Post Punk Kitchen Forum

I started a thread about this on "the old ppk" but I wanted to post an update about my treatment here.

I sought treatment after I became depressed. I specifically asked for Zoloft because a friend or two recommended it. However, after a real shitty week at work (and by shitty I mean death every day and then some) I had suicidal thoughts and had to call suicide prevention, which I never thought I'd have to do. I've been depressed off and on for the last 10+ years, have even dealt with suicidal thoughts before, but this time I was making plans and thinking about what I'd put in a letter, or if I'd even write one. Anyway, boring story even more boring, the Zoloft wasn't working.

So I went to a new doctor, and he prescribed Symbyax, which is a combination of Prozac and Zyprexa, a sleep aid. I was sleeping really well, but the major side effect I was having with this pill was increased stuttering. Really embarrassing, especially on the air.

Yesterday, I went back to my doctor and said that maybe the stuttering was being caused by anxiety (that starting happening a couple of years ago; when I'm anxious I kind of stutter. It almost reminds me of having restless leg syndrome, but in my chin.) So, he prescribed an anti-anxiety pill (Buspar) and Celexa, for depression. That's where I'm at now.

This thread is for others to share their experiences and support each other. I know I need support all the time, and I've gotten better about asking for it when I'm feeling down.

Today, I'm feeling a little blue because of a boy situation, but it's nothing I haven't been through before. I just hope he grows up and has a conversation with me instead of playing these stupid games. Gah.

Anyway, share, discuss, relate.

I've had on and off depression for years. I was only ever on Paxil for it, but then I lost my health insurance and couldn't get any more. It really, really sucked having to just STOP taking it without being weaned off. I haven't been on any meds since and I think I deal with it a little bit better now, but I still get into periods of my life where it's really hard to deal with. I hope your medication helps you.

I dont have regular depression on a daily basis, however when i get my period i get depression so bad that it should probably be medicated. I have insurance right now, but it isn't a permanent thing i can rely on so i am hesitant to start (and like) any treatment when i could loose my insurance and then have to go cold tofu off the meds.

I hope your treatments help you feel a little better. And that that boy gets his head on straight.

I've struggled with depression for years and am fortunate enough to have good health insurance that pays for both a clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist. I haven't been to the psychiatrist yet, but I have my first appointment with her on November 9th. I'm kind of nervous about what she'll want to put me on.

My psychologist is 99% sure I have undiagnosed inattentive ADHD, which explains half my life and why I have some of the issues I do. She also told me that people with undiagnosed ADHD are more likely to develop moderate to severe anxiety and depression as adults. I really wish they had found this sooner as a lot of daily tasks have always been incredibly difficult for me. I also wonder if I would have done better in undergraduate school if I had been able to deal with it.

I also am in therapy for trauma. I would like to say I'm dealing well with it, but I don't know how well it's going. I have a lot of trouble opening up not about what happened (that I can do), but about how I feel and how much like shiitake I really feel in my everyday life due to the trauma. I still try to brush it off and say I deal well with it as to not appear vulnerable, which makes no sense since my therapist is there for me. I just don't want to end up crying in the middle of my hour. I really don't know what to do.

I also have other issues I want to bring up, but haven't figured out how.

Can you write it down and give it to your therapist?

I'm sorry you all have to go though this & hope you find relief soon *hugs* xxx

You're making progress, though, it sounds like. Depression isn't easy to work with, and trauma is so hard to get over. It's so great that you're trying and you're thinking about what's going on. You'll get there in time; that's just part of therapy. Serious hugs! That sounds like a really hard place to be.

I have a few friends with major depression problems who have taken years and years of therapy to get baby steps of progress. It's not that they don't try or care or work at it or anything, it's just really hard.

I know I should probably see someone. I've looked up therapists before, and never been brave enough to try going in, because I'm always convinced that I did it wrong and I'll end up with a bill for eight jillionty dollars because the person I go talk to actually ISN'T covered by my health insurance, or they'll think I'm just a whiny mid-twenties girl who has no good reason to be depressed. Now that I'm on grad student health insurance, I think I qualify for mental health services on campus, so I might suck it up and try going in; at least they're probably used to grad students being depressed.

I had a pretty bad depressive episode about three or four years ago, complete with joylessness, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, zero energy, etc...but I managed to pull myself out of it and now I'm feeling really good.

What I'm afraid of is having another episode that bad or worse and I won't be able to recover or lead a normal, much less happy, life. I have to be ever vigilant of the signs of depression and not let it overwhelm me.

But I'm good now.

I know that it takes a certain amount of comfort with a person before i can cry in front of them, but i've cried in front of people who have just said the totally wrong thing afterward and made the whole thing super awkward. I think that you should try and release that fear because the therapist is trained to deal with that. so you can cry and know that no one ever has to know and that no matter what they will not say something hurtful to you afterward.

Also i wouldn't worry about how to "bring something up". It's your hour. You don't have to work into it, just spit it out and let the conversation go from there.

But if you really can't deal with saying these things - or starting the conversation about these things - then writing it down and giving that to the therapist will be the right move. Getting these issues out in the open will help you recover.

