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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 2:57 pm 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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Another vote of confidence, even if without any helpful advice. I am *not* looking forward to those early teen/pre-teen years. Having a sister who's 15 years younger that I gave me an interesting perspective on the gnarliness that can ensue.

Mark Twain reportedly said that when a boy turns thirteen, you should seal him in a barrel and feed him through the knothole. When he turns 16, plug up the hole.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 3:27 pm 
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To be sure, I don't care if he doesn't get the snack he says he wants. Likewise, if his books are in the car when he's complaining about having homework to do. All that stuff is on him.

And, of course, these are simple, everyday tasks a 10-year-old can accomplish in a snap, with no oversight from parents.

That's the whole point: he'll lie there trying to make it my problem, and now I've got a tantrum to listen to or actively avoid, and I start thinking less-than-loving thoughts about my child. I feel like these episodes are eroding my relationship with him. Because my choice becomes A) do it—whatever it is—for him (which sucks for a hundred* reasons), or B) not want to spend time with him because it's so damn annoying.

I'm sick of the struggling—struggling that is usually over nothing of any importance, even to him! I just want things to be easy and peaceful and rational.

Which is not a very reasonable expectation, I guess.

No, of course he's not always like this. He's still bright and fun and silly. Just not all the time. And it becomes very easy to forget the good times when the bad times get more frequent and more insistent.

*It's probably more like 3 reasons, but still!

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 3:37 pm 
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refinnej wrote:
Mark Twain reportedly said that when a boy turns thirteen, you should seal him in a barrel and feed him through the knothole. When he turns 16, plug up the hole.


It is so wrong that I snorted while reading this. Thanks for the giggle!

FF, you're an awesome parent, and I can't imagine how tough it must be to love your kid but not like them very much in the moment.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 3:39 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
refinnej wrote:
FF, you're an awesome parent, and I can't imagine how tough it must be to love your kid but not like them very much in the moment.


That's it exactly!

(And I don't think I'm an awesome parent. I'm just someone who really wishes he was. That's my version of awesomeness.)

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 5:22 pm 
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FootFace wrote:
That's the whole point: he'll lie there trying to make it my problem, and now I've got a tantrum to listen to or actively avoid, and I start thinking less-than-loving thoughts about my child. I feel like these episodes are eroding my relationship with him. Because my choice becomes A) do it—whatever it is—for him (which sucks for a hundred* reasons), or B) not want to spend time with him because it's so damn annoying.



Well aren't all teenagers annoying? I certainly don't want to spend time with any of them. The best thing - BEST thing, bar none - that happened to my relationship with my parents--and, in many ways, my life--was my going away to a residential school an hour away at 14.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 6:35 am 
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My husband really is totally awesome BUT he insists on drinking like a gallon of sweet tea over the course of the evening and then gets up a billiondy times at night to use the bathroom. It used to annoy me slightly because I would often wake up when he got in and out of bed. I now can hardly stand it because every time he gets up I am in fear that he will wake the baby (his room is right across the hall from the bathroom and the floorboards are super squeaky too). This morning at 4 am - he got up to use the bathroom and baby woke up and started doing the "whine-cry" routine and I thought that the hubs would go in and try to tuck him back into bed/give him a paci or something to see if he would go back to sleep without a feeding. After waiting several minutes for this to happen, while listening to baby get progressively louder and more upset and get up and find the bathroom empty and the husband sitting on the couch drinking a TALL glass of sweet tea. "You gonna feed the baby?" I think I said something nasty in return.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 8:05 am 
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Um, has your husband been tested for diabetes?


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 9:51 am 
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Ha! Ariann - I was complaining about this to my co-worker this morning and she said the same thing and I was like - der. I work in healthcare - shouldn't I have thought of that??? I had considered his prostate might be a problem but yeah the polydipsia might be a red flag. Now to try to get the man to the doctor. We have been married 5 years and for 5 years he has refused to go for a check-up. He has a kid now though so he needs to man up.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Oct 27, 2012 7:12 pm 
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What is it with people and the whole "spoiling" a baby thing? It annoys me so much. You cannot hold a baby "too much" or "spoil" a baby with love.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Oct 27, 2012 8:35 pm 
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A friend of mine was told by her energy worker that her baby is anxious because she isn't being held enough. The remedy is that she is getting a carrier that will let her have her baby in contact with her, instead of in the pack and play.

I think all babies are different, but if you take your kidlet's cues for what they want its a good thing.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Oct 27, 2012 8:44 pm 
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I should have made it clear that I wasn't trying to criticize anyone else's parenting! I'm just annoyed with people (my family members) criticizing me and my partner for co-sleeping and holding our baby a lot.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Oct 27, 2012 9:27 pm 
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AAAAAAAAARGHGHGHGHGH. forking Facebook crazy people!!!!


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Oct 27, 2012 9:27 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
A friend of mine was told by her energy worker that her baby is anxious because she isn't being held enough. The remedy is that she is getting a carrier that will let her have her baby in contact with her, instead of in the pack and play.

I am curious how an energy worker would know that. How would they know the baby is anxious? And what the cause is? And what precisely does an energy worker do?

