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 Post subject: Re: Would you be a different parent if you had more money?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 2:52 pm 
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Wrote Dissertation on Vegans, Meat, and the Deserted Island Question
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for me, it comes down to more money = more choices. It's not about buying stuff, because I don't feel like we need more stuff, but I would like more choices, like living in a neighborhood that has actual amenities and god forbid, other kids for my kid to play with, instead of an industrial wasteland. And like many of you have mentioned, money for taking classes and going to activity/play centers - because yeah, I can't afford $250 for toddler swim lessons. I would definitely feel more free, more enthusiastic about life in general if I had more choices, instead of being kinda stuck where we are.
also, this is about my partner too because he suffers from being depressed about where we live and wanting to leave this town, and it's something that really affects his outlook, which obviously must affect his parenting. He is a wonderful father, but being unhappy and angry about the day-to-day basics affects the way he acts towards our daughter, as well as our relationship. It sucks. I don't mean to be naive and say that money is the magic thing that would make him happy and cure his depression, but I can't help but feel that money would bring more varied choices and maybe just maybe one of those choices would ameliorate his outlook.


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 Post subject: Re: Would you be a different parent if you had more money?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 2:54 pm 
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I know that my basic values wouldn't change is I had more money. I also know that one benefit of having had financial struggles over the past couple of years has been that I have been much more honest with my children about money, finances and credit that my parents ever were with me. (My kids are between 10 and 18.) I agree that I would definitely do more travel and camp experiences with them...although I don't like Disney, cruises or alot of the goofy stuff my friends with money consider a vacation. I think I would love to take my kids to Ireland and Hungary where we are from. or France, Italy, India and Asia for the food and culture. And believe me as we are weighing college choices and offers for my oldest I do wish I could just hand her the money to go to wherever she wants. (I need to remind myself of the kids in my college who were completely wasting space cause their parents were footing the rather expensive bill when I get down about this.) But all in all I am proud of buying frugally, only what I need and only what I have the cash on hand for. I do think I am setting a pretty good example and showing my kids that they and not my career are my number one priority. And that relationships and the earth we live on are more important than stuff. I like to think they will remember and appreciate that when they are adults one day.

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 Post subject: Re: Would you be a different parent if you had more money?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 8:59 am 
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This is off topic, but since it was mentioned up thread I'm going to put this psa here:

Watch out for zulily! The "sales" often aren't the best prices you can find. I like looking at it, since it has cute stuff I'd probably not know about otherwise. But lately I've started looking up any item I find interesting on google, and literally more than half the time I find it cheaper somewhere else.

For example, just today I saw this adorable little eco friendly green world, and as mentioned I'm a sucker for this type of thing. It is $19.99 at zulily, they say $30 regular price.
Image
Sure enough, the first link I click from google, at FAO schwartz no less (not known for cheap things!) it is on sale for $16.49, and they say regular price was $21.99, not 30.

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 Post subject: Re: Would you be a different parent if you had more money?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 9:14 am 
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Aubade wrote:
This is off topic, but since it was mentioned up thread I'm going to put this psa here:

Watch out for zulily! The "sales" often aren't the best prices you can find. I like looking at it, since it has cute stuff I'd probably not know about otherwise. But lately I've started looking up any item I find interesting on google, and literally more than half the time I find it cheaper somewhere else.

For example, just today I saw this adorable little eco friendly green world, and as mentioned I'm a sucker for this type of thing. It is $19.99 at zulily, they say $30 regular price.

Sure enough, the first link I click from google, at FAO schwartz no less (not known for cheap things!) it is on sale for $16.49, and they say regular price was $21.99, not 30.


I've noticed this too. Sometimes there ARE good deals, but usually not as good as they claim. The same goes with just about every other equivalent site. (Totsy, Baby Half Off, Babysteals, Mamabargains, etc.)


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 Post subject: Re: Would you be a different parent if you had more money?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 9:38 am 
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Thanks for the info! I would like to add that if anyone has a Gap Outlet/Baby Gap Outlet near them, the entire store is 60% off right now. You can't get the deals online. You have to go to the store, though. I have a Gap Card and can get an additional 10% off. I end up being able to get a lot of super cheap, cute clothes this way. Some for $2 and $3!

