Post Punk Kitchen Forum

I haven't had a big cry in so long but everything is coming out at the moment. I think to some extent the Lexapro stops those emotions from coming out. Like, I feel it coming, but it never comes. You know when you get that tickle like you have to sneeze but it doesn't happen? It's been a bit like that.

I'm currently house-hunting and job-hunting and it's really tough. Plus my partner is away and I miss him dearly. I don't know what to do. I went to see my therapist yesterday. I'm just SO up and down. What do you do with your day if you're not working? I'm really stuck.

I have been having such a bad time recently. It feels like a big step coming back on here because I have completely isolated myself from everyone, I even stopped going to work for a bit. I keep making plans and breaking them because I just cant face going out and it isn't even that I feel depressed exactly, I just feel nothing mostly and then something will just set me off and I will be sobbing for hours. I keep thinking about something that happened to me in the past (I have mentioned it before on here but I don't really want to discuss it now) and I don't really know what to do about it. I made an appointment for my GP and then when I got there I just couldn't bring myself to bring it up. I have made another appointment but the next that could be made was for the 3rd August (I will only see the one GP about this).

I am trying to fill my time with things again, I am going back to work on Monday and have got myself a meal plan made out for this week (I have been really struggling with my bulimia again) and I am going to try and get myself out, even just for a walk or something.

All I want is for my life to not be this way anymore. I am tired of all of the ups and downs, you know?

definitely.
im having a mopey weekend, and i really do not have time for it. im remembering why my mom makes the worst roommate and im thinking about taking out loans to gtfo outta here. i also really want to do something impulsive, and its taking a lot of restraint and xanax to not go out and get crazy.

Does anyone have any experience with citalopram/celexa? My GP has moved me onto it saying that it is better for people who are on anti-depressants long term and to hopefully allow me to feel anything other than constantly numb. I was on the highest dose of cipralex and have been moved to 20mg of citalopram , which I think is the lowest dose?

Just wondering what your experiences of it were. I got all of the shitty side effects of cipralex (sweating, nausea, headaches, constant fatigue, difficulty sleeping, weight gain, etc.) and I know that citalopram is very similar to it but I am hoping that I might get away with it this time. I only started taking them last Thursday so I haven't noticed any difference yet but hopefully they will work out.

I take 20mg of citalopram but at this point it does nothing for me but I'm just not ready to go through withdrawl or try something new. When it worked, it worked GREAT. The only side effect I had was weight gain, which I guess might be a big deal for some people.

But it totally crapped out on me after 1 year....I haven't heard that it's better for long term use, and it certainly wasn't for me. Infact my GP just gave me a prescription for cipralex saying it's better for long term use since it's more pure...but I haven't filled the prescription yet and I don't know if I will. I hope it works better for you!

How do y'all determine if a med isn't working for you? I'm trying to gauge if I need my Wellbutrin increased.

For me, I knew they weren't working anymore when instead of feeling fairly level, I felt HUGE anxiety and HUGE depression. Real ups and downs. Antidepressants for me provide a sort of "teflon coating" - things just don't get to me as much. When they aren't working, I get really stuck on my negative thinking and end up mulling over things for days, weeks.

Okay, then I'm pretty sure the WB is working. I've never taken it before, so I wasn't sure.

Yeah, you'd definitely know if it wasn't working :)

Also be sure to give it time- it can take up to 6 weeks to get the feel for it. I'm on a combo on wellbutrin/effexor and it took a few months to get the doses/combination right.

Paprika - I would say give it a go at least. The good thing is that you can go straight from one to the other without having to stop taking them, so no withdrawel! I was on cipralex at this dose for a year before it stopped working too,

I can normally tell if my meds aren't working if my low moods/anxiety interfere with my life for a longer period of time. Even on my meds when they are "working" I am very up and down and sometimes to the point that I feel unable to cope but I can pull myself through it if I really work hard and pay attention to my behaviours etc, if I feel like that consistently and nothing helps or I am even unable to do the things that would normally help then I would say they aren't working. Or this time the problem was that I am completely numbed to everything.

I was reading a little about wellbutrin (really a little because I am in work) and it seems interesting. Especially because it said that it helps with fatigue whereas citalopram and cipralex seem to just make me constantly tired.

