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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Tue Jan 21, 2014 11:47 pm 
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Nooch of Earl
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We just spent between about 2pm and 7pm at the pediatrician and radiology. boring story even more boring, she probably just had a joint flareup from an overactive immune system after her recent viral infection. But we got some x-rays done to make sure there weren't any fractures. If it's the former, it should gradually heal in the next 3-5 days and she'll be back to normal. If there is a break, we'll get a call tomorrow. I assume preschool is yet AGAIN out of the question. So basically we've paid for 2 days/week and so far she's gone one day this month. Sigh.

I'm exhausted and just want this forking awful year to be over with already.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 6:56 am 
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annak, that sounds really scary! I hope Violet is feeling better soon.

We're now on something like day 10 of nasty cold, vomiting from gagging on mucus, partial recovery, MMR vaccine and associated grumpiness, dramatic diarrhea stomach bug undoubtedly picked up at doctor's office while waiting for said vaccine. Oh yeah, and working on tooth #6. Good times.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 6:30 pm 
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So so so so frustrated. I found the perfect obgyn, and I love her so much. Well, everything started falling apart during my last appointment. My doc cancelled twice (not her fault, she had to deliver babies), but the office didn't call me either time to tell me that the appointments were cancelled. So they had me see another doc who I didn't really like, but OK, at least I got to see someone. Aside from that, they had no record of tests that they had scheduled for me--no record of scheduling the tests and definitely no results. A blood test for absolutely no reason? FUN! So I've paid $40 for these tests that I'll never get the results for. OK then I got called by someone else's name. And now they no longer have me as seeing my obgyn, but have me seeing the one I didn't like since I saw him last time. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. More freaking stress. I'm going to call (they're impossible to get ahold of though) tomorrow and see if I can get my doc back, but since the appointment is on Friday, I don't think there's anyway to make it so that I can see my own doc for that appointment. I had lots of issues and things I wanted to bring up during my last visit, but I said nothing, because I only wanted to talk to my doc and I couldn't understand anything the other one was saying, so talking to him wouldn't have helped anything.

Blah and now I can't stop crying because of this.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 7:36 pm 
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That is horrible, bastah! I know you like your doctor, but it sounds like the office has serious issues and is really disrespecting you. You can change to a different provider at pretty much any point in your pregnancy. I cannot imagine having to put up with what you're describing!


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 7:53 pm 
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I am so sorry bastah, that sounds horrible, and so stressful. I hope you can either get back to your own provider or switch to a practice that supports you better.

Have you thought about joining some of the parenting groups? I didn't join until after I had L, but they are an amazing resource for good practitioners in your area. When I was looking for a new midwife (because my insurance changed), I got so much information and personal recommendations, and it really helped me make a great choice.

I am going to admit to not being a big fan of a large rotating practice for birth support. I don't like the idea that you don't know who you are going to get on the day you go into labor. My midwife with L, was fantastic and I know she planned her vacation around which of her clients was in any danger of going into labor. And I knew I was going to get her and be with this person I had a relationship with when I was in labor, and that was really important to me. I had been doing a lot of research into HB midwives, and when I look at other people's experiences, the thing that I heard most often as advice was go with a single provider, so you know who you are going to get when you go into labor. For me labor was so personal, the only people I wanted with me were the people whom I completely trusted, my doula, my husband and my midwife. I know there are pros and cons to both, but I loved the comfort of knowing who was going to be there and that she was going to be there through it all.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 11:27 am 
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So I called the office and they called me back and hesitantly gave me a new appointment tomorrow with MY doctor. The woman I was talking to was definitely not thrilled with me (that's nothing new there) and seemed a bit rude, but I can't even care too much since I'm going to be seeing the correct doctor--that trumps all.

