| FAQ  | Search | Login 
It is currently Sun Dec 17, 2017 5:42 am

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 137 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 9:52 am 
Offline
The Real Hamburger Helper
User avatar

Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 9:57 am
Posts: 2326
Location: Scotland
Refinnej, I am so, so sorry. How sad that you are still waiting to move on from this.

(I am always worried I will bleed to death, too.)

(I also forgot Beet outgrew his mittens.)

_________________
http://reallycrabbycrafter.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheTartanVicar


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 12:36 pm 
Offline
The Real Hamburger Helper
User avatar

Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2011 6:59 am
Posts: 2273
Location: Oxford, UK
Glad I'm not the only one with a mittenless kid. :)

Went to the gynae clinic today with a relatively late appt (10) only to find that there was some sort of mad rush (people referred from other parts of the hospital). I had to wait well over an hour and they said that there was a backup at the blood lab as well so I could still start today, but it would be very late in the day. Everything I've read though said that earlier in the day was better as there was a good chance that you could be done laboring by nighttime sometime and possibly get some sleep. The consultant said this was her experience as well, so I rebooked for first appt of the day at 8:15 tomorrow morning, so should be early enough to avoid the queue. Was able to give the blood today too, so tomorrow is just doing the drugs and then a short observation time to make sure I'm taking the meds fine. Frustrated to wait another day, but pretty confident that this is the right choice given the options I had available.

Thank you all for your kind words. Though there have been some tears today, feeling a bit more like I might make it through this with some bit of my sanity intact.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 12:42 pm 
Offline
The Real Hamburger Helper
User avatar

Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 9:57 am
Posts: 2326
Location: Scotland
Good luck tomorrow! You're in my thoughts, Refinnej. <3

_________________
http://reallycrabbycrafter.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheTartanVicar


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 3:43 pm 
Offline
Should Write a Goddam Book Already
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:37 pm
Posts: 1023
Location: SoCal
I'll be thinking about you tomorrow, refinnej!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 4:04 pm 
Offline
Drinks Wild Tofurkey
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:42 pm
Posts: 2781
Thinking of you, refinnej!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 6:16 pm 
Offline
Semen Strong
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 22108
Location: Cliffbar NJ
Sending you lots of good thoughts refinnej!

_________________
My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

THROW A forking YAM IN THE OVEN ITS forking CHRISTMAS - LisaPunk


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 5:48 pm 
Offline
The Real Hamburger Helper
User avatar

Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2011 6:59 am
Posts: 2273
Location: Oxford, UK
Things got started yesterday, but I'm sure that wasn't it. (Only moderate pain and blood loss) The nurse today was very convinced that it's all over, so now in a fight to get a further scan only to be told I have to wait until Wednesday. I explained that my daughter's birthday is one week from today and I'd really like to not be at the hospital/having surgery, etc. on the day and they said I could get scanned on Monday. Two minutes later I'm being told that things are not likely to change between today and Monday. Asked again to get scan tomorrow, but that's not what they "usually" do. Later was told that all the appts were full. Further told me this evening, that on Monday, the doctor might recommend waiting to let any tissue (which the nurse is sure isn't there) pass naturally. fork.that. In this rotten, shitty situation, the one thing I can possibly do is to end this before it mars my only child's birthday (and Thanksgiving). If they tell me to "wait it out" on Monday, I am gonna sit my fat asparagus right down on the floor and cry there in the gyno office.

There's a little bit of rage seething within me today.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 6:16 pm 
Offline
Invented Vegan Meringue
User avatar

Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2011 6:10 pm
Posts: 4051
Location: in the middle
Ugh, that's so horribly frustrating-sounding! I'm so sorry that it's dragging out.

_________________
Sweet talkin' pie


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 12:01 am 
Offline
Lactose Intolerant...Literally

Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2012 8:38 am
Posts: 712
Location: Aarhus, Denmark
That is just so cruddy! I say go right ahead and make a big fuss until you get what you need. Hope things get better soon.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 12:14 am 
Offline
Semen Strong
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 22108
Location: Cliffbar NJ
I am so sorry. I hope you get the support you need and that you're able to find some joy in Freya's birthday.

_________________
My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

THROW A forking YAM IN THE OVEN ITS forking CHRISTMAS - LisaPunk


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 10:37 am 
Offline
The Real Hamburger Helper
User avatar

Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 9:57 am
Posts: 2326
Location: Scotland
OMG how shitty and unsupportive of them!

_________________
http://reallycrabbycrafter.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheTartanVicar


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 11:20 am 
Offline
Married to the wolfman
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:49 pm
Posts: 6256
Location: Sunnyvale, CA
refinnej, +1 to the complete appropriateness of doing whatever the fork you have to at the gyno's to get them to be reasonable-- it is not acceptable for them to be making this whole thing worse for you. Foooooooork that noise. You deserve and are entitled to timely and compassionate care.

also, really really really sorry to hear about your loss.

