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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 7:52 pm 
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^Haha pics would be great. Well at least it isn't just my kid.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 9:14 pm 
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Today was TheRedSnake's birthday party. About a week and a half ago, he told me he wanted a treasure hunt for his party.

I spent hours creating it and gave it a fantasy role-playing angle, knowing TRS would be into that. I created 6 characters for the kids, each with different powers they could use during the hunt. (Like, the Seer could spend mana—poker chips given at the beginning and stashed in the envelopes they found—to see visual hints about clue locations, the Ranger could use a compass, which was useful with a few clues, the Wizard could "cast a spell" for hints, etc.) Each player also got secret background information that helped make sense of stuff in the clues.

I had to scout out the park to create the clues, measure things, mark various things with chalk to provide crucial info. Go out this morning and stash all the clue envelopes.

It went pretty well. I had to guide them a bunch, and they were pretty impatient. Still, it was good.

TRS never thanked me for all the hours I put in. But he has complained about things he didn't like about the hunt.

You're welcome, kid.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 9:52 pm 
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Sorry footie, I think you are the coolest.

Grey's ear infection doesn't seem to have gotten better yet, we are supposed to fly home tomorrow, we have a dr appt in the morning to check his ears, if they aren't better we are staying in Michigan until they are better or we get tubes installed. Poor bear.

I also have 40,000 mosquito bites on my feet. I miss California where Mosquitos don't live near me. I also miss my husband.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 4:43 am 
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Footface, that sounds amazing. You're awesome for putting all that together! I know it sucks to hear him complaining about little things, but I'm sure he'll remember it fondly. He won't realize all the work you've put in until he's older, I bet.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 7:25 am 
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That sounds like so much fun FootFace! Hopefully someday he will get it. And sooner rather than later would be nice.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 7:59 am 
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You are such a fun dad, footie! TRS will appreciate it someday. I think sometimes they really don't grasp how much effort we put into making them happy. Shae is to the point of realizing it (and that might be because he helps with his brother!), and it's super nice to finally see him appreciate it. It happens eventually!

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:28 am 
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You are so cool, FootFace!


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 10:16 am 
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Seriously FootFace, you can organize my next birthday party. I'll say thank you! Unless you make me be the cleric.

I hope this is one of those things where it eventually occurs to him that he was acting kind of jerky and he comes back and says thanks.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 11:03 am 
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coldandsleepy wrote:
Seriously FootFace, you can organize my next birthday party. I'll say thank you! Unless you make me be the cleric.

I hope this is one of those things where it eventually occurs to him that he was acting kind of jerky and he comes back and says thanks.


There was no cleric. But, well, there was a Shaman, who could use 15 mana to ask the gods (me) a Yes/No question about the clues. The kid who was the Shaman kept saying his character was the "derpy" one, and he was not pleased.

It's true that TheRedSnake does think things over and apologize or clarify later.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 12:13 pm 
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Footface - that party sound AMAZING! I wish I was half as creative as you to pull off something like that. Wow!

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 1:53 pm 
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Footie, it sounds like a wonderful party. I am also wondering how you handle TRS's behavior.

I think most people like validation for the efforts they've made (I know I do), and part of learning to be a social person in the world is giving that validation to others who make efforts for you. Do you have a conversation with TRS about saying "Thank You" or do you wait for him to come to you, on his own time if and when he realizes that you made a really nice effort for him?

I don't know what is developmentally appropriate, so I'd love to hear your thoughts about that.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 3:58 pm 
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Oh, hell. I don't know. It's different for every situation, and I usually feel like I mishandle it.

Sometimes I'll let it go. (Giving/getting compliments—or not—is a part of my life too, and I'm not only a parent. I'm an individual making my own judgments about circumstances for myself, in addition to attempting to guide, model for, and teach my son.) Sometimes I'll bring it up. ("It really hurt my feelings when..." or "It really made me feel good when...") Sometimes bringing up my disappointment is less than productive (him: "Now you're trying to make me feel bad!!").

You just make the call in the moment, knowing that you don't have enough information to make the call.

In short: you can't win.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 4:30 pm 
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My mom would usually just go with something like, "Did you enjoy the party?" "Yes." "So what do you say?" "Thank you." A reminder of how the whole "thank you" think is supposed to work, without getting all emotional about it.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 4:51 pm 
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I had two older brothers (ten and eight years older) who would always tell me when I had done something mean/disrespectful/hurtful to my parents. Maybe it would be productive for another family member to point it out to him?

That party sounds amazing to me. Good work! He will get it someday.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 5:37 pm 
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Larisa wrote:
My mom would usually just go with something like, "Did you enjoy the party?" "Yes." "So what do you say?" "Thank you." A reminder of how the whole "thank you" think is supposed to work, without getting all emotional about it.


Oh, well, when it comes to other people, and the routine things expected in decent, civilized society, I will always just whisper to him, "Thank you. Say thank you."

