Post Punk Kitchen Forum

I live with 6 cats (3 boys 3 girls) and my mother-in-law screws up their gender practically every time. I created a very clear memory device for her not to do this. If the cat has black, it's a girl. If there is no black, the cat is a boy. She correctly identifies the gender of my new baby each time. This makes me think she just doesn't give a shiitake about the cats. She does get the gender of my beagle correct each time. Obviously, I see these 6 cats as deserving of having their genders correctly represented as they are unique individuals with names and deserving of their own recognition and praise. I'm thinking I may push this issue with her.

What should I do? Is there hope?

I'd be more concerned with how she treats the cats.

I have a horrible memory. It is 4 months into the school year and I sometimes need seating charts to get kids's names right. I can tell you all sorts of stuff about each one, but names are hard for me. Do you conclude I just dont give a shiitake? Hopefully not, since I assure you that I care very much.

If this is the most vexing thing about your mother-in-law... you're blessed indeed.

My mom does this and I laugh about it. It's annoying but really not a huge deal in my opinion.

I wouldn't push the issue, because I don't think fighting over something the cats, the ones having their sex (not gender, sex, you don't know what your cats' genders are) mistaken, don't care about is worth the arguments. A cat doesn't know if it is called a male or female, it doesn't know if it is even called a cat or dog. Also maybe your mother-in-law just isn't a cat person, or can't remember what sex 6 different cats are. If you only had one cat, like you have one baby and one dog, chances are she would get it right because she could go cat=female instead of black cat with white spot=female, black cat with two white spots=male, etc... I groomed 5 afghan hounds for three months and I was constantly getting their names mixed up even though I spent four hours with them every week. It wasn't that I didn't like or care about the dogs, they just looked so similar to me because I didn't spend everyday with them and couldn't tell them apart easily.
I don't mean to sound rude (sometimes my posts come off that way), I just think the grief that comes with arguing with an in-law is not worth having her correctly identify your cats' sex when all they really care about is being loved.

You don't really think your cats understand her, do you? I call my dog a baby girl princess all the time and he never seems to mind.

I have a cat named Baxter, and after three years my mom still goes through the same routine every time she comes over..."Baily? Is that his name? Or Baxter? Baily?" She is never, ever going to get it right. I just tell her what his name is every time she asks me, and leave it at that. She thinks he's adorable, and that's all that matters to me.

My male cat earned the nickname Princess Fluffy, he seems OK with it. I wish that was the worst thing my MIL did.

I'd just let it go.

It sounds like your cats' clothes are too androgynous. Good for you for not reinforcing gender stereotypes, but for your mother's sake it might be helpful to put the girl-cats in pink and/or dresses once in a while.

My own mom didn't know what college I went to for a long time. Now she knows what school I go to but can't remember my major. She lives about 15 minutes away from me. There are far crappier things relatives can forget than cat genders.

and what Beanitarian said.

Is this thread for real?

haha, my dad has no idea how old I am. He always thinks I'm 2-3 years younger than I actually am.

My mom once told a complete stranger in line at the post office that she wished she never had children.

We are here to discuss the gender politics of cats, not your mommy issues, Isa. Gawd.

Are the cats really gendered, or do you mean she is screwing up their sex?

Tofu, I'm sorry, but your cats don't care. I promise you they don't. And they don't even have a gender - they have a sex.

My wife insists that "gender" is a cultural construction and that what I actually mean is "sex". Should I accept this or push this issue with her?

As further information concerning this cat conundrum, all of the boy and girl cats are neutered and spayed. So, they can still be "boys" and "girls" and deserving of those titles, right? Personally, I'm not as concerned about my mother-in-law (blond, Canadian) getting this right, I would just like for her to show the same respect for the cats as she does for the baby. My wife informs me that from now on we may be calling her "grandpa".

Your wife is right, which is amazing considering she's the offspring of a blond Canadian.

I should clarify; your wife is right about "gender" vs. "sex". Calling her mother "grandpa" seems disrespectful to me.

sigged!

I thought this thread was started by Tofulish and I was seriously confused for a few minutes...

this thread reminds me that it is important for all of us to identify all of the issues we have with everyone, ever, and immediately PUSH THEM.

I'm more concerned with the infantilisation of these cats - if they're old enough to be spayed and neutered, wouldn't they prefer to be referred to as "women" and "men" rather than "boy and girl"?

Sames!

Maybe she's like me and identifes sex by appearance rather than biology. For example I think black, grey/black tabbies and orange tabbies are males. Calicos, all white, mostly white with orange or another light color are girls. Siamese and Persians (actually most long haired) cats are also girls. Large and or fat cats are boys.

Dogs are easier as the little ones are girls and the big ones are boys. 2 obvious exceptions are Collies which are girls and chiuaua's which are boys.