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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Wed Jul 02, 2014 3:09 pm 
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Brain Made of Raw Seitan
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Sven: "Daddy goes to the office, and mama goes to Home Depot."

I am (very, very slowly) remodeling our kitchen. Can you tell we go to Home Depot way too much?


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Fri Jul 04, 2014 6:13 pm 
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Not NOT A Furry
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Location: massachusetts
Henry (almost 2.5), upon being offered a meatball by another kid, "I'm not going to eat that. That's disgusting." We proceeded to have a discussion that calling people's food disgusting is not polite, but mostly I'm just curious how he had any idea it was different than the veggie meatballs we eat. Also, he had been happily accepting watermelon from this kid for like 10 minutes previously.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2014 5:52 am 
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Nooch of Earl
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Location: Bella Napoli
I didn't witness this, but V occasionally puts up opposition to whatever we have planned, even if it's something she normally enjoys. This morning it was swimming class, and not only was she yelling "I NOT WANT TO GO SWIMMING," my husband made the mistake of asking if she wanted to see Caroline (the daughter of one of our friends here) and so she started loudly yelling "I NOT WANT TO SEE CAROLINE! I NOT WANT TO SEE CAROLINE!" Great.

Luckily, she wasn't there yet so my husband wasn't quite as embarrassed...


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2014 11:32 am 
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Married to the wolfman
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Location: Santa Cruz, CA
E (talking to himself): A is for apple. And astronaut. Alligator. Hm.
E: and... Alcohol?
E: alcohol!! That is a really good A word.

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"Hummus; a gentleman's vice." -- Mars

coldandsleepy cooks, THE BLOG!


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2014 12:33 pm 
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Semen Strong
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Location: Cliffbar NJ
A+! <3 E

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My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 2:27 pm 
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Brain Made of Raw Seitan
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Location: ATX
Sven, annoyed: "God Edie, go get some milk."


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 11:21 pm 
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Married to the wolfman
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Location: Santa Cruz, CA
M (2): do you like (mumble)
Me: what?
M: do you like (mumble)
Me: do I like what?
M: I said
M: DO YOU LIKE OPPORTUNITIES
Me: ummm


He sounds like a tiny mumbling spambot

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"Hummus; a gentleman's vice." -- Mars

coldandsleepy cooks, THE BLOG!


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Thu Jul 10, 2014 3:56 pm 
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And you never will.
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Posts: 4478
Location: Memphis
coldandsleepy wrote:
He sounds like a tiny mumbling spambot

Best.


Just a few minutes ago -

Me: I'll be right back, I'm going to the bathroom.
P: Um, you mean the LAVATORY?

I'm not refined enough for my almost-4-year-old.

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Sometimes I think, it's really my lack of cybernetic implants that keeps me from being truly human. - Mars
One vegan baker to another: "Dude, do you even sift?" - FootFace


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 11:09 am 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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Posts: 2392
While we were eating pretend foods we had a vegan as fork moment:

BN: I want chocolate.
Me: Me too. Can you make a chocolate cake in your kitchen?
BN: Okay.
*Sighs*
Let me get the tofu.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2014 10:14 pm 
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Semen Strong
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Location: Cliffbar NJ
Daddy has a penis! Like the dog, except smaller.

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My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 9:21 am 
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Nailed to the V
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Posts: 564
Location: Reno
Tofulish wrote:
Daddy has a penis! Like the dog, except smaller.


Baby burn. You win the thread.

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 11:05 am 
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Married to the wolfman
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Location: Santa Cruz, CA
(Discussing the souvenir I brought for him)
Me: it's just something small I thought you'd like...
E (perking up): is it money??

Me: you are a mischievous little fellow, aren't you?
M: no! I'm a kitty cat.

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"Hummus; a gentleman's vice." -- Mars

coldandsleepy cooks, THE BLOG!


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 11:15 pm 
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Married to the wolfman
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Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Me: did you like our hike today?
M: nope!
Me: what part didn't you like?
M (super cheerful): I hated the whole thing!

