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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 2:58 pm 
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So sorry for what you're going through, mitten and tofulish.


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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Aug 13, 2013 1:06 pm 
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Hearts James Cromwell

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I'm so sorry, mittenmacher and Tofulish.

Thank you for sharing on this sad topic. I hope it helps you, and many other PPKers who previously felt alone.


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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 7:53 pm 
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I'm sorry to bump an old thread. . . My heart goes out to both of you.

I had my second miscarriage a few months ago and am really struggling. I've yet to have a viable pregnancy and now I yearn even more for a child. I know I'm not financially ready or mature enough anyway, but still I can't keep from wanting. . .

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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 11:55 pm 
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Semen Strong
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I am so sorry for your loss oddspongeout. Sending you lots of good thoughts.

Are you able to access any therapeutic support for your loss?

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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 3:17 pm 
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Hi oddsponge. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is the worst.

A book I'd recommend is Coming to Term by Jon Cohen. He's a science writer whose wife had four miscarriages. The book gets into the medical stuff around conception and miscarriage and helped me realize just how difficult it actually is to make a human. So many things can go wrong, and it doesn't mean you're defective, or that you're doomed to miscarry again and again. And sometimes a miscarriage isn't technically something going "wrong," but your body's quality control system functioning correctly. (Don't get me wrong, it still sucks that you had to go through it, but it helps me to think that my miscarriages don't necessarily mean I'm defective.) You look around and see all these pregnant women, and it seems like having babies comes naturally to everybody else... But there's a lot more loss than we realize--people just don't talk about it.

Is your doctor inclined to do any testing to find a possible cause for your miscarriages? After my second loss I had a hysterosalpingogram (uterus X-ray) and a ton of bloodwork (thrombotic panel).

As for me, shiitake is so bad right now that I think losing my last pregnancy was a blessing. If I'd stayed pregnant I would have had a baby just as my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And that is such an emotional forking mess, postpartum hormones are the last thing I need.


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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 6:24 pm 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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Oh geez, mitten, I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. Pancreatic cancer has taken several of my acquaintances' parents. Does he live nearby?


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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 6:59 pm 
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refinnej wrote:
Oh geez, mitten, I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. Pancreatic cancer has taken several of my acquaintances' parents. Does he live nearby?


Twenty minutes away, but we're basically estranged. The whole situation is awful awful awful, which is why I'm finding a silver lining in not having a newborn right now.


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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 12:27 am 
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mittenmacher wrote:
Hi oddsponge. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is the worst.

A book I'd recommend is Coming to Term by Jon Cohen. He's a science writer whose wife had four miscarriages. The book gets into the medical stuff around conception and miscarriage and helped me realize just how difficult it actually is to make a human. So many things can go wrong, and it doesn't mean you're defective, or that you're doomed to miscarry again and again. And sometimes a miscarriage isn't technically something going "wrong," but your body's quality control system functioning correctly. (Don't get me wrong, it still sucks that you had to go through it, but it helps me to think that my miscarriages don't necessarily mean I'm defective.) You look around and see all these pregnant women, and it seems like having babies comes naturally to everybody else... But there's a lot more loss than we realize--people just don't talk about it.

Is your doctor inclined to do any testing to find a possible cause for your miscarriages? After my second loss I had a hysterosalpingogram (uterus X-ray) and a ton of bloodwork (thrombotic panel).

As for me, shiitake is so bad right now that I think losing my last pregnancy was a blessing. If I'd stayed pregnant I would have had a baby just as my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And that is such an emotional forking mess, postpartum hormones are the last thing I need.


I will look into that book! I keep fearing that I won't be able to carry a baby, ever. And my doctor didn't seem to want to test. I think her thought is, "well, if they're accidents that went wrong, how bad is it?" Like. . . Once I start trying and something goes wrong, then we can worry. A lot of people feel that way. . . And I get it. Vitamins, nutrition, chemicals. . . I'm not living like a pregnant woman, so when it takes me by surprise, I can't catch up. If I live like a pregnant woman from day one, maybe things will work out?

