| Register  | FAQ  | Search | Login 
It is currently Tue Jul 29, 2014 3:02 pm

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 11 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: How to stop a toddler from harassing the dog
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 9:09 am 
Offline
Hoards Peppermint Jo-Jos
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:27 pm
Posts: 808
Location: asheville
We are having a continued issue with my 2yo and our dog. She is very patient with him and we are glad about that but things are simply not fair to her. Right now they spend 98% of the time separated. It really isn't fair to the dog because that means she spends all of her time alone because obviously a 2yo needs to be supervised.





This has been going on for a while. As a baby we taught him to pet her gently etc and everything was great until he became a wild toddler. He jumps on her and tries to ride her, he pulls her tail, he hits her, he chases her down, he throws things at her, he bites her. You name it, he would do it to her. We try to give them a little time together when he is calm and he will pet her nice once and then immediately gets ramped up and tries to hit her. I explain to him that she doesn't like that and it hurts her and show him how she likes to be touched but it does no good. I tell him that if he can't be gentle with her she needs to go upstairs and he can't play with her anymore. So that is pretty much where she stays. Even when I need to bring him upstairs for bed etc as he passes her, he will hit her so I need to hold him back while she just passes by.





I want them to be able to be in the same room together, at least for part of the day. It is really upsetting for me because #1 I am a dog lover and she was my first baby. She is a very attached anxious dog and would spend her whole day curled up next to me if she could. #2 I am constantly yelling at HER to go upstairs so that he won't harass her. She can open every door in the house and can jump every gate and will do so over and over because understandably she wants to be in the same room as the family. And more importantly #3 I am really worried about my son's behavior and that he really seems to not be able to be in any control of his actions when she is around. HE sees her as his toy, a punching bag and I have no idea how that started and what makes that seem like it would be ok.





Any advice is welcomed. I feel like I have tried it all and must be missing something.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: How to stop a toddler from harassing the dog
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:49 pm 
Offline
Semen Strong
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 18749
Location: Cliffbar NJ
I am so sorry tank! That sounds so frustrating.

I don't know if this helps but here is what we do. L is generally good with Cuddles, but if she gets rambunctious, I sit next to Cuddles and I intervene to protect him saying "I love you both and i will not let you hurt him." She doesn't get to ride him, or hit him (I once barely managed to stop her hitting him with a big stick after watching other kids pretend to hit him). And then I redirect her ("he likes if you pet his back not his face" "want to give him a treat to say sorry?"). We do a lot of making amends if someone gets hurt. So if Cuddles knocks L over, then he makes amends to her too - normally he sits and she gets to hug him to accept his apology.

I don't separate the two because I think its important for them to learn to get along and I worry about inadvertent reenforcement of the power dynamic if Cuddles gets "punished" (sent away) for L's actions. Its a lot easier to do with one child, for sure! I hope things get better soon!

_________________
But on a cold winter night, when the wind whispers through the trees and a bright, white moon hangs heavy in the air, you might hear a sad cry like someone thinking he knows what's best for you, and that'll be the white man a-passin' you by. just mumbles


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: How to stop a toddler from harassing the dog
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 7:55 pm 
Offline
Hoards Peppermint Jo-Jos
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:27 pm
Posts: 808
Location: asheville
Ya. That is how we handle it for the most part. I don't let him ride her, let me make that clear. But she sneaks downstairs constantly and he bolts to her and jumps up on her immediately. There is no stopping that sometimes. Same with the hitting. I am always there right with them with their interactions but honestly there is no way I can be there 100% with a toddler and a dog. Neither can be contained fully at all.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: How to stop a toddler from harassing the dog
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 8:49 pm 
Offline
Semen Strong
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 18749
Location: Cliffbar NJ
Can you keep her next to you and intervene? If toddlers are constantly trying to get our attention, I'd worry that sending the dog out of the room means that E thinks he has "won" and ends up reinforcing the bad behavior, maybe? But for sure, it cannot be easy to juggle a newborn, a toddler and a dog!

I wanted to add that we also have Leela feed Cuddles, so now she thinks of him as "her" dog - she walks him, she feeds him and she gives him treats. So she has this caretaking bond with him. The only thing we have a problem with there is that she is constantly trying to sneak him her food, which isn't ideal.

