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 Post subject: I woke up wanting a baby today
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 1:31 am 
Hearts James Cromwell
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Ok, not exactly. It's progressed over the past 4 months, but in the last couple weeks I've thought about it a lot. I'm in a new relationship so it's not the best time to announce it to my boyfriend. I got out of a long term relationship a few months ago to a guy I thought I would marry and have children with. So now that I'm settled back into my hometown, greived and moved on, I feel very... ready. Financially, I need to save a little more and I rent, when I'd like to own a home first. So it's not something I plan to act on in the next few months. I've decided if I'm not in a very serious relationship with someone that I plan to have babies with, within the next 2 years, that I'm going to adopt. I'm 28 by the way.

So I'm curious, when did you know you were ready for children?


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 Post subject: Re: I woke up wanting a baby today
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 10:56 am 
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I cannot advise, having no children of my own, but I wish you luck and hope you make a decision which works out well for everyone concerned.


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 Post subject: Re: I woke up wanting a baby today
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 11:56 am 
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I never wanted kids. And then suddenly one day, I did. I got pregnant with my awesome daughter and am super happy to be with her and I don't want any more.

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 Post subject: Re: I woke up wanting a baby today
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 12:05 pm 
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appifanie wrote:
I never wanted kids. And then suddenly one day, I did. I got pregnant with my awesome daughter and am super happy to be with her and I don't want any more.


This is exactly me! I was 28 when this happened.


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 Post subject: Re: I woke up wanting a baby today
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 12:45 pm 
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I grew up in a poor family. My mom had her first kid at 17. Her mom had her first kid at 17. Guess when my great grandmother had her first kid? Yeah. When I was growing up, getting pregnant was just about my number one fear, because I saw firsthand how much having a baby young can drag you down. So for a long long time, I didn't even think about whether or not I wanted to have a kid someday.

Then I was suddenly in grad school sans baby at age 23. My mom had me (her third kid) at 23 and I started to kind of dwell on that and the realization that I actively wanted kids. I popped the Emperor out about 2.5 years later.

Now, I am going to give you some advice you didn't ask for, which is this. You should tell your new partner NOW that you know that you want kids eventually. I mean don't tell him you want to be "with child" next week (unless you do, ha ha) or anything, but put it out there. That way, if he's the kind of person who runs screaming at the idea of reproducing, you find out now, and not after you've sunk two or three years into the relationship.

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 Post subject: Re: I woke up wanting a baby today
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 2:09 pm 
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appifanie wrote:
I never wanted kids. And then suddenly one day, I did. I got pregnant with my awesome daughter and am super happy to be with her and I don't want any more.

me too, I didn't want anymore after the first but surprise! Now we are for sure done.
I remember my husband and I were at a friends and their poor baby had seizures-the mom ran out to do something and the dad was tired and worn out, so I comforted that baby after he had one and it just clicked. I looked at my husband and it clicked for him too at that same moment.


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 Post subject: Re: I woke up wanting a baby today
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 3:07 pm 
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coldandsleepy wrote:
Now, I am going to give you some advice you didn't ask for, which is this. You should tell your new partner NOW that you know that you want kids eventually. I mean don't tell him you want to be "with child" next week (unless you do, ha ha) or anything, but put it out there. That way, if he's the kind of person who runs screaming at the idea of reproducing, you find out now, and not after you've sunk two or three years into the relationship.

+1. This is just too damned important. I 100% understand why anybody wouldn't want kids and I would have hoped they'd understand why I wasn't going to marry them! Or you never know, you could be dating a guy that wants four in 4 years, it's good know (so you can start saving money or run away... really fast).

also, don't feel stressed. It can take a while to find the right person, then even longer to get pregnant/adopt but after that you will always be a parent and catch yourself longing for the peace of single-dom. It might make you feel guilty someday but just remember now that you have that which you will never have again and to cherish it like you will cherish having a child. I am so glad I am a parent (I hope to adopt) but it is permanent, nothing to rush into. I don't necessarily think the OP is going to do that, but it's always nice to hear a reminder.

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 Post subject: Re: I woke up wanting a baby today
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 10:46 pm 
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I truly did not know I wanted kids until the ++ on the test. And then I knew.
It is important to tell your partner now.

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 Post subject: Re: I woke up wanting a baby today
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 10:52 pm 
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As the guy in a relationship, yeah.

I want to know early-on if somebody does or doesn't want kids. This lets me make my own choices with full knowledge of what's at stake.

