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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 3:21 am 
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Remembers When Veganism Was Cool
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coldandsleepy wrote:
Out of nowhere, E looks up and says:

"Daddy? Why can we NOT eat people?"

Love this!

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 12:15 am 
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coldandsleepy wrote:
Out of nowhere, E looks up and says:

"Daddy? Why can we NOT eat people?"


Well...?

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 12:18 am 
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Nooch of Earl
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Did you tell him that you're vegan, so you eat "peop'l" instead?


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 1:54 am 
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Just make him watch Soylent Green. They're never too young for that message.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 2:56 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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annak wrote:
Did you tell him that you're vegan, so you eat "peop'l" instead?

This made me lol out loud.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Mar 08, 2013 6:16 pm 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Beet: Daddy will come in to turn the lights off, but I will turn them off first and daddy will lose.
Daddy: *comes in and turns the lights off*
Beet: NOOOOOOOOOO! I lost!!!!!!!

*next evening*
Beet: *turns lights off*
Raygold: *sobbing horribly and very suddenly* Oh, no, I lose!!! *sobs continue*

*next day*
Beet: *is pooping* Raygold, shut the door.
Raygold: *Shuts door*
Beet: Raygold, turn on the light, it's dark in here!
Raygold: *starts pushing chair toward light switch*
Momma: That's okay, honey, I'll get it. *turns on bathroom light*
Raygold: *sobbing horribly and very suddenly* Oh, no, I lose!!! I not want to lose! Ahhhhhh! *sobs continue*

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 5:56 pm 
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(After E had been hassling me to get up for a bit)
Me: no, no, I think maybe I'll just stay in bed all day.
E: Mama. (exasperated sigh)
E: Get up. You need to get out of the house. You need to get some exercise.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 6:55 pm 
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Gems of the day--
10-year-old niece (TYON): I can't wait to go to the Marinara's game!
Me: You mean Mariner's game for your fieldtrip?
TYON: Yeah!
7-year-old niece (SYON): You mean Rainier's Game!
Me: Oh, yeah. Your school's definitely taking you to the Mariner's game.

SYON: I don't think I ever want to move. I like this (kitchen) counter too much.
Me: Well maybe you'll like the kitchen counter when we get a new house.
SYON: Hmm...only if you can press a button, and an iPad comes out, and you can type Massage--M-A-S-S-A-G-E--and a chair comes out, and you sit on it, and the chair gives you a massage!


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 2:42 pm 
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My three year old just told me that the colors of the rainbow are "red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and the goat is violet."


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 2:45 pm 
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***LIES!!!***
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Ha, DEG!

Malka's new favorite word is "booby." It means puppy, booba (doll), and hilarious-thing-to-shout-when-in-the-locker-room-at-mama's-gym.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 3:02 pm 
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DEG wrote:
My mom was talking to my 3 year old about skunks yesterday, but apparently he misunderstood one tiny part. Today he announced to me, "Skunks have a yucky testicle that comes out."


Oh god, I loled.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Mar 19, 2013 9:02 pm 
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I guess this isn't really kids talking, buuuut lately there are all these tiny elementary school kids on the bus because they're going on field trips (no funding for a school bus anymore) and today a teacher was like OKAY KIDS WE'RE GETTING OFF AT THIS STOP and all the kids scrambled to stand up with their heavy backpacks and the bus hadn't stopped moving and they all were immediately like WHOA-OA-OA as the bus halted and I had about 6 of them fall head first into my butt.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Mar 20, 2013 2:14 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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julialegume wrote:
I guess this isn't really kids talking, buuuut lately there are all these tiny elementary school kids on the bus because they're going on field trips (no funding for a school bus anymore) and today a teacher was like OKAY KIDS WE'RE GETTING OFF AT THIS STOP and all the kids scrambled to stand up with their heavy backpacks and the bus hadn't stopped moving and they all were immediately like WHOA-OA-OA as the bus halted and I had about 6 of them fall head first into my butt.

Hahahaha! I hope your butt is okay! ;D

That happened to us once, except it was a drunk man* and he fell on my husband and son when the bus stopped!

* It seems like there is always at least one drunk man on the bus, even in the mornings!

