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 Post subject: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 11:37 pm 
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Hearts James Cromwell
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Location: richmond, va
i lost my sweet Dash (the one in my avatar) this past weekend, horrifically and unexpectedly. although i knew his kidneys were failing (possibly due to an unknown blood-borne pathogen, which may have also either caused or resulted from a heart murmur), his vets and i had been optimistic that a low protein diet and phosphorus-reducing meds would manage the problem for a year or two. things were looking good, after two five-day hospital stays in the past six months, and then one day he crashed and was gone.

all of the pet grief "tips" i've read advise not to get a "look-a-like" dog when you're still mourning. while i can see where they're coming from, that you'd be putting too much expectation on the new dog to be an exact replica of the lost one, i really do want to foster, at the very least, another weimaraner, as soon as possible. they can be a difficult breed (but also an incredibly rewarding one) and i know that i have a decade of experience with them. i also have a nine month old lab/pit mix puppy who hates being an only dog. she adored Dash and gets along well with almost all other dogs, as long as they are bigger than she is.

what have y'all done? am i jumping the gun?


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 Post subject: Re: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 11:49 pm 
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I think the first thing to remember is that taking care of yourself is important. Fostering is great, and everyone is different, but I think you should give yourself at least a month to adjust, grieve, what have you. Your other dog needs time to grieve too. My father-in-law adopted a new dog, the same kind even, two weeks after one of his dogs had died. His other dog hadn't gotten over losing her buddy yet and she started pulling out her fur.

I had a yorkie who was killed by another dog. I looked at Pet Finder a LOT. So much. And yorkie rescues. I didn't seriously start looking for a new dog until it was getting closer to the one year mark that my dog had died, because I didn't think I could make it through Christmas. So my husband and I went to a few adoption events, and we went to one on a Saturday where there was a Corgi, my husband's dream dog, and this smelly, skinny, flea ridden, emotionally numb black yorkie mix. We had to go to the animal control facility to actually adopt, so when we were told we would have to wait until Monday I kind of figured we weren't going to be the first in line for a happy, pretty little Corgi. And I was right. So we took home the sad little dog because I knew I had the patience to deal with a neglected dog. I didn't go, "Oh, he's a yorkie! I want another yorkie." When we brought him home and he started to open up, he did yorkie-behaviors that my other dog used to do that made my heart break. It hadn't occured to me that it would happen. Not that I regret adopting him, but it was painful for a little bit.

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 Post subject: Re: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 12:07 am 
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Hearts James Cromwell
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oh my god, i've been on petfinder nonstop and i applied for a weim rescue too. i don't know if it's because i can see him in their eyes or because i can't bear to look at my pictures of him yet. did you have other pups at the time? how is he doing now?


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 Post subject: Re: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 12:09 am 
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I've been thinking about this a lot, with a cat though...I lost a kitten about 6 weeks ago, she was just 9 months old. I want to get a new kitten so badly, both for me and for my very energetic young adult cat who needs constant stimulation and did so much better with a friend. But sometimes I feel like it wouldn't be fair to the new kitten to adopt her when I am so sad, like maybe I need to wait until I can go a day without crying over Effie and I just don't know when that' s going to be. So I have no answers just commiseration.

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 Post subject: Re: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 12:25 am 
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Hearts James Cromwell
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i haven't even been able to wash the sheets on my bed because they still smell like his little corn chip feet.


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 Post subject: Re: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 12:40 am 
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Kitchens Planning Manchester
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Yeah, I know how that goes...I got rid of some stuff of Effie's right after she died, but I just threw away some medication of hers that was in the fridge today, and I cried when I did it. It sucks and I don't know how to make it not suck and sometimes I think focusing my energy on a new baby would make it suck less and sometimes I don't. Fostering does seem like a good idea but I agree that it's probably a good idea to wait, at least a few weeks, and figure out what it feels like to live without him and not just be in shock.

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 Post subject: Re: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 1:03 am 
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About a month ago, my partner & I lost our very much loved kitty, whom we had raised from the time she was a day or so old. We loved her so much,and I truly think she loved us. We talk about her a lot, and her food and water dish are still in the kitchen - in fact, my partner cleaned & refilled her water yesterday because he was mopping the floor & it was a routine thing to do.

Anyhow, what we've focused on is the fact that we miss our cat- not just having a cat. We miss her snuggling with us, the way she licked our noses and tried to nurse on our clothes, the way she purred, the way she yelled at us, the way she greeted us when we got home, and a bunch of other stuff specific to her. Even if we got another cat, it probably wouldn't fill the voids that our cat left. She was unique, just like your dog.

I don't know if this helps you and perhaps your different and another dog would help with your mourning. But jeez, now I'm crying again.


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 Post subject: Re: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 1:04 am 
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Making Threats to Punks Again
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Also, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope in time you can feel better and have lots of good memories of your pup.


