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 Post subject: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2015 11:59 pm 
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looking for peoples' experiences with kids who didnt go to day care or other early year type programs that would be similar (like pre-preschool)

i went to visit my best friend today whose daughter is a month older than BP and currently she goes to daycare 3 days a week and she was saying how she is thinking of putting her into a Montessori program she found next year instead of day care (next year i assume being this fall as in the next school year).

to be fair her daughter is on the developmental fast track and has done everything early and is talking and singing songs and more than ready to be potty trained. she tells them when she went to the bathroom and can pull her pants up and down, etc
so she thought a Montessori program would be good to capitalize on the fact that she is talking and singing, etc rather than a daycare where it's someone who is basically just watching her all day (her words not mine).

in my mind i was like ACK!!!! any school type thing has been the farthest from my mind.

BabyPunk is basically anti-social. she doesnt tolerate other toddlers being around her and basically clings to me for dear life.
this winter has been tough because we're basically shut ins. we havent gone to our playgroup in ages because of weather and then president's day. same deal with library story time.

just curious if there are other SAHPs who kept their kids at home til regular school time (either preschool or kindergarten) and if their kids ended up being light years behind socially.

i know BP is only 22 months old so she is still in what would normally be "parallel play" rather than actually being interested in other kids but she isnt really into parallel play either.

she used to be horrible with adults too and is now basically fine with them so i keep telling myself all will work itself out but the idea that someone the same age as her will be going to a school type situation in like 6 months threw me for a loop!

i do notice a pattern with her that if we continually go to the same thing (ie i saw this with story time when we went to the baby storytime) all the time she very gradually over time gets bolder so im hoping come spring we can go to things on a regular basis rather than once in a blue moon.
until then it's basically me and her 24-7.

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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 12:52 am 
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The vast majority of SAHPs that I know (including me) send their kids to preschool primarily for their own sanity, not for their kids. I certainly don't think it's necessary, and if you're the kind of parent who is stressing about your child's development and whether or not to even send them to a private preschool, your kid is probably going to be fine and plenty enriched at home as it is! Plenty of my friends are not sending their kids to preschool, and so far they are all 100% fine socially (I mean, as 'fine' as a three-year-old can be).


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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 6:52 am 
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mandycoot wrote:
The vast majority of SAHPs that I know (including me) send their kids to preschool primarily for their own sanity, not for their kids.

exactly.

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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 8:51 am 
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I think if you go with, you know your own child, you'll be fine.

From a friend's experience there can be downsides to daycare/preschool as well. She absolutely sends them for her own sanity, but has to choose the program carefully. They went through a rough patch with her oldest where due to a combination of his development & personality at the time + daycare they ended up with a lot of bad behavior. He was in a tiny place for a while and got used to everything being kid-centered and being the center of somene's attention 100% of the time, so he didn't have the ability to just play with toys and entertain himself at home and they had loads of tantrums and problems. (he is 4 with no developmental delays; well old enough to read a book or play with blocks for 10 minutes while mom cooks dinner.)

He's also picked up behaviors & ideas he wouldn't have otherwise (monkey see monkey do!) not all of which are entirely charming. Heh.

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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 9:18 am 
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Yes, but the good thing about having a child in care is that you can blame those behaviors on someone else hahaha! Leela is home with me and still has the charming habit of chasing down little boys who annoy her and cornering them and smacking them. I have no idea where she learned it :)

I think socialization is one of those things that scare you if you're home with your kid at first, but then it turns out that there are people and animals all around and your child can easily socialize with people (and animals!) if they want to. Leela has her favorite people at Trader Joe's, her friends at the library and a bunch of friends the same age. She also really loves and is gentle with her dog and other animal friends, and that is socialization too, you know? I think if you get clear about what socialization is for you, it seems a lot less daunting! For me, socializing means that Leela can interact with a wide variety of people and use her words to negotiate for herself and is gentle with other people. So we're at 2 out of 3 hahaha.

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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 10:07 am 
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Not your target demographic, but I'll note that of my two kids, one is insanely social and ahead verbally and the other one is extremely introverted, verbally average-to-slightly-below-average, and less interested in social skills overall.

