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 Post subject: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 10:38 am 
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one of the kids i care for is 2 and he whines ALL. THE. TIME. he whines more than he talks. if a kid comes within 6 inches of him, he whines.

whining is a pet peeve of mine, so i recognize that his whining annoys me more than it would annoy the average person, but oh wow, it is so annoying. i have tried a bunch of different things--ignoring it; saying: "i can't hear whines, only words," physically removing him from the situation (not a time out, just a removal)--etc. etc. etc.

nothing has changed. he still whines pretty much constantly.

then as of last week, he's replaced half of his whines with high-pitched shrieks. OOOHHHHH my god. previously i would have said that nothing could be worse than constant whining, but this definitely is.

tips? HELP.


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 Post subject: Re: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:09 am 
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oh i should have mentioned that for a 2-year-old, he has an exceptional vocabulary. he was able to form 3 word sentences at 20 months. so he's not whining because he's unable to express himself with words. he's whining because it's got him what he wants in the past, and even though it doesn't while he's here at my house, it probably still does at home. maybe the question is: CAN i even effect a change in a child who isn't mine??


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 Post subject: Re: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:09 am 
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I have no help. GG still resorts to whining. If we even say the word "whining," as in "When you're whining like that, we can't understand you," he stops—in mid-whine—to yell "I DO NOT WHINE!"

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 Post subject: Re: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:15 am 
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My niece was a whiner. I didn't tolerate it, but her mom totally caved into it. always. After I had exhausted all other routes, I'd whine back at her. After a few times, she would giggle and tell me I sounded like a baby. So I let her "teach me" not to whine. Next thing you know she didn't want to whine either! :) It was a long, annoying process though. Good luck!

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 Post subject: Re: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:30 am 
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FootFace wrote:
I have no help. GG still resorts to whining. If we even say the word "whining," as in "When you're whining like that, we can't understand you," he stops—in mid-whine—to yell "I DO NOT WHINE!"



blasto too. that's it. there's no other solution but to have a "whine off" for all of our children on web cam.

aaaaand, go!

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 Post subject: Re: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:59 am 
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this isn't promising, you guys.

i decided to email his mom about the shrieks ONLY, because i know they drive her nuts, too. she brought it up to me already. so i decided to ask if we could form a joint task force and see if we can squash the behavior. i didn't use blaming or criticizing language at all, just: "what do you think we should do?" she and i are friends and we swap childcare regularly, so i know she won't feel attacked. cross fingers that we figure it out because OH MY GOD.


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 Post subject: Re: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 1:35 pm 
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Zola is a shrieker. My ears hurt a lot. If you figure something out, let me know. Please.

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 Post subject: Re: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 10:03 am 
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I'm watching this thread, because I have a 5 year old super whiner. I don't understand why he does it, because I have NEVER ONCE given in to him whining. And still he does it. I tried saying, "Can you ask for that in a normal tone of voice?" but it seems to really shut him down emotionally. I'm not trying to tell him he's wrong to be upset.


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 Post subject: Re: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 10:11 am 
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joanna wrote:
so i decided to ask if we could form a joint task force .

that's a good first step. i really think that whining is one of these things that only negative attention, consistently, can fix. i do think it's possible that the kid will learn that in your environment he can't whine, regardless of what happens at home. we went through this with our daughter and were very firm: "i can't hear you when you whine." in some cases, turning away or leaving the room, and ignoring. yes, it's enough to make you forking insane. but my kid doesn't whine anymore, and we've used this with other children (when i was caring for my nephew for a few months- we did the same thing. he doesn't whine with us now.). not excessively rude, just matter of fact, "i can't hear you." nothing to hear, you turn and walk away. Kids are smart, if you crumble, they'll catch you in it and then The Whining Will Continue For Ever. if whining doesn't get them what they want, they'll try something else.