About citalopram: when I started taking it in the evening it helped a lot with problems I was having about getting to sleep (more anxiety related) but made me wake up very early in the morning. The doctor suggested I take it in the morning instead and that solved the waking up problem.
So if you get sleep related side effects try taking it in the morning.

Hope it works for you.

Hey.
Sorry for bumping a slightly old thread, is that bad practice here? Just wanted to chime in and say hi, and also moan a bit to be honest.

So here is it:
I've just had to move in with my dad because of financial problems. My older brother lives here also but he hates me and is aggressive, threatening and volatile which makes it really upsetting and hard. I am really scared of him. Also I am convinced that my boyfriend is cheating on me, but then I doubt myself and think I am just being crazy and I don't know if it's just in my head. Also being away from where I normally live and my GP means I'm not sure if I'll be able to get hold of antidepressant meds that have helped me a bit the last couple of months and I've nearly run out. Argh!

Any advice on how to not fall further into a horrible pit of misery?
Hope everyone else is doing well and keeping their spirits up :)

I don't have much to contribute, hugs to you all, I just wanted to say to lizzi_lunch that no, it is not bad to bump this thread. It seems to be more accepted and work better when people do that, rather than starting a bunch of new threads that are the same, plus since it is called the depression thread, and not one of the many depression threads or something, it keeps everyone in the same place talking about this stuff. I don't write on this thread often, since I don't have much to say and don't want to explain a lot of times when I feel low, but it is nice to keep the discussion going here so I and other people have somewhere to go read I guess.

It's not the lowest, some know-nothing GP who had never seen me before and was 2 hours late to our appointment cut me down to 10mg because "it's time you started weaning yourself off of it." I have nasty words for her, but it was a long time ago and I'm back on 20mg as I should be now.

Honestly speaking, it's the only med I've ever taken so I can't really compare. I'm lucky to have found something that worked for me nearly right away. I had the opposite experience of some others, when I first started it made me woozy and dizzy, and I ended up taking it right before bed. I haven't felt numb on it, but again, I can't compare it to other meds... overall, it has been a good experience. I still face occasional challenges with emergent anxiety and depressive episodes, but the medication helps make those troughs a little less deep.

How does someone even ask their doctor for anti-depressive meds? That's what I would really like/need to know. I went to see a doctor a few years ago and he told me, after taking blood, that I was "fine". I... don't think that that was an appropriate response. Or a way to tell anything at all. Maybe I'm an idiot though. I don't even know, or even how to re-approach this with a different doctor...

i just kinda said it. theres not really a place that it fits in to be like "so, im a nutter". i just said it. thats what the appointment is for-to address anything thats going on.

Yeah. I think if you maybe psych yourself up a bit before you go to say what you need to say it could help. Have a little speech/some lines prepared - maybe something about how you've been experiencing a really low mood [replace with your particular issue] and that you're interested in looking at medication options for that. I know that I get really overwhelmed when I go to see the doctor, because I find them quite intimidating, so I don't always feel like I can say what I need to. If I go in with a very clear sense of purpose, and determined to be assertive about what I want and need, I have a much better outcome. It's definitely a challenge, but it's worth it for your health.

When I felt like I really needed meds for depression/anxiety, I explained that I had cycling obsessive thoughts that I wasn't having any success controlling through the healthy coping strategies I knew about and had the opportunity to use when I felt less negative. I was worried my doctor would think I was just looking for a quick fix, but, in my experience, many doctors don't really bother to cross-examine your situation when you tell them you are depressed. I've been off meds for a while, and when I recently talked to my long-time GP about anxiety and the fact that--despite it really affecting my life, I was hoping to handle it without going on another anti-depressant, he was surprisingly helpful paving out a treatment that used meds only as a last resort. Don't be afraid to do your own research and be honest with your doctor if there is a medication you think might help you.

lizzi_lunch: Does your dad know how your older brother makes you feel? Are you close enough to your father that you could discuss it with him? Also, you may be able to phone your old doctor and talk to a nurse or something about having them call in a refill at a local pharmacy if what they're giving you is working for you. If you can muster is up, I think it'd be great to find someone local to talk to though, especially given recent events.

interrobang?!: No offense, but it sounds like you may need a new doctor? Is this someone you can ordinarily address how you're feeling? Is there some other kind of counselor you can speak with? They may be able to provide you with resources, like how to talk to you doctor, or help finding a psychiatrist or something. Even like vijita said, a plan of action with the possibility of further steps if the initial actions don't help.