I've been told about parenting groups before and it sounds like a good idea, but my problem is that I don't drive so doing stuff like that is really difficult for me :(


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 12:13 pm 
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Some parenting groups have on-line type forums where you can ask questions too! When I hooked up with my doula she was a great source of information about the local doctors.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 3:58 pm 
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I delivered with a large rotating practice. Actually the worst part of that was not just not knowing who I'd get in labor (and I actually got 3 different midwives during "labor" - I was in L&D a LOOOOOOOONG time, and then yet another visited me in the postpartum unit). The worst part was that they had a nurse practitioner do a lot of the prenatal appointments so I spent most of my time bonding with an NP who doesn't attend births at all. She was nice (and I think, in the end, the only person in the practice who showed evidence of giving a shiitake about me at all), but she gave me several wrong pieces of information about hospital policies which caused some surprise and distress once I was actually in the hospital, and then gave me a lot of totally, infuriatingly unhelpful (well-meaning, of course) advice postpartum about nursing.

I honestly don't totally understand how a single practitioner functions, though. The midwives in my practice who were on call spent the entire 24 hours in the hospital because there was always someone in the midst of labor.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 4:04 pm 
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hey bastah not sure where you're located but,there a lot of pretty helpful local parent listservs where you can get recommendations on care providers, hear about people's experiences, pick up baby gear etc. I don't drive either so going to meetups doesn't happen much for me but being part of an online community can be great (obviously this is one! but I mean local to you)


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 4:06 pm 
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Nooch of Earl
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I liked having a midwife practice with a few people in it - in Virginia that was 5-6 and I also hired a birth assistant practice with 3 assistants, here there are 3 (two come to the birth, though). That way you're not worried about whether your birth overlaps with somebody else's or your midwife arrives pre-exhausted from another birth, or whatever.

Granted, a BIG part of my comfort was that I liked and got along with all of them. If I didn't, I would have been much more ambivalent. There were some I thought would be better to have at my birth than others, and the woman who ended up being my midwife was the most experienced and completely awesome, but I trusted all of them. If you have a doctor you don't want at your birth who's part of a practice with rotating on-call providers, I would honestly just bail if you can..


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 4:11 pm 
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Annak's last sentence is right on, I think.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 4:34 pm 
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Semen Strong
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I agree with annak's last sentence. With Tina, my last MW, she just makes it so she can cover all the births and arranges her schedule. She didn't spend all that long with me, just a 15 min check when I got there and then from about 7:45 to 10 when L was delivered (at 8:03) to when we left the birthing suite, but I know she spent a longer time with a friend who had a longer labor and needed longer to push. Midwives aren't necessarily with you through your whole labor, they're there when you're pushing and that isn't really going to be more than 2 hours (after 2 hours in NJ, I've read that you're encouraged to go to c-section), so perhaps that makes it easier to cover a few births? With the doulas, who are there for your whole labor, they clear their schedules so that they can be there for as long as it takes. My doula had a back-up, but I loved her too.

The HB MW is there from start to finish as well, and Jessica was telling me that she manages her schedule so that she never needs to worry. She'd rather have fewer clients and be able to ensure she can be there for everyone. A friend of mine is about to deliver with a HB multi-MW practice, and I don't want to tell her that I've heard really bad things about them, because she is already freaked out because they initially had 4 MW and now one has left and one is due to birth at the same time she is and no longer wants to travel. So she is worried that they have 2 MWs to cover births for 4 practitioners. And whenever I've heard about bad HBs, a common problem is the MW not showing up on time. I feel really bad for her, but that midwife practice has mismanaged births for 2 of my friends. She prepaid and can't get a refund, so I don't see the point in freaking her out.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 4:58 pm 
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Yeah, my feeling is that midwives are with you about as much as an OB would be with you in the hospital - for pushing certainly (or at least catching, hopefully), or for any time for a few minutes if a decision has to be made that wasn't part of the expected plan. Even so, my midwives never left the hospital. They weren't with me, but they may have had several patients to manage, and they were sometimes dealing with my care even if not in my actual presence (looking at my EFM in the hall or something), or just sleeping onsite.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 7:42 pm 
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annak wrote:
I liked having a midwife practice with a few people in it - in Virginia that was 5-6 and I also hired a birth assistant practice with 3 assistants, here there are 3 (two come to the birth, though). That way you're not worried about whether your birth overlaps with somebody else's or your midwife arrives pre-exhausted from another birth, or whatever.