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 Post subject: Re: I woke up wanting a baby today
PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 12:45 am 
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appifanie wrote:
I never wanted kids. And then suddenly one day, I did. I got pregnant with my awesome daughter and am super happy to be with her and I don't want any more.


Almost just like this...but with a couple changes:

I never wanted kids. And then one day I met my future husband. I got pregnant with my awesome son and am super happy to be with him and I don't want any more.

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 Post subject: Re: I woke up wanting a baby today
PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 1:46 am 
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Phoenix Cindy wrote:
appifanie wrote:
I never wanted kids. And then suddenly one day, I did. I got pregnant with my awesome daughter and am super happy to be with her and I don't want any more.


This is exactly me! I was 28 when this happened.

Me too, still working on it ;)

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 Post subject: Re: I woke up wanting a baby today
PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 2:24 am 
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I didn't feel ready for kids until my late 20's. I had Baby Nums just a few weeks before I turned 30. Before that, I knew I wanted kids, but in a more abstract "someday" way.

Tangent: I thought I'd want two or maybe even three kids, but after I had one, I felt finished, like my family was complete. Hard to explain, but after I was a mom, I just knew that having one child was right for me.

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 Post subject: Re: I woke up wanting a baby today
PostPosted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 12:47 pm 
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coldandsleepy wrote:
Now, I am going to give you some advice you didn't ask for, which is this. You should tell your new partner NOW that you know that you want kids eventually. I mean don't tell him you want to be "with child" next week (unless you do, ha ha) or anything, but put it out there. That way, if he's the kind of person who runs screaming at the idea of reproducing, you find out now, and not after you've sunk two or three years into the relationship.


My sister and her ex were together for 5 years before they had this conversation, and they broke up because they found out there were in completely different places about it. It was so sad for both of them because it was a good relationship, but couldn't work out. So yeah, mention it early! But it doesn't have to be right away; it's just as well to wait until you know the relationship is serious or going to get there. (I told my partner shortly after we first said "I love you" and discussed our long-termedness.)

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 Post subject: Re: I woke up wanting a baby today
PostPosted: Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:56 pm 
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I think I was born wanting a baby, it's actually a ridiculous. I have been looking into becoming a foster Mom since I am not in a place financially where I could support a child right now. I am only 24.

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 Post subject: Re: I woke up wanting a baby today
PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2010 3:39 am 
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teapot wrote:
I think I was born wanting a baby, it's actually a ridiculous. I have been looking into becoming a foster Mom since I am not in a place financially where I could support a child right now. I am only 24.


i was born wanting to adopt. all of my baby dolls growing up were adopted, i've never had the desire to be pregnant (in fact i think my feelings on pregnancy borderline phobia).

my husband and i plan on starting to foster when he's done with his phd (a year and a half). we both spoke about our desire to adopt eventually on our first date (with no idea we were talking about adopting with each other), i've had other boyfriends who were not comfortable with my decision not to have bio kids and i feel so lucky that my husband didn't have to be talked into my position, he came into the relationship with it!

i can hardly wait (i have some friends starting their families). we want to foster with the intent to adopt from within the system. i worry about trying to get older children comfortable with a vegan diet (as my hubz and i are both vegan) and i also wonder how people would react knowing we were vegan (like maybe they'll think we're crazy and the kids will end up malnourished and then not let us foster/adopt). these are sort of the least of my worries considering i'm covered in tattoos and have a mohawk.

it's a good thing i live in Oregon, probably the only place i'd be trusted with children.


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 Post subject: Re: I woke up wanting a baby today
PostPosted: Mon Dec 13, 2010 6:35 pm 
Hearts James Cromwell
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shanniesaysyo wrote:

i was born wanting to adopt....

i also wonder how people would react knowing we were vegan (like maybe they'll think we're crazy and the kids will end up malnourished and then not let us foster/adopt).


I've always wanted to adopt too. It stems from a really weird gut feeling I had as a teenager - that I would not be able to have kids. And even as a youngster the spiritual side of me thought that was because if I couldn't have my own I would adopt. That spiritual side of me has changed, but now at 28 I've had so many UTI/Yeast Infection/Cervicitis issues, I can't imagine having healthy reproductive organs in there. And I'd still love to adopt.

I've never considered how an adoption agency would react to being vegan either. But now I'm curious. It probably wouldn't be a major issue. I guess the reaction would depend upon the particular person filing out the paperwork and their views of a vegan diet.


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