Post Punk Kitchen Forum

Oh, thank you. I take D and B12 but I'll pick up a multivitamin this week.

Heh, I'm on the waiting list for 2 counsellors now. I have been on one of them since October, and they thought I'd get to see someone in January, but it's a charity that doesn't limit the number of sessions once you get to see someone, so I guess the people who are going at the moment must be working through a lot of stuff!

The other waiting list is for the NHS and apparently that's only about 6 weeks, but I think they limit you to 4 or 6 sessions. Better than nothing though, especially for free. I wouldn't be able to afford to pay for it.

I do feel slightly better just knowing I've got that coming though, especially as I'd been dumping most of my pain onto one person who was having to deal with his own shiitake as well. I was being pretty selfish, I guess, but it's hard to know what to do when you hurt that badly.

Having a really bad time right now.

Don't want to go too far into it & bore everyone but...

I just came back from seeing family for a week, & had a lovely time, & as soon as I came back met up with some old friends I had not seen in a while but...now I feel so awful. I felt an episode coming on before I left, but I think the trip distracted me enough, but now I feel such crushing anhedonia. I have tried to stay really busy today, I did my taxes, applied for grants, just did a lot of stuff I needed to do that I had been avoiding, but now it's nighttime & I am all alone & it is so hard.

Part of the problem I think is I do drink a bit too much but I don't think I could sleep otherwise. I need to just stop because it doesn't help, it doesn't even work anymore. I have a good life & I mostly accept myself but I do feel terribly alone sometimes. I have great friends but no stable romantic interest. I was celibate for a couple of years to try & find myself, I thought I was ready to date again, but the rejection just hurts so much.

Sorry for the angst. I'll get some sleep & get up & work it out in the morning. Stiff upper lip & all that.

Hugs. I can totally relate to this. Just try to keep busy (that's what I do) and I hope that your episode passes quickly.

I finished weaning myself off of antidepressants about a month ago (I did it veeerry slowly and with long-distance supervision), and I was always convinced that they didn't actually help me, but now that I'm off of them I notice a difference. I think I used to be more apathetic about things. Now, I feel like I react to things more strongly, even on a physical level. It's really stupid that something like a friend cancelling plans at the last minute or a coworker getting promoted above me makes the tears start flowing on the train home. And then an hour or two later I feel completely fine. Ugh.

Maybe that's a good thing? You feel it, you express it, you get it out of your system and then you are fine. Are you really fine after? It's not stupid to feel upset about things that are upsetting.

I also get unreasonably upset when people cancel plans because I usually look forward to those plans an inordinate amount because I'm so lonely-feeling. I say lonely-feeling rather than plain "lonely," because I do see people & have friends, but I feel alone because there are things I cannot vocalize & communicate well, & there is maybe something I feel like I need from other people that I do not know how to ask for.

I don't know whether apathy is better than a surplus of emotion. I know it is easier, & I often wish I could turn off all need & desire, but then that would also cancel out the possibility of fulfillment. I try to remember every time I go into a situation that I may get hurt in, where I am vulnerable with other people, that there is the possibility of pain, but also the possibility of joy, and the joy is worth it.

boring story even more boring, me too.

My doc now wants me to go on thyroid replacement meds. Hypothyroidism runs in my family and I kinda knew I have it but the blood test confirmed for sure. Supposedly the meds may help with my depression, as well as a lot of other health issues that have cropped up, but...the idea of spending the rest of my life taking pills is depressing in and of itself. :(

Getting a proper diagnosis for a medical problem is a good thing if you can get treatment! I know someone who went on thyroid meds recently and they have helped a ton - better moods and more energy. I know it kind of sucks to take pills every day but I would be more depressed if something was wrong with my body and I didn't know what it was, or how to deal with it.

I really believe that this is the American catch-22. It's been hard enough for myself, dealing with depression and eating disorders since I
was a young teen. I hear myself in so many of you, having struggled with the lapses in insurance coverage. I did finally get a good
dosage of Zoloft in my early 30's, and I've been pretty stable since. The big challenge for me has been having a son who was diagnosed
at 6 with bipolar disorder. Getting him stable has been so hard, and we did have financial resources, because his dad is a computer guy.
I don't know how I would have handled things otherwise. It was so stressful as it was, handling his mood disorder and mine too.

I do want to say, though, that it is possible to find stability. There are pdocs who will over-prescribe, but there are others who will
listen to what you tell them your symptoms are and adjust appropriately. I have been through periods that were massively expensive
because of all the therapy and the meds, but now we're both doing well, and it's not as expensive.

When my son was six, he used to say he wanted to die. He doesn't say that anymore. That is worth all of it. So do keep looking
for the answers to your feeling badly. There is an answer.

Yeah, I have no idea. I couldn't afford therapy even if I thought it would help.