The social one (E) didn't go to preschool til he was over 2, the introverted one (M) has been in a group childcare setting since he was a few months old. I'm not convinced at all that a group setting somehow magically makes kids blossom socially.

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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 10:58 am 
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I sent both of my kids to preschool at 3 years old. While my sanity has improved with them out of the house that is not why I sent them. They needed to go. I am very introverted and antisocial. I'm even antisocial with going out with good friends sometimes. It fills me with anxiety and dread. My kids needed to learn to be social by other people. :) They needed that interaction with kids and other adults with me not around them...on that, the school is a co-op and I'm there once or twice a month in the class...but still it has been wonderful for them socially and the transition with my now 2nd grade daughter into kindergarten was so smooth and amazing. Miles, 3, is at the same school now and he has blossomed socially...that's not going to happen to every shy kid that goes to preschool but it definitely did happen to my shy daughter and I'm hoping her shy brother follows in her footsteps.

If you keep BP out of a school environment until preschool age I don't think it will make a difference at all. I do think thought that sending her when she is preschool age (3 or 4 whichever you are comfortable with) to a proper preschool...not a day care masquerading as a preschool*** can help the transition to going to school full time in Kindergarten and beyond.

***what I mean by this, at least where I live, is that daycares are renaming themselves preschools and they aren't anything a like..at least that was the case when I was looking at preschools for my daughter 5 years ago they were 2 very different things. Its a pet peeve of mine :)

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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 12:38 pm 
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I am a stay at home mom of two kids. One is autistic and the other is neurotypical, so believe me when I say that I understand concerns about socialization. And what I have discovered with my sample size of two is that kids pretty much are who they are when it comes to desire to be social. No amount of mommy and me classes, daycare, or preschool would have changed that my autistic child did not interact with other kids in typical ways, and I could have put my neurotypical child in a box and he would have found someone to talk to.

I did do a lot of the mommy and me classes with both when they were too little for preschool, but that was because it got us out of the house and gave us something to do. We tried music, gymnastics, art, and swimming. My daughter liked swimming best, my son loved art. Both hated music. I am glad we tried lots to get a sense of what they liked though. We found very inexpensive classes through the community center, and it was nice for us to have some structure.

I do think preschool is valuable, but I think more because it teaches kids about the structure of school and gets them used to the idea of listening to a teacher before they are expected to really be learning stuff. I have seen kids in Kinder who didn't have preschool, and it takes them a while to catch up with that aspect of it. That being said, they all eventually do seem to catch up, so I don't think it's the biggest thing in the world. You also still have a bit of time before needing to worry about that.


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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 1:06 pm 
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thanks everyone for your experiences!
Jenna i think you kinda hit the nail on the head about our situation. we are very similar here. i have REALLY bad social anxiety and it's unbelievably hard for me to interact socially with other humans.
when we go to story time i really dont interact with the other mothers. i know i should because it would be leading by example but it's so unbelievably hard for me. just getting her out of hte house and TO storytime is a bit of a triumph for me.

my husband is also quiet though not socially inept like me so we have a quiet household. we dont really have people over except my parents on occasion.

my worry is that BP is basically anti social. it's not that she isnt interested in other kids (which would actually still be developmentally appropriate at this age) it's that she doesnt want to be anywhere near them and is borderline scared of them.

as i said we have the weather/season working against us right now so when spring comes i think we will fare better but it would be nice to be able to have her around other kids and be ok about it and interact with toys and stuff.

she will probably be a good candidate for preschool for the reasons you mention Jenna.
i think she will be a shy quiet kid and i think that is who she is which is not surprising considering her parents and that's fine but right now she is like GET THAT KID AWAY FROM ME

im hoping that like everything else with her when she passes some developmental milestone all of a sudden she will be fine.

im kind of interested in the idea of homeschooling (have done ZERO research so far because well shes not even 2 yet) but my main concern is that i would be isolating her because *I* am so anti social.

c&s that's interesting about the one kid who has had more daycare but is more quiet/introverted. i guess that really speaks to nature vs nurture and just kids' own personalities!

tlish that's a good point about animals! we have 5 pets and i found that there are some animal sanctuaries not super far from here that i want to take her to in the spring plus she already went to an animal shelter with me once to get 2 new guinea pigs!

