playing with them right?

I do mean I would remove him permanently because Beetroot is 7 (or will be in a few days) and definitely knows better than to lose his temper and hit people, and he has plenty of other opportunities to socialise with other kids. I can't take him out of the class immediately after hitting someone because I am not there while the class is going on.

I'd probably let him start classes again after summer break, though.

This is a really nice and FREE (suggested donation of only £2!!) fitness class run by a charity full of the nicest people ever (I'm pretty crabby and don't throw rainbows and unicorns around, but these guys have a whole herd of rainbow pegasus unicorns, they are so lovely) and I don't want to ruin the experience for the other kids.

Hopefully, though, this is just a one-off and he has learned his lesson. :D

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 Post subject: Re: Hitting Incident, what would you do?
PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2015 9:32 am 
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i think your ideas so far are wonderful. Keep consistent and watch the stuff at home, but keep in mind that our kids do things we don't expect and don't espouse, usually in the most humiliating circumstances. What is much more upsetting is when a kid hits and the parent shrugs it off or doesn't care at all, or even worse, excuses it. You took responsibility, took action, and now you move on. I hope the other parent is understanding, but they are kids, this stuff happens.

I hope he learned his lesson....... oh and i would also be careful with automatically taking him out of the class because kids are smart and may consider that in the future if they don't like something, all they have to do is hit somebody and they are liberated. If you take him out of the class, you might want to make it a clear loss of privileges ("you have to miss something fun") rather than "no more class for you".

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 Post subject: Re: Hitting Incident, what would you do?
PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2015 12:14 pm 
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Random violence is still pretty normal in 6/7 year olds. That part of the brain where they figure out "I don't believe this is the right thing to do so I shouldn't impulsively do it" is far from being fully developed yet and impulsivity usually isn't related to them not actually knowing right from wrong. They just need a moment to step back from the situation and figure out what would have been more appropriate behavior and how to take a pause in the future to deal with it better. Sounds like you handled it well. I wouldn't remove him permanently from the class for the reasons already said above. Hopefully the other parent isn't weird about it.


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 Post subject: Re: Hitting Incident, what would you do?
PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2015 2:14 pm 
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Yes, but part of the reason I'd be taking him out is for the sake of the other kids. None of the other kids have hit anyone and if Beet were to keep hitting, it wouldn't be fair to them.

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 Post subject: Re: Hitting Incident, what would you do?
PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2015 2:32 pm 
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Hey, guys, everybody was so nice and understanding about the whole thing! The teachers didn't think it was a big deal ("that is SO last week!") and commiserated ("One kid got bit on the face a few years ago", "I couldn't take my son out until he was almost 8!", "You should have seen my kids in the grocery store today!") and said I was really sweet and thoughtful. The kid's mom said it was no big deal -- she was SO nice and understanding about it. And the kid was so excited to get his little present (a book and a little bag with the note of apology and some trinkets -- sea glass, sea shells, stickers, fake tattoos, and a little toy), he was doing that bouncy dance kids do when they are either happy or have to pee and haven't told you yet.

PHEW!

Beetie and Raygold had a good day in their exercise class, too. :D I swear, everyone affiliated with that organisation is SO nice, it's amazing.

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 Post subject: Re: Hitting Incident, what would you do?
PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2015 2:55 pm 
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Oh I love the idea of an atonement gift! I hope that everything is now resolved peacefully and you don't have to worry about hitting again

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 Post subject: Re: Hitting Incident, what would you do?
PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2015 3:08 pm 
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that's great Crabby! hope everything is smooth sailing from here on out!

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 Post subject: Re: Hitting Incident, what would you do?
PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2015 4:30 pm 
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what a relief. it sounds like such a wonderful place with great people.

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