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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Oct 26, 2013 9:53 pm 
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I took my son to a big halloween parade tonight. He lasted 30 minutes then just wanted to go home. I really hope he gets better as he grows older and doesn't become one of these kids who never has fun doing anything but staying home on the computer.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 8:13 am 
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Aubade, I worry about that too, but maybe it just wasn't his thing for some reason. Kids don't always love to do "kid" things that adults think they should. We took my now 5-year-old to a few parades when he was younger and he wasn't into them. I randomly took him to the littlest, rinkydink parade last month and he was SO excited.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 8:59 am 
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Thanks. I hope that's it.

Its just the only things he likes to do is crash trains, play rescuebots and go on his ipad. Or run around the playground. I'm just soooo bored of these things! I think it it rough too, seeing pics on facebook of all my childless friends going to fun halloween parties like I used to...and I can't even have an hour of fun at a stupid halloween parade.

My annoyance carried over to this morning. I was just SO NOT INTO playing trains at 6AM today.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 9:39 am 
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Now I feel bad like I should add, of course it goes without saying I love being a parent, etc. etc. Even if I could have gone out to a party last night like my childless friends, I'm pretty sure I'd be too tired to dance anyway.

I think it is just that since I work full time all week, when I'm home I feel guilty about doing anything for myself. I know he feels bad that I'm gone so much, so I want to make every moment together count. But that means if he doesn't enjoy anything I enjoy doing, I never get to do anything fun.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 2:54 pm 
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I totally understand, and I hope I didn't sound like a crasshole! Doing only what they want to do gets boring, big time.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 3:07 pm 
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I feel the same way sometimes, aubade. Since I work full time, I feel guilty doing things that don't include babynut, which is mainly exercise. I haven't been able to work exercise into my schedule without feeling like a terrible mom. I bike to work, but it's just not enough for me.

Time off is so precious, it's frustrating when it feels like it's being wasted.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 4:52 pm 
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Kiddo wrote:
I totally understand, and I hope I didn't sound like a crasshole!

oh no, not at all! Your response was totally nice. I just needed to vent lol. We are now carving a pumpkin and he is like whatever, ipad... trains....*sigh*

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 7:03 pm 
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i dont think anyone should ever feel bad about venting in the ventilation station! :-)

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 7:53 pm 
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Aubade, I totally relate to that. There haven't been so many things like your parade situation for us, but it happens a LOT that we go to the playground/park and Malka is just not into it that day and I am so irritated because I made an effort to get out of the house and do something fun with you and sheesh, why don't you want to be having fun running around outside? What could be more fun that that?! I definitely feel left out of fun single people stuff, but also just fun having-older-children stuff.

I have exactly one evening a week for going to the gym and I have missed 3/4 of them over the past month. Because I feel guilty being away yet another evening from my kid. Or because I let myself be talked into another evening meeting at work (I need better boundaries, seriously - I just sent an e-mail saying I was skipping tomorrow's Board meeting because I couldn't deal with another 14 hour day, of course, it will still be a 12 hour work day!). When will the importance of my own health rise up to match this other stuff? And also I have friends who are parents of young children who seem to actually have their lives together and get things done that they need to get done - why can't I manage that?


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 8:15 pm 
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Yeah, I'm pretty sure I've ranted about a hundred times how I try to do something really nice for Vi and she finds a way to shiitake all over it. Even if that means 3 hours that are great and then a meltdown when we leave, it still casts a shadow over the day and drives me nuts.

This weekend has been tough. She hasn't really napped (my husband would say I'm always blaming him, but he's kind of the one who keeps taking her out past her naptime and then unsuccessfully trying to transfer her conked out carseat self inside and then the nap is ruined…

We're both frustrated that the house was fairly clean for book club on Tuesday and by today it was a disaster again. We both want more time, and I totally agree that my husband works really long hours during the week and should relax on the weekend.. It's just that his idea of relaxation is a much less interruptible one than a toddler allows. And I feel like I'm constantly the naggy wife saying "no, sorry, that's not your life anymore."

