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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 11:58 pm 
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pixel wrote:
I'm wondering if other people's parents are introverts? I'm curious about the nature/nurture thing related to intro/extro-vert.

I was just wondering about this too! My dad is definitely an introvert, almost as much as I am. My mom seems more balanced but I think leans toward introvert. Other members of my mom's family are definitely introverts. A similar thing happens to us at large gatherings. I remember one party for an elderly family member where tons of extended family members and friends showed up. It got very crowded and loud. Some of my close family members (mom, uncles, aunts, cousins) and I ended up in a little group as far away from the rest of the party as we could get. I didn't even notice until one of my uncles commented, "We're in a corner again. We always end up in a corner, not mingling with anyone else." And it was true.


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:00 am 
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And I wonder if only children are more likely to be introverts? I'm an only child and I spent a ton of time by myself when I was little. I was expected to amuse myself and not make too much noise, so I spent a lot of time in my room, reading or playing make believe.


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:09 am 
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seitanicverses wrote:
--once when I had an opportunity to skip a grade, she chose to keep me in the same grade because I had friends and was socially solid where I was and she didn't want to upset that. She was also unhappy that I wanted no part in "Brownies" when I was a kid and was always trying to get me to be a part of that.


Twins! In early elementary school I was way ahead of most of the other kids academically so they were considering moving me ahead a grade, but I was also deemed "emotionally immature" so they didn't after all.

And my mom was (and still is) heavily involved in the whole Girl Scouts thing. I did Brownies (that's the elementary school level) and one year of Juniors (6th grade) but always hated it. I only did it so as not to disappoint her. It was terrible because she was always there, at least in the earlier years. I remember one "game" where an adult would ask questions like "do you like broccoli?" and all the kids had to either stay put if they did or run to the other side of the room if they didn't. And of course my main concern was with fitting in, so I'd just do whatever everyone else did. And my mom would be there going "you DO TOO like broccoli!" It's funny in retrospect though.


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:09 am 
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I'm the third out of five kids, and I sometimes wonder if my introversion is a response to a large family!

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:44 am 
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I'm the only child of two VERY extroverted people.


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 4:48 am 
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I grew up way more introverted that the rest of my family, and literally just found out this year that my "extroverted" family (mom, dad, sister) are also introverts -- they're just more comfortable in social situations which is why I was fooled for so long! But I was a kid who happily didn't speak for days and days because I needed a lot of introspection, observation and quiet, and when I came back from trips or anything, the first person to ask me details got a story and everyone else had to get the info. from them because I'd already told it once and was done.

I used to read piles of books, but now I can't read almost anything at all because I don't want someone else's voice in my head.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 5:23 am 
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raspberrycomplaint wrote:
And I wonder if only children are more likely to be introverts? I'm an only child and I spent a ton of time by myself when I was little. I was expected to amuse myself and not make too much noise, so I spent a lot of time in my room, reading or playing make believe.

I don't know but I'm not an only child and I still spend hours by myself drawing and listening to audio books.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 5:55 am 
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ashley wrote:
I'm the only child of two VERY extroverted people.


This. My dad exhausts me. I was trying to explain how I liked talking to him, but I generally don't talk to people on the weekends, and he responded, "yeah, I don't like talking to people either." What a liar face! When he comes to visit, if I take a nap or sleep an hour later then he, he had talked to 2 people on the phone at least. And he always makes conversation with everyone everywhere. As a kid, I used to hide a lot waiting for him to be done talking with friends, which of course made his friends tease me for being shy. I mostly lived with him or him and my grandma growing up, and they are both the same, and I'd be quiet and read or draw or whatever.

With my mom it's harder to tell, but then I realized that she's always doing stuff, so maybe? Like volunteering and church stuff, and running around and chatting with people. It does seem to exhaust her though. When I was at her house, I spent a lot of time in this little hobbit hole of a closet with a rechargeable flashlight reading Nancy Drew books.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 7:05 am 
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I'm the youngest of two and definitely more introverted than my sister. She's always had more need for social contact than I do and tends to know a lot more people. It's funny. I lived in Amsterdam for 10 years before she moved there, but within a year of her arriving, people would come up to me at work and say "Are you M's sister?" When we were kids, my parents would set up play dates with the neighbors' kids and my sister ended up playing with even the ones who were supposed to be my friends (age wise) because I'd just want to sit and read.