Just thought I'd chime in and say I'm doing better. Semi-stable job/income, yoga sessions, still on same med. Also went back to my old contraception pill.

Hi Sarah-Jane, I've been on Citalipram for a number of years, starting on 10mg, then 20mg and now 40mg. I have Multiple Sclerosis and have lesions on my brain that affect my emotional responses, by way of depression and emotional lability (laughing or crying uncontrollably at the wrong things). Citalipram seems to keep me on an even keel and still feel like myself, whilst also improving my neuropathic pain (think toothache - all over). I was on Diazepam before but was a complete space cadet. All in all, I'm pretty happy with Citalipram. I probably should mention that I take it alongside Zopiclone (which helps me sleep), Modafinil (for Fatigue) and various other nasty injectibles. I also do yoga, try to walk outside daily and meditate. I think these make me calmer.

Take care xx

Hey peeps, wanted to share this with you all...

It's a podcast by comedian Paul Gilmartin called The Mental Illness Happy Hour. It's not jokey, like making fun of mental illness/depression, it's comedians genuinely talking about their mental struggles and how they cope.

Website is here:
http://mentalpod.com/

and the podcast is available on iTunes.

I've been listening to loads of them and just listening to people talk about what they experience is helping me so much. It's not a substitute for anything more intensive or one-on-one, but I'm finding it to be a vital part of the whole treatment/recovery deal. Communication and knowledge is awesome.

Hey guys, first time coming in here. Hope you don't mind a new face!

If you don't know, I had a pretty bad birth experience 1 1/2 years ago, which led me to suffer from some pretty bad PTSD/PPD. I've been on 20mg zoloft and in therapy for the past year. Things have been getting much better since the spring - I feel at peace with the birth and things are really looking up. I truly feel happy. My doctor, my therapist, and I agree that it's time for me to start lowering my dose and start looking towards a med-free future.

My only concern is my mothers (that is my mother and my MIL). My mom (who I love, but she loves drama way too much) forwarded me an email conversation between her and my MIL about some stuff that I needed to know about. Unfortunately, it also contained their conversations back and forth for the past 6 months. It included wonderful sentiments such as my MIL being furious that I lost my job (I got laid off) and thinking that I'm not a good wife/mother because I can't provide for my family. They also compare their conversations with me almost word for word ("Well, she never told me THAT!") Little stuff - like what I did at work that day, if Ezra and I went to the park one afternoon, having a meeting one evening - crepe like that. None of it was stuff I wanted to hide from anyone - things just don't come up in every conversation, and sometimes some phone calls last longer than others... Unimportant stuff. But for some reason, they apparently need to hash out every single word that comes out of my mouth and dissect it to the fullest extent.

I don't know what to do. I've talked to them before, saying things like their gossiping (because that's really what it's turning into - if they want to know exactly what I did at work today, or if I went to the park, or if I have a meeting, ASK ME.) is really hurtful. But the more that I think about it, the more I'm realizing that THIS is why I'm depressed. I didn't need this email to know that they talk about me like this, it's very apparent in their words and actions towards me. I don't want to blame anyone for my depression - it's a battle that is solely on my shoulders, but I can't get them to realize how much this is hurting me. I'm not a person who can let something roll off my back. I try to make things right, I try to make everyone happy. When I hear that one of these women is upset with something I did or didn't say, I call them and try to make them happy. It's too much work though. Every moment of my life is sucked up having to make myself the perfect mother and wife, to make them like me. I'm tired of it. I shouldn't have to be on medication because of the actions of others. I don't even know if I'm here for advice or just support, I just needed to get this all out. I don't know what to say - whenever I say something to them about their words hurting me, my mom just laughs and says that I'm overreacting. I don't know what to do. Wow, this is getting wicked long. I guess I just need some hugs - if I really am overreacting, please let me know. I'm spending way too much time worrying about all of this. I hurt and I'm tired. I just want to be happy with my family and have everyone leave me alone. I'm trying my best here.

Aw, flavabean!! No advice, but gigantic hugs. I can't believe they would act like that!!!