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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 2:14 pm 
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Giles is 2.5 and has been going to a church run "mother's day out" program for 3-4 hours per day 3 days a week. His Speech therapist and developmental specialist both say that since he started going they have seen a dramatic difference in how he interacts with them becoming more interested in turn taking, functional play, communication attempts, as well as following directions. When we take him to the playground he actively goes up to kids and tries to join in whatever game they are playing now whereas before he ignored them.

Now what part of this came from being in "school" and what part was just natural development I don't know, but I tend to think the changes happened more quickly because of the "school" environment. In addition to saving my husbands sanity and being a social outlet for him I LOVE that they do adorable craft projects where he gets to paint, glue, cut, etc without my having to get all that mess out in my house right now (he is super sensory and adores that stuff, but with a baby it is so hard to do it at my house right now!) I also have found it so cool that they have been teaching him all that stuff that he should know before kinder like numbers, letters, shapes, colors. Since he doesn't talk it was kind of a huge surprise to me when I realized that he knows the letters A-R, numbers 1-10, all his colors/shapes...I don't even know what else he knows! I don't really think knowing those things at 2 is any better then knowing them at 4 or 5, but still it is pretty cool.

All that to say I love that he is in "school" and think it has been great for him. Had he not had speech/social delays though I wouldn't have thought to put him in a program. We did it entirely because we hoped being around other kids would help his communication which apparently it has. I had been so concerned he would learn bad behaviors or be sick all the time, but neither of those things has happened.


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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 2:37 pm 
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annasrobbie...Miles had/still has a speech delay due to a hearing problem and being in the school environment has made huge changes with his speech.

I agree with you about the craft project and painting things they do. I love that he gets to do that stuff everyday and that it's not being done in my house! :) Plus other things like that sand table, water table and all the winter experiments they have been doing with the ice and snow. He comes home so excited everyday.

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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 3:51 pm 
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This is only tangentially related to the original post, so let me know if I should start a new thread. (My thought was to minimize the number of threads other people will have to search through if they are looking for preschool info). I'm curious about how those who put their kids in preschool programs went about selecting them. I am thinking of putting Phineas in school next year so that he gets to socialize with other kids and so that my husband will get some time to himself. Apparently schools are already accepting applications for next fall, so I feel totally stressed out that we're going to be too slow and miss out on the "good" schools -- whichever those are.

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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 4:07 pm 
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initially i sought child care based on which would take both kids (one had very involved medical needs). Once the medical needs were addressed I realized I wanted my typically-developing child to spend a year before kindergarten in a different preschool than her sister, so I had to look all over again (after having had my kids in 3 programs in the first 2-3 years).

I ended up choosing the YMCA, which had not only a preschool but a kindergarten year as well (which we opted not to do) because I liked the active, fun nature of their program, and their involvement in the summer camp program, as well as the fact that it made me get my butt to the gym every day to pick up the kid (i won't lie, that was attractive).
It was also really diverse, there was swimming every week... Baggy really enjoyed it. Another thing I liked was that they did some preschool type stuff but it wasn't "driven" preschool. Baggy was already reading and writing and in the previous program they were trying so hard to meet goals, but they were not goals that suited her, and I felt that she was sort of in a holding pattern and didn't have that much to do. It was preschool, my big goals for her were to play, burn up some energy, and make friends. She was an active kid and needed to be running and jumping and throwing things and I felt like the Y was the best place for that.
Food was good, everyone had to send lunches, they did not have a lunch or snack service. I kind of liked that, it made it less of a big deal about her bringing her own food.

I went through the phone book and visited a lot of places during the whole pre-school era. Maybe a dozen. There were places where I walked in and walked right out again. I think it is really important to see the place. See the ratios, see how the kids look, see how the staff look, see how bad is staff turnover and whether staff have their own kids there. At the Y the staff really enjoyed their jobs and really seemed to enjoy working with the kids, I thought that was important.