I really wish family were closer. I am so jealous of people who have family members who are available to help out all the time. (Though to be fair a lot of my friends with nearby family don't have that arrangement for various reasons)


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 8:23 pm 
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A friend recently advised me to stop thinking of nap time as my time, since naps are increasingly messed up around here. I just can't count on it anymore, that time doesn't belong to me. I thought that was a helpful, if depressing, thought.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 8:31 pm 
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I'm sure we'll be there at some point. I think from the resultant behavior that we are not quite ready for it yet and she still naps pretty easily when, well, she's with me during the week, because I keep us on a pretty regular schedule out of necessity. A lot of it is that my husband doesn't have a lot of time with her and doesn't really understand that staying on schedule is not optional.

But I guess the next question is, "so when IS my time??" Actually we have a tour of a preschool that a friend recommended coming up in a week. They have one morning a week available and I'm hoping we could eventually expand that to one or two more.. It's along my husband's bike route to work so on days when he didn't have any meetings until 7:30 or so, he could drop her off when they opened and I would have until noon!! I'm starting to get more and more tired, though, so I'd probably just use that time to sleep in.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 8:34 pm 
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"so when IS my time?" - yes, my question exactly


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:55 pm 
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Ariann wrote:
A friend recently advised me to stop thinking of nap time as my time, since naps are increasingly messed up around here. I just can't count on it anymore, that time doesn't belong to me. I thought that was a helpful, if depressing, thought.


I think I've just moved through the mourning period about loss of the regular nap. It is easier for me now that I don't count on that time for getting anything done.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 10:42 am 
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Ariann wrote:
Aubade, I totally relate to that. There haven't been so many things like your parade situation for us, but it happens a LOT that we go to the playground/park and Malka is just not into it that day and I am so irritated because I made an effort to get out of the house and do something fun with you and sheesh, why don't you want to be having fun running around outside? What could be more fun that that?! I definitely feel left out of fun single people stuff, but also just fun having-older-children stuff.


Exactly! We got him a 3 wheel toddler scooter for his bday. He seemed to love it, got right on it and started scooting in the house. My husband and I both have adult scooters from our old days in nyc, so I was all excited to take us all to the park for a fun scootering trip. Well he was into it for about 2 minutes. I was so disappointed! I see other kids zipping around...so why won't mine?

I'd even be happy if he was into scribbling, or crafts...but he won't do any activity I try for more than a few minutes. I hope this is just his age and it will get better, but right now it is so boring! And of course I worry about his attention span...

Ariann wrote:
And also I have friends who are parents of young children who seem to actually have their lives together and get things done that they need to get done - why can't I manage that?

Ugh I ask myself that question all the time too. Like I started a new job an hour commute away over a year ago now, and have fully intended to sell my house and move. But we're still here! I just can't find the time to declutter and get the necessary repairs done. I know other people manage to sell their homes...but it feels impossible for me to find the time.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 11:59 am 
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aw aubade, I think kai not being so into going to stuff like parades is a combo of age and temperament! D is almost 4.5 and just started actually enjoying going to stuff...before that she'd just kinda stand around and stare at people and not relax enough to play. She was adamant about not leaving my side and insisted on holding my hand the entire time. I feel you on the being bored thing, but some kids are just introverted.
also, to me it always seems like any activity we would really enjoy ourselves is the one thing they'll be meh about.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 12:11 pm 
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2 year molars: I forgot these were a thing.

The Magician's been pretty miserable on account of them, and he is transferring that misery onto us. He's already been more tantrum-y over the past month or two, but this past week has just been wild.

He throws the craziest tantrums. Like, his duration and his fixation on a single idea is... I dunno... kind of impressive? But really horrible? With E, if you just ignored his tantrum, in like 5 seconds he'd be like "I'm done, give me a hug." With M? Ignore his tantrum and he'll just keep escalating. Yesterday he threw the weirdest tantrum because he woke up from his nap and immediately wanted to go outside (??). (I didn't take him out because it was late and cold and we were doing things inside.) He stood by the back door howling "go outside, go outside, M go outside, M ready go outside, time go outside, go outside go outside go outside" for twenty minutes, not an exaggeration. Around the 15 minute mark I picked him up and cuddled him (sort of a risky thing as he tends to thrash and kick and headbutt if you pick him up during a tantrum) and he finally stopped after 5 minutes of that. And then 10 minutes later he started again, same topic. Really?

