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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Apr 13, 2013 3:13 pm 
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LB, you're a better mom than I in that regard -- I totally don't think swearing is a big deal and for me it is a great way to non-aggressively let out my frustrations. My husband doesn't think it's a huge deal, either, although eh doesn't swear as much as I do, but he doesn't like it when the kids swear or when I swear around the kids because he doesn't want them swearing in front of other people.

Kind of OT, when I was a kid, my mom was driving my baby sister somewhere and a guy cut her off, so she laid on the horn. "CRASSHOLE!" she hears my sister shout from the back seat.
Years later, and still in the back seat of the car, my sister announced, "The f-word is bisque," to our great amusement.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Apr 13, 2013 3:39 pm 
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Peter has a tiny bit of diaper rash, and after I took his nappy off this morning he said it hurt so I told him I would put some cream on if he wanted. No, he wanted me to kiss it. After I refused, he spent 10 minutes following me around cry-yelling "kiss my testicles! KISS MY TESTICLES!!!"

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Apr 13, 2013 3:56 pm 
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That is too much!

Here's one from school the other day...I told the kids something we were doing in math was going to be kinda hard at first, but not to worry about it. We would practice together, etc. So later a little boy says to me, "I'm not going to have a hard on with that math because my grandma is a teacher and she'll help me with it."


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Apr 14, 2013 2:11 am 
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poopiebitch wrote:
Peter has a tiny bit of diaper rash, and after I took his nappy off this morning he said it hurt so I told him I would put some cream on if he wanted. No, he wanted me to kiss it. After I refused, he spent 10 minutes following me around cry-yelling "kiss my testicles! KISS MY TESTICLES!!!"

Ahahahaha! I have had similar requests. ;p

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Apr 14, 2013 10:12 am 
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M toddles into the bedroom holding a pot lid and hands it to me in bed.

Me: umm, what am I supposed to do with this?
E: PUT IT ON A POT!

---------
Me, to solipsistnation: what did you get on your pizza?
S: It's a manly pizza, for men. So, whiskey and hair.
E: no. It has beer and beer on it.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Apr 14, 2013 10:50 am 
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Kids are endless entertainment, I love this thread.

This morning Silas announced "I use the word yo, Y! O!, in all of my sentences now." and he's holding to it pretty well.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Apr 14, 2013 10:19 pm 
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These kids are too much.

This morning Ada went to put a piece of pancake in her mouth and it fell off the fork onto the floor. She got another piece on the fork, looked at it and said "Maybe this time".


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Apr 15, 2013 6:33 am 
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Try, try again Ada!

The kiss my testicles demand has stuck with me for a few days now and makes me snort at inopportune moments!

I have one from my niece - I didn't witness this but my sister just "facebooked" it and I thought it was funny. They just moved to a new house...

"B" couldn't wait to try out the whirlpool "wiv the JETS!" Turns out she had a very different idea about what whirlpool jets are... "Oh, I thought they would be more like the Rocket on Little Einstein..." This in a slightly disappointed tone after learning "jets" are just streams of bubbles in the bath water!!


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Apr 15, 2013 9:00 am 
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sashi wrote:
These kids are too much.

This morning Ada went to put a piece of pancake in her mouth and it fell off the fork onto the floor. She got another piece on the fork, looked at it and said "Maybe this time".


This makes me want to hug her so hard! That's so darling!

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:11 am 
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Oh, Ada. Cutest!


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 12:40 pm 
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Ada is so cute! I hope she got it that time.

So by way of background, about two weeks ago my 3 year old was curious about how babies are made. So we read "where did I come from" though I omitted the parts that are still over his head, and when talking about labor I said that the mommy pushes the baby out of her vagina kind of like how he pushes poops out. By way of more background, we are trying to teach him not to interrupt, and have asked him to place a hand on my arm to get my attention if I am talking.

So yesterday at breakfast DH and I are talking when I feel a little hand on my arm and two big brown eyes staring at me. I look at him and ask him what he wants to tell me and he says, "Mommy, I only push poops out."


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Apr 22, 2013 10:29 am 
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The Emperor (3.5) to the Magician (1):

E: I'm going to do math for you, M. Guess what?
E leans in close, speaks into M's ear in an intense whisper.
E: MATH.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:05 pm 
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Yesterday we went for Thai food, and when they brought out the little appetizer plates (which are the same size as our cat dishes), Leela got very excited because she thought we were going to take the plates outside to feed the cats. She was signing "Outside give food to cats" and trying to take her plate and get out of her high chair. Future cat lady in the making!