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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 4:17 pm 
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I asked people for recommendations, and started with those. I looked at curriculum and school philosophy (do they get to play a lot? do adults read to them? are there lots of worksheet activities? requirements to sit still a long time?) I wanted lots of play and reading. I looked at price. At food policies (we wanted to skip milk, and some places don't allow that.) Drop in policy. (Can we come by whenever we want?) Immunization policy (required or ability to opt out). Location and hours. We also tried to get a feel for how much teacher turnover there is. If people are leaving after a short time, that's a bad sign.

A lot of this info can be found on the preschool's website.

The best ones we visited. We went on the waiting lists for two and ended up at the one with the first available spot.

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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 4:38 pm 
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I honestly looked for the cheapest place with good reviews that wasn't a daycare pretending to be a preschool (thats very common) Its expensive where we live and we are still paying a ton. We ended up at a Co-op school, same one for both of my kids and I work there now as a sub. So it's been a great experience.

I wanted a play based school with parent involvement, no worksheets and one that offered summer camp as well.

We just had our first Open House for next September and have had people sign up already so depending on how competitive your area of the world is start taking tours and going to any Open Houses offered. You might have to make a decision now depending on the popularity of your favorite school.

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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 5:54 pm 
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When I was looking for preschool for my son, I wanted a school that was not affiliated with a church, had a schedule that meshed well with my daughter's school, taught through play vs. rote work or worksheets, let us bring our own food, and seemed clean and happy. There were two in my area that fit all that. We visited both, and chose the one that was closer to our house.

It was a great place and my son had a wonderful year there. I don't know how much he learned, but I had him there more for socialization, and learning that he had to listen to adults other than mom and dad. I didn't really care about preparing him academically as much as getting him used to the idea of school as a thing where there are lots of kids and a grown up who leads.


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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 11:42 am 
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Thank you guys so much. All of your thoughts were really helpful. We're already too late for open houses, but we're going to start making appointments for visits after the holidays. I'm going to use this thread to put together a list of questions. Even though I really think Phineas needs some socialization, I'm super scared about having someone other than my husband in charge of caring for him all day, so I'm feeling pretty stressed out.

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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2015 10:20 am 
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Bathes in Braggs

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Now that Giles is probably going to go to public preschool we are looking at places for Sebastian to go so my husband and go back to work. Seriously stressful. There are so many choices with such huge differences in tuition. I toured my top choice - a reggio inspired daycare with the most beautiful facility and huge greenspace and really experienced teachers...but tuition is $1300 a month BEFORE adding on pre or post school care. There are other places closer that seem to have good ratings that are only $850 or $900 a month total. I can't decide if the extra $400 or $500 a month is "worth it". I will tour the other places, but just looking at the outside and seeing the small fenced in play areas they have are not inspiring...(they get 4 and 5 star ratings though) I know peace of mind of priceless. Just hard to figure out what a kid really needs.

How far away is too far away? This daycare is about 15 minutes away in the opposite direction from my workplace...that seems like it could get old.


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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 8:18 am 
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Bathes in Braggs

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Well, the lady in charge of the wait list at the expensive daycare I was really liking just told me they don't expect any openings until August...so there is one less place I need to worry about ;)


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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 9:17 am 
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We were 225 on the wait list for our first choice. They called us two years later to offer a spot.

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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 11:35 am 
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Bathes in Braggs

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Wow! I guess it would be good business to open up a quality preschool facility. I told my husband we need to go into business and build a bounce house attached to a daycare facility then we would get business from ALL the local children. We could have after school care too. It is just too bad that I don't really like other people's children that much.


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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2015 5:18 pm 
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Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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mollyjade wrote:
We were 225 on the wait list for our first choice. They called us two years later to offer a spot.


O my what.


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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2016 5:45 pm 
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I'm looking at a fantastic co-op preschool for my twins. They have an awesome play-based program, tuition is reasonable, they have a lovely space, and they don't require me to come in twice a week (which some co-op preschools require for twins!). The downside is that if I want a shot at getting them in, I have to deliver the application in person this weekend. And it sounds like people start lining up early to deliver their applications. I'm trying to figure out what time I need to show up now... UGH.(This definitely counts as a PSPTYHWAEPACTYP, I know!)


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 Post subject: Re: socialization/preschool/daycare/etc
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2016 6:07 pm 
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Not a small thing at all! It's rough that there's so much competition for good schools.

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