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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:22 am 
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Would absolutely not wear a nursing cover in my own freaking house. Oy vey.

I have had house guests who I was sure would not only be bothered by me nursing but would give me a hard time about it. I decided to just do it and deal with the fallout... And amazingly, no one ever said a word to me on the subject.

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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:30 am 
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I'm inclined to do the same thing, but it sucks that my husband will not back me up!


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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:37 am 
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There are people I might be uncomfortable to be around while they were breastfeeding - colleagues, certain family - and a whole lot more I wouldn't want to breastfeed in front of it but honestly I never really even notice when people are nursing a baby. Seriously, it can be right across a table from me and I'm not paying any attention, maybe because I don't normally make eye contact with people's boobs or babies? So it seems like a slight nonissue...

I say, your house your rules. If you feel most comfortable going to another room, great, but why in the world would you wear a nursing cover if you don't want to? I would kind of just ASSUME that if I were staying with someone with a young baby they might be nursing, maybe in front of me, and if it made me uncomfortable (again never has because I don't even notice usually) I'd just suddenly have to pee or something and leave the room.


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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:42 am 
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I am really sorry mittenmacher.

I just think that family issues are so confronting for all of us, and being around family can turn even the greatest men into selfish teenagers.

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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 10:04 am 
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Tofulish wrote:
I am really sorry mittenmacher.

I just think that family issues are so confronting for all of us, and being around family can turn even the greatest men into selfish teenagers.


Yes, I think you basically nailed it with the husband trying to avoid conflict with his family and being more comfortable asking Mitten to bend her ways.

I run into this a fair amount with my husband, relative to how much we actually have family around, and it's so frustrating. I've noticed it with myself and my own family, too, and have tried to be more forgiving. Our families are both likelier to make themselves at home than other guests AND it can be more emotionally fraught to stand up to them. One of the reasons I'm so nervous about having family visit after the birth (and MIL was asking again yesterday how soon she can come).


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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 10:28 am 
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annak wrote:
Tofulish wrote:
I am really sorry mittenmacher.

I just think that family issues are so confronting for all of us, and being around family can turn even the greatest men into selfish teenagers.


Yes, I think you basically nailed it with the husband trying to avoid conflict with his family and being more comfortable asking Mitten to bend her ways.

I run into this a fair amount with my husband, relative to how much we actually have family around, and it's so frustrating. I've noticed it with myself and my own family, too, and have tried to be more forgiving. Our families are both likelier to make themselves at home than other guests AND it can be more emotionally fraught to stand up to them. One of the reasons I'm so nervous about having family visit after the birth (and MIL was asking again yesterday how soon she can come).


Yesterday my MIL was pretty insensitive to my husband, and of course that night he picked a fight with me about how I never listen to anyone, all based on a single interaction with one person when I was really tired, when they asked me something and I didn't answer as clearly as I could have. It pissed me off more than it should have, because I had gone out of my way to spend time with his family, tried to ignore the huge trays of grey meat and the fact that there was no food for me to eat for 5.5 hours besides cashew nuts, and spent the whole time making happy small talk. He apologized of course, but this morning I thought it might be connected to the fact that he didn't say anything to his mom about her insensitivity, but needed somewhere for that anger to go. I do the same to him with my family, so its definitely an area of work for both of us.

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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 10:38 am 
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Thank you for helping me get some perspective. I think there are a lot of underlying issues here, and that this is about much more than possibly making guests uncomfortable. He is under a lot of work stress, he is nervous that his (very materialistic) family will disapprove of our modest fixer-upper house, and I think he is jealous of my nursing relationship with Walter. None of this excuses his lashing out at me, but at least I have some perspective.


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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 12:49 pm 
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Tell them if it would make them more comfortable, they can go topless as well.

Your perspective sounds good, mitten. I've definitely seen some of Nate's insecurities come out with our breastfeeding relationship (he can sometimes be almost offended when the only thing that'll calm the kid down is the good ol' boob). You can't make his family change their materialistic attitude, but you can put a smile on your face and be a beautiful, wonderful, charming hostess who can do everything AND discreetly (I don't particularly like that word, but I don't know what else to say) breastfeed! Ezra and I used to leave the room to eat when he was little because everything in the world distracted him, and it was easier to just feed him on our bed. But dear Lard, I've got DDDs, and I've had people be like, "Oh my goodness, I didn't even know you were breastfeeding!!" all the freggin time. Maybe they just don't know what to expect? I had never seen someone breastfeed until I was 8 months pregnant... It's not like you're going to give them a lap dance while feeding Walter. (But if that is your thing, maybe you should tone it down for their visit?)


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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 4:49 pm 
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flavabean wrote:
Tell them if it would make them more comfortable, they can go topless as well.


Or everyone can cover themselves with a duvet while THEY'RE eating since they feel others may uncomfortable seeing them eat.

OR they can all be grown ups and get over it. He's eating. It's natural.


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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:19 pm 
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I'm in the minority here, but I have covered myself while nursing in front of family members--mostly male immediate family members, but also a few female family members and friends. I used a very light, scarflike cloth and it did the trick. But for me there was a level of discomfort on my part as well as a probable level of discomfort on theirs. I'm very private about my postpregnancy body, and still coming to terms with the way it looks and acts.

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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:53 pm 
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hapax, i definitely think it's awesome if a nursing cover makes the nursing mom more comfortable and is what she wants. i tossed a blanket over my shoulder just today because we were eating at pf changs, and i felt pretty exposed at our table. but, i take issue with someone else telling a mom that, in her own home no less, she has to cover herself for what is at worst some mild discomfort (i mean, seriously, it's not hard to avert your eyes) for others.