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 Post subject: Re: Would you be a different parent if you had more money?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 12:07 pm 
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Aubade and annak, thanks for the heads up about Zulily and Totsy etc...I just started subscribing to their emails and yeah they have a lot of cute stuff, but I don't need to be looking at it - especially now with the info you've found.


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 Post subject: Re: Would you be a different parent if you had more money?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 2:34 pm 
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not clicking on cute toys! my husband is at toys r us right now buying an outdoor playhouse because the weather is warming up and it has flower beds in it! I'm too excited about that.
We'd travel more if we had more money. Maybe live on the Oregon coast or Portland. I'd hire a nurse for my son so I can sleep through the night, I think I snap too much because I am so tired from his medical issues.
We live in a richy neighborhood but bought a small house because that's what we could afford-we moved to this side of town to avoid crackheads wandering on our property and for a better school-the area we lived in before had that and the school kept a teacher after he groped a girl. I've had a few snide comments about our "cute little starter home" and people assume we will buy a bigger one. But I read somewhere that families are all disjointed now with these big asparagus homes because no one is in the same room. I'd rather us stay close, maybe I'll change my mind when they are smelly snotty teenagers.


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 Post subject: Re: Would you be a different parent if you had more money?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 2:54 pm 
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Aliks wrote:
But I read somewhere that families are all disjointed now with these big asparagus homes because no one is in the same room. I'd rather us stay close, maybe I'll change my mind when they are smelly snotty teenagers.


I thought about that too. I wouldn't want a playroom because I think I'll much prefer him playing in the same room as me. I have a small, old house, but the best feature that sold me on it is the living room/dining room is one big space, and the kitchen is just separated by a partial wall. So it is like a small great room. Sure, it is crowded now with his toys and gear, but I think it is cozy.

I definitely wouldn't want a McMansion even if I could afford it. All I would want is 1 or 2 additional bedrooms so we could have more kids - right now his room is so tiny we couldn't really fit another crib in it, and it has no closet or room for an additional dresser. I'd also like a bigger yard, especially since there isn't enough room for my dog to run. We are actually working towards sizing up for these reasons, but I get sad just thinking about leaving our little old house.

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 Post subject: Re: Would you be a different parent if you had more money?
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 10:24 am 
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Location: between a rock and a hard place
There are certain basics that would never change regardless of finances, but I'm with everyone who said they'd give their kids more experiences. I couldn't care less whether my kids have the latest toys or certain brands of clothes, but it would be nice for them to be able to take certain lessons without having to worry about how to pay for them (or having to refuse outright because it's not in the budget).

I would also like a better place. My current home is a duplex where my otherwise-decent neighbors on the other side smoke in the house and the smoke tends to leak into our unit through our bathrooms...it's not good for any of us and I am extremely sensitive to smoke in unventilated areas. We also don't have much of a yard, and only 2 bedrooms, and it would be nice to have an extra bedroom or two.


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 Post subject: Re: Would you be a different parent if you had more money?
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 5:00 pm 
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I'm a single parent of a nine-month old living with my parents while I endure a custody dispute. I'm use food stamps and worked before Zora got really active (she came to work with me). I can't afford childcare yet because my ex won't pay his half. I've spent probably only $200 on new clothes for Zora, the rest I buy second hand. I research everything before I buy it new and try to purchase things that I can use for a long time. I buy Zora's toys second hand and we use cloth diapers.

All the money I save buy being thrifty. Legal fees!

But I wouldn't change anything if I had more money except for the obvious, like having my own place and getting off food stamps. I have a degree and have chosen fields of work in which I assist others to use resources like the ones I am forced to use. There's a large degree of shame in being 30 and living with my parents, but I am fighting for my daughter. I tell my pride to "suck it" when I see a newer car than I would prefer over mine which isn't driveable at the moment. I focus on the fact that Zora is healthy, not on what it would be like if I had health insurance. Not having a cell phone encourages me to plan ahead and be a better communicator. In fact, being thrifty and cramming all of my belongings with Zora's into one room in my parents' house teaches me to focus on what's important.

It could always, ALWAYS be worse. And for that I am grateful!

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