And I'm really sorry to hear that. ):

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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 9:32 am 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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mittenmacher wrote:
refinnej wrote:
Oh geez, mitten, I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. Pancreatic cancer has taken several of my acquaintances' parents. Does he live nearby?


Twenty minutes away, but we're basically estranged. The whole situation is awful awful awful, which is why I'm finding a silver lining in not having a newborn right now.


Urgh, sounds pretty rotten. I remembered you posting once before about moving closer to your family, I'd thought and how you still struggled to have them babysit. :) Perhaps the next silver lining you find will be some healing between you and your dad. ((hugs))

@oddsponge, that "it's never going to happen" feeling is so familiar to many of us here at the PPK. Dealing with miscarriages, negative tests, etc. while seemingly everyone around you has fat baby bellies...it is the worst. I actually remember once too, after Freya came along, I was getting off the bus and stood there fiddling with her pram or something and when I looked up, I saw one of my fellow passengers staring at us from the window, and I knew, I don't know how, but just *knew* that she was feeling that same longing. Now, it could've been a child she'd lost or something too, but whew, it was a strange moment. I wished so bad that I'd noticed before I was off the bus, so that I couldn't offered a kind word.


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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 1:52 pm 
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Semen Strong
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Another failed pregnancy, and more cytotech. I am so glad I left notes so I could remember what it was actually like :)

I am disappointed, because it feels like I spent SO LONG feeling exhausted and nauseous and pregnant (9 weeks! the whole winter holidays! I slept away SO much of the time B had at home) and I let Leela watch so many hours of shitty television and didn't cook for so long because everything made me feel nauseous. So now she is used to screen time and eating the crappy food Brett made for her. So basically I was a really shitty parent for 2 months. And I feel like it would have been worth it to give her a sibling and have another kiddo, but now its just a waste of time. And I feel like at 42 maybe the odds are just too far out of my favor for me to ever have a second kiddo.

The good stuff is that my stepmother has tickets for us for Disney at the end of August (when it will be insanely hot, but that is the time her other grandchildren are off school), and its going to be so nice for L to have time with her cousins and I can go down and not be ginormously pregnant. And I don't have to worry about my milk drying up or how we are going to figure out the co-sleeping with a second kiddo any longer. And I can actually get back to eating well, like I was in August, and hopefully can kick some of my really terrible eating habits. And if they call me for that job in Raleigh, I'll actually be able to interview and maybe move on to another job. And I should just brush up my resume and start looking again, because I'm starting to feel like L is slowly getting to the age where she'd actually like being in a school setting. And most of all, I have one amazing, perfect kiddo and I don't have to worry about how hard its going to be having a newborn in the house again and how to deal with a toddler, an incontinent dog and a newborn.

I'm focusing on the positive, and planning some nice things for the next few weeks (HURRAH for having lots of energy again!).

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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 2:02 pm 
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Ah Tofulish, I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you feel back to normal soon.

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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 2:22 pm 
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Tofulish, I'm really sorry to read that. Glad you've got some good stuff to focus on as well though.

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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 2:49 pm 
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I'm so sorry for your loss Tofulish.

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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 2:59 pm 
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I hate that you are going through this again. I do hope you get to do some nice things for yourself like you said and get your health back!


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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 3:14 pm 
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Oh, no, I am so very sorry. I know you've been feeling like 57 varieties of shiitake these past weeks, but you are NOT a shitty parent; right now you need to look after yourself, snuggle that beautiful (and delicious) girl, and continue thinking about the positive stuff in your future. I'm sending big puppy and kitty hugs your way; you know where to find me if you need an ear/shoulder. XOXO

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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 5:25 pm 
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I'm so, so sorry to hear this, Tofulish! Take care of yourself, and vent here whenever you need! You are a great mom to Leela, don't ever convince yourself otherwise. Sometimes you have to balance priorities, and if you needed that sleep to function, then you needed it. Be gentle with yourself, and wishing you a quick return to good health!