My parents are both fairly introverted, my dad a little less so than my mom. Neither of them have really ever been into going out with groups or joining clubs and I was never really pressured to do so either. Mom definitely spends a lot of time happily alone. That said, they're both exhausting in their own ways. My dad can be really needy (especially after he and mom divorced) and my mom tends to talk non-stop when you're with her. I can't spend vast amounts of time with either of them without needing some serious recovery time.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 7:22 am 
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I'm an only child and a child of addicts so I think my introversion is somewhat inherent and some learned behavior. But for a while there when I was like 13 to 17 I was wild and was always partying. I still slept a lot and liked to be left alone, but if there was an opportunity to go crazy I was all for it.

If I had to pinpoint my parents I would say my mom is an introvert and my dad was an extrovert. But that's kind of hard for me to measure.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 8:42 am 
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Both of my parents are introverts, my mom being more introverted than my dad. Both my brothers and myself are a lot like my dad in that we are generally introverted, but we still like to go out and have fun occasionally. My mom tolerates going out and having fun, but she is happiest with a cup of tea, planning her garden, or talking to her chickens.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 9:09 am 
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I would love to help your mom talk to her chickens. (Not gonna happen for a lot of reasons ... but tea! gardens! CHICKENS!)

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 9:11 am 
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My mom is an extrovert, my dad is an introvert, but he can be quite social and stuff when he wants to be. I remember them having people over lots when I was little and stuff. I think maybe he was more in the extrovert side of the spectrum when I was small. We had some pretty drastic life changes and I think it made him more of a recluse.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 10:29 am 
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lutin wrote:
I would love to help your mom talk to her chickens. (Not gonna happen for a lot of reasons ... but tea! gardens! CHICKENS!)


My mom needs a chicken whisperer or something. She got them without really researching how much work it is, but she'd wanted them for so long...and every week now when I talk to her, she has 'chicken drama'. Two weeks ago, one was bullying the runt of the group, and now they won't go inside their little nesting house thing at night to sleep and she's afraid they'll freeze to death, and she is always on the lookout for people to take care of them when they go out of town. She's bummed because everyone she knows around her that has chickens just tells her to eat them when things go awry, and she doesn't want to do that (thankfully). I really want to ask her if it's really worth it for the few eggs she's gotten. Crazy chickens. But at least she treats them well, and they're living better than they apparently would on one of her chicken-killing friends' houses!

What's kind of funny about the whole thing is that she was telling me that the only advice she is getting that she will heed (i.e. not eating them, but figuring out the actual problem) is from people on the internet whom she'll never actually meet. I was like, 'Now you know what it's like for me, with my internet vegans!'

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 10:34 am 
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My dad was the extrovert to end all extroverts... like to a pathological extent. Narcissistic*, always demanding to be the center of attention, always surrounding himself with people, life of the party. My mom is very balanced. She's friendly and social, more of a one-on-one or small group person because she really cares to listen to people and connect with them, but also comfortable with herself and solitary pursuits. I guess in terms of what energizes her, she's probably an introvert, just a very social one. I'm definitely more like her than him!

*I am in no way suggesting that extroverts are narcissists, just that my dad was both. (I am also not suggesting that I know how to spell narcissism.)

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:18 pm 
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Only child here. Loved my alone time then, love it now. This was a cause of strife in my childhood because my mom is a total extrovert and wanted to put me in Every.Activity.Ever. Dad's an introvert.


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:22 pm 
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i have no idea. i think my parents might both be extroverts, but if either were introverts, they hid it well. my mom always used to dominate phone conversations, but that could also have been because we rarely talked on the phone, so she was excited to get it all out, or just that i'm more introverted than she was.) and my dad is one of those guys who when he gets drunk, he showers love to everyone. so i'm gonna put him in the extrovert category too?

i'm the youngest of 4, and it seems like at least 2 of my siblings are extroverts. the sister in between those two might be an introvert, but she always had lots of friends, but it could have been because she was dragged into it by my brother and extroverted cousin. she refused to get on to facebook for a long time because she didn't want people from her past to contact her. (if she is an introvert, it's not nearly as extreme as i am. i had always been pretty resistant to peer pressure and almost always did my own thing. playing by myself in the basement almost all the time comes to mind.)