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 Post subject: Re: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 10:35 am 
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tangle wrote:
I'm watching this thread, because I have a 5 year old super whiner. I don't understand why he does it, because I have NEVER ONCE given in to him whining. And still he does it. I tried saying, "Can you ask for that in a normal tone of voice?" but it seems to really shut him down emotionally. I'm not trying to tell him he's wrong to be upset.


Something that still puzzles me. Why do they keep whining and throwing tantrums if there's no pay-off?!

It could be that there IS a pay-off, just not the one we think they're after.

And it could be that little kids aren't exactly the methodical, calculating manipulators we're led to believe.

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 Post subject: Re: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 10:44 am 
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FootFace wrote:

Something that still puzzles me. Why do they keep whining and throwing tantrums if there's no pay-off?!

It could be that there IS a pay-off, just not the one we think they're after.

And it could be that little kids aren't exactly the methodical, calculating manipulators we're led to believe.


I get the feeling that it's not really something he's doing, it's something that is happening to him that he is not in control of. I try to say "I know that you want X, and I will help you get what you want. Please help me and don't whine."
It still sets me off and there are times I can't deal with it. And I don't know how to help him.


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 Post subject: Re: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 10:56 am 
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FootFace wrote:

And it could be that little kids aren't exactly the methodical, calculating manipulators we're led to believe.


they definitely aren't methodical, but i've never been led to believe that they were. i do think that children are motivated by the same desires that motivate adults, but they haven't figured out yet the logical ways to get what they want, so they will repeat whatever methods have gotten them what they wanted in the past. it's not manipulative, no more so than when a baby cries because they're trying to get their needs met.


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 Post subject: Re: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 11:10 am 
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his mom and i have decided that since the whines and shrieks are never because he's genuinely hurt or scared, we will ignore them entirely. i did it all yesterday and did notice that a couple of the times, he would shriek, look at me to gauge my reaction, see that i wasn't paying attention, shriek again, check me again, and then he stopped. so maybe this will work? please cross fingers for me. 6 hours a day of whining and shrieking is enough to make a lady CRAZY.


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 Post subject: Re: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 11:36 am 
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joanna wrote:
FootFace wrote:

And it could be that little kids aren't exactly the methodical, calculating manipulators we're led to believe.


they definitely aren't methodical, but i've never been led to believe that they were. i do think that children are motivated by the same desires that motivate adults, but they haven't figured out yet the logical ways to get what they want, so they will repeat whatever methods have gotten them what they wanted in the past. it's not manipulative, no more so than when a baby cries because they're trying to get their needs met.


No, I know. But haven't you heard many (many!) people talking about little kids as manipulative monsters? I have, and it never really rang true. Sure, once they get older they can try to manipulate people the same way adults do.

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 Post subject: Re: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 11:52 am 
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FootFace wrote:
joanna wrote:
FootFace wrote:

And it could be that little kids aren't exactly the methodical, calculating manipulators we're led to believe.


they definitely aren't methodical, but i've never been led to believe that they were. i do think that children are motivated by the same desires that motivate adults, but they haven't figured out yet the logical ways to get what they want, so they will repeat whatever methods have gotten them what they wanted in the past. it's not manipulative, no more so than when a baby cries because they're trying to get their needs met.


No, I know. But haven't you heard many (many!) people talking about little kids as manipulative monsters? I have, and it never really rang true. Sure, once they get older they can try to manipulate people the same way adults do.


i haven't heard that about little kids yet, but my world is still all toddlers all the time. i bet that kind of talk is more prevalent when they get to be school aged.


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 Post subject: Re: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:18 pm 
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FootFace, I have heard the manipulative monster thing too, and about babies/toddlers! I just completely disregarded whoever said that shiitake though, because that's just ridiculous... "yes, look at that infant just screaming her head off, she's trying to manipulate you into giving her attention!" haha.

hugs and earplugs (ok, not really!) to all of you dealing with whiners


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 Post subject: Re: please tell me that you have a whining solution
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:38 pm 
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Yeah, people say it all the time about babies and toddlers.

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