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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 9:10 pm 
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Thank you all for all the support and kind words. You know, I complained about being tired and nauseous, but pregnancy for me is this amazing time of dreams. You dream about your child and the life you're going to have, and its an amazing experience. I loved imagining Leela with a sibling. I loved thinking about having a tiny, sweet, darkhaired baby to snuggle, and I was really excited to have a home birth. I always feel a bit Polly-annaish going on about how much I enjoy being pregnant, but I love all the hopefulness that comes with it, so much.

This termination with cytotech was even easier than the last one, because I knew what to expect. I was a bit leery and would have liked to just let it pass naturally, but was surprised when my midwife said that pregnancies can just hang around for a while. I had no idea. Between a D&C, a natural miscarriage and cytotech,I am very pleasantly surprised by the cytotech. A few hours of cramping, similar to severe menstrual cramps and passing clots, and the worst seems to be over. 2 Aleve were helpful, as was just being alone and getting to lie down and not having anything else to do.

Brett took L out for dinner for the most intense parts, and brought her home asleep. He brought me dinner and a giant box of chocolates and now I have eaten all the foods and am watching all the televisions.

I'm totally drinking wine this weekend.

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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 11:06 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
Thank you all for all the support and kind words. You know, I complained about being tired and nauseous, but pregnancy for me is this amazing time of dreams. You dream about your child and the life you're going to have, and its an amazing experience. I loved imagining Leela with a sibling. I loved thinking about having a tiny, sweet, darkhaired baby to snuggle, and I was really excited to have a home birth. I always feel a bit Polly-annaish going on about how much I enjoy being pregnant, but I love all the hopefulness that comes with it, so much.

This termination with cytotech was even easier than the last one, because I knew what to expect. I was a bit leery and would have liked to just let it pass naturally, but was surprised when my midwife said that pregnancies can just hang around for a while. I had no idea. Between a D&C, a natural miscarriage and cytotech,I am very pleasantly surprised by the cytotech. A few hours of cramping, similar to severe menstrual cramps and passing clots, and the worst seems to be over. 2 Aleve were helpful, as was just being alone and getting to lie down and not having anything else to do.

Brett took L out for dinner for the most intense parts, and brought her home asleep. He brought me dinner and a giant box of chocolates and now I have eaten all the foods and am watching all the televisions.

I'm totally drinking wine this weekend.
Hey, lady. Keep looking after yourself (and letting others look after you; I wish so much that I were closer). You are very good and very brave, and I hope you feel better very soon.

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but when characters start getting the hots for serial killer ghosts, I'm out. ~ lavawitch
"SMLOUNCE!" ~ smurfterrobang?!
http://elizaveganpage.blogspot.com


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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:19 am 
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Tofulish, sorry for your loss. :/ What you said about a loss of a dream struck a chord with me. Your life is going to be full of all sorts of other adventure and that's awesome-- but it still sucks to lose this particular adventure. (and also to have to have been sick and feeling crappy for two months in the meantime!)

Hang in there buddy. I hope you're feeling physically better at least soon.

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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 4:33 am 
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Tofulish, I'm sorry about this. Don't beat yourself up about the last 2 months--it's over, you got some rest that you needed, and you seem full of zest for improving and changing your life now. And yeah, definitely take some time to grieve over this dream not becoming a reality. That's hard. I hope you feel better soon.


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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 11:44 am 
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aw Tofu, my condolences as well. So very glad you are being looked after and I hope you have a nice bottle of wine this weekend!


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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 2:50 pm 
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So sorry, Tofulish. You may know what to expect, but it will never be easier. Hugs to you B & L.

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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 4:17 pm 
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Tofulish, I'm so sorry. I'm glad you're positive but still wish i could give you a big hug.

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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 10:19 pm 
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Hearts James Cromwell

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Tofulish, this is so tough. I admire your positivity. Please take good care of yourself. ♥


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 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 4:41 am 
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oh tofulish, i am so sorry for your loss <3 i have miscarried before, it's shitty. enjoy the chocolate and wine <3


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