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 Post subject: Re: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 9:40 am 
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I'm so sorry for you loss. We lost our 12 year old doberman (he had been with us since he was 1) just this past March. I am most certainly a "dog person" and I loved Hank with all my heart. ( we had lost his buddy Sammy about 2 years prior to that when Sammy was 10...I also love Sammy with all my heart ) Hank had developed a health issue and his health declined fast, so fast so I felt like I had time to grieve for what I knew was coming before it came but I still was devastated of course. We all were ( we have 2 children who are also "dog people ).
We have one more dog at home ( Charlotte, a 2-ish year old rescue we've had since september of '11 ) and my husband and I thought we'd just take our time adding a 2nd dog back in. 2 weeks...we waited 2 weeks. I don't really know why that seemed like a good idea to us but I just really prefer having 2 dogs. I was still grieving for Hank and I didn't feel like Loco ( the new 2nd dog ) was a replacement for Hank. There is no replacement for Hank and I'm tearing up and smiling at I'm typing this remembering what an awesome dog he was.
Loco is a doberman like my 1st 2 dogs but his personality is pretty different. I wouldn't say having him so soon after we lost Hank helped or hurt our healing process for Hank. Loco is just here and Hank is not. I am very glad we got him when we did instead of waiting though because then we would have missed out on adding him to our family, and he is such a perfect fit for us. Except for the issue of him not being dog friendly like the rescue claimed but I'm used to that because Hank wasn't either.
All this to say...I know you're devastated but if there is something in your heart that says maybe you don't want to wait....it might not be a bad idea. It certainly wasn't a bad idea for us.


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 Post subject: Re: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 10:49 am 
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I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my 15yr old cat within a week of him taking ill and it took a lot of tears before I came to terms with it.

Your surviving pup will have enough changes to deal with without being asked to share his home with a new dog. There are so many factors involved which could end up making that situation worse for him, especially if he and the new dog didn't get along. Give yourselves and him time to grieve together before introducing anyone new into the house.

I waited 6 mths before (accidentally) bringing someone new into the family, it took me months to bond with her properly because I couldn't shake the guilt of replacing Jethro.


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 Post subject: Re: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 10:59 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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two januarys ago we made the decision to euthanize our family dog, Jasmine. my parents could no longer give her the care she needed so my spouse and i took her into our home. she was almost 18 at the time and despite having trouble getting around and needing to be let out or walked every 4~ hours she was doing really well. our dog Julie even tolerated her being there, which was awesome because Julie doesn't like many dogs. Jasmine vomitted a few times one afternoon so we withheld her dinner and the following morning i got her chicken and rice. she gobbled it up and about an hour later she vomitted again. we took Jasmine to the emergency vet where they performed an ultrasound. there was a mass in her stomach that was almost 1/2 the size of her stomach and food could no longer pass into it. hence the vomitting. i was so angry. my parents never took her into their vet for wellness visits and they had treated her like shiitake for years. i'm still pissed at them because i feel like this would have been caught years ago. Jasmine was too old for a successful surgery so we made the decision to euthanize her. i cried every day for about 2 months straight. it took me a long time to put away her bowls, wash her blankets & bed, Julie noticed she was gone and she was really upset, too - she would lay on Jasmine's bed looking absolutely miserable. she was really down and out. we thought she not only missed Jasmine, but missed the company of another dog. we thought about fostering and/or adopting another dog, so about 3 months after Jasmine's death we started fostering. Julie wasn't ready for it, she didn't like the idea at all (even though she put on a brave face and did her best to tolerate the other dog, she was visibly). it turned out after 2 weeks the foster dog decided it didn't like other dogs and attacked Julie, so we returned him and they found him another foster home. so i guess we all needed a little more time to mourn, but perhaps you and your dog might not. like others have suggested - listen to your heart. your mind might lead you in the wrong direction, but your heart rarely does.


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 Post subject: Re: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 11:16 am 
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I have nothing helpful to say except for I am so so sorry for your loss.

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 Post subject: Re: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 1:30 pm 
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I lost a cat at 7 months old after a bit of a disaster of a spey operation. I was looking for a new cat within days because I just couldn't imagine living without one and having an animal to care for I knew would help me get over the loss. I ended up getting my new cat after only a couple of months and it was definitely the right decision for me. Everyone reacts and copes differently with things like this and noone can tell you what the right thing will be for you personnally but if you feel it's the right thing then go for it.


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 Post subject: Re: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 9:40 am 
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I'm sorry I'm just now seeing this! Your dog died exactly one week before mine did. I miss her so much but we (my husband, my kiddo, and I) want another dog and we think we're feeling more ready (the kid was ready like a month ago) but Tilly was a Pug and so I'm trying to figure out if I want another Pug, or if I definitely don't want a Pug yet, or if I want a mutt, or whatever. It's hard! In any case, yesterday I sent in an application to a pug rescue, so we'll see how that goes.

I hope you're doing okay beas!

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 Post subject: Re: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2012 1:09 pm 
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If you're not 100% set on a certain type of dog, i'd just go start meeting dogs at adoption events. We went to 3-4 before we went to the one where we met Fawkes. And all dogs are cute, but none of them clicked with me until then. I went to a couple before I was 'ready' just to meet new dogs because I love new dogs and I think it helped me, even if I knew it wasn't time for a new dog.

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The tree is his penis // it's very exciting // when held up to his mouth // the lights are all lighting // his eyes start a-bulging // in unbridled glee // the tree is his penis // its beauty, effulgent -amandabear


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 Post subject: Re: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 6:13 pm 
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Bought 20lbs of vegan protein powder
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yeah that's what i was doing actually and it was going well but then i dragged the husband to the kill shelter with me and he became dead set on having one so we all picked out this girl lab mix. she's adorable but now she's here and i know i wasn't read and i feel so overwhelmed and heartbroken still. today's her first day so i'm trying to remain calm

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 Post subject: Re: dog loss/timeframe/coping/etc.
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 7:20 am 
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Bought 20lbs of vegan protein powder
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okay, rough first day. i'm doing much better now. phew.

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"It's because I'm judging them. Harshly. Judgey McJudgerson." - mel c


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