Granted, a BIG part of my comfort was that I liked and got along with all of them. If I didn't, I would have been much more ambivalent. There were some I thought would be better to have at my birth than others, and the woman who ended up being my midwife was the most experienced and completely awesome, but I trusted all of them. If you have a doctor you don't want at your birth who's part of a practice with rotating on-call providers, I would honestly just bail if you can..


I liked being with a midwife practice too. I didn't know who would by my midwife would be during the birth, but they did have a monthly meet the midwives event. I barely even remembered who my midwife was during the birth, but I remember the midwife I saw for my appointments very well. I think part of the reason for that was that I had my husband and a doula so I knew who would be there with me at the time.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 8:04 pm 
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Nooch of Earl
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I don't mean to be a crank here, but my midwife practice would've attended my birth from 36w5days until 41w6days. That's a pretty huge amount of time and I have a hard time believing anyone blocks off 5 weeks per client. I know it's statistically unlikely to overlap with enough spacing, but I was pretty happy knowing that even if the on call midwife and the backup on call midwife were busy, SOMEBODY I knew and liked was available to be emergency hauled out of their time off to attend a birth. But your mileage may vary. A lot of people I know see one midwife and it works out great and they are very happy with that. It really depends on your comfort level and, again, that you can deal with the prospect of anyone from the practice attending your birth.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Sun Feb 02, 2014 9:37 pm 
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My practice just expanded a few weeks ago and added six new docs who I won't have the opportunity to meet. I'm almost 35 weeks. I'm dissapointed but eff it. Figure at least if I never meet them before hand I won't have the chance to dislike them...


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Sun Feb 02, 2014 9:52 pm 
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Sending you lots and lots of good thoughts. I hope your birth goes really well. I can't believe its going to be in a matter of weeks!

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Mon Feb 03, 2014 9:10 am 
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i think my sanity is starting to slip away from me and im going to lose my shiitake anyday now.

BP is a crankypants constantly.
last week sucked. im hoping this week is better. she has been teethign.....forever?
i know a ton of people who all had babies right around the same time as me and i havent heard anyone really say much about teething other than the occasional "we found a new tooth" or someone had a bad day. ive had several bad months. and we only have two teeth to show for it. im just hoping that i havent heard anything about it because i dont really post about how much this sucks on facebook either so maybe it appears to other people that we're not having a sucktastic time constantly

she's been sleeping in our bed since Thanksgiving because she will only sleep on top of me. this wrecks my back. i cant sleep. i wake up 100 times a night in pain. ive been trying to get her to sleep int he middle of the bed which works sometimes for maybe a couple hours or maybe 5 mins then she starts flipping out and needs to be on top of me or like DIRECTLY NEXT TO ME with her face on my boob. she had a cold last week so she was even more cranky and clingy. for awhile a few weeks ago i had her napping in the bed during the day for like an hour evryday and it was amazing and now she wont do that anymore. i get like 20 mins tops but then she is still tired and wants to sleep on top of me.
im trying to be compassionate and understanding and just be there for her as she obviously needs the close contact especially with the teething and the cold but ive never heard of a 9 month old that needs to be CONSTANTLY barnacled to her mom. (i dont know anything about babies though soooo) my parenting mantra has been "this too shall pass" but now im starting to call bullshiitake on that and she will be sleeping on top of me for the next 5+ years.