Only 2 and he already has the teenager thing down.

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"Hummus; a gentleman's vice." -- Mars

coldandsleepy cooks, THE BLOG!


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 2:13 am 
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Kitchens Planning Manchester
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(2 year old kid licks peanut butter off the celery I prepared for him.)
Me: Eat the celery, not just the peanut butter!
(Kid looks at the celery, then looks at me sadly.)
Kid: But...there isn't any peanut butter on it.

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"No one with hair so soft and glossy could ever be bad at anything." - Tofulish


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 2:02 pm 
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Top of the food chain & doesn't need to prove it
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Posts: 633
Location: Sweden
Me: "You're Three years old."
R: "Am I really old?"

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I tend to hook up with people who give me chocolate, but I fail to see how this is a bad thing./tofulish


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Sat Aug 23, 2014 5:39 pm 
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Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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Posts: 1024
Scarlett randomly started telling knock-knock jokes, which is SO bizarre because she has never watched TV, never been in daycare or school, and never spends time with anyone without me or my partner there and we have never told knock-knock jokes. The one that cracks her up the most is:

Knock knock.
Who's there?
BANANA!
Banana who?
BANANANANANANANA!!! Hahahahaha!!!


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 4:59 am 
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Thinks Plants Have Feelings

Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2014 11:08 am
Posts: 60
Location: Portugal
When my niece was about 3, she wanted a pair of pink Crocs. She was walking through a shopping centre with my sister, past a stall selling knock-offs and asked if they could buy some for her. My sister explained that the only pink ones they had were too small. So my niece skipped along singing "I need big pink c*cks". She got some strange looks.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 1:39 pm 
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Sick of Cupcakes
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Location: Norristown, PA
Friend's child after using the urinal for the first time: Mom, I peed in the unicorn!

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Man, fork the gender card, imma come at you with the whole damned gender deck. - Olives
Did you ever think that, like, YOU are a sexy costume FOR a diva cup? - solipsistnation
blog! FB!


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 1:57 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Location: Scotland
OMG, UNICORN! That is hilarious!!!

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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 6:54 pm 
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Should Write a Goddam Book Already
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Posts: 1024
I was sitting on the floor with my knees bent and kind of apart, and Scarlett was playing with some toy cars. She drove her cars up in between my legs and said, "The cars are parking at mommy's crotch-butt station!" Um, thanks.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Thu Sep 04, 2014 3:09 am 
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Top of the food chain & doesn't need to prove it
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Don't pet me! I'm not a cat!

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I tend to hook up with people who give me chocolate, but I fail to see how this is a bad thing./tofulish


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2014 6:24 pm 
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Semen Strong
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Posts: 19105
Location: Cliffbar NJ
Me: We're having crepes for dinner!
L: NO! I don't want to eat crepes.

#ppkbabyalltheway

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My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Sat Sep 13, 2014 4:59 pm 
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Semen Strong
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Posts: 19105
Location: Cliffbar NJ
L: I don't like boys!
Me: Why not?
L: I don't like penises.
Me: Oh honey, no one likes penises.
Husband: WHAT!?

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My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Sat Sep 13, 2014 5:22 pm 
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Drinks Wild Tofurkey
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Hahaha! Nice.

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Mal: We're still flying.
Simon: That's not much.
Mal: It's enough.


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 Post subject: Re: Kids say the darnedest things
PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 1:19 pm 
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Nailed to the V

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:36 pm
Posts: 587
Location: West LA
Tofulish wrote:
L: I don't like boys!
Me: Why not?
L: I don't like penises.
Me: Oh honey, no one likes penises.
Husband: WHAT!?


Between this and the dog penis quote, my husband would have been in tears.

Phineas has been saying lots of amusing things lately. Mooo reminded me of his overly literal knock knock jokes. My favorite one:

P: knock knock
Me: who's there?
P: Open door. Shelby barking cause it Aunt Jean.

Yesterday, he asked what his dinner was and I said "chickpeas." He replied, "Oh, chickpeas. Cheap. Cheap."

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