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 5:54 pm 
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Henry doesn't always (who am I kidding, most of the time) doesn't remember how much goes into something. How much work or time or money went into making something happen for him to do whatever. For example, we went to Comic Con last month. Three days in San Diego so he can go wild in his "candy store". But after spending a lot of money on hotel, food, etc. I was so hurt when we got home from the trip and he was "what now?" Instantly wanting to have the next exciting thing happen. Keep the party going. Getting angry that we didn't have more planned for him. And I got it on one level but on another, I was like "hold on a minute, kid". So we had a big talk about being grateful for what we have and that we have to be okay with downtime too. To say thank you and see outside your own space.

Then last night he went to Iron Maiden and when he arrived home, he said thank you and how much he loved the show. Which was great. Then in 5 minutes, he asked if we would buy tix for KISS and Motley Crue. (ugh....) I took a breath and let him know as awesome as it would be to go to every show, it wasn't going to happen and that I'm glad he was able to enjoy Iron Maiden. He took it really well and fell fast asleep dreaming of his rockfest evening. Babysteps....it's always babysteps.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 7:47 pm 
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erinmc, it sounds like you handled that really well, and wow for ComicCon and Iron Maiden! What great treats Henry got!

And Footie, I do wonder if sometimes its useful to triangulate and have a partner point out that TRS should have thanked you, just to remove some of the potential for upset. If Mrs Face said "Your Dad gave you a great party, have you said thank you?" it would probably be enough to get him to remember and even if in the moment he got positional and said something not nice, your partner is more detached from the situation and could just defuse it or ignore his responses, and give him time to process and then come thank you on his own terms.

I think this is such a challenging part of parenting, because kids (and most adults) are really self-focused and don't realize how much parents do for them, or what it costs, in terms of money, time and other resources, to give them a great experience. I know I didn't thank my parents for lots of the amazing things we did together as a family, but I love the memories and am so grateful for them now.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:04 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
And Footie, I do wonder if sometimes its useful to triangulate and have a partner point out that TRS should have thanked you, just to remove some of the potential for upset. If Mrs Face said "Your Dad gave you a great party, have you said thank you?" it would probably be enough to get him to remember and even if in the moment he got positional and said something not nice, your partner is more detached from the situation and could just defuse it or ignore his responses, and give him time to process and then come thank you on his own terms.


I think that's a really good point. Mrs. Face and I will do that for each other, but not always. (Would I be interfering if I said such-and-such? Should I let them find their way to deal with it?) But I can see how it could be a very positive thing for us to ask the other to "interfere" on occasion.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:37 pm 
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I'm so tired of trying to put this baby to bed. And now that she's mobile and pulling up, I can't leave her on my bed as I used to. Now I have to nurse her to sleep, wait forever until she is in a deep sleep, and then try and put her in the play yard for probably a less than fifty percent success rate. Repeat until I give up and go to bed myself even though I don't want to and haven't had any adult time all day. Ugh!


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 9:06 pm 
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FF have you read The Whole Brain Child? I find it to be a pretty interesting and userfriendly tool, but obvs am a noob.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 12:21 am 
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Tofulish wrote:
And Footie, I do wonder if sometimes its useful to triangulate and have a partner point out that TRS should have thanked you, just to remove some of the potential for upset. If Mrs Face said "Your Dad gave you a great party, have you said thank you?" it would probably be enough to get him to remember and even if in the moment he got positional and said something not nice, your partner is more detached from the situation and could just defuse it or ignore his responses, and give him time to process and then come thank you on his own terms.
.


Tofulish - I think that is good idea. I'm going to tell
That one to Henry's dad. See if we can start incorporating
that into certain situations

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 6:43 am 
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Butternut wrote:
I'm so tired of trying to put this baby to bed. And now that she's mobile and pulling up, I can't leave her on my bed as I used to. Now I have to nurse her to sleep, wait forever until she is in a deep sleep, and then try and put her in the play yard for probably a less than fifty percent success rate. Repeat until I give up and go to bed myself even though I don't want to and haven't had any adult time all day. Ugh!


:( Is it possible to sleep with her?


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 6:46 am 
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Grrrr. It's been a week since babe #3 (now almost 13 months) has been waking up every so often (sometimes I swear about 8 times a night) to nurse back to sleepiness. I don't know if he's hungry and not eating enough during the day? I can't get him to sit still long enough to eat a lot sometimes. Other times he will eat a full bowl of beans and all is good.. I need more sleep.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 7:29 am 
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Where has my pleasant, happy, sleep-through-the-night baby gone? I know he's uncomfortable, because he's not himself... but I don't know why or how to fix it.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 7:52 am 
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First "transition day" at daycare yesterday. He was so tired. Finally got him to be calm in the crib, waiting for him to drift to sleep. Daycare worker says "we don't let them stay in their crib more than 5 minutes if they are awake." Ugh, he is tired. I don't want someone making me get out of bed if it takes more than 5 minutes for me to fall asleep. Don't do it to my baby. I understand not wanting to leave them in the crib all day, but 5 minutes? Please. 15 would be much more reasonable.


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