BP also is 9 months and has ZERO interest in mobility. she sits great but does not have any desire to stand/crawl/etc. of all the babies i know all of them except my friends preemie twins are standing/crawling/walking. even the ones three months younger than BP. i know its super wrong to compare kids but it's really hard not to when i know a buttload of kids from the age range of like 5-6 months to 10-11 months. the evil PT lady is coming again this week and we have made ZERO progress since our last horrible appt. i am interested to hear what she has to say but i know the appt is going to be an epic caramel cluster. we also have our 9 month well baby visit this week so im eager to hear what the doc says.
my husband read something about "late crawlers" and how most of the time nothing is wrong with them they are just working on something else developmentally and often really like exploring with their hands rather than moving towards something which SO describes BP. she is soooo good with her hands. but i still fall into the "first time parent over obsessive worrier" trap

she also refuses to eat any solid food whatsoever either fed by a spoon or fed to herself by herself. wouldnt be a huge deal but compounded with everything else im just so frustrated and feel like im doing everything completely wrong.

she also hates everyone but me and my husband. i know she is right in the stranger danger phase but damn she is over the top. she is Dr Jeckyll and My Hyde. other than her usual crankiness lately she has been ok with my husband and i and likes to have playtime on the floor and she was busting a gut with my husband yesterday laughing and then i had invited my parents over to watch the super bowl and she turned into a completely different baby. she sees them fairly often and she just whined and cried and whimpered the entire time. they are so good to because they totally give her her space and wiat to even come close to her and my mom waited like an hour before she even sat on the floor near her. she's semi ok with my mom but wont let my dad anywhere near her. i think it's the beard but im not sure. i actually got her to nap on my mom last night for quite a good long nap and i thought that was a major breakthrough. but damn she was such a whiner and cry baby the entire time. my mom kept asking her where the baby from the videos and pics on facebook was. it's so frustrating because literally all she wants is me 100% of the time and right on top of me and i never get a break and i dont get any sleep and my back is broken and the dogs are always up in my grill and i think im going to lose my shiitake any second now.

and on top of that im starting to panic as next month she has her cardiologist appt for her echocardiogram they need to do within the first year of her life to confirm the big VSD is in fact a lot smaller as they think and also make sure the other issues are not getting worse and i just know she is not going to stand for being put in some dark strange room with weird equipment and some strange lady putting goo on her chest and rubbing an instrument all over her. it's going to be the biggest fail in the history of fail.



///////ugh

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Mon Feb 03, 2014 9:28 am 
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Big hugs to you LP! I think its pretty normal to feel anxious with all these milestones and visits coming up. And I am so sorry that you're not able to get any downtime or rest, because that really does affect your outlook. And I hear you on the dogs :) My guy is the mellowest, easiest dog ever, and yet sometimes I feel like having to get out and walk him is this giant obstacle in our day.

L was pretty good in terms of development, but she had a few friends who were walking and talking much earlier, and it was really hard not to compare her to them. So, you're not alone in being a bit anxious. :) And given her challenges, it does sound like she is doing awesome and will get there soon, its just a bit of a longer road for her.

Can you get some alone time to do something fun? I think that even an hour break to go to Starbucks and get a cup of coffee was sometimes a sanity saver for me. And its nice to come back and see your supercute baby with new eyes :)

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Mon Feb 03, 2014 11:04 am 
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Nooch of Earl
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An ECG was scary and weird for me even at 4, but pediatric doctors are used to that. V basically kicked and screamed her way through a couple leg x-rays the other week when we had the walking weirdness, I couldn't be in the room with her because I'm pregnant, and all I could hear were screams of "Mommy! Mommy HELP!" but they got the images they needed. So it may seem unpleasant but they're used to it and you won't be the only one with a kid having a fit about doctors.

And teething crankiness for us was not that bad for more than a few days at a time, BUT V has since made up for it in toddlerhood. This morning was AWFUL with the whining and tantrums and crying and refusing to cooperate. So I guess you can take some comfort that everybody runs into some parenting snag? I'm sorry you're having a tough time though. V was pretty clingy at that age, though. There was definitely a 12-15 month regression with fear of strangers for her that I think is pretty normal and related to their newfound mobility--if they can get away from you, that means you can get away from them ;) maybe you're seeing that early?


