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 Post subject: who does your kid(s) take after????
PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 9:51 pm 
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im kind of obsessed with the idea of nature vs nurture and i think it's cause i am so ermmm....... "different"
there are things about me where you can CLEARLY see whom i got them from and then there is a large part of me that is totally 100% me and who knows where on earth these traits came from.

now that im pregnant im totally dying to meet this kid and see her personality evolve. is she going to be like me? (poor kid) is she going to be like her daddy? (better option)
is she going to be 100% totally different from us?
is she going to be a gun toting/cow eating/republican?!?!?!?!?

for me the one thing i have heard my entire life (and damn proud of it) is "you are so your father's daughter"
i am the female version of my father to the bone. i look more like my mom but my personality is a carbon copy of my dad and his side of the family. i am sarcastic, and cynical, and cranky, and unsocial.
my mom is very outgoing and friendly and makes new friends wherever she goes. she was a hospice nurse for like 30 years for crying out loud. I GOT NONE OF THAT. i cannot deal with other humans. although sometimes i wonder if my deep compassion comes for her since being a nurse, and a hospice nurse at that, obviously she is a very caring person.
however my flaming liberalness, my deep love of animals, and my general off beat manner i have NO CLUE where they came from. most of my family is pretty "normal" and i have never fit into the normal category for anything no matter how desperately i want to sometimes.
no one in my family really is a huge animal lover except me. we didnt really have pets growing up.
music is a huge part of my life but music was not a part of my life growing up.
i have no idea where these things come from.

now im wondering what this kid will be like. me being so completely weird and different im afraid she's going to turn out to be the complete opposite of me!!
i feel like if you take my positive traits (kindness, compassion) and my husband's positive traits (SUPER laid back and calm, and also very kind) and both of our intelligence then this kid will be pretty damn awesome.

hopefully she doesnt get my anxiety and depression issues. i wouldnt wish that on anyone.

so who did your kiddoes turn out like????

this subject fascinates me!

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 Post subject: Re: who does your kid(s) take after????
PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 10:25 pm 
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Heh. I wonder about this a lot too.

It's really odd, but of all the things I worried about with regards to having children before doing it, I NEVER really put much thought into the idea that my kids might inherit the mental health issues that run rampant in my family (and, myself). Now I worry about it all the time. E has a really volatile temperament and part of me always thinks "well of course he does, he's 3" and then sometimes I'm really worried it's the earliest manifestations of bipolar disorder (which many, MANY of my close relatives have, but which I do not). Not that that would be the end of the world or anything, it's just not something I'd wish on my kid because it does bring a set of challenges along with it.

I dunno who E takes after more so far. He is so outgoing and social, and both my husband and I consider ourselves major introverts. I would say that my partner is probably more of an introvert in the "likes to socialize, but needs to be alone to recharge" variety. I'm an introvert in the "need to be alone to recharge, also dread talking to people I don't know, also sometimes dread even socializing with people I know, almost never go out of my way to see people" kind of way. So on that front, I really feel like the extroversion comes from my partner!

He looks way more like my partner too though his facial expressions look like mine. That's probably down to how much time we spend together though. He borrows phrases from both of our vocabularies, leading to hilarious mashups.

M is a baby so who the hell can say anything about his personality; however, both of my parents, upon hearing my descriptions of him as a baby say "that sounds exactly like you." He looks more like me too.

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 Post subject: Re: who does your kid(s) take after????
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 2:07 am 
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So far Malka seems a lot like her dad. Totally fearless, extroverted, energetic, physical, etc. but that might just be normal infant and not a personality issue. She is persistently cheerful which is more like me.

I am so evenly split between my biological parents even though I grew up with my mom and only got to know my dad as an adult. It's a weird thing to see since I am such a believer in nurture, but I guess personalities are more inborn.


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 Post subject: Re: who does your kid(s) take after????
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 3:29 am 
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I don't take after either of my parents (and thank goodness I did not get my dad's meek* personality or my mom's mental illness(es) and alcoholism), although I have my dad's taste for sci-fi and lite jazz (yes, I like lite jazz, wanna make somethin' of it? *gets wide*). My husband is kind of like his dad, only not sexist and my husband has interests outside of sports and food. ;p
Right now, I have no clue who Raygold takes after, as he gets a bit mopey and sulky in a way my husband and I aren't (my MIL is, but I'm hoping it's a coincidence) and is a momma's boy and a bit clingy (I don't mind!!!), but he is also very sweet. Beetroot is wild and crazy and even though I was not as physically wild around the house, Beet's quirky personality sometimes reminds me of me, but he is cheeky like my husband and definitely has his own personality.


* Before any of y'all feel insulted, I don't mean shy/introverted, I mean doormat. Which is sad because otherwise, he is a pretty cool dude, but he gets walked all over.