I know a good bunch of dudes on those exact pills, and it's not so bad. besides, you supplement your b12 anyway, right? :P keep them by your door and take a thyroxine when you leave in the morning :) easy. it helps them, and it can help you. the small daily routine is easy when you get such positive results

CQ - good luck with the synthroid (or whatever your doc prescribed) - my mom struggled with some pretty tough depression which she attributed to stoping smoking (10 years prior to this)....She refused to seek treatment for her depression but once she was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and got on med's her depression got much much better (and pretty quickly) - for her I saw a direct impact, so much so I got bloodwork done to make sure I wasn't hypo as well. Good luck! Hope you feel better soon!

No, we had this conversation a couple weeks ago, didn't we? I don't do any supplements. I just put nooch on forkin' everything. :)
...and what is this "leave in the morning" of which you speak? ;-)

Hey cq, being on thyroid replacement pills really isn't bad! I've been on them since I was 11 years, and a few times, I've just stopped taking care of myself and didn't take them, and oh man, would my depression symptoms get worse. Plus, generic synthroid is about as cheap as prescription meds get in my experience. Good luck!

Thyroid meds changed my life.

(Um, for the better.)

Thanks. :) I am going to call tomorrow and get the prescription filled. Maybe I will put colorful stickers all over the bottle so I can, like, pretend I'm taking magic superhero power potion instead of "pills". :)

Just fyi, many therapists do sliding scale. Mine did, and she was awesome. Plus colleges often have programs where students can provide therapy under the mentorship of a licensed therapist. A friend of mine runs a clinic like that and its really great and not just limited to students.

Chiming in on the student therapists. I go to a dental school, my doctor's office is a residency, & my counseling is also grad students. A lot of these people are great, they can provide excellent service for affordable fees & it feels good to go because you know you are helping them get their license as well. Often I find they are even better than more experienced people because of their enthusiasm & fresh point of view.

Taking pills everyday might seem like a drag, but we have to eat everyday (which I think is a drag) we have to do all sorts of things for maintainence, this is just one more. Like getting repairs done. If it makes you feel better & cope better & function, it is worth it.

I love eating every day! :)

Maybe I should clarify that the pill thing is due to PTSD stuff specifically related to taking pills...so like, it's not just "I'm not into taking pills", it's actually triggery for me. I dunno. Maybe this will help me get over that.

I'd also like to add a big vote of support to everyone here......I suffered pretty badly with depression in my late teens, and I'm 30 now. For the past 18 months or so things have been a bit tough, and the past few weeks intensely difficult. My partner's encouraged me to seek some help, and today I'm off to see my doctor, which fills me with a serious amount of nervous energy. I have this huge paranoia they'll just tell me to buck up and get on with things. It's disappointing to think after all this time I can get overwhelmed by the same old feelings, but I really hope I can get some help. I've helpfully written everything down in case I just get in there and wibble.......

Anyway.........big support to everyone who's finding it hard. Sometimes just getting through it all without wanting to instantly disappear from the world 10 times a day can be tricky!

I have BPD (I know there's a BPD thread, but the conversation wasn't what I needed) and usually, my depressive stages manifest as anger as opposed to...depression.

So it really throws me for a loop when I DO get depressed.

And I'm kind of depressed right now, seemingly for no reason. I'm not medicated anymore (can't afford it :( ), and I'm finding it really hard to deal with all this stuff when I'm depressed. Any tips for me?

I've been cray-cray for about a week and a half. I have an appt to see the therapist, and I realized this is the time of year I cycle in depression, and it is close to my sobriety anniversary. It sucks to go from feeling great and being okay to praying you die every time you go to sleep.

BTW, I DO NOT WANT TO DIE. AT ALL. That's just what depression does to me. I take my meds and accept I will pretty much always take them because they keep me alive. I just hate it when I'm in that zone. I want to be held and snuggled until it goes away.

astarte: I am so sorry you ended up at a doctor like that!! I've found that eating right and exercising, especially yoga, can help, but I hope you can find someone to talk to. Maybe there is somewhere with a sliding scale in your area? Huge hugs to you!

ALSO, Jewy: HUGS!

habibivegan: What nice things do you like to do for yourself? I try to just be gentle with myself, give myself a break, but also take really good care of myself (even if I don't feel like it). I try not to sleep all the time, eat healthy food, exercise. I'll go for a manicure/pedicure or hot chocolate or something, because those are little things I like to do for myself. I do make a point not to do anything to extreme though. Eventually I kind of get back out of the funk. I always recommend trying to get in to see someone professional though.

I should make a giant sign to put in my room that says "I FEEL LIKE shiitake WITHOUT MEDICATION." I tend to take them for a while, feel good, think "hey, see? I don't need these!", stop taking them, and then go completely downhill. I really need to stop doing this to myself!

I live with my partner, and I make him remind me that I need my meds, even if I feel okay. I've done the not taking my meds thing before, and it's terrible.

Right now my depression is creeping in. It's only mild, but I still feel like shiitake and I'm not getting enough work done. And I've been sleeping too much. Blergh.