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 Post subject: Miscarriage and the aftermath
PostPosted: Sat Apr 09, 2011 10:16 pm 
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One of my very close friends, someone I've been tentatively seeing, and his ex girlfriend (at the time not ex) had a miscarriage in November. It broke his heart apart and it still, of course, really affects him when there are babies or pregnant women mentioned or around him. And I'm not sure what is correct in the situations where the baby next door is bawling his lungs out and we're laying in his bed and he starts crying. Or when he becomes irrationally angry when out at somewhere like Ikea because he keeps seeing pregnant women.
It's not that I don't automatically want to comfort him, but I don't know if it's really my place. I just try to be there for him and back off when he obviously doesn't want me to be there or talking and try not to say anything and let him speak when he wants to. But is that right? It's the best I can do. This isn't something I have ever had to deal with.

Like with the baby next door, I automatically start singing to him the second I hear it cry. Is that not right??? I just don't want to upset him by doing something massively wrong because I didn't know...

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 Post subject: Re: Miscarriage and the aftermath
PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2011 8:26 am 
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I don't think you'll know the right answer unless you ask him directly. For me, I didn't get upset around pregnant women or babies, I just got depression and anxiety. I think you should be frank (at a calm moment; not in the situation) with him and say something like "I can see that when we see/hear xyz is upsetting you. Is there anything I can do to support you when that happens?".

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 Post subject: Re: Miscarriage and the aftermath
PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2011 9:58 am 
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I agree with kiddo. One thing I learned about in my own miscarriage is that everyone handles it differently. Some things bother some people and not others. The only way to find out how to be the most supportive you can be is to ask and let him know you are there for him.


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 Post subject: Re: Miscarriage and the aftermath
PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2011 1:08 pm 
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I didn't even think about just asking him. Thank you for pointing that out and I will definitely try it.

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 Post subject: Re: Miscarriage and the aftermath
PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:14 pm 
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i think people often don't know what to say and so don't bring it up, and that makes the loss so much worse- like it's a secret or shameful or something. Letting him know that you can see he's hurting and don't know how to support him, but that you are there for him, whatever he needs from you (and then really being there for him), will help.

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