I started taking Zoloft about 2 months ago, which was working well but destroyed my sex drive/orgasms so then my doctor added Wellbutrin, which helped, but the past few weeks I have not been able to relax at all and am feeling really dependent on my anxiety medication (avatan).
BUT I have made a lot of progress in therapy, even though I've had to put it on hold for now due to insurance crepe. Since I haven't been seeing a therapist, I've been following some EFT videos and doing yoga while keeping up with the vigorous cardio that really helped in the beginning.
I'm going back to the doctor Monday to talk about my meds. I've been clenching my jaw almost constantly and my nose kind of twitches a lot so I think something is not right.

Firstly, I hope everyone who's struggling manages to find the best way through it.

I've had depression since I was 13 (I'm almost 23), along with anorexia. The anorexia is still an issue, but much easier to cope with recently (and, for some reason, especially easier since I became vegan a few months ago). But the depression is still a problem. I'm on fluoxetine, but I stopped seeing a therapist years ago, after seeing various different people. On a lot of days I'm fine, just a bit down now and then, but on others, maybe once a week, I'm hysterical, suicidal, hopless, lost and have no idea what to do with my life or myself.
It's currently worse as my boyfriend, who I know loves me, just can't talk to me about anything, and so I don't feel comfortable talking to him about my problems. I've also got a friend who can talk to me, and I feel closer to him than my boyfriend sometimes, which makes me sad. My boyfriend has also been refusing to sleep with me for most of the last few months, and it's making me feel really unattractive. I'm in my final year at uni, panicking, I've lost some friends recently who I thought I was close to, and things are a bit crepe really.

On the other hand though, when I look back on how I was feeling 5 years ago, things are a lot better now. So, I guess that's good.

Sorry to rant.

No rant at all bigpinkjellybean, that's what we're here for.

thanks

I don't know if I'm depressed, but I have a hard time finding joy in most things, or even seeing things as worthwhile in doing. Never been a proponent to medications myself, but I know they can help people, and I hope it helps whoever is taking them. My best advice is to find a close friend who knows your situation, and keep communications open. Shutting yourself out of peoples lives during a dark time can quickly spiral into something bad. So before/if you get there, have that bridge open.

I completely agree Wyvern. The sad thing is, I've not met many people who are completely sympathetic towrds my problem. I had a friend who told me I was just selfish and that she didn't believe in mental illness, and it took a bit of time for me to get the courage up to start speaking to someone about it. And now he hasn't spoken to me for a few days and I'm feeling paranoid that I've made him sick of me.. Maybe I should find a therapist.. I much prefer speaking to friends ho understand, but it worries me that so few people I know seems to have any sympathy.

I'm depressed pretty much all the time. Sometimes it's not so bad, other times I feel like nothing will ever be ok. I live in a halfway house, which was preceded by 15 months of inpatient rehab (three different programs in succession) for heroin addiction. Drugs were my out for years. Now when I'm depressed I'm almost able to just revel in it, I've described the feeling as a 'beautiful despair', a freedom that is found only in total hopelessness. It's probably not healthy, but it's how I live.

I've suffered from depression since I was a child (seven years old is when I remember it starting). When you're young it's incredibly difficult to deal with because you don't understand how to control and cope with what you're feeling. Only within the last few have I actually sought treatment, and it has totally changed my life; I've gone from being moody and unpredictable to being even-keeled and rather pleasant most of the time. It has been such a wonderful change for me.

I wish I'd sought treatment earlier; my life would have been so different had I gone on AD's sooner.

I'm on Lamictal and Celexa. I came very close to committing suicide when I was on Zoloft. Ugh.

When people tell me that they don't "believe in" mental illness, I think I'll look them in the eye and say "I don't believe in cancer" in a very serious voice.

Your brain chemical balance is very complex, fragile and very personal.
Anti-depressants that work wonders on some won't do as much on others or can even exacerbate matters.

Talk to your doctors on how you're feeling, try and document daily energy/happiness levels in a way that you can show your doctor what your current state is and seek to change medicine/dose/treatment if appropriate. Listen to your doctor's expertise, but if they're not listening to you, don't be afraid to seek different expertise.

Good luck, it's a shitty thing to have to live with.

wow that first line describes me perfectly. I tend to shut friends and loved ones out when in a dark mood too, even though I know it's a bad idea. I don't like to bother people and I figure if I really need help I should be getting it from a professional.

This will definitely be my comeback if I ever hear it again!

I know how you feel, but I'm sure that your friends would be incredibly supportive, and glad to know that you can talk to them. Maybe try bringing up your problems when you aren't feeling so bad, so it's easier for you to talk, and then when you are in a bad place, they will remember what you said and try talking to you first?

There was in interesting article in the New York Times Magazine recently about depression in children. To me it's a big duh, but it's good they are considering it more.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/29/magaz ... ool-t.html

I've gotten so good at shutting out friends and loved ones that I don't have any left.

Wyvern's first line describes me perfectly, too.

forking depression. What the hell.

Walrus, how are you doing with the new meds? My doctor just prescribed Buspar too, so I'm supposed to be using that instead of the Ativan, but I am at least psychologically dependent (if not physically) on that so I'm trying to taper off my dose. And starting new meds give me anxiety because I'm hypochondriatic and I'm convinced I will get all the side effects.

Bunniee and Darthcupcake, if you ever want to PM me, feel free. It might make it easier to talk if you know that someone's been in a similar situation.

And yeah, Walrus, have you started to notice any difference yet? Or will it take a little longer for them to kick in? Hope you're doing alright in the meantime.