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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Apr 02, 2013 8:25 pm 
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torque wrote:
we've done a lot of "shaking it out" or punching pillows or having the mini trampoline. acknowledging that stamping and slamming and making lots of noise is useful and good for letting out stress, here's a convenient way to do it that won't get you in trouble, or hurt yourself.
of course, you know he's doing it to get his way. if you tell him it's acceptable and good, he probably won't be too interested in it anymore ;-)


Shaking it out! That's a good idea. We used to do that when he needed some sensory stimulation and haven't in awhile. Thanks torque!

And thanks tofulish and annak for the good wishes.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 7:27 pm 
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I am sort of annoyed with my mom right now. She told me today that she is going away for three weeks to some retreat to do some random juice cleanse or something. This will be the end of April and beginning of May. I had this whole plan where I would leave Ada with her once or twice a week so we would all be comfortable with it when I went into labor. Because this is what is giving me the most anxiety about going into labor. That and I'm just getting really uncomfortable and it would be nice to have help so I don't have to take Ada everywhere with me. And my mom has been going on and on how she is here to help, blah blah blah. And what if I go into labor early? Then we're stuck.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 9:37 pm 
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Oh Sashi, that totally sucks.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 7:57 am 
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Oh that really sucks, sashi! I'm sorry.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 8:01 am 
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torque wrote:
we've done a lot of "shaking it out" or punching pillows or having the mini trampoline. acknowledging that stamping and slamming and making lots of noise is useful and good for letting out stress, here's a convenient way to do it that won't get you in trouble, or hurt yourself.
of course, you know he's doing it to get his way. if you tell him it's acceptable and good, he probably won't be too interested in it anymore ;-)


Silas had a TERRIBLE day at speech therapy yesterday, which led to a convo about his becoming aggressive, which she was mostly concerned about because it's completely out of character for him. He apparently kicked over a chair and climbed, stomping, over a table to try to SCALE A BOOKSHELF to get the lego box back down. All because he didn't want to do flashcards next (which he normally likes, because they do silly sentences with them).

Then I tried the "shake your grumpies"*** out method with him twice last night and it immediately ended both tantrums and he has been totally himself since. I don't even know. But thanks again for the idea!


***He loves Yo Gabba Gabba and their "Shake your Sillies" out song, so I went with a variation of that.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 8:17 am 
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We also did the alternative when we moved out of an apartment into our own house, which was titled "Stomp as much as you damn well please since we no longer have neighbors to call the landlord and complain". your mileage may vary!!

Glad to hear it worked, at least once.
Funny you should say this, it reminds me of what FC said yesterday in the car on the way home: she was having a bad English AND Portuguese day [usually it's one or the other, for both of us, but not usually both] and I said to her it reminded me of when she was very small, and made one big gain [like rolling over, or sleeping through the night, or speech gains] but at the same time had temporary losses of the developments she had already made -- you know what i mean, like they might start peeing on the potty but stop self-feeding, for example.
So I told her maybe she was on the cusp of some new teenage development [she should be starting to menstruate any time now, for example, although i would prefer to hope she's going to have some new development that might involve her doing her homework or making her ¨&!@#¨% bed!!].
Maybe Shae is too.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 10:49 am 
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Aaaand the morning opens with a tantrum over whether or not cookies are an appropriate breakfast food. Leaving me to wonder: is hard liquor an appropriate breakfast food?


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 11:48 am 
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All the preschools here do spring break at the same time as the public schools. Makes sense, right, because if your older kids are home from school and you have a younger kid, you don't want to take two weeks off to accommodate both their breaks. (And, I'm sure it's useful for some of the teachers who have kids too and need to be home with them.)

Inconveniently, their spring breaks aren't coordinated with the (in town) university or the (out of town) university I go to. So I had spring break last week, and they have spring break this week. My partner had the flu last week and so he really needs to be at work this week, which means I have to be the one watching them. Meanwhile I have a million deadlines happening at once and zero time to work this week. I watched the kids all day yesterday and then pulled a mostly-all-nighter (did sleep for an hour and a half this morning) but I'm still not done one of the three things on my to-do list, so I'll watch them all day today and then immediately go from that into working again to try and meet a midnight deadline.