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 Post subject: Re: who does your kid(s) take after????
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 6:10 am 
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In my family, physically i really take after my mom [everyone remarks on it] but mentally, i really seem to take after my father and my paternal grandmother [that would be {one of} the part{s} of the family with the mental illness.] my mother is a pacifist and a gentle soul and i am a type A in-your-face grab-the-chance-by-the-balls racked-by-emotions kind of person. And have spent my whole life *trying* to become a pacifist and a gentle soul that can smile peacefully at ignorant people when i really want to scream and throw things and write drunken poetry.

my kid is very much the same as me. She can stand and perform but prefers to be alone, she overthinks everything. She professes to hate people but enjoys rewarding interactions with strangers and friends. I am not entirely sure what I can see in her of her father [aside from her physical traits, which are basically *all* him except for my teeth and man-hands] yet except for a tendency to let things slide, which I think is more of a cultural thing than an inherited trait.

oh and i think the thing i am most pleased to have inherited is my father's driving ability and sense of direction. I almost never get lost, and I'd rather be driving than doing almost anything else. I usually drive calmly but living in Brazil, one is encouraged to drive like a maniac, and lately i'm driving more and more like a Brazilian. I notice the kid also can usually orient herself well, hasn't gotten lost yet, and doesn't shriek or try to grab the wheel when we're practicing our race-car driving. I'd like to think that that part of my father will survive another generation.

ETA: re nurture- my mother always has a book in her hand and a glass of water in the other. i am exactly the same way [though my brother and sister are not]. the kid is also like this. i am glad to see that the nurture thing is also working in my family!

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 Post subject: Re: who does your kid(s) take after????
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 8:24 am 
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It must be one of the most fascinating parts about having kids is seeing them evolve and finding things that are so you or so your partner and other things that you’re like “where the fork did that come from?”
If this kid takes after my husband we will be uber-lucky parents. He is the most calm, relaxed, laid back person on the face of the planet. The kid will probably take after me though and be a ball of anxiety and mental problems and emotions and unable to cope with other humans.
Im terrified of passing on any mental health issues. I have pretty severe anxiety/depression and it just dawned on me recently that my husband has an uncle who suffers really badly from bipolar disorder and has ended up in the hospital multiple times the past couple years and has just been struggling.

It will be a fun/interesting ride for sure!

My mom told me yesterday we need to get a rocking chair for our nursery because SOMEONE (ie me) needed to be rocked to sleep by her daddy for the entire first 8 months of her life. hehehe

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 Post subject: Re: who does your kid(s) take after????
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 8:35 am 
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GooGoo physically resembles her dad far more than me. However, she appears to have inherited my personality. I hope she doesn't get the depression/anxiety end of that. But she is displaying a lot of artistic and possibly musical interest.

But here's the thing. I have tapes from when I was 5 or 6 that she has not heard, and even though she's only 3, I hear the same intonations and strange noises coming out of her mouth. There are other things she's never seen me do that I did as a kid that I've seen her do. It is uncanny and a little unnerving. Ha.

And that is all I have the patience to type on the iPad while the cat is on my chest

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 Post subject: Re: who does your kid(s) take after????
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 8:38 am 
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LisaPunk wrote:
Im terrified of passing on any mental health issues.

you know, i was too, but after actually reflecting a bit- you figure anyone really has the capacity to develop mental health issues such as anxiety or PSTD, whether you have a genetic propensity or not. By having mental health issues yourself, and talking frankly with your offspring [or any other person you know] about it, you're really a great resource for other people than you are a liability. I'm pushing 40 and just found out recently about MORE mental illness in my family that had just been swept under the rug for years and years. And when I was dealing with PPD it was quietly murmured among the aunties that my grandmother had been the same way nobody had said, you know, you should talk to her, this is not just you, there are options for you. I like the idea that by opening the door, letting some light in, and being honest, I am opening the way for my kid [and others] to not feel guilty or defective.

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 Post subject: Re: who does your kid(s) take after????
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 1:06 pm 
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I grew up in this weird little nature vs. nurture experiment. I have one biological sister. I have two adopted sisters who were each others biological sisters. It was very interesting to see the ways in which we were the same and different. Mostly we were all just sisters, but there were little ways in which biology seemed to take over.

My kids physically look like my husband. And I mean seriously look just like him. My DD looks like a feminine version of him, but it looks like I had nothing to do with the making of them at all. Personality wise, they are a mix but DD is much more like her dad and DS is much more like me. DD seemed to get my love of reading though and DS got his dad's love of legos. But they are 3 and 5, so we'll see how that changes over time.

I have come to the conclusion that it's mostly nature, with nurture able to either bring out someone's best or worst. I have no science behind that assertion, but it's been my experience. So as a mom, I try to just let my kids be whoever they are, and provide an environment that will bring out their best.


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