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Mon Feb 03, 2014 12:22 pm 
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thanks guys. my lack of sleep definitely colors my outlook. the other night i was trying to sleep and my mind was just racing and ive been pretty good about telling myself it will all be better in the morning i just need to go to sleep. and i always do feel better in the morning mentally anyways even on my limited amout of interrupted sleep

it's just so hard not to compare. but you're right Tlish she has had several challenges most babies dont have and i keep trying to remind myself of that. she was born very small and had a giant hole in her heart and she was also forced out early.

i do see her becoming more of a "normal" baby lately in terms of toys and vocalizing and stuff. i just wish she would make some attempt at starting to think about mobility. and thank you guys for not saying "you'll be wishing you were back here when she starts moving" as that comment is the least helpful comment in the world.

i really do think that the first several months of her life her body was just trying to heal itself because now i do see her gaining a lot of weight all of a sudden and sort of catching up in other areas. just not in the mobility area. i should just be patient but it's my natural state of being to be worrying about stuff.

poor thing also still has a bit of a cold. i thought it was pretty much gone but she's stuffy and a little coughy again today.
in a rare turn of events i actually had to wake her up to go to storytime at the library which ended up being fail since she was tired and didnt feel great so she cried anytime one of hte other kids made a loud noise and most of hte kids there are toddler age so they make a lot of noise ;-)

she was sleeping in the bed all by herself which is rare so i should have just left her there. rookie parenting fail ;-)

maybe we will have an easy toddlerhood???? ;-) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA :-)

thanks for letting me rant

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Mon Feb 03, 2014 12:23 pm 
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annak wrote:
I couldn't be in the room with her because I'm pregnant, and all I could hear were screams of "Mommy! Mommy HELP!"


ugh that's awful. i would have been freaking out!

at least they got what they needed and sounds like she is doing better?

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Mon Feb 03, 2014 12:39 pm 
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LisaPunk wrote:
maybe we will have an easy toddlerhood???? ;-) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA :-)



You never know! I hope so, for your sake.. If she's a little behind on mobility she may be developing her patience in a way that babies who can just get up and go as soon as they want to don't do! It's a nice thought at least, maybe? And every baby is quicker at some stuff than others, but I get that it's tough not to worry when you hear stories of how the neighbor baby is running marathons or reading proust. It seems to kind of even out within a couple years. If you spend enough time with the marathon or proust baby, though, you will learn that there are other aspects where babypunk excels. Different kids just work on different stuff first.

I hope she surprises you at the cardiologist, though. It's great she's getting so much stronger! It's amazing how much they grow and learn in the first year or so.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Mon Feb 03, 2014 1:01 pm 
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I was so glad to go to work today to escape my baby because all weekend he was in SUCH a mood. He wanted constant interaction, but nothing I did was right apparently and would result in screaming and flailing and excessive anger. He wanted to watch something on the TV and apparently it was something specific that I couldn't telepathically figure out...he needs to start talking soon because this is so painful. The earlysteps people called to set up an appointment with the woman who does the preliminary interview before they set up an appointment with the woman who does the actual evaluation to see if you qualify for services - so maybe by the time he is 2 we will have something going with that - hopefully by that time he is just talking up a little storm.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station
PostPosted: Mon Feb 03, 2014 2:41 pm 
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LisaPunk, Malka was very, very opposed to solid food until way past a year. She'd eat a tiny bit every so often, but only on her own terms. Os cereal was the most successful thing in the 9-12 month range (she won't eat them now, of course). She was on a 90% milk diet until past 18 months. Don't freak too much about it if you can. Your milk is still the most nutritious thing she could possibly be eating and what she will gain weight best on, so maybe she's just being smart about her food choices?

I'm sorry about the sleep and crankiness :(


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