I want to have fun with them and enjoy this time we have together. I am so cognizant of the fact that soon I'm going to be working full-time and my time with them is going to drop off sharply. But in the moment? I'm just irritated and exasperated and tired of juggling.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 12:19 pm 
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fork, Sashi, sorry to hear that...the last thing you need to be worrying about right now is who's going to be watching Ada during labor. I went through a lot of anxiety about that in my final month and even then my plan didn't work because I went early, but it all worked out! who is your back-up just in case person?


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 2:23 pm 
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Audrey wrote:
fork, Sashi, sorry to hear that...the last thing you need to be worrying about right now is who's going to be watching Ada during labor. I went through a lot of anxiety about that in my final month and even then my plan didn't work because I went early, but it all worked out! who is your back-up just in case person?

We don't really have a back up. Well, my brother said he would come over but he lives in Long Island (at least 45 min away with no traffic) and has three kids. So it might take him awhile to get over here. I'm going to ask a friend in the neighborhood if she could be a temporary solution in case I progress really quickly. She just has a kid the same age as Ada so then she would have the same problem depending on the time of day.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 2:32 pm 
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Can your mom's circle recommend someone who would be a good baby-sitter in case you needed it?

Brett and I figured if we had a second, he'd probably stay with L until the baby is born, and then come over to meet the baby later. It isn't great, but I figure that is what you need to do if you don't have anyone local to help. I honestly can't think of any other options

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 2:39 pm 
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OMG, I am so so so tired. Leela just nursed all night and am just stumbling through the hours waiting for bedtime.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 2:41 pm 
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I can probably get baby-sitter recommendations but Ada just isn't used to being left with someone else. And it takes her awhile to warm up to new people. Even yesterday she was clinging to me for a half hour when she woke up from a nap and my mom was here. I joked with Andy about staying home with her and that was a big no. Ha. He won't be staying in the hospital with us the whole time though. He'll probably head back to get Ada soon a bit after the baby is born (depending on ow things are going at home) and if I need to stay a night he'll stay home with her.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 2:44 pm 
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We were in a similar situation with E when M was born, and at almost the last minute, a local PPKer stepped up and offered to watch him. It was pretty much the nicest thing anyone has done for me ever.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 2:48 pm 
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aw Sashi I know that is so hard. We really only had one friend that I could rely on to do it too, because D was so shy with people til recently, and the person we'd hoped would do it (H's sister) lives in California and wasn't arriving til my due date. So when I went into labor a week early, we called the friend and it took her like 2 hours to show up - no one was expecting my labor to go so rapidly and I thought I'd have plenty of time at home. I was lucky she wasn't out of town!
worst case scenario, are you using a doula? because even though I'd have hated it, if our friend wasn't around I could've gone to the hospital with the doula and left H behind with D for a while. Aw heck, if I lived in your part of Brooklyn I'd totally help you out!


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 3:00 pm 
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C&S, how are you still standing?

I'm not pregnant, so I have no similar looming childcare concerns, but it's been really valuable for us to develop friendships with our neighbors with kids and practice leaving Malka with them and having them leave their kids with us. It gives Malka regular playdates and well-known playmates, but apart from the benefit to us there's an obvious benefit to the community we function in and it actually being, you know, a community. I would really feel comfortable leaving Malka with like half a dozen parents who live around us if we had to do so in a pinch. I want people to know my kid, for her to feel comfortable going to them in an emergency, for them to be looking out for her in the world and for me to do the same for them. (It was a huge lifesaver to have that safety net when I almost killed our nanny this week, I can tell you that!) Tofulish - you know like a million people with babies and young kids who I'm sure would be more than willing to take on Leela should the situation arise that you needed an emergency babysitter. I think people are too often hesitant to ask those kinds of acquaintances for favors like that, but really, that's what communities are for!

ETA: The other thing about the situation we're trying to make for ourselves is I really want Malka to have multiple caring adults in her life and to be able to build relationships with all of those people. More awesome, loving role models is a benefit all around.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 3:09 pm 
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I am so tired. And L is too tired to nap again, so its all hedge mazes and axes (thanks annak!) up in here!

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 3:16 pm 
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That's true, Ariann. I need to make more of an effort with that around me. It can be hard in the city to get to know people although we have made a few play date friends at the playgrounds in our neighborhood. No one I feel comfortable leaving her with if I needed, but I guess you have to start somewhere.