It concerns me how much responsibility is placed upon mothers to be all things at all times to their children. That is a hell of a lot of pressure to live up to.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Oct 27, 2012 9:29 pm 
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I didn't read your post as such! I hear you on the criticism!

My husband is in a wedding in December, and I've told him I'm not going bc I really don't want to leave Leela alone just yet. He is annoyed because his friend "really wants me to come." So my response (months ago) was that if you want me to come have a childfriendly wedding. Otherwise L and I will be playing it by ear. But they still had an adult-only wedding, which is fine, and I can't blame them, but it just doesn't work for me. And so B is getting ready to get a lot of flack from his friends (most of whom now have adult children) that its stupid to not leave your kid and go out and have fun - blahblahblah spoils the children. But for me, my allegiance is to my kid and I'm going to do what is likely to be least stressful for the two of us. I'm not going to leave her with someone she has no relationship so that I can make your friend just a tiny bit happier. Its his wedding day, he'll be happy and have a brilliant time if I am there or not. The same is not true of Leela.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 3:36 am 
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mooo wrote:
What is it with people and the whole "spoiling" a baby thing? It annoys me so much. You cannot hold a baby "too much" or "spoil" a baby with love.

OMG, I hear you! When I had Beetroot and visited my in-laws when he was 6 weeks old (I had to, it was my husband's gran's 90th birthday party), I got that for the entire party. Everyone over the age of 40 (most of the people at the party) told me I was spoiling the kid by holding him too much and why didn't I bring a basket or something to put him in (because it took 8 hours to get there by train and bus and I didn't want to bring a lot of stuff, maybe?) and why did I insist I keep holding him (because I'm a new mom and love my kid and don't want to ruin the party by having him cry, which is all he did when I put him down)? Why won't I put him in a car seat? I am spoiling him by holding him! Why do they friggin' care?!! $£^&*£&##$!!!

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 7:35 am 
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I find it weird how people can feel so comfortable being rude to parents. I ran into some friends (some childless and some with older kids) and when I mentioned that we were having a low-key babyplaydate for L's birthday the response was pretty universally "oh that is my idea of Hell."

Seriously? I think the right response is "congratulations.". There is something so sweet about watching little kids play and our kids are just so adorable.

And if you wouldn't be rude and judgey about another person's life events, why feel comfortable to do that about their kid's party? I don't feel like everyone needs to be interested in my kid, but why not just be polite?

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 2:58 am 
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OMG, we are going to leave for our wee holiday (£19 Premiere Inn special!) in an hour and Beetroot just broke the television. Climbed on the stand and when I told him to get down, he knocked the TV down with him. My husband actually needs it for work and while we *can* afford another, we really aren't in a position where we feel like it's cool to just drop a hundred or so like it's no big deal.* My husband is getting up in 20 minutes and I get to tell him the news, which he is sure to be thrilled with.


* I'm not complaining about our finances, it's our lifestyle choice, etc., but wasting money is still not cool.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 4:00 am 
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Oh dear..not a nice start to the day, eh? Is there a Freecycle/Freegle group anywhere near you? If you dont need a nice tv, that might be an option. They are offered on our local list very frequently.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 9:38 am 
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More of a sustained whine than a ventilation, but:

V must be getting canine #3/4, because she's been nursing aaaaall the time, which means I get no sleep, a return to transitional horrorpoops, and am so sore. And whenever she's not nursing, she's crying over nothing. My hope for the day is that she'll nap early so I can go to Java Mama for a couple hours and read during supervised play time.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 10:25 am 
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Oi, we've just had a tooth, a cold, another virus and a second tooth in about 18 days. I think my left boob may have fallen off during the night. Much improved today, here's hoping Vi will give you a rest soon.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 9:45 pm 
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Why is my baby such a night owl? It's almost eleven and she's still up. My husband and I have been trying to put her down for, I guess it's been three hours now? what the fizzle. Go to sleep.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 9:46 pm 
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GTFTS

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 2:07 pm 
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I would like to vent that I am jealous of Tofulish's total chill in the face of no power or heat for days on end while I have become a bit of a reactionary lunatic. ETA: And I am usually such a chill person, guess I found my limit.

We have been at my in-laws since Wednesday night (same in-laws referenced above as super crazy). Mr. A is doing everything he can to get out of the house during the day with Malka while simultaneously not wasting gas since we have no desire to stand on line for hours on end to get more. Mr. A spent hours attempting to clean their kitchen on Wednesday night, getting down on his hands and knees to scrub the kitchen floor that hasn't been cleaned in God knows how long. Saving grace is that he and his brother spent many weekends cleaning one of the bedrooms, repainting, etc. and turning it into a livable baby room that we're all able to sleep in now. Luckily for us my BIL and his family who were there when we got there Wednesday gave up on staying there and went back home, so we got the one non-hoarder-y room. /whine

Lucky we have somewhere to stay and be warm and take showers, though! Our town is a ghost town now. Zero power in town.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 5:10 pm 
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Oi. Do you have any ideas on how long you'll be away from home?


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:21 pm 
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Yikes! Husband and I were without power for 4 days in Alexandria a couple summers ago and by the end of it we were chasing each other through the hedge maze with axes.


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