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2013 3:37 pm 
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After stubbing her toe: "Mama! Kiss Inez's feet thumbs!"

(She knows toes, but I think she was trying to specify her big toe.)


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 6:13 pm 
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So earlier today Inez pried my mouth open and was looking inside. Her commentary was as follows:

(pokes at my bottom gum) Oh! A pigeon. Pigeon in here. Hi, pigeon. Oh, pigeon flew away.
(sticks her face in my mouth) Ooh, dark in here. Hey, pigeon. Come back! Oh! Pigeon's back.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 6:17 pm 
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Ha ha ha ha ha.

Yesterday E and I were talking about eating people (again, I don't know!):

Me: but what if I was on a desert island and the only thing to eat were my delicious children?
E: oh no, if you were on a deserted island, we wouldn't be there.
E: ...
E: but I'd mail you a snack.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 8:03 pm 
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Semen Strong
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L is convinced that Brett can produce milk. So she'll pull his shirt up and make the sign for milk. And when he says no, then she makes the sign for please? And then he says he's sorry, and then she keeps trying. She'll snuggle up to him and then pounce and do her best to latch on.

I love that they have these little signed conversations, where he is already not convincing her.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 9:14 pm 
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L: Daddy, I have a really good memory. I remember things from a long time ago, and other people can't do that. ... Daddy, do you know why I can do that?
D: Why, sweety?
L: Because I'm smarter than everyone else.
[She'll be 4 next month, and we are clearly in for an interesting ride....]

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 9:25 pm 
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Ahahahahahah.

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You know what would probably be a more effective ritual? Telling the person who you want to shut up, "You better not talk or we'll pound you." -Footface


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 6:11 am 
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So, a friend of mine's daughter [3.5]: this is from her FB page and she is upset.

daughter- "Papai, I'm going to buy you one of those books."
husband- "With what money, minha filha?"
daughter- "Oh, I'm going to buy some money, then."
husband- "Nao, filha, you don't buy money, you have to earn it by working."
Silence.
daughter- "Oh, do women work?"

She's upset at what her daughter has picked up from her being a SAHM and surrounded by SAHLadies like her mother in law.
I honestly think up to about age 8 kids have some weird notions and it's not a big deal, but she's having a cow about it.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 11, 2013 12:33 pm 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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torque wrote:
daughter- "Oh, do women work?"

Hey, it would be nice to not have to work, if you ask me! ;D

Raygold: Daddy, get Candyland down!
Mr Crabby: Later. I'm still in bed.
*repeat about 7 times*
*...eventually*

Raygold: Daddy, get Candyland down!
Mr Crabby: Not yet.
Raygold: Get forking Candyland!

TheCrabbyCrafter: *dies lauging*
Mr. Crabby: *is not amused*

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Apr 11, 2013 12:46 pm 
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Ha ha ha ha Crabby. I would have laughed at that too.

E was once watching solipsistnation hammer a nail into the wall, and S hit the nail slightly wrong and it went sideways (you know how that happens?) and E, casual as fork, just says "Well goddammit Daddy."

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 11:53 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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There are some sheep in our yard (that happens when you live in the country here) and Mr Crabby is putting compost in the garden.

Beet: Look out daddy, the sheep are gonna eat you!
Me: The sheep won't eat him, they're vegetarians, like us.
Beet: *seriously* We're not vegetarians, Crabby, we're virgins.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 12:26 pm 
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Semen Strong
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BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Apr 13, 2013 2:18 pm 
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this is the best thread. i keep reading it and guffawing. everyone on this page has some real winners.

this is more on me, but tzipi and i were driving and some turd pulled an illegal move in front of me, so obvs i laid on the horn and started swearing to myself.

mommy: oh %^#@ off you stupid &%&@!!
tzipi: mommy, why you say that?
mommy: &%&@!! hmm, what's that honey?
tzipi: why you say that? why you say &%&@!!?
mommy:*dies of shame* oh, i'm so sorry, i shouldn't have said that! mommy got angry.
tzipi: but WHY? why you angry at that man mommy? why you say $&$^#!?
mommy: *sighs*

i REALLY need to work on my road rage issues.


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