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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 7:36 am 
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Seagull of the PPK
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Sprog: "Is Philadelphia near Pennsyltucky?"

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I'm just a drunk who likes fruit. -- Desdemona


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 7:51 am 
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Semen Strong
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I love Sprog so much

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2011 5:44 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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Mr Torque, to Sprog: "What is that on your face? Have you been crying AGAIN?"

Sprog: "I RAN into a POLE!"

uh, ok.

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Buddha says 'Meh'.--matwinser
I'm just a drunk who likes fruit. -- Desdemona


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 9:15 am 
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Blasto: Mommy, I don't want you to go to work.
Me: Son, I have to. I have to make money so we can live here and I can get you cereal. Besides, if I don't go, they'll fire me.
Blasto: That's okay. Be fired. You're fired now. Now keep me compaty (company).

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 11:36 am 
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Baking In The Flavor
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Nearly each morning for the past few months Uli tells me: "I can hear the baby wiggling." [The baby that is now 40w + 4d in my uterus.]


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 3:04 pm 
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My boyfriend's sister's baby shower a few months ago involved an activity where we wrote down advice for the new parents. Boyfriend's little cousin wrote "My advice to you during this special time is that when your child bothers you so much put her to sleep and send her to Africa so she will never bother you again. P.S. If you don't want her give her to me!" Crazy kid.

choirqueer wrote:
6-year-old friend: Did you know that God lives right here in the side of your thumb? He's made of water and onions, and he lives here next to your thumb!

I know this post is a few months old, but I just realized that your friend has probably been reading or watching Holes!

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Aug 06, 2011 12:58 pm 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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I was watching my friend's son yesterday (he is three and a half) and he was poking me with this plastic tube thing and told me, "I am going to poke your head off and then you will be DEAD. And Inez will cry but you can't pick her up or feed her milk from your boob because you will be DEAD and she will get smaller and smaller and smaller!"

He was just being goofy but damn if it didn't nearly make me cry.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Aug 06, 2011 1:21 pm 
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Pinko wrote:
I was watching my friend's son yesterday (he is three and a half) and he was poking me with this plastic tube thing and told me, "I am going to poke your head off and then you will be DEAD. And Inez will cry but you can't pick her up or feed her milk from your boob because you will be DEAD and she will get smaller and smaller and smaller!"

He was just being goofy but damn if it didn't nearly make me cry.


Hugs! My niece says things about death quite a bit, and it can be upsetting sometimes.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2011 1:22 pm 
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Impressive boner
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Watching Babe, only a couple of minutes in.

BG: Why are they taking those pigs away?
Me: They're going to turn them into sausages.
BG: Are they allowed to do that?!?


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2011 1:59 pm 
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Top of the food chain & doesn't need to prove it
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almost 6 year old "Why can't we see our own face with our eyes? It would come in handy if you aren't by a mirror."


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2011 4:02 pm 
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Addicted to B12 Enemas
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jackson, smelling anything unpleasant: "smells like animal!"
jackson, smelling anything good: "smells like pineapple!"
so random.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2011 11:35 pm 
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Has it on Blue Vinyl
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My 3 year-old niece today on the phone thanked me for the temporary tattoos that I sent her.

"Aunt celyn! Thank you for the butterfly! It's navy blue and her name is Queen Elizabeth!"


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 12:35 pm 
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Zola, running down the hall, "Ahhh!!! Monster!!!"
Felix, walking down the hall after her, pointing to his chest, "Zola, it's me, Felix. I'm not a monster. It's me, Felix."

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 12:36 pm 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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keen_on_quinoa wrote:
Zola, running down the hall, "Ahhh!!! Monster!!!"
Felix, walking down the hall after her, pointing to his chest, "Zola, it's me, Felix. I'm not a monster. It's me, Felix."


I love this. SO. MUCH.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 9:31 pm 
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Not NOT A Furry
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8ball wrote:
Watching Babe, only a couple of minutes in.

BG: Why are they taking those pigs away?
Me: They're going to turn them into sausages.
BG: Are they allowed to do that?!?


LOL. My father has a story about taking me and a friend to see Babe when we were both about four years old - apparently my friend was getting really upset in that scene, and I leaned over and said, "Don't worry, they're only going to make him into sausages."

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Jack Sprat could eat no fat and his wife could eat no lean, and then their daughter became a vegan and got a boyfriend with an onion allergy. --- My dad.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 9:57 pm 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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me - reading a book and eating sour patch watermelon candies
izzy - "mom, don't be wangy (angry), be happy! like me! and share!"

izzy runs out of the bathroom without his underwear on. "you see my buttcrack?!"

izzy - "i'm a 'tar man." he got a guitar, so he's a guitar man. said like a british "tar", not so much american/canadian "tar".

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when you realise how perfect everything is, you will tilt you head back and laugh at the sky. -buddha


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 11:27 am 
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bodhi wrote:
me - reading a book and eating sour patch watermelon candies
izzy - "mom, don't be wangy (angry), be happy! like me! and share!"