Sashi, it sounds like your relationship is complicated with your mother so i don't know if you can tell her how important this is to you. Can you tell her to fork the retreat?


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 3:20 pm 
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Around here we have a service called urban sitter and it lists local babysitters, you can read reviews and many have had background checks and are CPR certified and whatnot. We haven't used it cause I have an awesome babysitter across the street or I trade with mom friends, but several friends have used it and have had good luck. I am planning to use a similar service when we move. I'm sure you can find some, interview them and have them come to the house when you or Andy is home in a different room and see how Ada responds.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 4:28 pm 
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Butternut wrote:
That's true, Ariann. I need to make more of an effort with that around me. It can be hard in the city to get to know people although we have made a few play date friends at the playgrounds in our neighborhood. No one I feel comfortable leaving her with if I needed, but I guess you have to start somewhere.


I don't know if your husband is as socially adventurous as mine, but I can honestly say all of this development is due to him and his ability to just strike up conversations with people and go knocking on their doors introducing himself (and offer to help people move in or build furniture or hook up electronics or share our wifi or whatever, he's done it at all). I am not nearly so outgoing, although I've made my own little friendships around the neighborhood just from bumping into people a bunch of times. We live in an apartment complex, so lots of close neighbors to go bug and make oneself known to. Also, we can hear everything that goes on in at least four adjoining apartments, so we can tell when there are other kids to be found!


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 7:25 pm 
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Audrey wrote:
worst case scenario, are you using a doula? because even though I'd have hated it, if our friend wasn't around I could've gone to the hospital with the doula and left H behind with D for a while. Aw heck, if I lived in your part of Brooklyn I'd totally help you out!
Aww thats sweet of you. It's funny how far away different parts of Brooklyn are when you're using subways. Whenever we take out a zipcar its like a totally different place. I'm trying to decide whether or not to use a doula this time. But that is a good point. That would be a good worst case scenario solution.

Butternut, not sure she would cancel the thing. She already bought her plane ticket and said she made it as far away from my due date as she could. ummm...yeah. Because it's so necessary for her to go do this thing. In all seriousness, I'll most likely not be having the baby that early but still.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 10:57 pm 
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You could look into sibling doulas, speaking of doula services.. They are basically people who go on call to take care of older kids during a birth, and often do some pre-birth prep and activities. I think it's relatively popular for home birth families, because maybe you don't want the older sibling banished from the house, but you don't necessarily want extended family around either (or, I wouldn't. Too weird.) and just want someone around who can focus on the older child and support him/her should anything unanticipated happen.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 1:25 am 
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Tofulish wrote:
Can your mom's circle recommend someone who would be a good baby-sitter in case you needed it?

Brett and I figured if we had a second, he'd probably stay with L until the baby is born, and then come over to meet the baby later. It isn't great, but I figure that is what you need to do if you don't have anyone local to help. I honestly can't think of any other options

I had Mr Crabby stay at home with Beety when I had Raygold -- I know I am in a rare situation here, but I preferred him not around! -- and will do the same when I have Vax. That said, he has a final exam in Glasgow on 12 June (10 days after my EDD) and if I still haven't popped, I have begged my only other mom-friend (a new mom, but I've known her for years) to come and stay here with me just in case I go into labour that day. it's pretty unlikely, as I was 5 days late with Beety and 5 days early with Raygold.

I would probably just have a home birth at this point if we didn't live so far away from the nearest hospital. It's 40 minutes by ambulance to the birthing centre and I think it's nearly an hour to get to get to the hospital (and it takes ~40 minutes for the ambulance to arrive when we call) so I don't think that would be safe if there were an emergency.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 8:14 pm 
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I just want not to be screamed at. I'm so tired of being screamed at.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 8:19 pm 
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Maybe this should go in the lactation thread but I'm really angry about it so here it goes...

STOP tweaking my nipples!


My nipples were absolutely raw last night, like newborn baby raw, just because she refuses to nurse without tweaking the opposite nipple at the same time. HARD! She screams bloody murder if I cover up the nipple, hold it, etc. what the fizzle! They are better today, but I think it's just because we were super busy all day and she got sidetracked from her MISSION IN LIFE.


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