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Apr 22, 2013 4:06 pm 
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Awww, Leela! <3

My best friend just told me these two amazing things about his sons:
Apparently son A (older brother) told son B (younger brother) a horror story he'd made up himself. When my friend asked him what it was about, he said, "BLOOD SPIDERS".

And son B came back from kindergarten all excited, telling everyone that a girl from his kindergarten class had NO PENIS.
After pondering this for a couple of days, he suddenly declaimed out of the blue, "Not having a penis is so funny!"


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Apr 22, 2013 4:56 pm 
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Phoenix wrote:
And son B came back from kindergarten all excited, telling everyone that a girl from his kindergarten class had NO PENIS.
After pondering this for a couple of days, he suddenly declaimed out of the blue, "Not having a penis is so funny!"


Ha! I still like to embarrass my cousin by sharing this story from when he was about 2 and I was 7 or so. I was sleeping over, so my female cousin and I were sleeping on the floor in our nightgowns.

Cousin (Laughing): I can see your penises.
Me: No, you can't.
Cousin (indignant): Yes! I can!
Me: No, you really can't.

I assume that sometime in the past 20+ years, he realized I was right.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Apr 22, 2013 11:37 pm 
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One of my younger siblings insisted for the longest time that boys had a penis and girls had a tunis. I remember that at some point I was looking at a map and discovered that Tunis is actually the name of a city. I must have been in like...4th grade? It was just about the funniest thing that had ever happened to me at the time. Sorry, people of Tunis, but I will always think of vulvas when your city is mentioned.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 6:56 pm 
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L, while eating spaghetti, "I'm not good at forking." [no filter, but in my head I heard it as though it was a ppk post and was equal parts horrified and hysterical with laughter.]

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 9:04 pm 
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Izzy (4) and I were discussing healthy fats in our diets the other day. He thought the fat that we eat is the same as body fat, and we have a close friend who is very overweight. Izzy said, "Oh, so Phil is really healthy, because his tummy is super fat?!"

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Wed May 08, 2013 6:40 pm 
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I think this might be the Magician's first entry in this thread...

Me: Do you want something to eat?
M: (nods head vigorously, then points... at...)
M: CHALK.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Wed May 08, 2013 9:32 pm 
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I was at the beach with Inez the other day and there was a guy sunbathing shirtless. As we walked up near him she bellowed, "Oh! That man YUCKY!" Ugh. So mortifying.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Wed May 08, 2013 9:45 pm 
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I love Inez. She's so great.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 5:22 am 
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Beet: I would like some orange juice, please.
Me: Okay, just a minute.
Beet: Oh, I have a cramp in my leg, ow!!
Me: *jumping up* Okay, stand up and kind of lunge into it like this. Better?
Beet: Yes! I'll take that juice now.
Me: Hang on...was this all a trick to get me up so you could have juice?
Beet: *nonchalantly* Of course.

I've just been conned by a 4 year old. Well played, Beetroot. You have a bright future ahead of you.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 3:57 pm 
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I was trying to get Inez dressed this morning and she kept running away laughing.

Me: "Come over here, please, and get your pants on."
Her: "NO! Wanna. Play. GOLF!!!" (shouted, with the most pissed off look on her face)


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Thu May 16, 2013 1:10 pm 
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Miles was playing with one of his trucks and a piece fell off and he says "OHHHH MAAAAAN!" Now he won't stop saying it and I don't want him to stop saying it. Its hilarious and we are not sure how he learned it. One of us must say it without realizing it.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things 2.0
PostPosted: Thu May 16, 2013 11:07 pm 
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TheCrabbyCrafter wrote:
LB, you're a better mom than I in that regard -- I totally don't think swearing is a big deal and for me it is a great way to non-aggressively let out my frustrations. My husband doesn't think it's a huge deal, either, although eh doesn't swear as much as I do, but he doesn't like it when the kids swear or when I swear around the kids because he doesn't want them swearing in front of other people.

beware, people!!! i believe the same thing (words are just words!) but now, alas and alack, soon we are going to go live with my mother, who doesn't even say "damn". my kid and i are terrified, since we are both inveterate pottymouths. we are going to be in SO MUCH TROUBLE. we tried to institute a quarter jar to put money in every time we swear but we immediately started to tell each other to eff off and it didn't happen. so forked! I mean, so screwed, i mean, oh shiitake, i mean, sorry......

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