_________________
"Hummus; a gentleman's vice." -- Mars


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 6:05 pm 
Offline
The Real Hamburger Helper
User avatar

Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2011 6:59 am
Posts: 2273
Location: Oxford, UK
After pleading with the dept last night, I just sat down and sobbed with Karl for awhile. We're going to wait out the weekend, but then Monday he is supportive of me being as bisque-y as I need to get things taken care of then. Maybe the nurse's hunch will be right and they'll tell me I'm fine and everythings' done, but not crossing my fingers.

All along they've been telling me "you can change your mind at any time" (about whether to wait, which method to choose, etc.) Now suddenly, I'm being a pest? Please.

Feeling a bit less mental after getting some sleep last night, and realizing that I can stand up for my rights here. I mean, I'm a grownup woman! So, back on Monday, likely for a D&C and a small bit of closure before birthday fun. :)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 3:54 pm 
Offline
Dislikes Rick Santorum
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:51 am
Posts: 8123
Location: United States of New England
((((((hugs))))) for you. i wish i had something more to offer but i have lots of (((hugs))) to send you.

_________________
Unimpressed Baby Blog


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2015 5:18 pm 
Offline
Trapped On A Desert Island With A Cow
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jul 01, 2013 3:23 pm
Posts: 440
Location: UK
Good luck tomorrow reffinej. Advocate for yourself, I think.you are in the UK? NICE guidelines might give you some ammunition to get the care you need.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 5:12 pm 
Offline
The Real Hamburger Helper
User avatar

Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2011 6:59 am
Posts: 2273
Location: Oxford, UK
So, a real mixed bag today. I went to my scan appt only to be told that the last surgical spot for the day was taken by the patient ahead of me (I was the second patient of the day). Dr. said that they don't do D&C's on Tuesdays, which is not what the nurse had told me. They gave me an appt for Wed afternoon, just to hold the slot, or said I could come Fri or next week. The Dr. said that she expected what was left would not clear on its own, but it was possible. The sac and one large piece of tissue (placenta was her guess, but you can't tell for sure on the scan). I just started to cry right there because I couldn't figure out what to do. I went to do the blood tests, tried to call Karl and headed home.

Then, this afternoon, I was out with Freya and realized that I needed to get home *now* as the bloodflow was getting much heavier, leading to a very interesting bus ride, with me holding on tightly to a pole on the bus and saying quietly to Freya that "Mommy's not feeling very well", while freaking out the old man who could hear me. Freya, amazingly, let me use the bathroom first and small sac passed along with a good many clots, including 3-4 super large ones. The pain continued and got worse, then just faded as I was calling K to let him now what was happening. Fairly significant cramping after that, but not unbearable, then one more round of some increased pain and bunches of clots and blood. Calm since then but a bit of cramping again just as I type this message, so we shall see.

So, even though the clinic experience has been pretty shitty, maybe Mother Nature is going to grant me a reprieve. I went to talk to our elderly neighbor earlier, to see if she was going to be home tomorrow in case of well, in case (mostly to babysit me if I start to feel really unwell, until K could get home from work). She asked if I thought everything was done and I said that I didn't know but feeling now that maybe it's possible. Waiting to see what tomorrow brings.

I got a bit of levity thrown in last night too when I started using this new pads that are designed for urinary incontinence. Apparently, there's something in the core, either for odor or absorbency that makes blood appear purple. Didn't read about *that* symptom in any of the pamphlets they gave me.

Thank you all so much for your support over this past month. <3 I'm not 100% sure, but feeling like that there is a possibility my body might just finish the job after all (some 5 weeks after the scan). Then, our family is taking a vacation. :)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 5:35 pm 
Offline
Invented Vegan Meringue
User avatar

Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2011 6:10 pm
Posts: 4051
Location: in the middle
Damn, your medical team sound like a bunch of people with no empathy or communication skills whatsoever. I feel like jumping on a train and coming to give them a piece of my mind!

I hope your body does the right thing, and again am sending you many virtual hugs.

_________________
Sweet talkin' pie


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2015 8:00 am 
Offline
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:21 pm
Posts: 1936
Location: Hamburg, Germany
refinnej, how are you doing a few days later?

I've been surprised to find out that grief is not linear at all. For a while I thought I was doing really well, and suddenly the most random things trigger me. I've cried in public twice this week.
I also realised that I was so concerned with preserving other people (my mother, my grandparents, who were all so excited about this pregnancy) that I didn't ask for the support I needed. I don't think I even knew I needed it until recently.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2015 8:05 am 
Offline
Seagull of the PPK
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:46 pm
Posts: 10097
Location: Bananaland
ive also been thinking of you, refinnej.

aelle, i'm so sorry on all the fronts. i think that is pretty common (not asking for support, not thinking you need support, worrying more about others) especially for people who are usually used to having everything sorted. grief is indeed sneaky and doesn't go away easily. You get used to it sometimes, but then it will come back and kick you when you least expect it. Big hugs and healing for you.