Maybe Mandycoot could weigh in? She had some really interesting ideas in this thread: viewtopic.php?f=10&t=25705&hilit=toddlers+and+dogs

_________________
But on a cold winter night, when the wind whispers through the trees and a bright, white moon hangs heavy in the air, you might hear a sad cry like someone thinking he knows what's best for you, and that'll be the white man a-passin' you by. just mumbles


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: How to stop a toddler from harassing the dog
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 7:22 am 
Offline
Hoards Peppermint Jo-Jos
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:27 pm
Posts: 808
Location: asheville
That thread made me realize that Lucy doesn't have a safe space at all really. I mean she does. She can jump the gate to go upstairs and E can't open it (yet...) but she really doesn't use it. She just sits there and lets him harass her. When he was a baby and even when I was just pregnant I feel like we did everything "right" to ensure that the baby was safe and they had gentle interactions with each other. Now E is VERY unpredictable. He is like that with kids too. Will play fine then out of nowhere be aggressive. Not the type where another kid took his toy or anything. He gets really overstimulated. I think the dog adds that to the house. She really overstimulates him. I just don't know how to deal with that. If we are at a playdate and he gets overstimulated I just leave quickly before it gets worse. I can't really do that with the dog since we all live in the same house. My only option is to make her go somewhere he can't bother her so she can be safe and he can calm down.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: How to stop a toddler from harassing the dog
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 3:10 pm 
Offline
Nailed to the V

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:36 pm
Posts: 572
Location: West LA
The only thing I do that you haven't mentioned is that I give rewards to Shelby for tolerating bad behavior by Phineas. I want her to know that she is not being punished if I have to send her to her bed to be safe from baby punching. Phineas still punches and pulls fur, so I obviously don't have any solution for you. Maybe post in the yard too because I get some really excellent dog advice there when I need it.

_________________
http://veggielawyer.wordpress.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: How to stop a toddler from harassing the dog
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 6:20 pm 
Offline
ol' garly cooch
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:41 pm
Posts: 2828
Location: Kashyyyk
My thoughts are with you, tank. I struggle with Fini and Blasto being mean to Sochya. We do a lot of time outs at our houses, not to mention Sochya gets her claws in every now and then to kindly remind them to leave her alone.

_________________
I'm not dead, just sick.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: How to stop a toddler from harassing the dog
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 6:55 pm 
Offline
The Real Hamburger Helper
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2011 10:13 pm
Posts: 2275
Someone here recommended parenting with love and logic (I have the one for toddlers) as a good resource for setting boundaries with kids and I have found bits of it helpful so far, although much of the ideas are for older kids. I hope you find some advice more specific for dogs because that sounds really frustrating.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: How to stop a toddler from harassing the dog
PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2014 2:21 pm 
Offline
Hoards Peppermint Jo-Jos
User avatar

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:27 pm
Posts: 808
Location: asheville
Thanks guys. I know the problem isn't with the dog. She isn't reacting. It is a child behaving badly that is the problem, no matter how the dog is reacting to it which is why I have been keeping the separate.
I have the love and logic book but haven't gotten through it. It is the regular one though.
I am going back to work next week and Lucy comes with me. Maybe the shift will even things out for them.
I am also going to have him "help" with doing general tasks with her. I can't have him feed her because she is food aggressive and we have worked REALLY hard to get that under control and I don't want her to relapse on it. But I can have him help her onto the tie out when she goes out. I can have him help walk her. Or help with "training" so he can make her sit and give her a treat. He loves that although that really gets him going because it is hilarious to watch the dog scamper for a treat.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: How to stop a toddler from harassing the dog
PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2014 10:05 pm 
Offline
Because Bob Barker Told Me To
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 9:00 am
Posts: 914
I have no advice but I am so sorry, tank, and I think you're doing a great job and are incredibly patient!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: How to stop a toddler from harassing the dog
PostPosted: Fri Jan 03, 2014 10:21 pm 
Offline
Semen Strong
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 18749
Location: Cliffbar NJ
I don't know if this makes you feel any better, tank, but I do think that the toddler rambunctiousness passes. When I look at some of L's little friends who are now over three, they seem to be so much more gentle with animals and better understand their boundaries.

Hang in there, and I hope things get better soon!

_________________
But on a cold winter night, when the wind whispers through the trees and a bright, white moon hangs heavy in the air, you might hear a sad cry like someone thinking he knows what's best for you, and that'll be the white man a-passin' you by. just mumbles


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 11 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Template made by DEVPPL/ThatBigForum and fancied up by What Cheer