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2013 11:16 pm 
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I was walking the dog and had L in the stroller and was crossing a busy street. When I was pretty much right in the middle of the street, with cars whizzing by, Cuddles decided he had to go back to sniff something he had missed, and 70lbs of dog is pulling me insistently back into traffic. That was fun.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 7:51 am 
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I don't know if Alice is teething or having a growth spurt but she was up every hour or two last night and the night before. I just want to sleeeeep.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 12:56 pm 
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this is a vent about family members, not kids but: Jesus effing christ you make a big deal about how your visit is going to be soooo wonderful because zomg you can babysit for us so we can actually do something like go out to dinner but then every.single.time we want you to, you're busy?!? My mom and aunt are both in town at the same time and yep, still haven't gotten that date night. Oh and bonus annoyance that my aunt keeps promising stuff to D and then not showing up or deciding at the last minute "You know, I think I'd rather do something else", with no apology or thought whatsoever that a four-year old is kinda crushed by your flakiness. Maybe it's just as well that we have no family who live here anymore.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 1:21 pm 
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sorry, audrey. i feel your pain and it sucks, whether the kid is big or small.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 2:16 pm 
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Audrey wrote:
this is a vent about family members, not kids but: Jesus effing christ you make a big deal about how your visit is going to be soooo wonderful because zomg you can babysit for us so we can actually do something like go out to dinner but then every.single.time we want you to, you're busy?!? My mom and aunt are both in town at the same time and yep, still haven't gotten that date night. Oh and bonus annoyance that my aunt keeps promising stuff to D and then not showing up or deciding at the last minute "You know, I think I'd rather do something else", with no apology or thought whatsoever that a four-year old is kinda crushed by your flakiness. Maybe it's just as well that we have no family who live here anymore.


My sister used to do this to my kids. And it is one of the reasons that I am not able to speak to her now. She would call them and tell them she was coming just to see them and then not even telling me that she had been and gone.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 2:56 pm 
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I am sorry Audrey, that is very thoughtless.

And I get being more upset for your children, than for yourself. We're so used to being disappointed, but they really aren't. And in an ideal world, they would be surrounded by loving and reliable adults whom they could trust to come through on promises. Ugh, its just horrible and selfish to have so little integrity towards a child.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 4:09 pm 
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kfad wrote:
Audrey wrote:
this is a vent about family members, not kids but: Jesus effing christ you make a big deal about how your visit is going to be soooo wonderful because zomg you can babysit for us so we can actually do something like go out to dinner but then every.single.time we want you to, you're busy?!? My mom and aunt are both in town at the same time and yep, still haven't gotten that date night. Oh and bonus annoyance that my aunt keeps promising stuff to D and then not showing up or deciding at the last minute "You know, I think I'd rather do something else", with no apology or thought whatsoever that a four-year old is kinda crushed by your flakiness. Maybe it's just as well that we have no family who live here anymore.


My sister used to do this to my kids. And it is one of the reasons that I am not able to speak to her now. She would call them and tell them she was coming just to see them and then not even telling me that she had been and gone.

My mom does this when she visits. "Oh, let's go on a walk, wouldn't that be fun, but oh just let me eat first and then I changed my mind maybe we'll go do something else instead." If we do end up leaving the house, it's usually forever after her initial "let's do something".

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 8:39 pm 
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Audrey wrote:
Oh and bonus annoyance that my aunt keeps promising stuff to D and then not showing up or deciding at the last minute "You know, I think I'd rather do something else", with no apology or thought whatsoever that a four-year old is kinda crushed by your flakiness. Maybe it's just as well that we have no family who live here anymore.


Oh, that is the worst. Nothing like breaking a kid's heart! We've definitely been through this. So hard.

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