_________________
Buddha says 'Meh'.--matwinser
James Joyce doesn’t give a twopenny damn, but Marie Kondo does. Oh, bother. --J O'Donogue, JT


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2015 2:29 pm 
Offline
The Real Hamburger Helper
User avatar

Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 9:57 am
Posts: 2326
Location: Scotland
Oh, man, Refinnej! I hope your bus ride wasn't too long!!! I hope your body works things out on its own now and I am so sorry your hospital is being poopy and messing you about with the scheduling. <3

_________________
http://reallycrabbycrafter.blogspot.com
http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheTartanVicar


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2015 2:25 am 
Offline
Has Isa on speed dial
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 4:50 pm
Posts: 87
Location: Walla Walla
aelle wrote:
r
I've been surprised to find out that grief is not linear at all. For a while I thought I was doing really well, and suddenly the most random things trigger me.


Aelle, totally hear you there. I was thinking I was doing pretty well last month, and this month is the shiitakes.

Refinnej, my thoughts and prayers are with you too, to have this storm pass.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 28, 2015 8:54 am 
Offline
The Real Hamburger Helper
User avatar

Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2011 6:59 am
Posts: 2273
Location: Oxford, UK
aelle, thanks for posting that. It's been pretty busy and a bit painful the past few days so lots to distract me, but I can feel the grief still sort of looming there in the background.

I went Wednesday and was scanned again because Tuesday there was some blood but a lot of pain. I had walked with Freya to the park since the blood flow was pretty light and on the way home I had to stop several times. It was really similar to the middle part of labor...contractions where you feel pretty okay but then, oh hey, what the hell was that. :) This went on Tues afternoon and then faded to just mild cramps. A pain that I'd had since Sunday was getting worse and at the scan on Wed they midwife said it was probably because there was a large clot stuck in the cervix. Blech. Talked to the Dr. and she said that if I could manage til Friday (they only do non-emergency stuff on M/W/F it seems) then that was reasonable because she thought that I would be a bit out of it otherwise on Thursday for Freya's birthday since it's a an afternoon surgery. I really appreciated her honesty.

Freya (and mate Joshua)'s birthday was wonderful. We ended up staying close to home at a soft play place near here and they loved it. Dinner that night at a local restaurant with our elderly neighbor, who we love, but wouldn't really dig the atmosphere of Freya's party on Sunday at a loud, crazy bowling alley with a bunch of kids.

Yesterday, the D&C went well. They gave me some antinausea drugs straightaway, so there was no vomiting thank goodness. The surgeon has expressed some concerns at the pre-op driveby sort of visit that they wouldn't get everything, particularly this bit that seemed really adhered to the wall of the uterus, but it's looking good. Was able to come home about 9 last night. Got home just before 10 and felt well enough to put Freya to bed, who'd had a catnap in the car. She says to me, in bed, "sleeping is fun". Best laugh I've had in awhile.

Today, feeling just a bit sore and ever so slightly touched by the anesthesia still. Freya off to J's party with Karl, who's been amazing. Definitely think he has a new appreciation for the stay at home mom gig though. :D Feeling so especially thankful that his job basically just told him to do what he needed to do, so he's had loads of half-days, working from home, time off,etc.

We're going to see my family in the States in just over a couple of weeks, so hoping that I can heal up the rest of the way then. One forearm is covered in bruises and blown veins, the other only has a couple but the hand is swollen and sore from an edema yesterday related to the cannula. Looking forward to saying goodbye to stress rash on my scalp, canker sores, tension headaches and god, nappy rash. Karl, who hates driving, says that we should fill our time in the US having others do all the driving while we sit around and drink wine. :D Freya ready to bask in the glow of being the only grandchild/niece.

Thank you all again for your kind words. Some 40 days after our terrible scan, I think we've finally reached the end of the road. There's been some gentle talk from the consultant this week about trying again, but Karl and I are going to put that discussion off until after Christmas.

Woo..long post!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 28, 2015 3:19 pm 
Offline
Dislikes Rick Santorum
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:51 am
Posts: 8123
Location: United States of New England
im so glad to hear you are doing ok and starting to move past everything.
i think you should totally have people chauffeur you around while you're over here and drink lots of wine.

more (((hugs))) to you!

_________________
Unimpressed Baby Blog


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2015 4:51 am 
Offline
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:21 pm
Posts: 1936
Location: Hamburg, Germany
Oof. I am glad the physical part is over, refinnej. I hope you can enjoy your vacation and get tons of love and support from your family. Stting around and drinking wine sounds like a great idea!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Pregnancy Loss Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2015 8:07 am 
Offline
The Real Hamburger Helper
User avatar

Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2011 6:59 am
Posts: 2273
Location: Oxford, UK
Hope you are doing well too, aelle. Got a little out of it yesterday after all the birthday fun, but still really pretty well overall. Now attending to to F who caught a cold from her birthday mate's brother. A nice day of block building a kids' TV so far. :D


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 137 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Template made by DEVPPL/ThatBigForum and fancied up by What Cheer