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 12:39 pm 
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My dad is very introverted, and my mother...well...I'm sure you guys are familiar with the stories of my mother. I'd call her very extroverted. I'm the oldest of two.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 2:42 pm 
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When I was younger I thought my parents were extroverts because they were more social than I was, but I'm thinking that was probably my social anxiety thrown in. They definitely are more extroverted than I am, and I'd say my Dad's more extroverted than my mom, but I'd probably classify him as in between and my mom as slightly less in between but still around there. I'm the oldest of two; my sister's autistic, so I'm wondering if something's related on that end.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 2:49 pm 
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My Dad is an extrovert and my Mam is an introvert. I'm the youngest of three and am quite introverted. My sister is more avoidant than introverted, but makes friends easier than I do. My brother is a massive extrovert.


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 5:03 pm 
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Oh man this week kicked my asparagus mentally. Im so exhausted, its been a week of non stop talking, listening, and supporting. I have a busy weekend ahead of me too. But tonight I plan to sit on my bum and do nothing and tune out.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 7:26 pm 
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I've been thinking about this lately as I've had a major personality shift over the last 9 years or so.

I used to be big up, super extroverted in high school and that's not the case any more. I guess this probably isn't unusual? But I used to love going out, partying, meeting people, even after working retail all day. Nowadays? Not even close. I am enjoying my retail job, talking to people and working with people. But after working all day, going out is almost certainly not happening. I hate when people call me, and went through periods that the phone ringing would send me through panic attacks -that's not been the case lately but the phone ringing still sets me on edge. I always answer the phone exasperated and angry because, really, who wants to talk on the phone? That said, I love having people over and hosting parties. December last year we had over 20 friends over for brunch. And I'm pretty bummed that I won't be doing that this year. But I also gave myself over a month to plan it.

Lately things have been turned on their head because dad is living with us and talking to him requires so much energy that I'm making excuses to se friends because they require less energy. I hate when I get up in the morning and he asks me how I've slept - I'm really not ready to talk and you're asking me how I've slept? No one asks me how I slept at work and I can bring up my insomnia at my leisure, through the course of regular conversation.

As for the parents and siblings poll, I am the only child of my extroverted parents' marriage, but have older half siblings so was made to entertain myself much as a child. I spent most of my time with the dogs which probably explains things about why I relate to them the way I do.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 10, 2013 11:33 am 
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Yesterday I drove 7 hours round trip and went to a crowded book festival and stood line line amongst a butt-ton of people and I am wiped out. I got 9:49 of sleep, had 2 cups of coffee (normally I have one), and man I need a nap.

raspberrycomplaint wrote:
And I wonder if only children are more likely to be introverts? I'm an only child and I spent a ton of time by myself when I was little. I was expected to amuse myself and not make too much noise, so I spent a lot of time in my room, reading or playing make believe.


Interesting! I'm an introvert, my dad's an introvert, my husband is an introvert. My mom lives like an introvert but is a retired social worker who loves talking to anyone she sees, so no idea how to definie that. I definitely feel like as time goes by our kiddo becomes more introverted so I wonder.

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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 03, 2013 7:27 pm 
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You know you're an introvert when instead of being pissed off, you're actually a little relieved to find out you weren't invited to a party! My former boss has a big holiday party every year, which I've been invited to for many years but have only actually attended once a couple of years ago. And when I did go I didn't stay very long because I just don't deal well with the sort of sensory overload that goes with a big party. I enjoy chatting with people that I know already for a certain amount of time and then it's like I hit a wall and stop having fun and have to get out ASAP.

I didn't get an invite last year and assumed they didn't have the party because they had just had a baby. But I just heard from another friend who asked if I was going to the party on Saturday, and I didn't even know about it. Haha! I probably wouldn't invite me either, since its annoying to keep inviting someone and they never go. I always felt weird about it, because although I like the hosts and a lot of the people who go to this party, I just kind of hate parties generally so I never went. I hope they didn't take it personally! Oh well...at least now I don't have to have this epic debate with myself about feeling like I SHOULD go but I don't really want to and feel bad about not going.


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 Post subject: Re: The Introvert's Support Thread
PostPosted: Sat Dec 28, 2013 1:20 pm 
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How'd everyone survive Christmas? I love my in-laws, but I nearly had a nervous break from being around them too much. And despite trying, I just still don't quite understand the amount of family togetherness they all seem to like.

After spending all day with them on Christmas Eve and Christmas day I didn't have any time to myself before 5 of us piled into our small car to drive to Seattle the next morning. An hour into the drive I was ready to go home, but we spent the next two days together, never further apart than just a room away. Always talking. So much talking. Again, we get along great, but it was just too much time together.

This is probably the most drained and emotionally exhausted I have felt in a really long time. I'm going to just suit quietly and read the rest of the weekend.

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