I love this!

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 2:58 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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Sprog: "what do you have to do to be considered a saint?"

??

followed by a somewhat mangled relation of the St Crispin's day speech from Henry V!!!!
Where the hell does this stuff come from???? (not that i am complaining)

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Buddha says 'Meh'.--matwinser
I'm just a drunk who likes fruit. -- Desdemona


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 5:59 pm 
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Drinks Wild Tofurkey
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torque wrote:
Sprog: "what do you have to do to be considered a saint?"

??

followed by a somewhat mangled relation of the St Crispin's day speech from Henry V!!!!
Where the hell does this stuff come from???? (not that i am complaining)



I love this. We had to jump off a 25m diving board to graduate college (military academy) and my friends recited that speech to psyche herself up!

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Mal: We're still flying.
Simon: That's not much.
Mal: It's enough.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 6:03 pm 
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My friend and I are lady-pilots, my friend has a couple other lady-pilot friends, we have all spent time with her family. Her nephew was 4 when we had this conversation:

Friend: What do you want to be when you grow up
Nephew: I don't know
Friend: A lawyer like daddy?
Nephew: No...
Friend: An artist like mommy?
Nephew: Noooo
Friend: A pilot like me?
Nephew, laughing hysterically: That's silly! Being a pilot is a GIRL job!

Kid, you've got your stereotypes all ass-backwards.

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Mal: We're still flying.
Simon: That's not much.
Mal: It's enough.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 9:57 am 
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Level 7 Vegan
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Invictus wrote:
My friend and I are lady-pilots, my friend has a couple other lady-pilot friends, we have all spent time with her family. Her nephew was 4 when we had this conversation:

Friend: What do you want to be when you grow up
Nephew: I don't know
Friend: A lawyer like daddy?
Nephew: No...
Friend: An artist like mommy?
Nephew: Noooo
Friend: A pilot like me?
Nephew, laughing hysterically: That's silly! Being a pilot is a GIRL job!

Kid, you've got your stereotypes all ass-backwards.

Ha! Next you're suggesting he be a mechanic or a fireman! Crazy grownups.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 11:36 pm 
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Invictus wrote:
My friend and I are lady-pilots, my friend has a couple other lady-pilot friends, we have all spent time with her family. Her nephew was 4 when we had this conversation:

Friend: What do you want to be when you grow up
Nephew: I don't know
Friend: A lawyer like daddy?
Nephew: No...
Friend: An artist like mommy?
Nephew: Noooo
Friend: A pilot like me?
Nephew, laughing hysterically: That's silly! Being a pilot is a GIRL job!

Kid, you've got your stereotypes all ass-backwards.

When we were little my dad stayed home with us during the day and worked at night (musician) and my mom worked during the day. My dad is also the (much) better cook. One day my brother at about 3 or 4 wandered into the kitchen to find my mom cooking and just lost it giggling. MOM! That's men's work!

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 10:54 am 
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we're about to hop in the shower and I sit down to pee.
T (she's three): mom, lemme see your 'gina (stands before me, knees on hands)
Me: um....no? let me pee, silly. get in the shower. I'll be right there.
T: mooooom, lemme see it? (peers closer) it's kinda red.
Me: er, um....could you get in the shower please? mommy doesn't like to pee with an audience.
T: mom. 's okay. it's only a 'gina.

this is what i get for always being so matter of fact and open about naked bodies!

we also have been negotiating to get her to do what she says she'll do. Basically we make a deal and shake on it when we mean business. it works for us. the other day she wakes up and says to me, 'Good morning mom. Come with me to pee, so then you wipe me, so I don't have to wash my hands, so you get me breakfast, toast with yeast and strawberries and apple juice...with a straw, so I can watch Spiderman. And that's my deal. Now shake on it.

ok then! she has quickly assumed the moniker 'bossypants'.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 1:47 pm 
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mamachandra wrote:
we also have been negotiating to get her to do what she says she'll do. Basically we make a deal and shake on it when we mean business. it works for us. the other day she wakes up and says to me, 'Good morning mom. Come with me to pee, so then you wipe me, so I don't have to wash my hands, so you get me breakfast, toast with yeast and strawberries and apple juice...with a straw, so I can watch Spiderman. And that's my deal. Now shake on it.

ok then! she has quickly assumed the moniker 'bossypants'.

haha, that is so cute! especially the way she gets out of washing her hands. clever one!

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when you realise how perfect everything is, you will tilt you head back and laugh at the sky. -buddha


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 8:41 pm 
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Has Isa on speed dial
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Gus and I were driving in the car to pick a few things up and this is our conversation:

Gus: The hurricane is coming!
Me: Yup, it is.
Gus: The hurricane is paper.
Me: No, the hurricane is a storm.
Gus: No, it's paper. It's sheets.
Me: Sheets?
Gus: Sheets of rain.


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