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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:59 pm 
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I definitely can foresee times when I may want a cover to nurse, but I think it is inappropriate for someone else to ask me to cover up, especially in my own home. Mitten, I hope that you are able to feel comfortable no matter what!


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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2011 7:03 am 
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There are definitely times I used a nursing cover, especially in noisy stimulating situations so Silas would focus and relax. Nothing wrong with that. No one should be made to feel like they have to ever, though. I purposefully nursed openly around people I thought would give me issues, thinking that everyone needs to be exposed to realize it's not some dirty, awful thing to feed your baby.

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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2011 10:32 am 
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Exactly. I use a cover sometimes when we're out, and if it were my father-in-law visiting, I'd be more comfortable wearing a cover around him, even in my own house. For the record, we don't even know yet if my husband's grandma and cousin are going to be uncomfortable. It might be a non-issue once they actually get here. I just took issue with being ordered to wear a cover whether I wanted to or not. Is this Kabul?


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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2011 5:10 pm 
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My in-laws just visited for ten days and I got a nursing cover specifically for their visit (I've used a light blanket or scarf before when I'm out somewhere super exposed, but I don't usually cover up around friends and family). They got up and left the room the few times I tried to nurse (covered!) around them, unless they were at the dinner table or something. Sheesh! And the cover was a giant pain in the asparagus to use, since Inez is a very gymnastic and easily distracted nurser. I ended up just going in my bedroom if we were at home - it was actually kind of nice to be able to shut myself away without seeming "rude."


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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2011 5:12 pm 
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Oh, I should add: My MIL breastfed both her kids. (Presumably while wearing a Snuggie.)


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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2011 5:43 pm 
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Pinko wrote:
it was actually kind of nice to be able to shut myself away without seeming "rude."



Seriously. This is my favorite (well, one of my favorite) parts of breastfeeding. I can get out of any situation as long as I cart Ezra along with me!


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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2011 6:58 pm 
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flavabean wrote:
Pinko wrote:
it was actually kind of nice to be able to shut myself away without seeming "rude."



Seriously. This is my favorite (well, one of my favorite) parts of breastfeeding. I can get out of any situation as long as I cart Ezra along with me!


Haha, I did this a ton too. Also a great trick for when someone stops by randomly and I didn't feel social. Oops! Tell them I'm nursing the baby!

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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2011 12:06 pm 
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Does anyone have recommendations for bottles? I've never tried giving Inez one and I don't own any, but I have a few big events coming up where it would be a huge help if someone else could feed her and I'd like to start getting her used to it (or see if it will even work at all, I guess). I was looking at the Dr. Brown's ones at Target but they didn't have the nipples for her age range in stock. I have no idea if those are good or not, but I was intrigued by the no gas claim.


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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2011 12:55 pm 
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I'm probably not the best person to answer this as Lydia has only drunk a dozen bottles or so in her life, but for what it's worth, she did like the Dr Brown's bottles. Our lactation consultant recommended bottles with a nipple shaped like the Dr Brown's Standard one-- long and narrow. I liked Dr Brown's because they came in glass bottles.


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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2011 1:41 pm 
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My breasts are confused by sudden lack of Emperor in the daytime. I am having letdowns at totally random times of day and while I don't seem to be leaking, I think it's coming out of my pores. I SMELL like breastmilk.

The Emperor wants to start nursing the minute I pick him up and keep going til it's time for daycare the next day. But oddly, even though I am having letdowns in the day... I suddenly don't seem to be producing much at night. This is frustrating us both terribly. Last night he was crying and crying and trying to nurse and nothing was coming out and he started wailing "mama, mama, pew pew PLEEEEASE" over and over again while still mostly asleep. It was awful.

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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2011 2:15 pm 
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oh god, c&s, that sounds awful. i would guess that your body will adjust after a few days though? i know my body was confused when tzippy suddenly cut back on nursing during the day and it seemed like my supply dropped dramatically, but after a couple days, things seemed to be evening out. i hope it does for you too!

i think i found tzippy a daycare, and that means she'll be starting in august. the job i was offered is only part time (mornings) and so making the transition from mommy to daycare didn't seem like a huge deal. but, there is a pretty high chance that the hours will start getting piled on as the school year progresses so i may be up to nearly full time by the end.

did you think i need to do anything to prep tzippy for the lack of booby milk? or do you think the natural change from 4 to 5 and more hours a day away from me will do that for me? she eats really well, thank goodness... so i'm wondering whether we can just continue breastfeeding as normal until she starts daycare? or should i transition her off daytime nursing before daycare starts?


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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2011 8:58 am 
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cas- i've found my body adjusted.

lb- how old is tzippy? can she start drinking non-dairy milk yet? if so, maybe she'll tolerate that in place of breast milk. can you do some supplemental pumping to store a stash for daycare, or is your supply low? is the daycare private? if so, is the person running it a nursing mom? would you be comfortable having another mom nurse her?

i know, i know, lots of questions.

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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2011 9:14 am 
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I think most 1.5ish year olds would adjust to that (relatively) short of a window where they couldn't nurse. She might want to hit it hard when you get back to her but I bet if she's in an environment that's keeping her engaged while you're gone, she'll be ok.

Good news! I produced milk last night! I guess my body was spooked by the night before last because there was so much coming out that I could here it gushing down his throat. Just like old days!

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 Post subject: Re: the lactation station: share your breast feedin' stuff h
PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2011 9:53 am 
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I think most 1.5ish year olds would adjust to that (relatively) short of a window where they couldn't nurse. She might want to hit it hard when you get back to her but I bet if she's in an environment that's keeping her engaged while you're gone, she'll be ok.

Good news! I produced milk last night! I guess my body was spooked by the night before last because there was so much coming out that I could here it gushing down his throat. Just like old days!

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